Summary: When unrequited love shifts jealousy into blind rage, Seiji finds himself displaced.

Ryo/Seiji yaoi Drama R

Warning: This story contains yaoi which is male/male sex. Please do not read if such ideas upset you. Please use your good judgment. This fiction also contains violence and descriptive sex scenes. Consider yourself forewarned.

Rated R for violence, strong language and sexual situations.

Disclaimer: "Yoroiden Samurai Troopers" does not belong to me. God, how I wish it did...


To Have and Have Not
by Libellule


Chapter two: Circles







The sky was turning from fiery pinks into the purples of twilight when Ryo stepped outside into the nightfall. He shivered as the cold air stung at the dampness of his hair and skin. Wordlessly, he chose a direction and went off in search of Seiji.

Anger was one of his stronger emotions and it frightened him that he could feel such a deep rage. Nasuti had almost succeeded in goading him into violence. That woman was insane-- she had gone too far this time.

An unsettling sensation pricked around his heart-- Ryo felt sick inside. Her words had formed a nasty ache that gnawed at his innermost fears. Was he like that? Were her accusations based in truth?


Seiji was where Ryo thought he would be, in his meditation spot, which meant he wanted to be found-- which meant he was really upset. His eyes weren't closed, but he didn't look up as Ryo approached him.

Ryo crouched beside him, studying his features. Always steeling himself, always warring with his emotions, struggling to keep them in check, Seiji's face was unreadable. Years of psychological abuse under his father had taken its toll. The only hint of emotion came from what Ryo could garner from his visible eye. He was worried about Seiji and what might happen someday if he snapped.

You okay? Ryo asked.

Seiji nodded and let himself be kissed on the cheek.

You do know I love you, don't you? Ryo said, placing a hand on his shoulder. Seiji's head lowered and he closed his eyes, nodding too slightly to be affirmation. Ryo wished Seiji would look at him-- he felt something was horribly, horribly wrong.

Please, if you won't say something, at least look at me.

Seiji would not look at him, but said almost too calmly, There was truth in her words.

Ryo shook his head vehemently, No, Seiji, she--.

I am like ice to your fire. He stated flatly.

Ryo made a strangled sound of frustration.

I'm not easy to love. Seiji murmured. No one has ever loved me before... I would understand if you could not either.

Withdrawing his touch, Ryo dropped his hand from Seiji's shoulder and sat back on his heels.

His voice was low, but firm. Do you doubt my integrity so much that you would believe her over me?

Raising his eyes from the ground, Seiji looked at him, startled. I don't doubt you...

Ryo prompted, holding his gaze, not allowing him to look away.

But, I'm... terrified.

It came out in a whisper. Color drained from his face, the unsettling pangs around his heart flaring up. You're afraid of me.

Seiji said quickly. Not of you... I'm frightened of this love, Ryo.

Ryo stared at him, obviously not understanding.

Speaking rapidly, painfully extracting the words from his heart, he uttered, I'm afraid it will go away-- I'm afraid that if I accept this love into my heart, you'll break it--. Seiji paused then, the words such an effort, such an obvious struggle to release. --that if I let you fill that void inside of me, the pain of its absence will be more than I can stand...

Ryo crawled ahead, reaching out gently touching his shoulders, a smile breaking at his lips.

Love is a risk, Seiji. I can't promise you anything, but I think we're worth the risk.

Seiji smiled, but turned away.

I won't abandon you. Ryo reached up and touched his face, brushing the blond hair from his eyes.


Seiji noticed that Ryo was shivering, though he was trying his best to hide it.

Ryo, come here. Seiji pulled Ryo against him, his back to his chest. Seiji rubbed his hands along Ryo's arms and shoulders, trying to warm him. You shouldn't be outside with wet hair.

Ryo sniffled and said, I know.

Come on, let's get you home.

Unwilling to move, Ryo leaned back heavily against Seiji. But this is so nice.

Seiji just smirked and continued to massage warmth into his limbs.

You know, Ryo began seriously, I would never hurt you...

Chances are if you hurt me, I probably would deserve it. Seiji remarked casually.

I'd never force you to do anything... As Ryo said this he felt Seiji tense. For a moment, he thought he'd said something wrong until he realized that Seiji's attention was diverted elsewhere.

They were not alone.



