A/N: This new way of uploading is making sure I do another edit on the chapter! It is a pain to go down and separate out all the quotes again! Oh well! Anyway, sorry that it is taking two weeks between chapters. My day offs have changed and I am trying to get used to Sunday and Thursday off instead of Thursday and Friday. The house is being painted, and finally, the computer is being weird. I am having problems with my internet server program. So, I get booted off a little bit often. So, for those of you I owe readings to, I'm trying to get there.
My thanks goes out to my loyal readers PeiPei, Catgirlutah, Ashlyns, Piratedragon, and anyone I may have forgotten. I dearly appreciate your support. It is keeping me going!
Final note. Ankles are the sexy bit on a man's body! Okay, if you have read my other fictions, the ankle fetish is back!!
Chapter 24: Parley!
"Squawk! Walk the plank, you filthy swabs!" cried out the bright blue and gold macaw parrot, sitting proudly on the tall older man's shoulder.
Captain Jack Sparrow narrowed his dark kohl rimmed eyes and turned his attentions from the pair of mutinous miscreants of his previous not so loyal crew. His reprimand turned to his silent mute crewmember known simply as Mr. Cotton. The pirate captain raised his eyebrows, as he scrutinized the overly vocal tropical bird. "Ye been a part of me crew too damn long when that bloody bird starts making sense!"
"Squawk!" complained the colorful bird colorfully, as it flapped its wings in irritation.
The illustrious pirate glared up at the bird. "It be me ship, and I'll be givin' the orders 'round 'ere, savy?" he growled at the bird. The crew stifled any comment or laughter about their captain making conversation or argument with a parrot. They had seen him argue, quite effectively, with inanimate objects.
The pirate captain turned his attention back to the bigger bird brains on board. He received a pair of idiotic grins for his efforts. He swaggered his pace around the rather nervous prisoners. The sun glittered off of his many and asundrious golden rings on his fingers and the golden teeth in his mouth, as he stroked his wisp of a beard in deep thought about the two scoundrels before him. A wicked mischievous glint illuminated his eyes. That boisterous little captain of that bloody merchant ship was just too much trouble, and Jack was seriously wondering if all the junk lifted from his hold was worth the trouble. He shrugged with self satisfaction. He had to admit stringing the outspoken little man up the flag mast by his suspenders was quite entertaining, especially since he continued his threats of retaliation and much pain upon these pirates and all pirates from his lofty position with flaring arms and legs. Jack was still trying to figure out the most interesting lineage that the captain gave him and some of his crewmembers. Somehow he couldn't imagine one of Marty's parents being a woodland skunk, much less mating with a codfish, with a squid thrown in there for good measure. Oh well, regardless, he never dreamt that the hold of the Morning Glory would hold such unpleasant surprises.
Under Jack's scrutiny, Ragetti tried to cross his legs and grin stupidly. The effort turned out to be more of the crossing of the ankles due to the over bulky load of treasure in his britches, and his forced grin turned out to be more of a tragic grimace. Pintel managed to beam quite convincingly, and he looked more drunken than usual. A mild shade of red crossed his face as a few trickles of gold fell from his pants to the deck of the ship.
A tall older man with grey mutton chops came up to the captain and said, "It be bad luck to 'ave cursed pirate on board, mark me words."
"'Ey, we ain't cursed no more!" the small squat captive pirate complained.
"Yeah," agreed the other, "We've ain't been cursed for nearly a day now!" "Quiet, Gibbs. I will make me own decision of their fate," the captain of the Black Pearl replied. Looking intensely thoughtful, he announced, "Walking the plank does have some real possibilities fer a pair of traitorous twits such as yerselves." He stood back and crossed his arms, "But then again," he continued, "I don't think the sharks would forgive me fer dumpin' such trash in their waters, and I don't take suggestions from a bird!"
The tall blonde pirate swallowed down the sizeable lump in his throat and held back the need to choke. The smaller stouter pirate of the two collected his cool to respond to their once and hopefully future captain. "Now, now, Jack, ye wouldn't be wantin' to be so 'asty in such decisions, now would ye, me boy." Anger flared in the dark pirate's eyes. "It's Captain Sparrow!" he corrected.
"Oh yes, right ye are, Captain Sparrow," Pintel immediately corrected with a prompt crisp salute. With the lack of a grip, his pants began to make their descent.
Jack rolled his eyes. "Drop yer drawers, the both of ye!" he ordered.
Ragetti turned pale, as shock crossed his face. "Captain, sir! I di'n't know ye were that way!"
The look that Jack gave them may have out done any look the bakery mistress ever gave. Pintel hit Ragetti in the midsection, making the taller man double over and drop his gold filled britches. The older man relented his stash in a more voluntary way. Several of Sparrow's present crew scurried about and collected their rightfully stolen property like a bunch of rats and retuned it to the hold. The enigmatic pirate captain hooked his fingers into the gold chain and crucifix about the taller captive's neck.
