Chapter 5 already, and I'm still on the same day! Oh my! Anyway, I promise eventually they will do something of significance. Please, let me know your out there and review. Any suggestions are gratefully accepted and considered. I have about plans for about 10 chapters at the bakery. Trust me, they can find trouble there.
Chapter 5: Two Gentlemen and a Monkey
Pintel shook out his stringy wet greying blonde hair. He may have been balding in a way that receding hair line was a vast understatement, but what hair he did have left to him hung down to his shoulders like ribbons of wet noodles. He shrugged on one of the bathrobes that Marita had left for him and Ragetti, and he admired himself in the full length mirror for a few moments. The elegant bathrobe suited him well, although it would have been far more elegant had it been on a man of more height and width in places where the pirate was lacking. The short man nodded to his reflection. He knew he was enough of a fine man to make the women weep . . . well, some of the women would have wept, but not for the reasons he was thinking.
Deciding that his companion, who was still sprawled out in a most unusual awkward position, had slacked off on the job long enough and avoided the inevitable for far too long, Pintel stepped over the taller pirate's prone body carefully and grabbed him under the arms and dragged him to the tub. It was high time that Ragetti took his just punishment for his crimes against the clean air. So, with some interesting maneuvers not thought possible of the not exactly graceful pirate, he managed to get his fully clothed companion into the tub of dirty, soapy, and quite cold bath water head first, followed by his long legs. Ragetti immediately woke up. He sputtered and spewed and sat up quickly, throwing water everywhere. Pintel ran for cover. He had bathed once. That was enough for the next ten years. Finding his companion's wooden eye by way of his bare foot and falling on his behind, he picked it up and flipped it across the room to the wooden bathtub. Well, Marita did hit him rather hard, and Pintel had no need of the false appendage once he found it.
After a little while, Ragetti was bathed and dressed himself without a second thought as to where the clothes came from. Pintel had been busy parading about in his underwear and bathrobe. He eyed the folded clothes suspiciously, but he needed to be dressed. The lack of attire would never due. Too many ladies fainting from his exposure, he was sure. Well, that was kind of true. The shirts were far too big for either one of them. The length fitted Ragetti well, but the previous owner was wider through the shoulders and stouter through the body. Pintel frowned down at his clothes. They were loose in all the wrong places and were rather tight in the waist and around the belly. The sleeves covered his hands and the pants dragged the floor. He shrugged. He would just have to tuck the pants in his boots after he fixed his sleeves. He fiddled about with the cuff links for a good quarter of an hour before he decided to just give up. He shrugged and tied a knot in each cuff.
Ragetti had no better luck with the cuff links, so he just copied Pintel's lead and tied knots at the end of the sleeves. He tried to tie his tie, but he didn't have much success. Pintel looked up at him and shook his head in disgust, as the taller pirate entangled and tied to his fingers into the mess. The smaller man blew out an exasperated breath. He uttered an appropriate curse for the occasion, and he untied the mess and his companion. He swatted Ragetti's hands away as he tied the tie in a big floppy bow. He stood back and nodded his approval of a job well done.
"What would ye e'er do without me, mate?" he commented.
"Uh . . ." replied Ragetti, as he thoughtfully scratched the back of his neck.
"Exactly," prompted Pintel pointedly, as he was feeling rather itchy himself.
As Ragetti combed out his badly cut hair, he noticed the bottles on the counter. He pondered their use, as he absently scratched his side. He put the comb aside and chose one particularly pretty bottle. He sniffed at it and squeezed the dispenser ball on the end, effectively squirting himself in the face. He grimaced and spat out the foul tasting substance from his mouth. He shrugged, then he sprayed his coat. Enjoying the lovely scent, he decided that he needed to share it with his companion. So, he sprayed Pintel, who was having other clothing problems.
For such a little fellow, Pintel had feet that would do sasquatch proud. His feet were his third biggest asset (fourth, if you asked him personally). His feet were followed by his sizeable gut, and his mouth won out for first place. After being quite unsuccessful with the new boots, he opted for his worn tattered ten year old boots, that he had purchased begrudgingly with the curse Aztec gold. Oh well, they were in better shape than his previous pair, that were older than Ragetti, and the toes had worn out when the two had met. He claimed that they were just broke in at that time. When the soles fell off, and Barbosa had threatened to stuff their remains in an entirely uncomfortable place on the short stubby pirate, Pintel protested but yielded to buy the present pair of boots, that hadn't left his feet since that day until today. He dipped them in the well used bath water to clean off the mud, both outside and in, after pouring the water out, he put them on. By the third or fourth spray from his now aromatic companion's bottle, he pulled away from the other completely and utterly insulted.
"Whatcha think ye be doin'? I don't know 'bout ye sometimes, boy. Perfume is fer those sissy funn' fellers! Ye remember that feller Rogers. 'E hauled off and kissed the capt'n that time after we went and dumped off Sparrer, then 'e turned 'bouts and goosed 'im. Barbosa din't take too kindly to that. Strapped that pack of dynamite to 'im and catapulted 'im off the ship to the crew's round of applause."