Ryo stood, then helped Seiji to his feet. They scanned the dark forest for signs of the intruder.

Seiji muttered. Sure enough, the warrior of Darkness revealed himself from the shadows.

What are you doing here? Seiji asked.

You were in such distress the last time we met. Though he spoke to Seiji, Anubis glared at Ryo, whose frown deepened as the Masho stepped forward. I wondered how you were fairing.

His voice said one thing, but his eyes said another. Ryo knew a secret dialogue was going on between them.

Seiji's tone was clipped.

I am relieved that you are well. Anubis said finally after an uneasy silence.

I'll bet. Ryo muttered under his breath. He was by Seiji's shoulder, placing a protective hand at the small of his back, staring Anubis down.

Obviously, I have interrupted. Anubis turned to fade back to his darkness. Another time, perhaps.


When he was gone, Ryo said, I don't trust him.

Seiji said nothing, walking with Ryo towards the house.

Ryo frowned. I don't like the way he looks at you.

Seiji faltered a step. And how is that?

Like he covets you. Ryo scowled.

Ryo, it's really very sweet of you to be jealous.

Ryo said incredulously. I'm not jealous of you and Anubis.

Seiji smiled, but didn't say anything more.

I'm not! He insisted. But I'll be damned if I'll just sit around and watch him threaten you.

He's not--.

Ryo interrupted, let me protect you, okay?

Slinging an arm around his waist, Seiji guided Ryo back to the house, a grin playing at his lips.

But the smile faded as he recalled the unspoken words snaking in Anubis' dark eyes.

:You betrayed me with a kiss.:


************************************************************************



Are you sure you guys don't want to come with us? Shuu asked as he hunched to tie his sneakers. We can make room for you two in the Jeep.

No, that's okay. Ryo replied, We don't really feel up to it.

That's too bad. Shuu stood, slinging a duffle bag over his shoulder. ...'cause after we drop Nasuti off at the train station, we're going to that Italian place in the city-- they make the best pizza this side of Tokyo!

Come on, Shuu! Hurry up with those bags! Shin hollered from outside. If we don't leave now, Nasuti will miss her train!

Later, Ryo. Shuu said as he scrambled out the door.

Ryo grinned as he watched Shuu attempt to shove the last bag into the overcrowded Jeep, while arguing with Shin, who was yelling at him for making them late. Touma beeped the horn, impatiently, telling them both to shut up and get the hell in. Sitting in the passenger seat, Nasuti merely adjusted her sun hat, ignoring their oafishness altogether.


Everyone in the house had heard last night's outburst. And it was no surprise when Nasuti had come downstairs in the morning announcing that she was going to spend the next two weeks at her parent's home. Humiliated, she decided that time away would do her some good. Nasuti had asked if someone could drive her to the train station and pick her up again in two weeks and naturally the boys obliged her. Ryo and Seiji declined to join the others, but after last night, no one had expected them to.


Ryo chuckled again as he watched the jeep finally peal out of the driveway and down the street, out of view.

Sighing contentedly, he turned and walked towards the kitchen where Seiji was at the table, leafing through the newspaper he'd been reading last night. Ryo leaned in the doorway, pausing to study how the sweep of Seiji's hair revealed the nape of his neck, a tender place where his skin was soft and his response was quick-- how his limbs rested in such a state of grace, the curve of his back, strong and alluring-- Suddenly, it occurred to Ryo that they were alone.

Alone together for the very first time.

A pang of nervousness laced his insides.


Coolly, Ryo entered the room, bowing to kiss the top of Seiji's head, Hey, Seiji.

Seiji glanced up, smiling at him, then returned back to his reading.

Sitting across from him, Ryo fidgeted uncomfortably in his chair.

What's on your mind, Ryo? Seiji asked, not looking up from the paper.

Ryo stuttered. His mouth was dry. His tongue, unthinkably huge, stuck to the roof of his mouth. Well, actually--. He stopped, changing his mind, swallowing with difficulty. No, forget it.

Just ask me. Seiji said, putting down the paper, looking at him.

Not the eyes. Ryo thought. Please, not the scrutiny of his eyes.

Well, I--. Ryo blushed, clearly fazed. He dropped his gaze into his lap. He direly need a glass of water. That is, we've--.


Feeling hands on his shoulders, Ryo realized that Seiji was standing before him. His smile was slight, but his eyes were mischievous.

