Yes, I know this took way too long to get out, so don't even start flaming me about the lack of updates. Anyway, this chapter is different then I intended, partially because I haven't been on my computer in forever and a day. And partially because I have been busy with other fanfiction things. There is a round robin I plan on participating in the very near future, so I will be working on that as well.
Otherwise, it has been near impossible for my two hands to juggle everything I do and still reach for my keyboard. So I have no idea when my next post for this will be. I have, however, come up with a system where I will be able to write a bit everyday. I plan to use half of my lunch hour to go to the computer lab at my school and work on fiction. Remember, I do not have to do this, as it cuts out of my lunchtime, but I will because I love fanfiction and I love you guys...so no complaints.
Oh and I have one more thing to bring up. It's really not a big deal, but I wanted to clarify something for you all. I love all my reviews and all emails I get regarding my fanfiction, but every now and then, I get an email containing a comment about my spelling and/or punctuation and/or grammar. My response to this is that you all have to realize that this is not by any means professional work. I do not have a beta, so everything posted is a rough copy, and as some of you may know, it is rather difficult to beta your own work. Also, keep in mind I am just a very busy high school student who does writing purely out of love of anime and fanfiction. That is all I have to say, case closed.
Sorry if I sounded a bit rude in my Author Notes, but I am just in a grand slam rotten mood.
Ja,
Sephiress
to Brandy: So sorry I fibbed about posting this! I thought I would have had this out the other day...but shit happened and it just didn't work out...and sorry about teasing you with all those little excerpts online the other day...hehehe
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Don't Let Go by Sephiress
Chapter 7) A Clearer View
The week spent in Hokadate was drawing to a close, and Kenshin, Sano, and Yahiko were looking forward to making their long trip back to Tokyo. While Kenshin had been discouraged from the very beginning, his companions had come to the realization that this trip wasn't the 'adventure' they had anticipated. And now, Yahiko was constantly sighing while Sano whined about everything from missing his futon, his room, and even the kitsune-lady. There was a long train ride ahead, but this time they had to make more stops because the train schedules adjusted in the changing of seasons. Thus, there was a little under two months left in their trek across Japan.
Kenshin was not faring well to say the least. The rurouni seemed constantly exhausted, his head drooping and no sparkle left in his eyes. Of course, he always denied it, but the moment the group returned for the night, he would plop onto his futon and sleep until well past dawn, passing up dinner or missing breakfast many times. The others, excluding Soujiro, were deeply concerned, wondering what was going on in that head of his.
And Soujiro was another mystery, he never spoke unless spoken to, and only responded in one-word answers. He never complained, never laughed, and even his steadiness of his breathing betrayed no hidden emotions. Sano and Yahiko knew nothing about his outburst on the first night in the city, but Kenshin was also no closer to breaking down the expertly placed mask on the Tenken's face.
So upon the last night in Hokadate, the stars sparkled merrily, as though sensing the relief rolling off the travelers at the prospect of homecoming. Sano and Yahiko had gone out for a night on the town, leaving Kenshin the responsibility of guarding Soujiro. But he did not mind at all, rather grateful for the chance to hopefully 'talk' with the younger swordsman. Fate found the two in their quarters at the police station, each packing up their respective belongings. There was a heavy silence in the air, until.
"Himura-san?"
Kenshin looked up, surprised at the younger man as he had not spoken freely at the whole trip.
"Hai?"
Soujiro opened his mouth to say something, but the words seemed to catch in his throat. His jaw slowly closed, a far-away look in his eyes.
"That woman...Kamiya-san."
Kenshin's eyebrows jumped at the mention of Kaoru, watching intently as Soujiro turned to him.
"When...when did you know you loved her?"
'What is he asking this for?' Kenshin pondered, though the expression did not reach his face. Instead of protruding to ask, Kenshin turned his eyes away, a peaceful demeanor forming about him.
"Well, I believe I was always in love with her, ever since the moment we met. The way her smile was so contagious, and the sound of her voice would always twitch my ears. Her energy was unlike anything I had ever seen in a woman, making her so much different, more noticeable. I so admired the way she could perform her kata with the same grace she possessed when she walked in her kimono through the streets, as a lady."
