Chapter 2 – Auditions
It wasn't a dark and stormy night, being that it was a bright Tuesday morning, just before 10, if anyone is interested, but the mood across the room definitely was dark and stormy. Satsuki was sulking, being the first to arrive out of the Seals. Beast, fearing for its own wellbeing, had woken her up early, just to make sure she arrived on time, and while she could understand the sentiment, she wasn't a morning person. Hell, she wasn't a people-person any time of the day, and the secretary kept giving her strange looks. She ignored this and played with her mobile phone instead.
"Ah, you're early," a voice greeted her. She looked up, glaring at the person who interrupted her game of "Snake" and found a foreigner cheerfully beaming down at her. She gazed at him, mildly interested, as she hadn't picked a foreign accent from him, in fact, she would have gone as far as saying he was a local. "Please, come right this way, Satsuki-san."
And he knew her name. Not good.
Find out who he is, she instructed Beast, squinting at the man's name tag, his name is Tony Forester.
Her phone vibrated, as Beast sent the information back to her. Australian PhD student, writing his doctorate on the Japanese language, some interest in drama, has directed other Shakespeare before but in English. Age is twenty-seven, no criminal record, pays his tax, here on a student visa. Limited savings, was on Government benefits at home, as was much of the student population in his country, it seems. Hobbies include watching anime, amateur theatre and snorkeling. Has Yahoo!, Hotmail and university email accounts, which he checks rather infrequently and frequents gardening, Japanese art and international literature message-boards. Had a cat called Chloe which died in '96 of cancer. Has three over-due library books and an accumulating library fine.
Neither useful nor interesting, she concluded, as she skim-read the message.
"I'm Tony, your director," the man introduced himself, "and I'm thrilled to hear that you volunteered for this."
She gave him a once over. Was he for real? Apparently so, everything about him was genuine, and the man seemed to radiate friendliness. She met his gaze, a bored expression on her face, then sat down at a proffered seat without saying a word or even looking at him again. He left her in peace.
Arashi was next to arrive, with Sorato in tow, as per usual.
"Come on, Nee-chan, I'm sure you'd be the perfect leading lady," he coaxed her, dancing around her like a puppy on speed.
"I have no interest in that kind of thing," she retorted, "I'm just here because I have no choice. We should be trying not to be too conspicuous."
She walked up to the front desk and asked the secretary, politely, "Is this the place for the Twelfth Night auditions?"
"Yes it is, wait just a moment, the Director should be here any minute… in fact, there he is."
"Good morning," he said, cheerfully, "this way, please…"
He ducked out of the room almost as soon as he entered it, leaving Sorata and Arashi in what appeared to be a large hall with a circle of chairs in the middle. A girl with glasses was already seated there, fiddling with her mobile phone, and she paid them absolutely no attention at all as they entered.
"Ohayo, jou-chan," Sorata said, cheerfully, trotting over and smiling, "so you're going to be working on this play too?"
Satsuki didn't even look at him. "Leave me alone."
Arashi automatically warmed to her, sensing a kindred spirit.
"Wow, she's just like you, Nee-chan," Sorata laughed, slouching onto a seat and gesturing at Arashi to sit next to him. She did sit down, but it was a few chairs away, and after giving her a disappointed look, Sorata eventually moved closer. She sighed and stayed put, realizing it would do her no good to move around, he'd only follow her some more.
"So, jou-chan, you have a name?" Sorata called.
"Satsuki," was the cold reply.
"I'm Sorata and this here is my future wife, Arashi."
"Oh? She doesn't seem to think that," Satsuki observed, noticing Arashi's glare at Sorata without even shifting her eyes from the phone.
"Ah, well…!" Sorata laughed, a little embarrassed.
The director returned, with a few more people in tow: Kamui, Yuzuriha and Inuki, and Yuuto.
"Ohayo!!" Yuzuriha cried, in her usual needlessly energetic way, and plonked herself down next to Arashi, gesturing to Inuki to come sit near her feet.
Kamui, who was obviously in a foul mood, sat down next to Sorata. "Why did you leave without us?" he asked, irritably.
At the same time he opened his mouth, Yuuto noticed Satsuki was there. "Oh, you're already here, Satsuki," he said, greeting her with a winning smile, and much to the others amazement, Satsuki looked up and almost smiled, gripping her phone so tightly her hand went white around it.
"It's that charming public servant! Fancy meeting you here!" Sorata said, laughing.
Yuuto chuckled. "Well, if it's not the friendly Osaka boy."
"You know each other?" Arashi asked, startled.
"We have that honour, yes," Yuuto said, giving her a moderately powerful smile, the sort which melts butter but not, in this case, Arashi. Well, not much anyway. As it was, she smiled back, slightly surprised at herself as she did so.
Another small group of people was led into the room, one of them having an in depth conversation with the Director.
"Kusanagi-san!" Yuzuriha cried, leaping to her feet in joy. Inuki raised his head Kusanagi's way and Kusanagi gave them both startled looks.
"Good… morning. I didn't know you were a part of this…" he managed, making his way towards her. She grabbed his arm and steered him to a seat next to her, chatting animatedly.
The others didn't seem to be showing any sign of coming into the room, but after a few seconds, they heard the director say, "I think some others have arrived, just seat yourselves down inside there, and I'll be with you shortly." And the pair entered.
Nataku was in a good mood. Because Daddy had said it was a special occasion, he'd worn his favourite pair of socks and matching underpants. They had little pink bunnies on them and he'd even brought his bunny umbrella to complete the ensemble, even though it showed no sign of raining, because it was pretty. He wasn't letting the fact that the other people he met acted so funny when he tried to show off his pretty underwear, because Daddy said they were pretty, and Daddy was always right. So he put a big smile on his face and skipped into the room, followed by his 'Daddy'.
"Fuuma," Kamui said, emotionlessly, getting to his feet. There was a moment of horrified silence as everyone did a double-take, suddenly realizing how bad the situation was going to become in about five seconds time, and the tension in the room rose enough to strangle-point. "I should have known." He moved around the circle of chairs, keeping his eyes on Fuuma the whole time, sticking to the other side of the circle to Fuuma, who was making his way towards him. Those stuck in the middle (ie. everyone in the room) started to feel roughly what it felt like to be in the eye of a tornado, knowing that all hell was going to break loose any second.
"Good morning, Kamui," Fuuma smirked, a predatory glint to his eyes.
The other Dragons, who had been chatting among themselves before Fuuma had entered reluctantly started moving towards their respective 'Kamui', all looking rather nervous. Well, that is, except for Kusanagi and Yuzuriha, who hesitated, not wanting to give away which side they were on to the other.
It was at that point that the Director walked in, pushing a wheelchair, and deposited Kakyou in a gap in the circle.