Maddeningly slow, Seiji arched his body downward, straddling Ryo's lap.

Ryo managed a look of surprise, but nothing more than that as Seiji pulled him into a fervent kiss. His right hand gripped Ryo's shirt, but his left hand pushed something small into Ryo's palm that he'd retrieved from his shirt pocket.

Wrenching himself away, Seiji stood leaving Ryo breathless. I think that's what you meant to say. He smiled coyly and deserted the kitchen without so much as a backward glance.

Ryo stared after him perplexed. What the hell was that?

The small object Seiji had placed in his hand crackled as he unclenched his fist. As Ryo looked at the item, he dropped back into his chair, astounded.

It was a condom.


Ryo caught up with Seiji in the stairway. He advanced behind him, grabbing Seiji by the waist.

I was wondering when you were coming... Seiji commented wryly.

Ryo stopped Seiji right there on the steps, spinning him around, kissing Seiji into silence.

Simply amazed by how well Seiji knew him already, Ryo wanted to know Seiji, he wanted to know him more intimately than his skin. Ryo wanted to possess him, to be possessed by him.


Taking Seiji's two hands to his lips, Ryo kissed each tenderly, memorizing the shape of his knuckles. The gentle warmth in his hands molded Ryo to him. He felt Seiji's pulse, beating softly and steadily and Ryo knew it was the rhythm he wanted to move to for the rest of his life.

Come upstairs. Seiji whispered.

Ryo nodded, but would not let go, could not detach himself from the heat of Seiji's skin.

Seiji's voice shimmered with soft laughter as Ryo's lips tickled his skin. He withdrew from Ryo's grasp, enticing him up the stairs.

When Seiji made it to the landing, Ryo trapped him against the wall between his arms. Blue eyes scrutinizing, Ryo examined Seiji intimately, trying to find the borders of his entity, attempting to unravel the elusive mystery of his essence.

A spark in Seiji's eyes divulged him-- exposed his secrets, if only for an instant.


Ryo kissed Seiji's cheek, easing his mouth down his neck, relishing in the taste of his skin. He felt Seiji's breath catch, a soft tremble in his throat.

Taking him by the hand, Ryo ushered Seiji into his bedroom, not quite closing the door behind them.

Seiji stood beside his bed, slowly unbuttoning his shirt, letting it fall from his shoulders in a graceful decent.

That simple gesture ignited Ryo. Suddenly, there was no time for memorizing and savoring. Ryo wanted him-- needed him-- now.

They moved furiously, their motions clumsy and ungraceful. Ryo tore at his clothes as he not so much kissed Seiji as devoured his mouth. When he freed himself from his shirt, he quickly pushed Seiji down, forcing him onto the bed.

Looking down at Seiji laying beneath him, Ryo leaned forward, hovering just shy of a kiss.

Seiji, I love you.

Gently, Seiji put a finger to Ryo's lips and shook his head. Don't say that. He whispered. Not now when you might not mean it.

Ryo opened his mouth to protest, but Seiji silenced him again.

What I meant is that we are still new to each other.

Ryo smiled at Seiji's choice of words and kissed him again, letting a tide of fervor entwine them, one merging into the other until there were no boundaries, only circles and circles of fire.


Advancing on top, Ryo looked down into Seiji's face, searching his eyes. He took his mouth in a long, ardent kiss while gently urging his thighs wider, fingers reaching beneath to caress him.

Seiji inhaled sharply as he felt Ryo's touch invade him. He writhed against him, arching his body in response, ... please.

Sliding his hands down to Seiji's hips, caressing the bone beneath the flesh, Ryo bent to place his mouth there, groping the skin with his lips. Ryo trailed lower, his hot mouth encompassing around Seiji's aroused shaft.

A soft gasp escaping his lips, Seiji fought to keep his hips from raising off the bed impatiently, seeking the indulgences of Ryo's mouth. Digging his fingers into the sheets, Seiji gripped the fabric tightly in a vain attempt to get ahold of something.

Before Ryo's tongue alone pulled Seiji over the edge, he abruptly stopped and knelt up on his hands and knees over Seiji.

Panting hard, Seiji nearly growled with disbelief. ...Ryo, please.

He smiled, and pressed a kiss to his cheek. Not yet. Ryo murmured into his skin.

