101
(Dangerous) Ways to Annoy Snape
Parody-of-an-Angel
'what
happens when Harry and Ron compile a list of ways to piss of Snape
and why is Hermione completing it? SS/HG. List by
EnSnared'
Disclaimer – I do not own any characters from
Harry Potter. I do not own this list. I did not make it up. It is not
mine...........................but I have permission to use it.
THE
OWNER OF THE FABULOUS LIST IS EnSnared!!!!!!! Thank you.
JK: is ... a good or bad thing? ThePixiecomplex: thank you, will do. We Hate Piggiears20: thanks for the warning on RedAndGold4LeafClovers. Anna-Nanna: thank you, glad you're a devoted reader! I feel so special. Scorchy-11 thank you. Zelenya: it definitely does get interesting, especially when we get into the over 30's! I didn't make up the list though, just writing it out in fiction style. EnSnared actually wrote the list and gave me permission to use it. Kerichi: Sorry about the Creevy bit, a sometimes get confused with my tenses. I left a review for your story. Wiily: it seems the headmaster is quite involved ;) the only other list I've seen is the famous 404 ways. What do you think Hermione put in his drawer? Read on. Smartchic: what's wrong with laughing too loudly? I do it all the time at the weirdest moments. Jojo: u sound kinda hyper 00. Thanks. Brittany Malfoy: thanks for your review! Sheriff of Nottingham: thanks. Levans: I'm from Sydney in Australia, I went to Thredbo. I can't give away the next couple of things but I assure you that the things on the list are very interesting. They have things to do with Pokemon, pink leather, butts, seducing and plenty of randomness. Emma436: will definitely keep it up, thanks! RandomReviewer: glad you think it's amusing – it's amusing to write. Catherine: fine, just give it all away for everyone you reads the review pages why don't you? Nelys1: I like how Dumbledore turned out in this. Originally he played no special part aside from being a twinkler of eyes. Dancing naked in rain: thanks, I'll probably post the entire list on the last chapter, but that's quite a long way away at the moment! GilraenLissesul5: I don't really want any but I'll update if you don't give it to me! :) I expect it was rather nasty. It's not gonna be a thong though, some pretty young people are reading this including me! Portkeys Miss-Mione: thank you! Snakecharmer11: What in this world has gone wrong? I feel really honoured that you actually saved it to a word file and take it as a big compliment. I love getting long reviews and I'll try to update sooner than once a year! Miss Elvira: unfortunately you won't be able to see his face unless they make a movie out of this, but he will eventually seek revenge. Thanks for the review! Tiffany Kleinhans: thanks for reviewing! About Dumbledore – I see him as a meddling old matchmaker for some odd reason, so that is what he will be. :)
So sorry if I missed anyone, it was unintentional.
BTW peoples, this is not a serious fic meant to be taken seriously. It is just something that I'm doing in my spare time. Characters are deliberately OOC and events are not meant to be totally believable!
(::) Text
cookie by Ron's Best Mate – why do I always have this???
Chapter
4 – in which Snape looks in his underwear drawer and tasks 4 and 5
are completed
Hermione picked at her breakfast, anxiety eating away at her nerves when she thought about what Snape would do to her. He would know it was her as she had been the only one given access to his quarters last night and she shuddered to think of the consequences.
Mentally berating herself for not thinking of this before, she only just registered the scream coming from the dungeons. She presumed that Snape had just looked into his drawer and found her...surprise. The few people who were in the Great Hall that early fell silent, wondering who the outraged scream could belong to.
Hermione grinned to herself and looked up at the staff table. Only Dumbledore and McGonagall were there and she could have sworn that the Headmaster winked at her. Brushing it aside as a figment of her overactive imagination, which was currently picturing Snape's face, she pulled out a copy of 'The list'. She had duplicated it several times last night and hidden them throughout her dorm room, in case she ever lost the original, which was the one she was looking at now.
3. Plant pantyhose in his underwear drawer.
4. Better yet, put them on the roof.
5. With his name on them.
She had already taken care of number three, but wasn't sure how to go about the next two. The list obviously hadn't been made for Hogwarts, as nobody would ever see the underwear if it was placed on top of Hogwart's roof, much less read the name on them.
Pondering this problem while she waited for Harry and Ron to come down to eat, she was suddenly struck by a lightening bolt of inspiration. Just as she had finished working out the finer details of her wickedly humiliating plan, Harry and Ron plonked themselves down on either side of her, simultaneously reaching for food.
Rolling her eyes at them, she debated whether to tell them about her plan or not. Deciding that she would surprise them, she greeted them normally, getting a mumbled reply from the food stuffed boys. Restraining the urge to roll her eyes once again, she picked a bit more at her food.
"Hey Harry, did you hear it?" asked Seamus Finnegan, from his spot across the Gryffindor House table.
"Hear what?" asked a confused Ron, pausing in his eating tirade and Harry looking up as well.
"You mean who honestly didn't hear it? But is was so loud, I'm sure it would have reached the Tower," Seamus replied, not really answering the question.
"What didn't we hear?!" exclaimed Ron, frustrated at not knowing. "Do you know Moine?" he asked Hermione, who nodded, but left it up to Seamus to explain.