"Shouldn't be too long before everyone arrives," he said, cheerfully, seemingly oblivious to the entire situation. "Oh, by the way, we've got a coffee machine there in the corner, don't hesitate to help yourselves."
"I'll do just that," Fuuma said, and the situation wound down slightly, from open warfare to plain hostility. He strided towards machine confidently and peered back over his shoulder. "How hot do you like your coffee, Kamui?" Kamui glared at him.
"And we should be having some cakes brought in for breakfast and snacks any moment, so wait just a moment," the Director added. He peered down at Kakyou, who was pale and had a drip in his arm. "Is there anything you need?"
"I'll be fine," Kakyou replied calmly, taking in the situation.
Subaru was next to enter, followed by Seiichiro and Karen. The mood of the room repeatedly rose to boiling point, just to be defused again when the Director made his frequent appearances in and out of the room.
Finally, the Director brought in one final person, a man in a dark black coat and dark glasses. None other than everyone's favourite assassin, Seishirou. Subaru instantly stiffened and clenched his fists, as Seishirou smiled pleasantly and said, "Sorry I made everyone wait, I've just arrived straight from work."
The Director smiled. "Not at all, we understand completely. And it's only ten past anyway." They sat down in the only remaining seats and the Director beamed at them all. "Well, I guess I'd better introduce myself. My name is Tony Forrester, and I'm your director for this play, Twelfth Night."
All eyes were on the man, who was taller than the rest of them, being from a country where the population was on average taller than in Japan. He had dark brown hair and eyes, but didn't really look that noteworthy. He was dressed fairly casually and spoke perfect Japanese without an accent.
"I've always been interested in seeing how Shakespeare translates across cultures," he continued, "so how this play goes is really up to all of you, you can bring it into the play whatever context you like, and explore the various characters as you wish. So long as the general idea is preserved, well, it's all good. After all, you can't expect it to go completely unchanged when crossing cultures. Now why doesn't everyone introduce themselves?"
They went around the circle, doing so, quite obviously appraising their various adversaries now that they were in a position to do so freely.
"Okay, well now we know who everyone is, I thought we'd best do some drama warm-ups. I think a bit of improvisation would be a good idea, so I'll just pick random members of the group and you can just improvise from the idea I give you. Okay, Satsuki, was it?"
She looked up. "Yes?"
"I've got no problems with you playing with your phone, so long as it's on silent, but you're also up first. I'd like you to… be a frying egg."
She blinked. "Excuse me?"
"A frying egg. I want you to act out being an egg being fried, the movements, the sound effects, you get the idea."
A snigger fell over the group, as the majority silently breathed out in relief that they hadn't been chosen to do something so utterly humiliating.
Satsuki blushed.
"No, don't feel shy, it's just an exercise, you're supposed to look stupid. Come on, it'll break the ice, give it a go!"
She wasn't sure how, but Satsuki was starting to feel almost sorry for Tony, with his earnest face and gentle words. He seemed genuinely hurt that she wasn't going to give it a go, and while normally she wouldn't care in the slightest, the realization that Beast's well-being relied on her being here tweaked somewhere in her memory, so, finally, she sighed and stepped out into the middle of the circle of chairs, shuffled slightly then fell to the ground, making half-hearted sizzling noises.
After about a minute of the torture, Tony said, "Okay, that's great, Satsuki, it's always hard being first." He clapped and the others joined in, wondering what kind of a weirdo he was. He seemed genuine, but how could not notice the atmosphere in the room? And, more strangely still, despite the fact he part of an event which was effectively blackmailing them, not only did it seem that he had no part in it but he was also oddly likeable, as he chatted to them all in a friendly and oddly charming manner. He certainly didn't look dangerous, and was joking about mistranslations.
"And you see, the Japanese dutifully translated the episode of "Skippy the Bush Kangaroo" a little too literally, because the man said 'it hurts like buggery!', buggery being an expletive to add emphasis, and they translated it as 'it hurts like the last time I was sodomised!'"
This caused some amused laughter, particularly from the more corrupt members of the group.
"Eh? What's sodomy?" asked Yuzuriha, brightly.
"Uh…" Sorata looked left and right, looking for help.
"Ooh! Ooh! Daddy taught me that!" Nataku chirped. The Dragons' eyes bugged out slightly, wondering in which way he was referring to. "You see, when a man loves another man very much…"
Kusanagi covered Nataku's mouth quickly, not wanting his Yuzuriha to have her mind polluted.
Subaru said, in a bland voice. "It's to do with gay sex. Enough said."
Fuuma's eyes glittered. "Not necessarily. Would you like me to demonstrate for you?"
"No!"
Tony was looking amused. "Ah… I forgot there was children present. I'll tone it down a little!" he laughed. "Okay, next up is… Seiichiro and Yuuto. Yuuto, you a teenage girl trying to tell Seiichiro, your conservative Catholic mother, that you are pregnant."
There were a few sniggers at this, but the two men stood up gamely, exchanged glances, daring the other to go first then finally, nodded.
Seiichiro pulled a seat into the middle of the circle and sat down, miming reading a newspaper, while Yuuto took off his jacket and shoved it up his shirt, creating a pot-belly.
"Mother dearest?" Yuuto asked.
"Yes dear?" Seiichiro replied, in a bad falsetto.
"I've got something… to tell you…" Yuuto stammered, doing an overdramatic impression of shivering.
"What is it dear? Is it about that A minus you got last semester? Don't worry, darling, I'm sure you'll do better next time."
"N-no," Yuuto replied.
Seiichiro looked up, doing quite a good job of keeping a straight face. "Spit it out dear."
"I-I'm pregnant!" he couldn't stand it anymore and bent over, laughing.
Meanwhile, Seiichiro threw a falsetto hissy-fit. "How could you do this to us?! I thought you loved us! And we raised you so well! My daughter is a whore! A whore!! Please tell me you plan to marry the man!"
"His name is Akito, and yes, I want to marry him. I shall be his seventh wife, and entertain him on Tuesdays. We shall move to the Bahamas and be happy. We shall call the baby Moonchild III."
General hysteria spread over the room and Seiichiro screamed in a particularly ear-piercing way, "That's it! You're getting an abortion!"
"And you call yourself Catholic!" Yuuto laughed.
"I'm sorry, but it was the part about being Tuesday's wife which got to me!" Seiichiro countered, his voice returned to its normal range and shaking with laughter.
"Okay! Now you're getting into it!" Tony congratulated them. Let's see if the rest of you can do the same! Next it… Natuku and Kakyou. Nataku, you're trying to get Kakyou, your boyfriend, to say he loves you, and you, Kakyou, are trying to get Nataku, your girlfriend, to sleep with you."
"But I don't want to go out with Kakyou!" Nataku said, emotionlessly. "He smells like medicine and sleeps all the time."