As he kissed Seiji afresh on his lips, he once again pushed his fingers inside, preparing him for what he so desperately wanted.

I want... Seiji heard Ryo utter incompletely as he lay over him, his arousal prodded against Seiji's thigh. Do you trust me to...?

And Ryo paused there, for it was a real question-- a real concern. His blue eyes sought consent.

Seiji whispered hoarsely. Shifting himself, reclining back against the mattress, legs spread into a more accomodating position, he murmured again,


Nervous, Ryo took a breath. His heart was pounding in his chest-- so loudly he was sure that Seiji could hear it too. If he could, Seiji showed no signs of it. He lay there, disheveled and so beautiful, breathing slightly labored as he waited for Ryo. Trailing his hands over the flat surface of Seiji's stomach, up over the solid muscles of his chest and then back down, Ryo felt a wild rush. His hands gripped Seiji's hips, lifting...

Thoughts evaporating, he lost it again-- wanton emotion coming in a quick haste that blocked out all other logic except lust. He couldn't think-- couldn't discern any reason other than his own desperate want.

Swept up in the turbulent tide of his need, Ryo pushed himself inside, the condom unused on the night stand beside his bed.


Seiji wrenched his eyes shut, barely holding back a cry of pain. His breathing came in controlled, tight gasps.

Ryo supported himself with one hand, and with the other caressed Seiji's cheek. He tried to be gentle, but he couldn't control his impatience.

You all right? He asked as Seiji winced.

Seiji murmured. Ryo paused trying to clear his head to think. He began to move away, but Seiji held a hand at his waist. ...just slower, Ryo.

Except, Ryo surged forward, thrusting himself deeper inside and in the same instant, as Seiji couldn't help but screamed out in pain, Ryo silenced him with a kiss. He stayed there while Seiji trembled against his lips.

Ryo lulled. He murmured soothing, nonsensical things to him as he slowly built up a rhythm. Pace quickly increasing, he lost himself in the motion. There was no stopping-- Ryo needed to satisfy the ache-- the burn of lust seething within him.


Something lurched inside-- and Seiji consciously let go of his control and placed his trust in Ryo. The pain started to turn into an ache and then twisted suddenly into enrapturing pleasure. Seiji gasped at the vision blearing sensation. Couldn't take it-- felt too much, wanted too many things at once-- he drove forward to meet Ryo's thrusts, his desire just as great.

Abruptly, he stilled-- the world suddenly turning white and noiseless-- then shuddered in the throes of passion as the world came crashing back almost painfully loud. Seiji heard Ryo cry out, but felt him stiffen, felt him inside, spilling out, quivering intensely, stilling, his skin grating against his own, withdrawing--

All of a sudden he realized that Ryo was speaking to him.



Ryo gave a worried glance and said, I asked if you were all right?

Smiling despite himself, Seiji replied, Of course.

Placing a kiss very tenderly on his lips, Ryo pulled back and whispered, Seiji, I love you. Then he rested his head on Seiji's chest, wrapping his arms around him, and heard very gently as he drifted off to sleep, I love you too, Ryo.


*********************************************************************


Sunlight cut a warm path across the tangled mess of sheets as Ryo and Seiji slept soundly on the bed. Seiji opened his eyes slowly. From the light pouring into the room, Seiji knew it was late afternoon.

Regretfully, he had to move. The others would be back soon. Seiji canted his head slightly towards Ryo, who was curled against his side, his soft breath teasing his skin.

Seiji whispered, kissing his ear lobe. We have to get up.

He moaned, but made no attempt to move.

It's late. Seiji said, propping himself up.

Ryo snaked an arm around Seiji's waist, keeping the blond in place. Let them find us.

Seiji smiled and said as he stood, removing himself from Ryo's grasp, I think I'd rather take a shower.

Ryo grinned. Can I come?

Seiji looked down at him, and commented, You already did.


Ryo stretched out onto his side, propping his head on his hand as he watched Seiji gather his clothes and leave his room.

Our room now, he corrected himself. Ryo's smile broadened-- he couldn't help it-- Well, it had been pretty damn fantastic. He covered his dopey grin with his hand. It's gonna be really tough, Ryo thought, keeping this a secret.

Flopping back on his bed, satiated, Ryo sighed. As much as he wanted to lie right where he was, he knew Seiji was right, and he had to get up before the others returned. It was important to Seiji that they keep their relationship low key and Ryo wanted to respect that.