"Well," he started. "Around five minutes ago, there was this really deafening scream coming from the Dungeons. Whoever it was sounded really mad about something. The guess at the moment is that it was Snape, but we're not sure yet".
"And you could hear it all the way up here?" questioned Harry in disbelief.
"Yep"
He quickly checked his schedule for the day, smiling at something that he soon explained.
"We have potions today after lunch. We'll see if the rumours are true then".
Hermione blanched at this, wondering how Snape would act around her and quickly deciding that she didn't want to know just yet. Harry and Ron each noticed this and comprehension dawned on their faces as they remembered The List.
"You didn't..." Ron said, trailing off, him and Harry wearing identical looks of trepidation.
Hermione swallowed nervously before replying. "I did".
The boy's looks quickly changed from worried to amazed, as they each grinned and thumped her on the back, causing her to start coughing, at which they stopped abruptly.
"Wow Moine!" exclaimed Ron. "Never thought you had it in you".
Hermione didn't take offence at that though, as she wouldn't had thought that she was capable of it either. In fact, she didn't rightly know what had come over her this year, it was like the faint rebellious streak in her had multiplied in size and magnitude, giving her the courage to do the unthinkable.
Harry and Ron were now staring at her in awe and reverence and Hermione thought that any minute now they would get down on their knees and start praising her, the almighty Moine.
"Are you going to do the next 98 things as well?" they asked, having recovered the gift of speech.
"I'm not sure yet," replied Hermione. "Maybe, if there's enough time before graduation".
"Come on Moine, we'll help you!" wheedled Ron, making the oddest face that Hermione had ever seen.
"Yeah Moine, don't give up now," added Harry.
"Don't worry, I won't".
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When Snape had woken up that morning, he had thought it would be a nice, normal day terrorising students and docking points from Gryffindor. He determinedly pushed all thought's of Miss Granger aside and swung over to the side of the bed, running a hand through his limp hair. Stretching in an almost cat-like way, he rose in one fluid motion and made his way over to his bathroom.
Letting the water trickle down in rivulets down his body, he pondered the day's events to come as he washed his hair. He had Hufflepuff first years before lunch, a class he most thoroughly enjoyed as they were the easiest to terrify before combined Gryffindor and Slytherin 7th years after lunch. At this, his mood darkened somewhat, having to endure 2 hours of the Golden Trio wasn't exactly his preferred thing to do.
Switching the water off, he stepped out of the shower and dried himself, taking his time, as it was still quite early in the morning. Wrapping a towel around his waist, he strode over to his wardrobe, selecting his customary black teaching robe, black pants and a black frock shirt. Reaching into the last drawer, he unknowingly opened it to find bright pink knickers staring up at him.
Never having been confronted with this problem before, he did the only sensible thing that he could do.
He screamed.
The sound dying in his throat a few minutes later, he started to really think about his predicament, instantly regretting his earlier action. Banishing the knickers to some unknown place and investigating the rest of his quarters thoroughly, he sat down to think about who could have possibly be responsible.
Hermione Granger. The name seemed to echo around in his head, bouncing off the sides before coming to rest on his tongue as he whispered it menacingly to himself. That little chit had been the only one who would have had a chance to place them there last night. She would pay dearly for this and her earlier behaviour he vowed silently to himself. For humiliating him, she would pay the ultimate price. No one tangled with Severus Snape and got away with it. If this were the way she wanted it then fine, he would play her little game, but his way.
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Hermione slipped into her seat in between Harry and Ron, noticing the stares and whispers being cast her way. Bemused, she turned to the boys, whom were both wearing equally guilty expressions.
"You didn't..." Hermione said, realisation dawning in her mind as she echoed Ron's words from that morning.
"No," Harry replied hurriedly. "We would never betray your trust like that".
"Then why is everybody acting so weird about me?"
"Well," Ron started slowly. "It's just that everybody knows about the list now".
With a loud thunk, Hermione's head hit the table, as she buried her head in her arms with a low moan.
"Look on the bright side Hermione, you're like a God to everyone now!" Harry said in an attempt to cheer up the distraught girl.
"Do you know what this means Harry? Do you?" Hermione asked, the dumbfounded youth shaking his head. "If the teachers find out about this, if Snape finds out about this! I am so dead".
Harry and Ron looked nervously at each other, not sure what to do with this kind of Hermione. She had always been the strong one of the Trio, the stable one that the others could come to with problems. Not this hysterical girl before them.
"How?" she asked dejectedly.
"Lavender and Parvati found a copy in the Dorm room and they put two and two together about the first tasks. They duplicated it and sent it to everybody in the school with a note attached, explaining what you were doing".
"Oh," was all the poor girl could manage.
"Don't worry, we have a plan," proclaimed Ron excitedly. "We've cast a spell of secrecy over the student body so that they can't tell the teachers about it, not that they would have, they're so glad that somebody's finally doing something to Snape".
Hermione recovered some of the colour in her face as she absorbed this news, smiling at her two best friends and thanking them profusely.
"Why isn't anyone coming over like they did after the first tasks?" asked Hermione, confused.