"Well, I don't want to attempt to seduce a genderless, emotionless bioroid either," Kakyou replied wryly, "but I suppose since my first choice of girlfriend couldn't make it today…" he shot a glance at Seishirou, who beamed back at him.
"Do I have to do it?" Nataku glanced at Fuuma. He nodded, not taking his eyes off Kakyou, who was looking amaemic, as per usual.
"And… action!" Tony called.
"Say you love me."
"Only if you have sex with me."
"Okay." Nataku started stripping off.
"Hey, hey, hey! There are minors present!" Tony laughed. "And what kind of a girl would give in that easily? For that matter, what kind of a boy would use that as a pick up line?"
Subaru glanced at Seishirou. Seishirou glanced at Subaru. Subaru looked away carefully.
"Pardon me for not putting more energy into it, but my glucose drip doesn't seem to have kicked in," Kakyou replied, sounding tired, as Nataku, who had only removed his shirt, put it back on.
"Okay, Seishirou, you arrived late, here's a silly one for you. You are a dying cockroach."
"A what?" For a moment there, the mask slipped, and Subaru could see the irritated Sakurazukamori underneath Seishirou's smiling exterior.
"A dying cockroach."
The mask was adjusted and the beaming persona surfaced. "I see." Seishirou stepped into the middle of the circle, clutched his chest dramatically and fell flat on his back, ignoring the fact he was wearing an expensive suit, and writhed, with full leg action, before finally lying still.
There was stunned silence, as those who'd actually witnessed death previously noted both Seishirou's facial expression and death-throes to be particularly realistic.
Then the director clapped slowly. "I hate to see how many cockroaches you had to torture just to practice that."
Seishirou smiled. "No cockroaches."
"Oh, so you killed ants as a kid," Tony nodded, knowingly.
"You could say that."
"Okay," Tony said, turning back to the rest of the nervous group as Seishirou sat down. "Kamui and Arashi, you are a pair of hostage negotiators and Karen, you a psychopath with a gun, holding Sorata hostage."
Everyone winced at the sound of this, and all eyes flicked towards Kamui, who remained stubbornly poker-faced. "Fine," he said, getting up. The others reluctantly stepped into the circle.
"Sorry, whispered Karen to Sorata, giving him an awkward smile, before seizing him from behind and holding a finger 'gun' to his head, bellowing, "nobody move or the kid gets it!"
"Help me, nee-chan, help me!" Sorata bleated, meanwhile enjoying the fact that Karen's breasts were being shoved into his back.
Arashi rolled her eyes. "This is the police. We understand you have problems, do you want to talk about them?"
"Damn right, I have problems," Karen declared, "but they're none of your business."
"What do you want?" Kamui asked, giving her a cool glance, while Sorata wiggled cheerfully.
"Huh?"
"Well, you've captured a hostage, now what? Are you planning to do anything with him or are you just wasting our time?"
"I'll kill him! And then I'll kill you! All of you! And I'll set the city on fire, so it'll be cleansed by flame!" Karen laughed, a psychotic glint in her eye.
"Nice," Tony commented.
Kamui opened his mouth but Arashi quickly stepped in. "Are you sure you don't have anything on your mind you don't want to talk about? Why do you want to do this?"
"Because blood and fire is pretty," Karen giggled.
Sorata started looking worried. "Nee-chan, I can't see her face, is she still acting?"
"Of course I'm acting," Karen said, reassuringly, stroking his face in a way that may Arashi frown.
"Phew, that's a relief, for a moment there I thought you'd lost it," Sorata commented, before sinking back into character.
"Help! Help! Is there no one who'll help me? I don't want to die! I knew I was supposed to die for a woman, but not this way!"
"Don't worry, you can be a human shield," Karen said, comfortingly, "because I think the nice police officer over there is losing his temper." She gestured in the general direction of Kamui.
"That's it. Either kill him and be done with it or make a demand. If you don't, we'll just shoot you."
"You can't do that!" Arashi said, shocked. "You'll kill the hostage."
"That's the best way to deal with hostage negotiating," Kusanagi called, "shoot the hostage through the shoulder. She's holding him in such a way it'd go straight into her heart, and while she's falling, two to the body, two to the head."
Yuzuriha looked at him in surprise and he shrugged. "I'm in the army, it's my job to be violent."
Arashi looked startled and decided to integrate it into the skit, as the director didn't seem to be bothered by this interruption. "Uh… our radio back-up says to send in a sniper, Kamui. That'd be you, I suppose."
Kamui looked left and right, reached into his pocket, pulled out a crumpled ball of paper and threw it at Karen's head.
"Pow," he said, lamely.
"Ugh! You got me!" Karen said, ignoring the fact that had she really been shot she'd be in no position to speak, and slumped to the ground.
"Yay! Nee-chan saved me! My hero!" Sorata bounced up to Arashi and glomped onto her arm.
She looked at him irritably and shook her arm. "Get off me."
They all looked at Tony, who laughed and said, "Okay, you can sit back down again. Not bad, although audience intervention isn't really supposed to happen, but never mind. Next up… Kusanagi, you're an obnoxious customer and Subaru, you're a lazy sales assistant. And action!"
"Oi, salesman," Kusanagi ordered, "I was wondering if you could help me."
"Probably," Subaru replied.
There was a pause.
"Well?"
"You asked if I could help you, not for me to help you."
"Well, would you?"
"Yeah, I guess. What do you need."
"An icecream scoop," Kusanagi improvised.
"Eisle three, second on the right, after the toothpaste display," Subaru said in a bored monotone. "Anything else?"
"Well, I've been there, and I just can't decide. Can you tell me a bit about them."
"Yeah, they're all good, there's some which are cheaper than others and some which are better than others, it's a matter of finding the good ones."
"Well, could you help me with that?"
Subaru glared at him and stood up, stretching his arms and groaning. "Yeah well, this is a good one."
"Does it do anything?"
"It scoops icecream."
"Anything else?"
"No, why would it?"
"Well, I was looking for a cute one. One which makes noises or looks pretty or something."
"Why in the hell would you want something like that?"
"It's for a present."
"For a weirdo." Subaru sighed. "We've got this one, its handle is shaped like a cow head and it moos when you use it.
Will that do?"
"Heavens no, she's lactose intolerant," Kusanagi smirked. "She'd think I was trying to poison her or something."
Subaru glared at him. "We don't have any scoops shaped like soy beans making vegetation sound effects, sir, we're just a supermarket, not a junk store. Try next door."
"Oh, I've tried there, they're too expensive," Kusanagi simpered, changing tactics and trying on an annoying voice.
"How much were you looking to spend," Subaru asked, through gritted teeth.
"Oh, less than 2000 yen."
