Tsuzuki had fled to the only place where he found a measure of peace
and calm, the place where he could look out of the high palace windows
and into the sky. Rikugo's study was filled with the astrologer's papers
and instruments and books, a faint smell of dust and old paper in the air,
mixed with the shikigami's unmistakable aura. It calmed Tsuzuki like nothing
else, grounded him, helped him set everything in perspective.
At least mostly. His mind was still astounded by what he had been told by Touda.
Touda – who had kissed him.
Shit.
And who had told him that his shikigami loved him.
Tsuzuki leaned against the frame of the window, eyes closing body trembling a little. The kiss had been fiery, as not otherwise expected from a fire shikigami, but it had also touched something so very deep inside him. He had felt his knees go weak, had felt the power of the shikigami bound to him so closely like no other, and he had felt the unconditional love. Strong and powerful and overwhelming.
Touda loved him. All did.
Byakko…
The wind shikigami's enthusiastic approach had floored him again. Byakko had had no qualms admitting to his feelings and like Touda he found them completely natural. There was nothing for him to be ashamed of, to hide, to deny.
Tsuzuki groaned softly. He had been raised in a society that didn't go around kissing each other all the time and love was meant to be between lovers, not… shikigami and their friend. Okay, so he had died a while ago, had seen enough in his time as a shinigami to be open-minded, but nothing had ever prepared him for this.
They loved him…
"Tsuzuki? I didn't hear you come in."
The soft, calm voice washed over him and he raised his head, looking at the taller man now walking in what was actually his private study.
"Rikugo… I… sorry," he said weakly. "I was just looking for some peace and quiet…"
"So you came here." The astrologer smiled at him and Tsuzuki nodded. "You're always welcome here, my friend. Did something happen?"
Concern touched the smooth features of the six-eyed being.
"I just need to think some things through," Tsuzuki murmured.
"Anything I can help you with?"
They all loved him.
So did that include Rikugo? Tsuzuki gazed at his friend, for the very first time actually noticing that the shikigami was a very handsome man, even with his additional set of eyes which he usually kept closed. The astrologer placed a hand on his shoulder and squeezed it gently.
"Tsuzuki?"
"Why must my life be so complicated?" Tsuzuki groaned and shook his head.
He almost automatically leaned into the comfort offered, feeling Rikugo embrace him gently. It was protective, warm, relaxing, and he felt his arms come around the earth shikigami. Hisoka had once remarked on the touchy-feely relationship he and the twelve Divine Commanders shared, but to Tsuzuki it had never been any other way. Well, except maybe with one or two. He loved them all, but with some it was more intense. Like Byakko.
The stormy kiss came back, followed by the recollection of Touda's all-consuming fire. Something inside of him stirred. Oh shit… he wasn't… he wouldn't be…
Tsuzuki sighed deeply, sadly.
He was actually reacting to the passion of the contact, even while only remembering it.
"Asato? What happened?"
"He kissed me," Tsuzuki sighed.
"Who? Hisoka?"
"No!" Tsuzuki glared, then blinked. "How do you know…?" he blurted.
Rikugo smiled. "Your shikigami know what you feel, Tsuzuki. You're falling in love with the boy. I think it's wonderful. So… did he kiss you?"
"No!"
"Then who?"
"Touda!"
Rikugo tilted his head, frowning a little. "I see."
"And he said you all love me!" he blurted.
There. Now he had said it. Tsuzuki waited for the reaction, wanting a denial and fearing it. In a way he felt warm, wanted… loved… even if it was by twelve eternal, immortal beings. He had never wanted to master them, only be their friend. He had never intended to command twelve. Byakko had been his wonder and surprise, his pride and joy. He would never have dreamed of adding another shikigami, let alone eleven.
"We do, Tsuzuki. Everyone in a different way, but we love you," Rikugo said calmly. "You know that. I told you so before."
He drew a shaky breath, suddenly too aware of the robe-clad body he was so trustingly leaning against. He felt Rikugo's hand card into the hair at his neck, cupping his head, and he automatically turned with the gesture. Wide-eyed, he stared at the taller shikigami.