Ragetti stood upright, and his reaction was instantaneous. He grabbed the pirate captain's wrist with a grip that the man did not think possible of this meek creature. The blonde replied with a sternness that Sparrow never knew the spineless man to have. "Not yours."
A moment's shiver ran down Sparrow's back from the strangeness, but he quickly shrugged it off to be his confident self again. He let the chain fall back to its present owner and held up his hand. "A littl' late fer ye to be askin' fer forgiveness from God, don't ye think," he remonstrated with his normal gilded tongue.
The one eyed man shrugged and gave that goofy smile that his former captain was used to. "I guess so. It be more of a reminder of someone special, and then again, maybe God will keep me out of so much trouble this time."
Jack nodded and let it be. Somehow he doubted that the wiry little captain of the Morning Glory could touch such a holy object much less transport it, but then again the gutless man before him had spent 10 years cursed, undead, and doing ungodly things. Oh well, on to the more prudent things at hand.
"Now, tell me, you two lousy pusillanimous imbeciles, why should I accommodate a pair of disloyal mutinous second rate lummoxes aboard me fine vessel . . . again!"
"Speak English, man!" complained Pintel, as he screwed up his brow in concentration of those words that contained more than four letters each."
Jack blew out an exasperated breath and repeated his thought in more plain terms. "Tell me why I shouldn't 'ave ye two land lobsters stuffed and left to fry on some deserted god forsaken island? The two of ye were useless to me 'fore ye went off with Barbossa. I just kept the two of ye 'round 'cause not only did I feel sorry fer ye, but I was amazed at how two men could be such blunderin' boobs!"
"We 'ave our uses!" the older captive pointed out, "Ragetti, 'ere, 'e's been learnin' 'bouts those letter thingies."
"Uh!" replied the other, as he dropped his newly retrieved pants and looked up. He gave a deep blush. His reading skills weren't all that, and there was so much he didn't understand as of yet. Not to mention, he was in Anamaria's direct line of vision, and she was snickering about something and making a motion with her fingers to indicate small size. He pulled his pants up quickly.
Jack squinted his eyes at the one eyed numbskull, as the delinquent pirate struggled with tying his pants around his waist and entangling his long fingers in the process. He met Jack's withering stare and gave one of those blank expressions.
"Is this true?" inquired the exceptional pirate captain.
The tall blonde scratched his head, and the lice made many and various valid complaints. "Uh . . . well, . . . Mrs. Marita, she kinda . . . well . . . she were tryin' to teach me . . ., Captain . . . uh . . . sir."
Jack blew out another exasperated breath and grumbled, "Pretty soon it's going to be where any idiot can learn to read!"
"Uh . . . sorry, sir," he responded, as he looked down.
"And that makes you a dangerous asset. Nothin' more dangerous than knowledge in the hands of an idiot and a fool, especially a traitorous betrayin' blither as yerself!"
Ragetti's trembling lips moved, but no defensive words came out. Pintel pushed himself forward in friend's behalf. This was what he was good for. "'E can cook, too," he added, "Eve'y ship be needin' a good cook. Just be keepin' 'im 'way from them peppers, and ye will do just fine."
"Mrs. Marita said I did alright," the tall pirate added hopefully.
Captain Sparrow crossed his arms and eyed him over. "Like I would be foolish enough to trust a traitor in me kitchen, muchless cookin' me food!" he growled, "Ye be slippin' some arsenic in the stew and stealin' me ship 'gain."
The one eyed pirate stood up indignant and pulled at the hemming of his shirt. "I did burn the donuts a couple of time at the bakery, but that don't mean I like burnin' things and all, Captain, sir, but ne'er e'er did I once burn the stew, and 'sides, I be keepin' me mind on me work 'ere."
Looking up at the tall blonde dolt, Sparrow commented, "I guess ye be too stupid to be knowin' 'bout poisons and all." He turned his attentions to the rotund pirate. "And ya, ye littl' weasely rat, what good are ye, that I should spare the sharks indigestion?"
"I be 'Enry Eugene Pintel, pirate extraordinaire," bragged the little man, as he pulled at his collars with pride. The withering look that Jack gave him shot right over his head. Of course, most things went over his head. Although he had many and asundrious talents and many of them of an illegal nature, he added even more proudly, "I still ain't been branded fer me specialties like some other pirates we know." The smug smirk crossed his round face.
The scowl that the stout pirate received prompted Ragetti to add, "And ye always need someone to swab the deck!"
Jack looked the two of them up and down and side to side. Ragetti produced that ineffective innocent look with the rotten tooth grin and the sparkle in his one good eye. Sparkles did not sit well with the wooden orb. It was too close to sparks for its comfort. Pintel put on his best poker face, that made him look amazingly like a trout, as the pirate captain paced around them and stroked that wisp of his beard thoughtfully.