"I don't think you'll find anything, and even if you did, you'd still need to buy batteries."
"Batteries?" Kusanagi asked, shocked.
"What did you think they'd run on, solar power?"
"Oh, that's a good idea, is there one like that?"
"No. Goodbye."
Subaru walked off, leaving Kusanagi calling, "But now what am going to buy?!"
"Ready-scooped icecream is in the dairy isle, have a nice day."
Everyone clapped, because it was simple and it worked. And, believe it or not, they were actually reasonably convincing, although most of the acting on Subaru's part was largely due to apparent nicotine cravings making him crabby.
"Now you're getting the hang of it," Tony crowed, enthusiastically. "You're up last, Fuuma and Yuzuriha, think you can out do them? Yuzuriha, you're a Jehovah's witness going door-knocking, and Fuuma, you're a pissed off Satanist, who she's trying to convert. And, action!"
Yuzuriha mimed knocking on the door. "Hellooooo!" she chirped. Inuki barked. She decided to go for the Univeral Preacher's Greeting to Those From Other Religions (universal to every religion which believes that anyone who isn't a member of their religion is wrong). "You're going to hell, you know!"
"Yes, I know," Fuuma smiled smoothly, sprawling against an invisible door-frame. "May I help you?"
"Have you considered the welfare of your soul?"
"Which one?"
"Huh?" Yuzuriha blinked, looking confused.
"Come on in, it's pointless to talk in the doorway," Fuuma gestured at her to enter and she did so, looking around.
"Don't mind that body over there, I think he's probably only sleeping," Fuuma called over his shoulder. "Now, would you like a drink?"
"Uh… yes please."
"Sit yourself down, I'll just be a moment."
"Nice décor you've got," Yuzuriha said, nervously, sitting down and gesturing for Inuki to jump on her lap, "lots of stars."
"They're pentacles and arcane marks, honouring Satan my lord and master," Fuuma replied, returning miming holding a glass. "Here you go."
Yuzuriha mimed taking a sip. "It's good, what is it?"
"Blood wine," Yuzuriha choked, "left over from last night's Black Sabbath. Now, you were talking about souls. Was it mine you were after or one of the many in my possession."
Yuzuriha laughed nervously. "Yours, I think, you can work on your friends later."
"And were you offering anything specific for it?"
"Uh… peace on earth, happiness and you get to go to heaven."
Fuuma considered. "Nah. Boring. Anything better?"
"You won't have to go to hell to burn horribly and be one of the unrighteous smited on Judgement Day," Yuzuriha proclaimed.
"Listen, if I go to hell it'd be to my summer house there, I've got quite an estate and lordship waiting for me there, and by the way, your God is a pussy and there's no way Satan won't win against him on Judgement Day, and anything your side says is just naïve propaganda. But, while on the subject of souls, how is yours doing? It'd be all pure, untarnished… and I daresay that you were raised in a religious family, am I correct?" Fuuma leaned closer and Yuzuriha backed away, nervously.
"Y-yes."
"A pure soul is a very valuable thing, now, isn't it? So pretty, for my… collection," Fuuma stroked her hair and Yuzuriha let out a squeak, her eyes like that of a rabbit's reflecting an oncoming truck.
Inuki started growling at Fuuma, who ignored him, mimed pulling out a knife and raised an arm ominously. Yuzuriha screamed, leapt back and burst into tears and Inuki leapt in the gap between Yuzuriha and Fuuma, barking and baring his teeth.
"Stop it!" Kamui shouted, standing up and making towards Yuzuriha, who Karen was already comforting. "That wasn't funny."
"I was only acting, Kamui, you take everything too seriously," Fuuma said, his voice in Kamui's ear as the space between them was suddenly bridged. Kamui found his cheek being stroked by Fuuma and leapt back, angrily.
"Well, he was pretty convincing," Tony said, looking both amused and dismayed by the way things had turned out. He gave Fuuma a slightly admiring look and said, "Tone it down, okay? But that was good, I must say." He turned to Yuzuriha. "Don't worry, it wasn't real. That's the thing with acting, it can seem that way, but he didn't really mean it, just remember that."
"Yes he did," she hiccupped, but her tears were already drying up and she bent down and hugged Inuki, who licked her face comfortingly.
"Maybe we should get on with the actual auditioning," Tony decided, considering the scene in front of him. "Have you all brought your scripts?" Everyone nodded dutifully.
"Okay, we'll have a short break, and then we'll jump right into it. I'll just be out to have a smoke, during which time, I believe the producer, Hito Shigure, wishes to speak to you all as a group."
Shigure, who had been waiting at the door, nodded and entered, as Tony walked out towards the reception.
"I've calculated the potential profits from this venture, and unless sales are very good, there is no way that this venture will cover the entirety of the damage bills," he announced.
"Oh, that's a relief, that means we don't have to do this after all," Seiichiro said.
"No, nothing like that. You are now legally bound to do this play, but that's not all. The extra money must be made up by you, in any way possible. I urge you all to undertake some form of work to pay for it all before the end of the financial year. That is all." And with that, he walked out, ignoring the general uproar that this statement had brought.
"So, how did they take it?" Tony asked, flicking ash into the wind.
"I believe they wish to kill me," Shigure replied.
"Oh? Is that all? Well, that's no problem then, you've got the necessary protection, don't you?"
"Against magic, yes, but one of them is from the army and I don't know if I could survive ten rounds from an assault rifle in the chest."
"I suggest you start wearing a Kevlar vest," Tony said, nonchalantly, breathing out a line of smoke. "I really can't bring myself to care for your problems, considering I've just realized what I've got myself into."
"Finally-"
"Not one of them is an outstanding actor."
Shigure's mouth opened and closed.
"They aren't bad, and some of them are quite good, but none of them has the talent needed to perform nationally for this kind of event. I've got a mammoth task ahead of me."
Shigure considered. "Tony-san, either you've got nerves of steel or you're an idiot."
Tony laughed. "I wouldn't say nerves of steel, more like morality of mercury: liquid and hazardous to your health."
"So what was it you were getting them all to do anyway? Make idiots of themselves?"
"Well, that too, but it was to gauge the way they act as a group and their personalities. Know thy enemy, and even when acting, it's amazing how much of yourself you put into roles, especially improvisation. I think I've got a pretty good handle on the situation, now… but we'd better continue this later, time's almost up and I'd better return to the group."
"Good luck. I think you need it more than ever now."
Skipsida's Note
Was there much of a point to this chapter other than mindless humiliation of the cast? Actually... yes. It was a drama warm-up and there's nothing like humiliating yourself in front of the people you're going to work with to break the ice, especially when they do likewise. Furthermore, people put into improvisation depends on the person in question, so it can be quite revealing. And, finally... well, Tony is an empath... just watching interaction at all is interesting to him...