"'E did go out with a bang," Ragetti remarked with a cheerful grin.
"Yeah, yeah. Made the sharks awfully 'happy, too, but it took fore'er to get the pieces of 'im out of the ship! Anyways, I ain't like that. Just 'cause ye got me in one of those fancy dresses of Miss Swann's don't mean anything!"
"Aye, but better to bein' caught in Miss Swann's dresses than bein' on the bloody receivin' end of Koehler's fist," the younger pirate pointed out, "Besides, ye were right pretty in that dress."
The older man snatched the perfume bottle away from him and put it back on the counter. "I don't know about ye, boy. When we get ourselves out of this mess, I'm going' to take ye to Tortuga and get ye a real woman to set ye right!"
"Mum used to say all proper gentlemen wear cologne," Ragetti protested, as he held out his arms to display his badly fitting fine clothes, "And I be a right proper gentleman now."
Pintel narrowed his eyes and smirked at him. "If ye be a proper gentleman, then I be Barbosa's first mate."
A complete look of confusion washed over Ragetti's face. "I thought that was Jack the monkey's job."
The squat little pirate smacked the taller one in the back of the head, making that mischievous wooden eye pop from its socket again and roll about on the floor. The one eyed pirate gave a cry of "Me eye!" and gave chase. He stepped on a discarded piece of soap and did some interesting, but graceful, flaring of the arms, hit the tub, and landed head first in the now quite murky muddy water. One bath was too many, but this was getting ridiculous.
Marita appeared at the doorway and stopped the impish eye from rolling further. She unceremoniously yanked Ragetti's head out of the dirty water and deposited the wooden eye soundly in his hand. He smiled nervously at her and shrugged with a blush. She shook her head as the pirate wiped his face off on his sleeve and popped the wooden eye back in place. Pintel only stood back with his arms crossed. The woman of the house sniffed the air and her eyebrows lifted.
"Have you men been playing around with my perfume?" she asked.
The two of them tried to look innocent. She shook her head and shoved a broom and mop in each of their hands. "It is about time you did some work around here. So, you can start by cleaning up your mess," she ordered.
"Work?" Pintel replied, "Madam, I can brag that I 'ave ne'er done an honest day's work in me life, and I ain't 'bouts to start."
"Well, my dear little man, you can start today, or you can meet up with that hangman," she answered coldly.
The two pirates looked at each other. "I knew I shouldn't 'ave got out of bed this morning!" Pintel complained.
Chapter 5: Two Gentlemen and a Monkey
Pintel shook out his stringy wet greying blonde hair. He may have been balding in a way that receding hair line was a vast understatement, but what hair he did have left to him hung down to his shoulders like ribbons of wet noodles. He shrugged on one of the bathrobes that Marita had left for him and Ragetti, and he admired himself in the full length mirror for a few moments. The elegant bathrobe suited him well, although it would have been far more elegant had it been on a man of more height and width in places where the pirate was lacking. The short man nodded to his reflection. He knew he was enough of a fine man to make the women weep . . . well, some of the women would have wept, but not for the reasons he was thinking.
Deciding that his companion, who was still sprawled out in a most unusual awkward position, had slacked off on the job long enough and avoided the inevitable for far too long, Pintel stepped over the taller pirate's prone body carefully and grabbed him under the arms and dragged him to the tub. It was high time that Ragetti took his just punishment for his crimes against the clean air. So, with some interesting maneuvers not thought possible of the not exactly graceful pirate, he managed to get his fully clothed companion into the tub of dirty, soapy, and quite cold bath water head first, followed by his long legs. Ragetti immediately woke up. He sputtered and spewed and sat up quickly, throwing water everywhere. Pintel ran for cover. He had bathed once. That was enough for the next ten years. Finding his companion's wooden eye by way of his bare foot and falling on his behind, he picked it up and flipped it across the room to the wooden bathtub. Well, Marita did hit him rather hard, and Pintel had no need of the false appendage once he found it.
After a little while, Ragetti was bathed and dressed himself without a second thought as to where the clothes came from. Pintel had been busy parading about in his underwear and bathrobe. He eyed the folded clothes suspiciously, but he needed to be dressed. The lack of attire would never due. Too many ladies fainting from his exposure, he was sure. Well, that was kind of true. The shirts were far too big for either one of them. The length fitted Ragetti well, but the previous owner was wider through the shoulders and stouter through the body. Pintel frowned down at his clothes. They were loose in all the wrong places and were rather tight in the waist and around the belly. The sleeves covered his hands and the pants dragged the floor. He shrugged. He would just have to tuck the pants in his boots after he fixed his sleeves. He fiddled about with the cuff links for a good quarter of an hour before he decided to just give up. He shrugged and tied a knot in each cuff.