"Suzaku adores you. She's head over heals in love with you," the astrologer explained. "Touda… he would give his life for you. He loves you that much."
"He kissed me… And Byakko… he would sleep with me if I wanted him to!" Tsuzuki whispered, aghast.
Rikugo still held him, his second hand now joining the first. "We love you, Tsuzuki Asato. We would express this love in every way you'd let us… every way you want us."
His breath caught in his lungs as Rikugo leaned down and tenderly pressed his lips against his forehead in a way he had done before, but never had it felt this way. He couldn't think straight any more, just react to the physical closeness of the other, the rising aura, and the sheer attraction.
"We are yours," he murmured as he drew back. "I love you, Tsuzuki. Like Touda, Byakko, Suzaku and the others. We love you. There is no duty in this, just affection. We would do whatever you want, whatever you ask."
Tsuzuki became aware of the fact that he was on the ground, that Rikugo was sitting with his back against the wall, holding him tenderly.
"Rikugo…?"
"We would never force ourselves on you, though," the astrologer added lovingly. "If you want us to hold you, we will. We want you to be happy, Tsuzuki."
Byakko had said the same. He let his head sink against the warmth offered, felt fingers caress his hair, massage his skin.
"Are you afraid?" Rikugo asked softly.
"Yes… no… I'm… confused. I never thought… I mean, you're shikigami… I'm just... me."
Rikugo chuckled softly. "You don't know how appealing just being yourself is to us, Tsuzuki."
He sighed softly, both in pleasure and confusion. Rikugo's caresses were soothing, relaxing, grounding… just like he was used to when he was in the immortal's presence.
"I can't be with you the way you want me," he finally murmured. "I can't…"
"You think too much in the confines of a mortal mind, Asato," Rikugo whispered, never stopping the soothing strokes. "We've served you for decades and we will continue to do so. We don't lust after you. This kiss… it was an expression love but it wasn't the love you feel for Hisoka."
Tsuzuki glanced at the man who's lap he was using as a very comfortable pillow. He wouldn't know how to handle it if there was more to this affection than… affection. He loved Hisoka and he was having a hard time with that already. Hisoka's past was like a nightmare between them, refusing to leave Tsuzuki alone when he approached the younger man. He wanted to be intimate, but his mind couldn't shut up about what the shinigami had endured at such a young age. He kept seeing Muraki instead of himself with his partner, saw the abuse, the hurt and the rape. Just a kiss was a terrible feat already. Not just because of his own inexperience. He didn't want to hurt his partner… he couldn't live with his action if he did.
But now the inactivity, his running away, hurt Hisoka even more.
Rikugo stroked his fingers over Tsuzuki's cheek and smiled. "You think too much, Asato."
"Some say I don't think enough," he replied with a tiny smile.
The astrologer chuckled.
The moment was broken by the door flying open and a rather pissed-off looking dragon entering the study. Tsuzuki bolted upright and scrambled away from his steady rock in this emotional sea, hitting his head on the low window sill. For a moment he saw white spots explode in front of his eyes and he ouched.
"Sohryu," Rikugo said coolly. "Anything I can do for you or is this not a social visit."
The Protector of the East glared at the other shikigami. It was no secret that they didn't get along and Tsuzuki stumbled to his feet, clutching the window sill for support.
"I'll skin that serpent alive!" the blue dragon snarled.
"All he did was tell the truth to our master. You cannot disapprove of that," Rikugo said levelly.
"Wh… What's wrong, Sohryu?" Tsuzuki stammered.
Despite being this powerful water god's master he had a deeply ingrained respect for the fierce warrior. Sohryu wasn't violent, just temperamental, not unlike Suzaku, but where Suzaku adored and loved Tsuzuki, would calm down in his presence and hug him till the air ran out, Sohryu was more like a scolding mentor. One disapproving look had Tsuzuki cringe and wonder what he had done wrong this time. And exactly that look was now directed at him.
"Touda had no right!" he snarled.
"It's no secret, Sohryu," Rikugo said, his aura flaring a little and Tsuzuki held his breath.