"Well, you're now at God status. No one will dare to approach you now without your permission," Ginny interjected, before one of the boys could answer.
"You are now officially my idol!" she exclaimed. "You even put Fred and George to shame!"
"Well," Hermione blushed. "I didn't actually write the list, you can thank Harry and Ron for that. I'm just acting out the masterpiece".
Ginny now turned impressed eyes towards the two boys who were looking sheepish and Ron's ears were turning pink. "Is this true?"
They mumbled an affirmative and Ginny bounded off to spread this new piece of gossip throughout the school.
'' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' ''
When Harry and Ron got to the Dungeons, Snape was already standing behind his desk, glaring menacingly at the quivering students.
"20 points from Gryffindor for being late," he snapped. "Each".
Mouths gaping, they hurried to their desks. So the rumours were true then.
Hermione was nowhere to be seen, which was extremely unlike her. The last that they had seen of her had been just before the end of lunch when she had said that she was going to the library to look up some spell. Little did they know that she was actually preparing for the next tasks.
Dismissing it, they concentrated on the lesson, not wanting to further invoke Snape's wrath.
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Meanwhile, Hermione was climbing the steep steps leading up to the astronomy tower, a sack swung over her shoulder containing several things needed for tasks 4 and 5. Panting slightly when she reached the top, she paused for a moment to catch her breath, leaning against the tower wall, before proceeding onto the rooftop study area that was used for Astronomy.
Searching around for a suitable place to hang the underwear, her eyes came across a statue of a women holding two spears crossed in front of her. It was perfect.
Removing the lacy, pink underwear from the sack, Hermione muttered something under her breath and flicked her wand at it, causing it to enlarge tenfold to the size of a small oval. If Hermione were a muggle, it would have been impossible to even think of hooking this up all by herself, but she wasn't, she was a witch. Using magic, the enormous knickers attached themselves to the statue, Hermione backing it up with a permanent sticking charm so that they wouldn't fly away when the wind blew.
Taking out a rather thick volume from her bag, Hermione flipped it to page 294. The book was on warding one's property from others. What she wanted to do was charm the underwear to scream out "I belong to Severus Snape" over and over again. There was a charm in the book that made the possession scream out who it belonged to when it was too far away from its owner. Hermione planned to alter this so that it screamed it no matter what. That was what she had been researching in the library earlier.
Quickly performing said charm, she stuffed everything back into her bag and made her way back down to the main school. The noise was deafening at close quarters, but Hermione had thought of this and currently she couldn't hear a thing for the earplugs in her ears.
She couldn't wait to see the look on Snape's face when he heard, Hermione was sure the noise would reach the dungeons. Grinning wickedly as she unplugged her ears, she casually strolled into the Great Hall for dinner, listening to the high-pitched voice wailing that it 'belonged to Severus Snape'.
'' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' ''
Everywhere in the castle, classes were interrupted as the wailing invaded the air. Teachers were in states of the utmost confusion, while students were in a similar state. One by one, the students slowly came to the same conclusion – Tasks 3 and 4 were complete.
Wanting to see if this amazing feat was true for themselves, they forsook all caution and dashed outside, nobody noticing the solitary figure of Hermione Granger making her way into the Hall.
All in all, nearly three quarters of Hogwarts were assembled on the lawn in front of the lake, staring at the lacy pink underwear flapping in the wind and chanting who it belonged to. Everything was silent for a full minute before the laughter finally broke out. Nearly as one, the students started to laugh, their voices loud, but not nearly as loud as the voice coming from the top of the tower.
The bell rang then, signalling the end of the school day. Some chose to remain outside and stare, while most went in search of their idol – Hermione. Their search was not in vain as they quickly found her complacently eating chicken at the Gryffindor table and reading the famous list.
All at once, she was mobbed by a group of admirers congratulating her and even wanting her autograph. She sent them away before the teachers arrived though, so they had no reason whatsoever to suspect her of anything.
Later that evening when they retired to the common room, Hermione was surprised to see that the others had decided to throw a party in her honour. Strung up on the wall opposite the fire was a large poster with a picture of her from the Yule Ball and the words 'Good 4 u!' written on them. There was also a picture of Snape being hung, but Hermione didn't really approve of that. 'The List' had also been framed and hung up with a sign saying who it was by.
Seeing the list reminded Hermione of the tasks to come and she shuddered thinking about them. These would humiliate her as well, but she supposed that the students would understand as they had all read the list. Besides, it was worth it just to see Snape's face.
For the next week, Hermione forgot about the list and simply basked in the attention she was receiving. It had taken the teacher a full 3 days to remove the charms and until then, class had been dismissed until further notice. However hard they tried, the teachers couldn't find out who was responsible, the students (even the Slytherins) had been true to their word and kept quiet.
The next Monday rolled around and Hermione decided that it was time to continue her vendetta against Snape. What she didn't know was that this time, he would fight back.
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wow, I am so incredibly sorry for not updating sooner! I feel really bad cause I had the whole holidays, but I was just too lazy. This is now my longest fic. Sad huh? I can't believe how many reviews I've gotten – nearly 50!!!!!!!!!!!
PLEASE REVIEW!