Kenshin turned to see Soujiro staring intently at him, like a child listening to their favorite bedtime story. He took another breath before continuing.
"But I think it wasn't until I had to leave her for Kyoto did I realize how much I loved her. Saying goodbye was so difficult as I embraced her, my mind and body not wanting to leave this beautiful breaking soul behind. And as I turned from her, the tears cascading down her face made my heart shatter. That moment, I realized she held my beating heart in her gentle, tiny hands."
His violet orbs were then hidden by the thin skin of his eyelids, relishing in the memories he had with his beloved Kaoru. She may not love him, but that would never stop his growing feelings for her. Even being in her presence filled him with a warm glow, though the light she produced could never be a romantic loving one.
"I see..."
Kenshin turned to see Soujiro returning to his packing, surprised at the resigned, almost disappointed way in which the Tenken had spoken. 'Just what is going through his head?' Kenshin wondered.
"Why you wish to know, Soujiro-san?" Kenshin could not help his overwhelming curiosity. He watched with intent eyes as Soujiro stopped his movements and became lost in his thoughts. The Tenken had a faraway look in his eyes, full of regret. He put the clothes in his hands down and walked to the window, his orbs staring out to the night, but not truly seeing it.
"I was once like you Himura-san, wandering throughout the country seeking an answer to my questions of truth. I wandered for many years and had helped many people, but was no closer to finding my answer then when I had started. And then...about a year or so ago...I was staying in a town and I met a woman.
"She completely took my breath away, but not just by her grace and beauty. I was shocked by the way which she trusted me, with such sincerity. I had saved her from a gang of bandits who wanted way with her, and she welcomed me into her home after. At first I was reluctant, because I did not wish to stay long in the village. But I had no where else to rest, so I took up her offering."
Kenshin watched as Soujiro told his tale, startled by the way his eyes would glimmer when he spoke of this mystery woman. But then a small smile drew across his lips as he thought...it was the same look he possessed when he spoke of his Kaoru.
"So I had stayed there the night, and a few nights after. I found out her name was Saija, and she was the only daughter of a deceased general from the war. Her mother had passed away a few years ago as well, but she had refused to marry a man to take care of her and would only wed for love.
"And for a reason I couldn't understand, I found myself telling her about me. It was a relief to share some of my secrets with someone, and the look in her eyes just told me I could trust her. In fact, when I had finished my story, she embraced me and told me she was so sorry for everything that had happened. I couldn't comprehend why she would allow a killer in her home, and when I asked her this, she told me I wasn't a killer anymore and the present was all that mattered."
Soujiro turned to face Kenshin, his gaze aloof with a cross between joy and sorrow.
"Did I love her...I think yes. But I was a fool."
"I left her. I told her I wished to continue my journey to seek the truth. Saija cried when I left, and I promised her I would come visit soon. But as I walked away from her, I could not stand the thought that I had let all those tears come. It took me many sleepless nights in the forest to realize what I had done. But by the time I came to my senses and went back to her...I was too late.
"The bandits I had saved her from had returned, wanting their revenge on me. But when they found out I was gone, they took it out on Saija instead."
Soujiro's voice had gone thick with malice, his fist clenching and unclenching repeatedly. Kenshin could feel the growing in his ki, and almost wished to take a step back, but held his ground.
"I saw them kill her. I had arrived just in time to see her bound with a knife to her throat. The fools taunted me, dared me to attack before they killed her. But I couldn't move, the risk of her killed too great. Eventually, they became bored of me, and ransacked the place. Saija was still held by the leader, a great ugly brute, and as they finished, they killed her before my eyes.
"Her blood was everywhere, like it could swallow me up whole in its nightmare. The bandits left while I held her, her blood pouring over me. She could barely speak, her throat choked by the spreading blood. But I could see I smile on her face because of me, and she had said so quietly, 'you came back'.
"Those were her last words...and my greatest regret was that I never told her how I felt."