Oh shit…
Sohryu's eyes were on the hapless shinigami and suddenly he closed the distance. Tsuzuki had no room to give and just hoped he would get away with a scolding. Inhuman eyes met equally non-human ones and Sohryu studied him, then suddenly he sighed, features softening. He reached out with one hand and while Tsuzuki expected the worst, it didn't come. His cheek was gently stroked, caressed.
"I don't approve of Touda's actions. You should not be burdened by a fact a human mind cannot comprehend, Tsuzuki."
Tsuzuki shot Rikugo a helpless look, but the astrologer was just smiling a little himself.
"It scares you and I don't want to see you scared. You are a strong spirit, the only one who ever attracted me, survived my challenge." The water shikigami smiled. "I'm honored to serve and protect you, master."
And then he placed a tender kiss on the stunned man's lips, pulling back almost immediately.
"Soh… ryu?" Tsuzuki whispered.
Careful fingers caressed the bump that was already healing at the back of his head, making him shiver. Sohryu smiled more, then glanced at Rikugo out of the corner of his eyes. He tensed a little at the proximity of the other. Tsuzuki's hand shot up and clutched the dragon's wrist, pulling his attention back to him.
"No, please just get along," he begged. "Don't fight."
Sohryu chuckled. "We won't fight. We all belong to you."
With that he turned and left he study, but still shooting Rikugo an unreadable look. The astrologer chuckled.
"He would never admit to worrying, to hating that you know about his feelings."
Tsuzuki touched his lips which had been kissed four times in such a short time now. He couldn't believe what had occurred and he wondered how he would ever get a handle on this.
There was a rustle of clothes and Rikugo took the hand touching his lips, thumb stroking over his fingers as he held them.
"Nothing has changed, Tsuzuki. Nothing at all."
"Something has," he murmured. "I know now."
At least mostly. His mind was still astounded by what he had been told by Touda.
Touda – who had kissed him.
Shit.
And who had told him that his shikigami loved him.
Tsuzuki leaned against the frame of the window, eyes closing body trembling a little. The kiss had been fiery, as not otherwise expected from a fire shikigami, but it had also touched something so very deep inside him. He had felt his knees go weak, had felt the power of the shikigami bound to him so closely like no other, and he had felt the unconditional love. Strong and powerful and overwhelming.
Touda loved him. All did.
Byakko…
The wind shikigami's enthusiastic approach had floored him again. Byakko had had no qualms admitting to his feelings and like Touda he found them completely natural. There was nothing for him to be ashamed of, to hide, to deny.
Tsuzuki groaned softly. He had been raised in a society that didn't go around kissing each other all the time and love was meant to be between lovers, not… shikigami and their friend. Okay, so he had died a while ago, had seen enough in his time as a shinigami to be open-minded, but nothing had ever prepared him for this.
They loved him…
"Tsuzuki? I didn't hear you come in."
The soft, calm voice washed over him and he raised his head, looking at the taller man now walking in what was actually his private study.
"Rikugo… I… sorry," he said weakly. "I was just looking for some peace and quiet…"
"So you came here." The astrologer smiled at him and Tsuzuki nodded. "You're always welcome here, my friend. Did something happen?"
Concern touched the smooth features of the six-eyed being.
"I just need to think some things through," Tsuzuki murmured.
"Anything I can help you with?"
They all loved him.
So did that include Rikugo? Tsuzuki gazed at his friend, for the very first time actually noticing that the shikigami was a very handsome man, even with his additional set of eyes which he usually kept closed. The astrologer placed a hand on his shoulder and squeezed it gently.
"Tsuzuki?"
"Why must my life be so complicated?" Tsuzuki groaned and shook his head.
He almost automatically leaned into the comfort offered, feeling Rikugo embrace him gently. It was protective, warm, relaxing, and he felt his arms come around the earth shikigami. Hisoka had once remarked on the touchy-feely relationship he and the twelve Divine Commanders shared, but to Tsuzuki it had never been any other way. Well, except maybe with one or two. He loved them all, but with some it was more intense. Like Byakko.
The stormy kiss came back, followed by the recollection of Touda's all-consuming fire. Something inside of him stirred. Oh shit… he wasn't… he wouldn't be…
Tsuzuki sighed deeply, sadly.
He was actually reacting to the passion of the contact, even while only remembering it.