It wasn't a dark and stormy night, being that it was a bright Tuesday morning, just before 10, if anyone is interested, but the mood across the room definitely was dark and stormy. Satsuki was sulking, being the first to arrive out of the Seals. Beast, fearing for its own wellbeing, had woken her up early, just to make sure she arrived on time, and while she could understand the sentiment, she wasn't a morning person. Hell, she wasn't a people-person any time of the day, and the secretary kept giving her strange looks. She ignored this and played with her mobile phone instead.
"Ah, you're early," a voice greeted her. She looked up, glaring at the person who interrupted her game of "Snake" and found a foreigner cheerfully beaming down at her. She gazed at him, mildly interested, as she hadn't picked a foreign accent from him, in fact, she would have gone as far as saying he was a local. "Please, come right this way, Satsuki-san."
And he knew her name. Not good.
Find out who he is, she instructed Beast, squinting at the man's name tag, his name is Tony Forester.
Her phone vibrated, as Beast sent the information back to her. Australian PhD student, writing his doctorate on the Japanese language, some interest in drama, has directed other Shakespeare before but in English. Age is twenty-seven, no criminal record, pays his tax, here on a student visa. Limited savings, was on Government benefits at home, as was much of the student population in his country, it seems. Hobbies include watching anime, amateur theatre and snorkeling. Has Yahoo!, Hotmail and university email accounts, which he checks rather infrequently and frequents gardening, Japanese art and international literature message-boards. Had a cat called Chloe which died in '96 of cancer. Has three over-due library books and an accumulating library fine.
Neither useful nor interesting, she concluded, as she skim-read the message.
"I'm Tony, your director," the man introduced himself, "and I'm thrilled to hear that you volunteered for this."
She gave him a once over. Was he for real? Apparently so, everything about him was genuine, and the man seemed to radiate friendliness. She met his gaze, a bored expression on her face, then sat down at a proffered seat without saying a word or even looking at him again. He left her in peace.
Arashi was next to arrive, with Sorato in tow, as per usual.
"Come on, Nee-chan, I'm sure you'd be the perfect leading lady," he coaxed her, dancing around her like a puppy on speed.
"I have no interest in that kind of thing," she retorted, "I'm just here because I have no choice. We should be trying not to be too conspicuous."
She walked up to the front desk and asked the secretary, politely, "Is this the place for the Twelfth Night auditions?"
"Yes it is, wait just a moment, the Director should be here any minute… in fact, there he is."
"Good morning," he said, cheerfully, "this way, please…"
He ducked out of the room almost as soon as he entered it, leaving Sorata and Arashi in what appeared to be a large hall with a circle of chairs in the middle. A girl with glasses was already seated there, fiddling with her mobile phone, and she paid them absolutely no attention at all as they entered.
"Ohayo, jou-chan," Sorata said, cheerfully, trotting over and smiling, "so you're going to be working on this play too?"
Satsuki didn't even look at him. "Leave me alone."
Arashi automatically warmed to her, sensing a kindred spirit.
"Wow, she's just like you, Nee-chan," Sorata laughed, slouching onto a seat and gesturing at Arashi to sit next to him. She did sit down, but it was a few chairs away, and after giving her a disappointed look, Sorata eventually moved closer. She sighed and stayed put, realizing it would do her no good to move around, he'd only follow her some more.
"So, jou-chan, you have a name?" Sorata called.
"Satsuki," was the cold reply.
"I'm Sorata and this here is my future wife, Arashi."
"Oh? She doesn't seem to think that," Satsuki observed, noticing Arashi's glare at Sorata without even shifting her eyes from the phone.
"Ah, well…!" Sorata laughed, a little embarrassed.
The director returned, with a few more people in tow: Kamui, Yuzuriha and Inuki, and Yuuto.
"Ohayo!!" Yuzuriha cried, in her usual needlessly energetic way, and plonked herself down next to Arashi, gesturing to Inuki to come sit near her feet.
Kamui, who was obviously in a foul mood, sat down next to Sorata. "Why did you leave without us?" he asked, irritably.
At the same time he opened his mouth, Yuuto noticed Satsuki was there. "Oh, you're already here, Satsuki," he said, greeting her with a winning smile, and much to the others amazement, Satsuki looked up and almost smiled, gripping her phone so tightly her hand went white around it.
"It's that charming public servant! Fancy meeting you here!" Sorata said, laughing.
Yuuto chuckled. "Well, if it's not the friendly Osaka boy."
"You know each other?" Arashi asked, startled.
"We have that honour, yes," Yuuto said, giving her a moderately powerful smile, the sort which melts butter but not, in this case, Arashi. Well, not much anyway. As it was, she smiled back, slightly surprised at herself as she did so.
Another small group of people was led into the room, one of them having an in depth conversation with the Director.
"Kusanagi-san!" Yuzuriha cried, leaping to her feet in joy. Inuki raised his head Kusanagi's way and Kusanagi gave them both startled looks.
"Good… morning. I didn't know you were a part of this…" he managed, making his way towards her. She grabbed his arm and steered him to a seat next to her, chatting animatedly.
The others didn't seem to be showing any sign of coming into the room, but after a few seconds, they heard the director say, "I think some others have arrived, just seat yourselves down inside there, and I'll be with you shortly." And the pair entered.
Nataku was in a good mood. Because Daddy had said it was a special occasion, he'd worn his favourite pair of socks and matching underpants. They had little pink bunnies on them and he'd even brought his bunny umbrella to complete the ensemble, even though it showed no sign of raining, because it was pretty. He wasn't letting the fact that the other people he met acted so funny when he tried to show off his pretty underwear, because Daddy said they were pretty, and Daddy was always right. So he put a big smile on his face and skipped into the room, followed by his 'Daddy'.
"Fuuma," Kamui said, emotionlessly, getting to his feet. There was a moment of horrified silence as everyone did a double-take, suddenly realizing how bad the situation was going to become in about five seconds time, and the tension in the room rose enough to strangle-point. "I should have known." He moved around the circle of chairs, keeping his eyes on Fuuma the whole time, sticking to the other side of the circle to Fuuma, who was making his way towards him. Those stuck in the middle (ie. everyone in the room) started to feel roughly what it felt like to be in the eye of a tornado, knowing that all hell was going to break loose any second.
"Good morning, Kamui," Fuuma smirked, a predatory glint to his eyes.
The other Dragons, who had been chatting among themselves before Fuuma had entered reluctantly started moving towards their respective 'Kamui', all looking rather nervous. Well, that is, except for Kusanagi and Yuzuriha, who hesitated, not wanting to give away which side they were on to the other.
It was at that point that the Director walked in, pushing a wheelchair, and deposited Kakyou in a gap in the circle.