Kenshin was speechless by Soujiro's tale. The poor man...struck with so many times in his life by grief. There was no wonder in Kenshin's mind why he had taken up killing again. The mere thought of Kaoru being murdered was enough to drive him over the edge as well.
"After I buried her, I sought out the vermin who killed my Saija. They were staying in this city, Hokadate. I was so blinded by my rage that I did not realize what I had done. I went to each of their homes and murdered their families in front of them, just as they had done to me. And then...I ripped them apart piece by piece. But I was not the same man I had been in Kyoto, lacking the mental planning to make a quick getaway...and I was captured...leading us to where we are now, Himura-san."
Soujiro stared at him, just stared long and hard, as though seeking the answer in the red-head swordsman. Kenshin did not know what to say...what do you say to a man who has lost his woman and had killed for her?
"I'm going to be killed, ne Himura-san? The government does not understand love...they do not understand anything but greed and power. But my deed is done, and I will accept my fate. However..."
"I have one thing to ask of you, Kenshin."
Kenshin was taken back as Soujiro called him by his first name. The Tenken's eyes were so fiecre, so alive with fire that it sent a shock through his body as Soujiro stared him down.
"Fight me, one last time. I do not know what to believe anymore. Your motto of 'strongest protect the weak' certainly did not work for me. So I want to see one last time what your truth really is about...and then maybe my soul can die more peaceful. Fight me with your sword, Himura...it is my last request."
Kenshin could not deny him...yes, they would duel one last time. And most likely, the loser would meet their fate. But as Kenshin accepted the challenge, he could not deny the thought in the back of his mind.
This time...he was not so sure he could win.
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Kaoru watched in horror as the inn she had been staying at crumbled to the ground in a pile of jagged flames and ashen wood. The few paper shouji doors that had lasted this long were now burning rapidly in the fire, the only part of the building still slightly recognizable being the scattered shingles of the roof. Billowing clouds of smoke rose over the once-proud inn, its scent perfuming the ever-clouding night sky.
The sight was much like that of every building in the small village, each house either ripped to shreds or burned slowly to the ground. It was terror, it was fear.
It was completely unexpected.
The mass of youkai had poured in by the hundreds, each individual creature more deadly and disturbing then the last. No one knew where they had come from, no one knew why. And no one had been given any type of warning to prevent the destruction.
Kaoru had smelled demon in the air mere minutes before they had struck. Her defensive instincts had immediately kicked in and she rushed outside just as the horde of youkai poured into the center of the small town. The civilians could be seen running hopelessly from their ruined homes, fear rolling off them in waves. The sound of breaking glass and the groans of toppling wood intermingled with the screams.
And now Kaoru's heartstrings tore at the feeling of death everywhere. The building she watched burn down had not been completely evacuated, the smell of burning flesh taunting her senses. There were bodies loitering the ground, fresh blood spilling into the mud and creating a vomiting mixture, the mangled corpses being slashed at by claws and fangs of the rouge youkai.
She could feel her hands clenching, claws digging into the calloused skin of her palms. A savage growl reverberated from the back of her throat, muffled by the grating of her teeth.
Why? Damn it, WHY?!
The rage was snaking through her blood at the blind massacre of these demons, the hanyou in her screaming to do something, anything. And before there was a moment to think, her kodachis were drawn and she was flying through the air towards her nearest prey.
The first victim of her blade was a large midnight blue demon, its two horned heads splattered with human blood. Kaoru grabbed it by its flicking tail, whipping it face-first to the ground. Jumping, she landed on its shoulders and viciously embedded her two short swords into the necks. A loud inhuman screamed pierced the night as Kaoru twisted her blades and pulled them out by the side, effectively severing half the flesh. Demon blood flew over her hands, arms and most of her torso, but Kaoru did not care. The satisfaction she felt at killing the creature was enormous. The youkai's heads lolled over lifelessly as Kaoru walked away from the body, seeking out a new challenge.
She killed without mercy, blood pouring over her clothes and making them nearly unrecognizable. After she had lost count of how many she had killed, Kaoru began to notice the demons had lost interest in terrorizing the village and found a new target.
Her.