"Asato? What happened?"
"He kissed me," Tsuzuki sighed.
"Who? Hisoka?"
"No!" Tsuzuki glared, then blinked. "How do you know…?" he blurted.
Rikugo smiled. "Your shikigami know what you feel, Tsuzuki. You're falling in love with the boy. I think it's wonderful. So… did he kiss you?"
"No!"
"Then who?"
"Touda!"
Rikugo tilted his head, frowning a little. "I see."
"And he said you all love me!" he blurted.
There. Now he had said it. Tsuzuki waited for the reaction, wanting a denial and fearing it. In a way he felt warm, wanted… loved… even if it was by twelve eternal, immortal beings. He had never wanted to master them, only be their friend. He had never intended to command twelve. Byakko had been his wonder and surprise, his pride and joy. He would never have dreamed of adding another shikigami, let alone eleven.
"We do, Tsuzuki. Everyone in a different way, but we love you," Rikugo said calmly. "You know that. I told you so before."
He drew a shaky breath, suddenly too aware of the robe-clad body he was so trustingly leaning against. He felt Rikugo's hand card into the hair at his neck, cupping his head, and he automatically turned with the gesture. Wide-eyed, he stared at the taller shikigami.
"Suzaku adores you. She's head over heals in love with you," the astrologer explained. "Touda… he would give his life for you. He loves you that much."
"He kissed me… And Byakko… he would sleep with me if I wanted him to!" Tsuzuki whispered, aghast.
Rikugo still held him, his second hand now joining the first. "We love you, Tsuzuki Asato. We would express this love in every way you'd let us… every way you want us."
His breath caught in his lungs as Rikugo leaned down and tenderly pressed his lips against his forehead in a way he had done before, but never had it felt this way. He couldn't think straight any more, just react to the physical closeness of the other, the rising aura, and the sheer attraction.
"We are yours," he murmured as he drew back. "I love you, Tsuzuki. Like Touda, Byakko, Suzaku and the others. We love you. There is no duty in this, just affection. We would do whatever you want, whatever you ask."
Tsuzuki became aware of the fact that he was on the ground, that Rikugo was sitting with his back against the wall, holding him tenderly.
"Rikugo…?"
"We would never force ourselves on you, though," the astrologer added lovingly. "If you want us to hold you, we will. We want you to be happy, Tsuzuki."
Byakko had said the same. He let his head sink against the warmth offered, felt fingers caress his hair, massage his skin.
"Are you afraid?" Rikugo asked softly.
"Yes… no… I'm… confused. I never thought… I mean, you're shikigami… I'm just... me."
Rikugo chuckled softly. "You don't know how appealing just being yourself is to us, Tsuzuki."
He sighed softly, both in pleasure and confusion. Rikugo's caresses were soothing, relaxing, grounding… just like he was used to when he was in the immortal's presence.
"I can't be with you the way you want me," he finally murmured. "I can't…"
"You think too much in the confines of a mortal mind, Asato," Rikugo whispered, never stopping the soothing strokes. "We've served you for decades and we will continue to do so. We don't lust after you. This kiss… it was an expression love but it wasn't the love you feel for Hisoka."
Tsuzuki glanced at the man who's lap he was using as a very comfortable pillow. He wouldn't know how to handle it if there was more to this affection than… affection. He loved Hisoka and he was having a hard time with that already. Hisoka's past was like a nightmare between them, refusing to leave Tsuzuki alone when he approached the younger man. He wanted to be intimate, but his mind couldn't shut up about what the shinigami had endured at such a young age. He kept seeing Muraki instead of himself with his partner, saw the abuse, the hurt and the rape. Just a kiss was a terrible feat already. Not just because of his own inexperience. He didn't want to hurt his partner… he couldn't live with his action if he did.
But now the inactivity, his running away, hurt Hisoka even more.
Rikugo stroked his fingers over Tsuzuki's cheek and smiled. "You think too much, Asato."
"Some say I don't think enough," he replied with a tiny smile.
The astrologer chuckled.
The moment was broken by the door flying open and a rather pissed-off looking dragon entering the study. Tsuzuki bolted upright and scrambled away from his steady rock in this emotional sea, hitting his head on the low window sill. For a moment he saw white spots explode in front of his eyes and he ouched.