"Shouldn't be too long before everyone arrives," he said, cheerfully, seemingly oblivious to the entire situation. "Oh, by the way, we've got a coffee machine there in the corner, don't hesitate to help yourselves."
"I'll do just that," Fuuma said, and the situation wound down slightly, from open warfare to plain hostility. He strided towards machine confidently and peered back over his shoulder. "How hot do you like your coffee, Kamui?" Kamui glared at him.
"And we should be having some cakes brought in for breakfast and snacks any moment, so wait just a moment," the Director added. He peered down at Kakyou, who was pale and had a drip in his arm. "Is there anything you need?"
"I'll be fine," Kakyou replied calmly, taking in the situation.
Subaru was next to enter, followed by Seiichiro and Karen. The mood of the room repeatedly rose to boiling point, just to be defused again when the Director made his frequent appearances in and out of the room.
Finally, the Director brought in one final person, a man in a dark black coat and dark glasses. None other than everyone's favourite assassin, Seishirou. Subaru instantly stiffened and clenched his fists, as Seishirou smiled pleasantly and said, "Sorry I made everyone wait, I've just arrived straight from work."
The Director smiled. "Not at all, we understand completely. And it's only ten past anyway." They sat down in the only remaining seats and the Director beamed at them all. "Well, I guess I'd better introduce myself. My name is Tony Forrester, and I'm your director for this play, Twelfth Night."
All eyes were on the man, who was taller than the rest of them, being from a country where the population was on average taller than in Japan. He had dark brown hair and eyes, but didn't really look that noteworthy. He was dressed fairly casually and spoke perfect Japanese without an accent.
"I've always been interested in seeing how Shakespeare translates across cultures," he continued, "so how this play goes is really up to all of you, you can bring it into the play whatever context you like, and explore the various characters as you wish. So long as the general idea is preserved, well, it's all good. After all, you can't expect it to go completely unchanged when crossing cultures. Now why doesn't everyone introduce themselves?"
They went around the circle, doing so, quite obviously appraising their various adversaries now that they were in a position to do so freely.
"Okay, well now we know who everyone is, I thought we'd best do some drama warm-ups. I think a bit of improvisation would be a good idea, so I'll just pick random members of the group and you can just improvise from the idea I give you. Okay, Satsuki, was it?"
She looked up. "Yes?"
"I've got no problems with you playing with your phone, so long as it's on silent, but you're also up first. I'd like you to… be a frying egg."
She blinked. "Excuse me?"
"A frying egg. I want you to act out being an egg being fried, the movements, the sound effects, you get the idea."
A snigger fell over the group, as the majority silently breathed out in relief that they hadn't been chosen to do something so utterly humiliating.
Satsuki blushed.
"No, don't feel shy, it's just an exercise, you're supposed to look stupid. Come on, it'll break the ice, give it a go!"
She wasn't sure how, but Satsuki was starting to feel almost sorry for Tony, with his earnest face and gentle words. He seemed genuinely hurt that she wasn't going to give it a go, and while normally she wouldn't care in the slightest, the realization that Beast's well-being relied on her being here tweaked somewhere in her memory, so, finally, she sighed and stepped out into the middle of the circle of chairs, shuffled slightly then fell to the ground, making half-hearted sizzling noises.
After about a minute of the torture, Tony said, "Okay, that's great, Satsuki, it's always hard being first." He clapped and the others joined in, wondering what kind of a weirdo he was. He seemed genuine, but how could not notice the atmosphere in the room? And, more strangely still, despite the fact he part of an event which was effectively blackmailing them, not only did it seem that he had no part in it but he was also oddly likeable, as he chatted to them all in a friendly and oddly charming manner. He certainly didn't look dangerous, and was joking about mistranslations.
"And you see, the Japanese dutifully translated the episode of "Skippy the Bush Kangaroo" a little too literally, because the man said 'it hurts like buggery!', buggery being an expletive to add emphasis, and they translated it as 'it hurts like the last time I was sodomised!'"
This caused some amused laughter, particularly from the more corrupt members of the group.
"Eh? What's sodomy?" asked Yuzuriha, brightly.
"Uh…" Sorata looked left and right, looking for help.
"Ooh! Ooh! Daddy taught me that!" Nataku chirped. The Dragons' eyes bugged out slightly, wondering in which way he was referring to. "You see, when a man loves another man very much…"
Kusanagi covered Nataku's mouth quickly, not wanting his Yuzuriha to have her mind polluted.
Subaru said, in a bland voice. "It's to do with gay sex. Enough said."
Fuuma's eyes glittered. "Not necessarily. Would you like me to demonstrate for you?"
"No!"
Tony was looking amused. "Ah… I forgot there was children present. I'll tone it down a little!" he laughed. "Okay, next up is… Seiichiro and Yuuto. Yuuto, you a teenage girl trying to tell Seiichiro, your conservative Catholic mother, that you are pregnant."
There were a few sniggers at this, but the two men stood up gamely, exchanged glances, daring the other to go first then finally, nodded.
Seiichiro pulled a seat into the middle of the circle and sat down, miming reading a newspaper, while Yuuto took off his jacket and shoved it up his shirt, creating a pot-belly.
"Mother dearest?" Yuuto asked.
"Yes dear?" Seiichiro replied, in a bad falsetto.
"I've got something… to tell you…" Yuuto stammered, doing an overdramatic impression of shivering.
"What is it dear? Is it about that A minus you got last semester? Don't worry, darling, I'm sure you'll do better next time."
"N-no," Yuuto replied.
Seiichiro looked up, doing quite a good job of keeping a straight face. "Spit it out dear."
"I-I'm pregnant!" he couldn't stand it anymore and bent over, laughing.
Meanwhile, Seiichiro threw a falsetto hissy-fit. "How could you do this to us?! I thought you loved us! And we raised you so well! My daughter is a whore! A whore!! Please tell me you plan to marry the man!"
"His name is Akito, and yes, I want to marry him. I shall be his seventh wife, and entertain him on Tuesdays. We shall move to the Bahamas and be happy. We shall call the baby Moonchild III."
General hysteria spread over the room and Seiichiro screamed in a particularly ear-piercing way, "That's it! You're getting an abortion!"
"And you call yourself Catholic!" Yuuto laughed.
"I'm sorry, but it was the part about being Tuesday's wife which got to me!" Seiichiro countered, his voice returned to its normal range and shaking with laughter.
"Okay! Now you're getting into it!" Tony congratulated them. Let's see if the rest of you can do the same! Next it… Natuku and Kakyou. Nataku, you're trying to get Kakyou, your boyfriend, to say he loves you, and you, Kakyou, are trying to get Nataku, your girlfriend, to sleep with you."
"But I don't want to go out with Kakyou!" Nataku said, emotionlessly. "He smells like medicine and sleeps all the time."