In minutes Kaoru was surrounded, her vision filled with glistening fangs and blood tainted limbs. The youkai came at her by the dozen, her task becoming near impossible. Kaoru could feel claws tearing at her skin, blood leaking out from a fresh cut across her back. She gasped in pain, her eyes watering and making it futile to see the pointed talons aiming at her face.
Kaoru choked back a cry when the two twin nails sliced over the tender skin of her cheek. Her momentarily raised her hand to press against the wounds, blood beginning to seep out. But her pause in battle was a foolish mistake, as the feel of something hard crashed against the back of her skull. She was knocked to the ground, face in the dirt as her head swum. Her ears vaguely picked up the victorious cry amongst the youkai as they closed in on her, part of her mind registering Kaoru's doomed fate, while another part could just barely hear out a sudden burst of words.
"IRON REVERSE SOUL STEALER!"
And as Kaoru raised her unfocused eyes, she met the sight of at least four, no five, demons being ripped apart in one slash. Tainted youkai blood sprayed everywhere, the other demons turning to see when the new commotion was.
They were greeted with a set of golden eyes.
"So all you pitiful bastards find it fun to pick on a single woman eh? Well why don't you play with me now?"
Kaoru's mind was near passing out but she could still see that her savior wore a red hakama and gi, his mass of silver hair swaying as he moved gracefully through the air, a ridiculously large sword being drawn from his sheath. A set of white dog ears adorned his head, the fluffiness of them seemingly too innocent for his predatory actions. His movements were smooth, precise and above all, dangerous. The way he swung was amazing for its coordination, even though it seemed he performed no sword style Kaoru was familiar with.
As demon after demon fell to his sword, Kaoru could have sworn his eyes met hers, in an almost...soft way. His orbs were liquid gold, dancing like flames as he fought, but almost a warm honey amber when his gaze was gentle. A grace of a smile reached his face, almost reassuring that he would make sure she got out of this alive.
And even when her mind had lost the battle to remain conscious and darkness crept over, her body still in a pool of blood, she found that...
She trusted him.
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Kaoru's eyelids fluttered open, the memories of the past washing over her. She had been dozing, the tranquility of the evening a sweet lullaby to her senses. The warmth pressing against her back did nothing to keep her awake, and as she blinked her lids open and shut, a ray of fading sunlight caught in her pupil and flashed Kaoru to consciousness.
They had been lying in the God Tree for most of the day, the afternoon hours fast becoming a blur. From their view upon the topmost branches, Kaoru and Inuyasha watched the setting sun vanquish under the approaching dusk. They had talked of many things, past memories and the years they had spent apart. But now, the hanyou were content with the companionable silence that had settled. He lay against the tree with her back pressed up against his chest. Their legs straddled the branch below while his shoulder cradled her head. Both savored the warmth they felt from the other, having gone so long without it.
A few moments later, Inuyasha could feel her neck shift to find a more comfortable position. His golden orbs drifted down to her relaxed face, a look of tenderness crossing over his features.
"Hey, you awake?" he asked, nudging her head.
Her lids fluttered again and she looked up to him with an eyebrow raised.
"Well, I was."
He chucked softly at her saucy remark.
"I see you haven't changed a bit, Kaoru-chan."
"And neither have you, Inuyasha-KUN." She replied with a laugh. "You're still the same little doggy boy pining after Kagome."
Inuyasha opened his mouth to retort, but Kaoru had got him to blush again. There was no denying what she said. Kaoru had been his best friend for so long that was impossible to fool her.
"You know Inu, I don't get why you can't tell her. Kagome is just waiting for you to come out and say it!"
"Hey, I'm working on it!"
Kaoru rolled her eyes and turned around to face him. He looked so much like a little boy with his arms crossed and that adorable look on his face when he wanted to be left alone. A wicked grin passed over Kaoru's face.
"I think you're scaaaaared", she teased, tugging on one of his fluffy ears.
"What?! Scared?! I'm not scared of anything, especially Kagome!" Inuyasha let out a 'feh' and pointed his nose up in the air.
"Ok then. If you're not such a scaredy-cat, then you'll have no trouble going up to Kagome and telling her how you feel as soon as we get back. Will you Inuyasha-kun?" Kaoru asked.