Ragetti had no better luck with the cuff links, so he just copied Pintel's lead and tied knots at the end of the sleeves. He tried to tie his tie, but he didn't have much success. Pintel looked up at him and shook his head in disgust, as the taller pirate entangled and tied to his fingers into the mess. The smaller man blew out an exasperated breath. He uttered an appropriate curse for the occasion, and he untied the mess and his companion. He swatted Ragetti's hands away as he tied the tie in a big floppy bow. He stood back and nodded his approval of a job well done.
"What would ye e'er do without me, mate?" he commented.
"Uh . . ." replied Ragetti, as he thoughtfully scratched the back of his neck.
"Exactly," prompted Pintel pointedly, as he was feeling rather itchy himself.
As Ragetti combed out his badly cut hair, he noticed the bottles on the counter. He pondered their use, as he absently scratched his side. He put the comb aside and chose one particularly pretty bottle. He sniffed at it and squeezed the dispenser ball on the end, effectively squirting himself in the face. He grimaced and spat out the foul tasting substance from his mouth. He shrugged, then he sprayed his coat. Enjoying the lovely scent, he decided that he needed to share it with his companion. So, he sprayed Pintel, who was having other clothing problems.
For such a little fellow, Pintel had feet that would do sasquatch proud. His feet were his third biggest asset (fourth, if you asked him personally). His feet were followed by his sizeable gut, and his mouth won out for first place. After being quite unsuccessful with the new boots, he opted for his worn tattered ten year old boots, that he had purchased begrudgingly with the curse Aztec gold. Oh well, they were in better shape than his previous pair, that were older than Ragetti, and the toes had worn out when the two had met. He claimed that they were just broke in at that time. When the soles fell off, and Barbosa had threatened to stuff their remains in an entirely uncomfortable place on the short stubby pirate, Pintel protested but yielded to buy the present pair of boots, that hadn't left his feet since that day until today. He dipped them in the well used bath water to clean off the mud, both outside and in, after pouring the water out, he put them on. By the third or fourth spray from his now aromatic companion's bottle, he pulled away from the other completely and utterly insulted.
"Whatcha think ye be doin'? I don't know 'bout ye sometimes, boy. Perfume is fer those sissy funn' fellers! Ye remember that feller Rogers. 'E hauled off and kissed the capt'n that time after we went and dumped off Sparrer, then 'e turned 'bouts and goosed 'im. Barbosa din't take too kindly to that. Strapped that pack of dynamite to 'im and catapulted 'im off the ship to the crew's round of applause."
"'E did go out with a bang," Ragetti remarked with a cheerful grin.
"Yeah, yeah. Made the sharks awfully 'happy, too, but it took fore'er to get the pieces of 'im out of the ship! Anyways, I ain't like that. Just 'cause ye got me in one of those fancy dresses of Miss Swann's don't mean anything!"
"Aye, but better to bein' caught in Miss Swann's dresses than bein' on the bloody receivin' end of Koehler's fist," the younger pirate pointed out, "Besides, ye were right pretty in that dress."
The older man snatched the perfume bottle away from him and put it back on the counter. "I don't know about ye, boy. When we get ourselves out of this mess, I'm going' to take ye to Tortuga and get ye a real woman to set ye right!"
"Mum used to say all proper gentlemen wear cologne," Ragetti protested, as he held out his arms to display his badly fitting fine clothes, "And I be a right proper gentleman now."
Pintel narrowed his eyes and smirked at him. "If ye be a proper gentleman, then I be Barbosa's first mate."
A complete look of confusion washed over Ragetti's face. "I thought that was Jack the monkey's job."
The squat little pirate smacked the taller one in the back of the head, making that mischievous wooden eye pop from its socket again and roll about on the floor. The one eyed pirate gave a cry of "Me eye!" and gave chase. He stepped on a discarded piece of soap and did some interesting, but graceful, flaring of the arms, hit the tub, and landed head first in the now quite murky muddy water. One bath was too many, but this was getting ridiculous.
Marita appeared at the doorway and stopped the impish eye from rolling further. She unceremoniously yanked Ragetti's head out of the dirty water and deposited the wooden eye soundly in his hand. He smiled nervously at her and shrugged with a blush. She shook her head as the pirate wiped his face off on his sleeve and popped the wooden eye back in place. Pintel only stood back with his arms crossed. The woman of the house sniffed the air and her eyebrows lifted.
"Have you men been playing around with my perfume?" she asked.
The two of them tried to look innocent. She shook her head and shoved a broom and mop in each of their hands. "It is about time you did some work around here. So, you can start by cleaning up your mess," she ordered.
"Work?" Pintel replied, "Madam, I can brag that I 'ave ne'er done an honest day's work in me life, and I ain't 'bouts to start."
"Well, my dear little man, you can start today, or you can meet up with that hangman," she answered coldly.
The two pirates looked at each other. "I knew I shouldn't 'ave got out of bed this morning!" Pintel complained.