"Well, I don't want to attempt to seduce a genderless, emotionless bioroid either," Kakyou replied wryly, "but I suppose since my first choice of girlfriend couldn't make it today…" he shot a glance at Seishirou, who beamed back at him.
"Do I have to do it?" Nataku glanced at Fuuma. He nodded, not taking his eyes off Kakyou, who was looking amaemic, as per usual.
"And… action!" Tony called.
"Say you love me."
"Only if you have sex with me."
"Okay." Nataku started stripping off.
"Hey, hey, hey! There are minors present!" Tony laughed. "And what kind of a girl would give in that easily? For that matter, what kind of a boy would use that as a pick up line?"
Subaru glanced at Seishirou. Seishirou glanced at Subaru. Subaru looked away carefully.
"Pardon me for not putting more energy into it, but my glucose drip doesn't seem to have kicked in," Kakyou replied, sounding tired, as Nataku, who had only removed his shirt, put it back on.
"Okay, Seishirou, you arrived late, here's a silly one for you. You are a dying cockroach."
"A what?" For a moment there, the mask slipped, and Subaru could see the irritated Sakurazukamori underneath Seishirou's smiling exterior.
"A dying cockroach."
The mask was adjusted and the beaming persona surfaced. "I see." Seishirou stepped into the middle of the circle, clutched his chest dramatically and fell flat on his back, ignoring the fact he was wearing an expensive suit, and writhed, with full leg action, before finally lying still.
There was stunned silence, as those who'd actually witnessed death previously noted both Seishirou's facial expression and death-throes to be particularly realistic.
Then the director clapped slowly. "I hate to see how many cockroaches you had to torture just to practice that."
Seishirou smiled. "No cockroaches."
"Oh, so you killed ants as a kid," Tony nodded, knowingly.
"You could say that."
"Okay," Tony said, turning back to the rest of the nervous group as Seishirou sat down. "Kamui and Arashi, you are a pair of hostage negotiators and Karen, you a psychopath with a gun, holding Sorata hostage."
Everyone winced at the sound of this, and all eyes flicked towards Kamui, who remained stubbornly poker-faced. "Fine," he said, getting up. The others reluctantly stepped into the circle.
"Sorry, whispered Karen to Sorata, giving him an awkward smile, before seizing him from behind and holding a finger 'gun' to his head, bellowing, "nobody move or the kid gets it!"
"Help me, nee-chan, help me!" Sorata bleated, meanwhile enjoying the fact that Karen's breasts were being shoved into his back.
Arashi rolled her eyes. "This is the police. We understand you have problems, do you want to talk about them?"
"Damn right, I have problems," Karen declared, "but they're none of your business."
"What do you want?" Kamui asked, giving her a cool glance, while Sorata wiggled cheerfully.
"Huh?"
"Well, you've captured a hostage, now what? Are you planning to do anything with him or are you just wasting our time?"
"I'll kill him! And then I'll kill you! All of you! And I'll set the city on fire, so it'll be cleansed by flame!" Karen laughed, a psychotic glint in her eye.
"Nice," Tony commented.
Kamui opened his mouth but Arashi quickly stepped in. "Are you sure you don't have anything on your mind you don't want to talk about? Why do you want to do this?"
"Because blood and fire is pretty," Karen giggled.
Sorata started looking worried. "Nee-chan, I can't see her face, is she still acting?"
"Of course I'm acting," Karen said, reassuringly, stroking his face in a way that may Arashi frown.
"Phew, that's a relief, for a moment there I thought you'd lost it," Sorata commented, before sinking back into character.
"Help! Help! Is there no one who'll help me? I don't want to die! I knew I was supposed to die for a woman, but not this way!"
"Don't worry, you can be a human shield," Karen said, comfortingly, "because I think the nice police officer over there is losing his temper." She gestured in the general direction of Kamui.
"That's it. Either kill him and be done with it or make a demand. If you don't, we'll just shoot you."
"You can't do that!" Arashi said, shocked. "You'll kill the hostage."
"That's the best way to deal with hostage negotiating," Kusanagi called, "shoot the hostage through the shoulder. She's holding him in such a way it'd go straight into her heart, and while she's falling, two to the body, two to the head."
Yuzuriha looked at him in surprise and he shrugged. "I'm in the army, it's my job to be violent."
Arashi looked startled and decided to integrate it into the skit, as the director didn't seem to be bothered by this interruption. "Uh… our radio back-up says to send in a sniper, Kamui. That'd be you, I suppose."
Kamui looked left and right, reached into his pocket, pulled out a crumpled ball of paper and threw it at Karen's head.
"Pow," he said, lamely.
"Ugh! You got me!" Karen said, ignoring the fact that had she really been shot she'd be in no position to speak, and slumped to the ground.
"Yay! Nee-chan saved me! My hero!" Sorata bounced up to Arashi and glomped onto her arm.
She looked at him irritably and shook her arm. "Get off me."
They all looked at Tony, who laughed and said, "Okay, you can sit back down again. Not bad, although audience intervention isn't really supposed to happen, but never mind. Next up… Kusanagi, you're an obnoxious customer and Subaru, you're a lazy sales assistant. And action!"
"Oi, salesman," Kusanagi ordered, "I was wondering if you could help me."
"Probably," Subaru replied.
There was a pause.
"Well?"
"You asked if I could help you, not for me to help you."
"Well, would you?"
"Yeah, I guess. What do you need."
"An icecream scoop," Kusanagi improvised.
"Eisle three, second on the right, after the toothpaste display," Subaru said in a bored monotone. "Anything else?"
"Well, I've been there, and I just can't decide. Can you tell me a bit about them."
"Yeah, they're all good, there's some which are cheaper than others and some which are better than others, it's a matter of finding the good ones."
"Well, could you help me with that?"
Subaru glared at him and stood up, stretching his arms and groaning. "Yeah well, this is a good one."
"Does it do anything?"
"It scoops icecream."
"Anything else?"
"No, why would it?"
"Well, I was looking for a cute one. One which makes noises or looks pretty or something."
"Why in the hell would you want something like that?"
"It's for a present."
"For a weirdo." Subaru sighed. "We've got this one, its handle is shaped like a cow head and it moos when you use it.
Will that do?"
"Heavens no, she's lactose intolerant," Kusanagi smirked. "She'd think I was trying to poison her or something."
Subaru glared at him. "We don't have any scoops shaped like soy beans making vegetation sound effects, sir, we're just a supermarket, not a junk store. Try next door."
"Oh, I've tried there, they're too expensive," Kusanagi simpered, changing tactics and trying on an annoying voice.
"How much were you looking to spend," Subaru asked, through gritted teeth.
"Oh, less than 2000 yen."