"Ye betrayed me once. Why should I be givin' ye a second chance to be stabbin' me in the back?" he demanded.
"Jack, me boy," started Pintel. The murderous glare hit its target and made the older man back down with an intimidated grin. "Captain Sparrow, sir," he immediately corrected, "Ya know the pirate code. The bigger badder pirate, 'o be wantin' the ship wins. Barbossa were a lot bigger and a 'ell of a lot badder than ye e'er were, and 'o are we to argue with the code."
"Not to mention with Barbossa," Ragetti added logically.
Captain Sparrow frowned. "And I'm suppose to be takin' ye back after that?"
Ragetti looked at Pintel in utter confusion. The argument made sense to him. The two unwanted stowaways nodded to each other in agreement. They would just have to do what they always did in the hands of a angry pirate captain. They fell down on their hands and knees and each grabbed a hold one the enigmatic man's sexy ankles and cried and pleaded for mercy. Jack looked skyward asked God "Why me?" He pulled back to free himself from the gruesome death grip the two grown men had on his lower legs. A tinkle of a woman's laughter floated down from the bridge. Could the day get any worse, he wondered. He made a mental note to get even with Anamaria at the first opportune moment.
"Get off me, you lousy gits!" he ordered. They continued to appropriately grovel. "NOW!!"
"Yes! Yes! Anything, oh great and glorious master!" exclaimed Pintel.
Jack narrowed his eyes at them. Ragetti clasped his hands together and gave him the biggest pleading puppy eyed look possible, and even the wooden eye did its best to comply. The older pirate followed suit with similar results.
"Ya may stay aboard me fine Black Pearl under one condition . . ." "Yes! Yes! . . ." they exclaimed eagerly together.
"You've been cursed undead beings for 10 years, and that means that you are 10 years younger than you should be . . ." he started clearly.
"Huh?" remarked Ragetti, as he made an unsuccessful attempt to cross his eyes.
Pintel hit him. "It be what I told ye 'bouts, and I were right. We lost those years due to having been dead 'n' all. The dead don't age. So, ye owe me 10 gold!" he proudly pointed out to his rather dense partner.
"Geez! Captain Sparrow thought of that, too!" he observed happily.
Sparrow eyed them warily. "If you two filthy lowlifes be older than me still, I won't be sending you to visit Bootstraps at Davy Jones Locker. Savvy?"
"Ah, that be no problem, boy. I be 46 with the 10 years removed!" the older pirate announced proudly. "Ye were just a lad of a mere 23 'fore we were cursed."
"You will refrain from calling me 'boy' in the future! I am your captain, and you will treat me with respect," the captain growled in slow precise words.
"Aye, aye, captain, sir," Pintel relented.
"Ragetti?" Jack queried.
"Huh?" the tall pirate replied confused as ever.
"How old are you, twit? Or can you count that high?" the captain remarked sarcastically.
"Uh . . . I be 34, sir, . . . captain, . . ." he answered, as he shuffled from foot to foot.
"When's yer birthday?" the smaller man of authority demanded.
"May, captain, sir." Sparrow stomped his foot and swore a word that would have impressed Pintel, if he had not been so concerned with other matters of being terrified. Ragetti felt any and all contents of his stomach make a protesting rude argument, and his knees grew rather weak. The captain regained his composure and pulled his coat into place. With a sniff, he put on a most stern serious face and threw back his head. The breath caught in Ragetti's throat, as he imagined the sharks tearing him into nice little bite size morsels.
Sparrow sighed and blew out an exasperated breath. "You win. You can stay aboard me ship, but no funny business, ya hear!"
The two men jumped up and down and promenaded with joy. They embraced each other and proceeded to kiss each other on the cheeks. Suddenly realizing what they had done, they pulled back from each other, turned their backs to the other and spat. Jack raised his eyebrows at their show. He couldn't believe he just accepted these two back on his crew. He cleared his throat. The two new old crewmembers gave him their attention and stood crisply at attention before their fine leader.
"You will do the night shift watch duty with one of my trusted crewmembers on alternating nights from each other. The less you are together, the better. I will have no plotting between the two of you." He looked at the blank clueless faces of his audience. "You will swab the deck before breakfast each morning you are on this duty. You will do any minor everyday maintenance, that means what repairs to the ship that you are capable of . . ." The vacant stares prompted him to add, "I will find something. Ragetti, you may do some of the cooking. The first inedible meal you make, you will be sharing it with the sharks." He couldn't believe he was that desperate for a cook, but Cotton was one lousy cook. He figured it had to do with the man lacking a tongue and using the bird as a test taster.
"Yes, sir."
"You will get half a share of any plunder that you help us take. You will share this amongst the two of you as you see fit."
The two captive unwanted guests now unwanted crewmembers opened their mouths to protest the unfairness of this, but Jack raised a ringed finger. "It also be the pirate's code that any stowaways are to be thrown overboard."
The two of them clamped their mouths shut.