Listening to the sound of running water, Ryo forced himself to rise. He pulled the sheets up, trying to remember if he had bothered to make his bed this morning. It seemed so long ago now. Ryo decided it didn't matter.

He caught sight of his disheveled reflection in the mirror as he crossed the room.

Ryo, you'd better get that foolish grin off your face or they're going to know you got laid. He said to himself. And you might want to put some clothes on.

Ryo pulled on his discarded jeans from the floor, and searched about for his shirt as he wondered when they might have a chance to be alone together again.



*********************************************************************


The spray of water was hot and soothing and Seiji did not want to step out of it. Reluctantly, he knew he had to. Seiji was not prone to taking showers in the middle of the afternoon and the others would be returning from the city within the hour.

Cutting off the water, Seiji stepped out of the shower into the steam filled bathroom. He leaned against the sink, letting the water drip from his soaked body. The mirror had clouded with condensation, and he smeared clear a path so he could look at himself.

Seiji studied his reflection. He looked the same, but was he really? He'd just let himself be taken by another man-- It was not something he had thought too much about before.

God, what was that? He thought. A tsunami.

Ryo was indeed a tidal wave-- one that had completely flooded his senses. Or better still, altogether paralyzed his mind. He'd never felt that way before-- losing himself so completely.

Truly a wildfire, his intensity wielding a pleasure pain that was all encompassing, Ryo consumed everything he touched. That afternoon, Seiji had given over his control to Ryo-- something that thrilled him and at the same moment scared him beyond measure.

A loud rap on the bathroom door startled Seiji out of his thoughts.

Are you okay in there? Ryo asked from the other side.

Just-- just give me a moment. Seiji answered as he grabbed a towel and hastily dried himself off. He pulled his clothes on quickly, and with a final look in the mirror, he joined Ryo in the hall.


Hey, darling. Ryo said, leaning to kiss his damp cheek. Everything okay?

Seiji nodded and smiled. Everything would be all right.

Come on, Ryo said grasping his hand. The afternoon movie just started and it's James Bond! And I'll make the pop corn, you don't have to do anything...

Seiji laughed softly as Ryo ushered him down the stairs. Ryo could be really adorable when he wanted to be.


***************************************************************


Nearly forty-five minutes into GoldenEye, the front door opened and Touma, Shin and Shuu came bursting in.

Hey Seiji. How's it going? Shuu asked, leaning over the back of the couch.

Seiji put a finger to his lips and pointed down at Ryo, who was fast asleep. His body was prone across the couch with his head resting in Seiji's lap.

We brought you guys back some pizza. Shin whispered, placing the box on the coffee table.

Ryo asked groggily. ...I'm starved. Yawning, he sat up and opened the box, helping himself to a slice of extra cheese.

Ryo, you're getting as bad as Shuu! Shin laughed.

Hey, there's nothing wrong with a healthy appetite. Shuu defended. Mouth full, Ryo nodded in agreement and offered a slice to Shuu.

There is when your pants don't fit! Shin teased him.

Hey! This is all muscle! He protested.

Oh, not that again. Touma said, sliding next to Seiji on the couch. Ignoring the banter between Shin and Shuu, he turned to the blond, making an attempt at civilized conversation, and asked, So, what did you two do while we were out?

Nothing much, Seiji remarked casually. He did not want to lie to Touma, but he would in this case.

Suddenly, Shuu yelled, Okay the gloves are coming off! and proceeded to chase Shin, who held the pizza box captive, around the kitchen. For once, Seiji was glad to have the diversion of Shin and Shuu's antics, as Touma became distracted and did not pry further into how their afternoon had been spent.

To be continued in chapter three...


******

Author's note:

I apologize for the lateness of this chapter. This was the hardest thing to write-- I struggled with how far I should censor myself for ff.net and came up with a compromise of sorts.

Great, big, HUGE thank yous to every single person who reviewed-- you have no idea the motivation and happiness it sent to me. That said, oh please don't stop! *grins*

Chapter three brings the return of Nasuti... hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. And for all you Anubis fans-- just you wait-- it's gonna knock your socks off!

Please pester me with e-mails to get my lazy self to post chapter three more sooner than later. ^_~

Li_bell_ule@yahoo.com
http://thedragonflysleeps.tripod.com