"I don't think you'll find anything, and even if you did, you'd still need to buy batteries."
"Batteries?" Kusanagi asked, shocked.
"What did you think they'd run on, solar power?"
"Oh, that's a good idea, is there one like that?"
"No. Goodbye."
Subaru walked off, leaving Kusanagi calling, "But now what am going to buy?!"
"Ready-scooped icecream is in the dairy isle, have a nice day."
Everyone clapped, because it was simple and it worked. And, believe it or not, they were actually reasonably convincing, although most of the acting on Subaru's part was largely due to apparent nicotine cravings making him crabby.
"Now you're getting the hang of it," Tony crowed, enthusiastically. "You're up last, Fuuma and Yuzuriha, think you can out do them? Yuzuriha, you're a Jehovah's witness going door-knocking, and Fuuma, you're a pissed off Satanist, who she's trying to convert. And, action!"
Yuzuriha mimed knocking on the door. "Hellooooo!" she chirped. Inuki barked. She decided to go for the Univeral Preacher's Greeting to Those From Other Religions (universal to every religion which believes that anyone who isn't a member of their religion is wrong). "You're going to hell, you know!"
"Yes, I know," Fuuma smiled smoothly, sprawling against an invisible door-frame. "May I help you?"
"Have you considered the welfare of your soul?"
"Which one?"
"Huh?" Yuzuriha blinked, looking confused.
"Come on in, it's pointless to talk in the doorway," Fuuma gestured at her to enter and she did so, looking around.
"Don't mind that body over there, I think he's probably only sleeping," Fuuma called over his shoulder. "Now, would you like a drink?"
"Uh… yes please."
"Sit yourself down, I'll just be a moment."
"Nice décor you've got," Yuzuriha said, nervously, sitting down and gesturing for Inuki to jump on her lap, "lots of stars."
"They're pentacles and arcane marks, honouring Satan my lord and master," Fuuma replied, returning miming holding a glass. "Here you go."
Yuzuriha mimed taking a sip. "It's good, what is it?"
"Blood wine," Yuzuriha choked, "left over from last night's Black Sabbath. Now, you were talking about souls. Was it mine you were after or one of the many in my possession."
Yuzuriha laughed nervously. "Yours, I think, you can work on your friends later."
"And were you offering anything specific for it?"
"Uh… peace on earth, happiness and you get to go to heaven."
Fuuma considered. "Nah. Boring. Anything better?"
"You won't have to go to hell to burn horribly and be one of the unrighteous smited on Judgement Day," Yuzuriha proclaimed.
"Listen, if I go to hell it'd be to my summer house there, I've got quite an estate and lordship waiting for me there, and by the way, your God is a pussy and there's no way Satan won't win against him on Judgement Day, and anything your side says is just naïve propaganda. But, while on the subject of souls, how is yours doing? It'd be all pure, untarnished… and I daresay that you were raised in a religious family, am I correct?" Fuuma leaned closer and Yuzuriha backed away, nervously.
"Y-yes."
"A pure soul is a very valuable thing, now, isn't it? So pretty, for my… collection," Fuuma stroked her hair and Yuzuriha let out a squeak, her eyes like that of a rabbit's reflecting an oncoming truck.
Inuki started growling at Fuuma, who ignored him, mimed pulling out a knife and raised an arm ominously. Yuzuriha screamed, leapt back and burst into tears and Inuki leapt in the gap between Yuzuriha and Fuuma, barking and baring his teeth.
"Stop it!" Kamui shouted, standing up and making towards Yuzuriha, who Karen was already comforting. "That wasn't funny."
"I was only acting, Kamui, you take everything too seriously," Fuuma said, his voice in Kamui's ear as the space between them was suddenly bridged. Kamui found his cheek being stroked by Fuuma and leapt back, angrily.
"Well, he was pretty convincing," Tony said, looking both amused and dismayed by the way things had turned out. He gave Fuuma a slightly admiring look and said, "Tone it down, okay? But that was good, I must say." He turned to Yuzuriha. "Don't worry, it wasn't real. That's the thing with acting, it can seem that way, but he didn't really mean it, just remember that."
"Yes he did," she hiccupped, but her tears were already drying up and she bent down and hugged Inuki, who licked her face comfortingly.
"Maybe we should get on with the actual auditioning," Tony decided, considering the scene in front of him. "Have you all brought your scripts?" Everyone nodded dutifully.
"Okay, we'll have a short break, and then we'll jump right into it. I'll just be out to have a smoke, during which time, I believe the producer, Hito Shigure, wishes to speak to you all as a group."
Shigure, who had been waiting at the door, nodded and entered, as Tony walked out towards the reception.
"I've calculated the potential profits from this venture, and unless sales are very good, there is no way that this venture will cover the entirety of the damage bills," he announced.
"Oh, that's a relief, that means we don't have to do this after all," Seiichiro said.
"No, nothing like that. You are now legally bound to do this play, but that's not all. The extra money must be made up by you, in any way possible. I urge you all to undertake some form of work to pay for it all before the end of the financial year. That is all." And with that, he walked out, ignoring the general uproar that this statement had brought.
"So, how did they take it?" Tony asked, flicking ash into the wind.
"I believe they wish to kill me," Shigure replied.
"Oh? Is that all? Well, that's no problem then, you've got the necessary protection, don't you?"
"Against magic, yes, but one of them is from the army and I don't know if I could survive ten rounds from an assault rifle in the chest."
"I suggest you start wearing a Kevlar vest," Tony said, nonchalantly, breathing out a line of smoke. "I really can't bring myself to care for your problems, considering I've just realized what I've got myself into."
"Finally-"
"Not one of them is an outstanding actor."
Shigure's mouth opened and closed.
"They aren't bad, and some of them are quite good, but none of them has the talent needed to perform nationally for this kind of event. I've got a mammoth task ahead of me."
Shigure considered. "Tony-san, either you've got nerves of steel or you're an idiot."
Tony laughed. "I wouldn't say nerves of steel, more like morality of mercury: liquid and hazardous to your health."
"So what was it you were getting them all to do anyway? Make idiots of themselves?"
"Well, that too, but it was to gauge the way they act as a group and their personalities. Know thy enemy, and even when acting, it's amazing how much of yourself you put into roles, especially improvisation. I think I've got a pretty good handle on the situation, now… but we'd better continue this later, time's almost up and I'd better return to the group."
"Good luck. I think you need it more than ever now."
Skipsida's Note
Was there much of a point to this chapter other than mindless humiliation of the cast? Actually... yes. It was a drama warm-up and there's nothing like humiliating yourself in front of the people you're going to work with to break the ice, especially when they do likewise. Furthermore, people put into improvisation depends on the person in question, so it can be quite revealing. And, finally... well, Tony is an empath... just watching interaction at all is interesting to him...