"Sohryu," Rikugo said coolly. "Anything I can do for you or is this not a social visit."
The Protector of the East glared at the other shikigami. It was no secret that they didn't get along and Tsuzuki stumbled to his feet, clutching the window sill for support.
"I'll skin that serpent alive!" the blue dragon snarled.
"All he did was tell the truth to our master. You cannot disapprove of that," Rikugo said levelly.
"Wh… What's wrong, Sohryu?" Tsuzuki stammered.
Despite being this powerful water god's master he had a deeply ingrained respect for the fierce warrior. Sohryu wasn't violent, just temperamental, not unlike Suzaku, but where Suzaku adored and loved Tsuzuki, would calm down in his presence and hug him till the air ran out, Sohryu was more like a scolding mentor. One disapproving look had Tsuzuki cringe and wonder what he had done wrong this time. And exactly that look was now directed at him.
"Touda had no right!" he snarled.
"It's no secret, Sohryu," Rikugo said, his aura flaring a little and Tsuzuki held his breath.
Oh shit…
Sohryu's eyes were on the hapless shinigami and suddenly he closed the distance. Tsuzuki had no room to give and just hoped he would get away with a scolding. Inhuman eyes met equally non-human ones and Sohryu studied him, then suddenly he sighed, features softening. He reached out with one hand and while Tsuzuki expected the worst, it didn't come. His cheek was gently stroked, caressed.
"I don't approve of Touda's actions. You should not be burdened by a fact a human mind cannot comprehend, Tsuzuki."
Tsuzuki shot Rikugo a helpless look, but the astrologer was just smiling a little himself.
"It scares you and I don't want to see you scared. You are a strong spirit, the only one who ever attracted me, survived my challenge." The water shikigami smiled. "I'm honored to serve and protect you, master."
And then he placed a tender kiss on the stunned man's lips, pulling back almost immediately.
"Soh… ryu?" Tsuzuki whispered.
Careful fingers caressed the bump that was already healing at the back of his head, making him shiver. Sohryu smiled more, then glanced at Rikugo out of the corner of his eyes. He tensed a little at the proximity of the other. Tsuzuki's hand shot up and clutched the dragon's wrist, pulling his attention back to him.
"No, please just get along," he begged. "Don't fight."
Sohryu chuckled. "We won't fight. We all belong to you."
With that he turned and left he study, but still shooting Rikugo an unreadable look. The astrologer chuckled.
"He would never admit to worrying, to hating that you know about his feelings."
Tsuzuki touched his lips which had been kissed four times in such a short time now. He couldn't believe what had occurred and he wondered how he would ever get a handle on this.
There was a rustle of clothes and Rikugo took the hand touching his lips, thumb stroking over his fingers as he held them.
"Nothing has changed, Tsuzuki. Nothing at all."
"Something has," he murmured. "I know now."
Tsuzuki had returned to Meifu, deeply in thought, confused, slightly
hurt even for no apparent reason. The next case occupied his mind, but
not enough to keep him from thinking about what had happened with Touda
and the others. The fire shikigami was making himself rare, though the
presence was still there. Calm and collected, cool and black.
Hisoka was shooting him strange looks all the time. Tsuzuki had distanced
himself from his partner, was trying not to see the attraction between
them, and he winced away from physical contact.
Things were… not good.
And they weren't getting better either.
"What is wrong with you, Tsuzuki?" Hisoka exploded after they had returned
to the office and get the paper work on their case done. A case that had
been thankfully simple.
"Nothing," he murmured.
"Don't lie to me! Something's wrong! Is it me? You can't work with
me any longer?"
"Hisoka, no…"
"Then why do you evade me?" Green eyes burned into violet ones and
Tsuzuki looked away.
"I… I've got some things to work through, Hisoka. It has nothing to
do with you."
The younger shinigami snorted. "I'm an empath, remember? I can feel
your lies! I thought you were different!"
And with that he turned and left Tsuzuki alone.
The shinigami gave a little groan and sank onto his chair, burying
his head in his hands.
Things had gone from bad to worse.