"Of course not, there is no problem for ME!" Inuyasha looked at her triumphantly but was thrown back when he realized what he just said. Kaoru's face showed victory as she laid down on the branch with her hands behind her head.
"Good, I'll be waiting to see it tonight."
Inuyasha gulped audibly. So that had been her intentions all along and he had fallen so easily into her trap. And now tonight...if he didn't keep his word...well he didn't want to think about what Kaoru would do. He sighed once and rested against the tree again, both annoyed and glad that his Kaoru-chan had never truly changed.
"So now that you've wormed that out of me, I think I deserve a little payback." Kaoru raised her head at Inuyasha's comment. His eyes bore into hers, as thought seeking her inner thoughts. She wondered what he wanted to know about. Kaoru hoped he wouldn't ask about...
"Tell me more about this 'Kenshin' guy."
Damn.
Kaoru had already told Inuyasha about her friends in the Meji Era, but had only touched briefly on Kenshin, something the dog hanyou had noticed. And now her discomfort showed in her ki, this obviously not being an open topic.
"Ummm...he's nice and stuff...and he is a great swordsman...and..."
"And you like him don't you?"
Kaoru looked up with shock in her eyes, a guilty blush spreading rapidly over her complexion. She watched as Inuyasha's face turned from relaxed to oddly smug.
"It's written all over your face Kaoru-chan. And you don't want to talk about him cause you're embarrassed...I can tell, I'm not as stupid as most people think." He laughed openly at her reaction, a vein ticking in Kaoru's temple at his mockery.
"Shut up Inuyasha." Her words only served to fuel his laughter as she looked away.
"I will have to meet this guy, who can apparently render you speechless with only a thought", Inuyasha chuckled. "You think he'd teach me how to?"
Kaoru frowned and threw a loose twig at the laughing dog-boy and jumped down from the tree. The sunset had just disappeared over the horizon, and it was not wise to stay out this late. Inuyasha was at her side a moment later, rubbing the spot where she had thrown the stick at him. The two walked back though the forest with occasional silence and occasional bickering, much like they always had.
Soon the smell of instant-ramen reached their noses and Inuyasha was gone in a flash. Kaoru could only shake her head at her friend and follow. When she reached the hut they had settled at, Kaoru sat down around the fire and took a dish of the noodles from Kagome. The conversation was centered on Naraku and the shards, but Kaoru was paying no attention. Her mind was focused on what Inuyasha had said...about Kenshin.
'Is it really that obvious how I feel about him? Does he know?'
Kaoru shook her head, trying to get the red-headed samurai out of her head. But it was near impossible and her thoughts kept wandering back to him.
"Kaoru...Kaoru-chan?"
The voice shook Kaoru out of her stupor and she looked up to see Sango staring at her.
"Um, we're going to go to bed now", Sango said, motioning to the waiting Miroku and Shippou. Kagome and Inuyasha were scooping up the last bits of ramen into their bowls, Inuyasha clearly avoiding Kagome's gaze. A grin crept over Kaoru's face again as she nodded and joined the others for bed. Before she left though, Kaoru met Inuyasha's gaze and motioned to where Kagome was sitting. The dog-demon looked nervous, but nodded.
Once Kaoru was in the hut, she made sure Sango and Miroku had settled into their futons before poking her head out the door again. Her blue eyes widened as she saw Inuyasha help Kagome to her feet, only to pull her suddenly to his chest. A gasp emitted from the young woman as he whispered something, and then caught her lips with his. It only to a few seconds for Kagome to respond and as the kiss grew heated, Kaoru decided it was best to leave the couple to themselves.
She settled onto her futon, sighing at the wonderful feel of the cushions beneath her. Slowly, he hand reached up to touch the scars on her face, marveled by all that had happened since she woke up that one morning. But even in all the beauty she had found in this era, Kaoru still could not help but wonder...
'Where are you Kenshin?'
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Kinda a long chapter...hope I didn't bore anyone. I think this should clear up any remaining theories about an Inu/Kao relationship.
Leave some reviews.
Sephiress