Chapter 10
The last hours before sunrise stretched themselves almost making time stand still. Narnia had not been able to escape the haunting feeling of her dream and she had spent the remainder of the night in thought, trying to gain new perspective on what the vision could mean. She paced the floor mostly, muttering to herself to keep a train of thought, only stopping when realizing the idea was impossible. She would sit down next to the fire for a moment and then return to her pacing, thinking the problem over again. Glancing up, briefly, she had noticed some of her students' papers lying on her desk. Today was a full day of teaching for her and it would be a struggle to make it through, working on so little sleep and her mind already overworked. "At least it's Friday," she mumbled.
Narnia arrived at breakfast early. The hot shower had recharged her momentarily, but the picture from her dream kept flashing through her mind. At the Head Table, it had taken her uncle several attempts to draw her from her thoughts.
"Narnia," he stated, his hand upon her shoulder.
Narnia looked up at him and noticed the inquisitive concern displayed on Dumbledore's face. She realized several other professors had looked in her direction as well, slightly curious as to what would keep her so deep in thought.
"Sorry, sir. My mind was somewhere else just now. I do apologize," Narnia offered.
"Do not make yourself uneasy my dear. I just wished to say 'Good morning'," Dumbledore replied.
Narnia smiled back at him, replying almost apologetically, "Good morning." She looked at the food displayed on the table, all of it looking wonderful, but none of it tempting her appetite. Knowing she must eat something, she grabbed a pastry and washed it down with some pumpkin juice. She got up to leave from the table, wanting to spend the time before her first class focusing her thoughts and energy on her lessons. She barely noticed that Snape had just approached the Head Table and she offered him nothing more than a quick "Good morning, Professor," as she departed the Hall. Despite her attempts, Narnia found it hard to set aside the memory of the dream the night before and it would creep back into her mind at the most inopportune moments. The day's schedule was painstaking and she was happy to see its end. She had skipped lunch, hoping to catch a quick nap, but each time she closed her eyes, pictures of him would flash through her mind. Trying to purge herself of these visions was even more tiring and she eventually gave up, reminding herself that there were only two more classes to go.
With the burden of the day's tasks over, Narnia did feel a sense of relief and was able to enjoy the evening meal. Her uncle had patted her on the shoulder as he passed by, making his way to his seat. She returned his gesture with a faint smile and resumed filling her glass. After finishing her meal, a good night's sleep was all she could think of and the sooner she could return to her room, the better. With her energy focused elsewhere, she had completely forgotten that she was to meet Snape in his office that evening.
Returning to her chambers, Narnia closed the door and leaned against it, laying her head back and sighing in relief. She stood there for a moment, allowing the door to support her. In all her memory, she couldn't think of a day that went on longer. She was glad to see its end. Standing up again, she made her way across the room, unfastening her robes as she went. Laying them across the back of her chair, her eyes met the unreturned Potions book lying on the table. "Will this day never end?" she said aloud.
Taking a deep breath, Narnia left her rooms and headed for Snape's office. As she made her way through the corridors, she couldn't help but think of herself as a wounded, defenseless animal, walking into its predator's lair. She could muster no defense and he would sense this, and use it to his advantage. Despite realizing this, she seemed not to be bothered by it. She only hoped that when Snape brought forth his verbal onslaught that she would not make any comment that she may later feel guilt for. She had arrived at his door and before entering, thought to herself. "Well, at least it will be brief. I will simply thank him for his offer, decline, and bid him good night."
Narnia knocked on the door and waited to be greeted by Snape. She waited to hear footsteps, but no sound came from within. Cautiously, she opened the door and peered in. The Potions Master was nowhere to be seen and her curiosity getting the better of her, Narnia stepped in to have a closer look. It was not as though Snape's office was warm and inviting, but it was his and the opportunity of discovering anything about him was too alluring. Now desiring the warmth of her robes, she wrapped her arms tightly around her waist and glanced around the room. Jars were lined on shelf after shelf and behind a desk, stacks of books. In the center of the room, there was a cauldron and on the table beside it, knives and measuring utensils. These items appeared to be set out for her first lesson. He had made preparations for her and refusing his assistance no longer seemed proper. It would be rude, actually, as Narnia was sure that he had other things he could be doing with his time than instructing her on things she should already know. Besides, he would be more apt to believe her sudden disinterest after one lesson than if she were to refuse before having any at all. Now all she had to do was wait for him to come back and they could begin.
Narnia walked over to the stacks of books and bending down, ran her fingers along their spines, reading each title. A fire suddenly erupted in the hearth, and turning her head, Narnia watched as Snape made his way across the room. He had not startled her, but she had realized her forwardness in entering his office in his absence. His thoughts seemed to be somewhere else and when he approached his desk, he fumbled through pieces of parchment, as if looking for something. Standing up, Narnia prepared to apologize for her intrusion, but before she could begin, Snape spoke.
"You are late." Apparently not finding what he was looking for, he walked to a smaller desk and began opening drawers. "However, from the state you have been in today, I am surprised that you are here at all." He resigned his search and lifted his head to look at Narnia, brows raised, as if waiting for an explanation.
"As am I, Professor." Before Narnia could make further reply, Snape gestured to the area of the room where the cauldron was located. Narnia proceeded to take a seat as Snape sat down immediately facing her. His close proximity didn't escape her. She felt uneasy and yet something about his nearness soothed her.
"We shall begin with a simple potion this evening, Professor," Snape stated matter-of-factly. "I have written down the ingredients and procedure." He handed Narnia the parchment that contained his notes. Narnia glanced down the page. She wondered if he would give brief instruction on reading his handwriting, and briefly smiling to herself, turned her attentions back to the Potions Master. "I will demonstrate the preparation of the ingredients and then I will leave you to perform the steps on your own." Narnia nodded her head in acknowledgement. She watched carefully as he meticulously cut up the first of the items. Though she was sure he had done this so many times he could do it with his eyes shut or in his sleep, she was impressed by the complete devotion of his attention to the task. They remained silent as Snape continued to exhibit the technique Narnia would need to use.
"Severus, why did you agree to assist me?" Narnia asked suddenly. He stopped momentarily and then returned to the final part of his task. She watched as she waited for him to answer.
"You are to finish the preparations in the manner that I have shown and complete the potion," he stated, his voice carrying almost a stillness that surprised her. He handed her the utensil he had been using and she proceeded to do as he had instructed. He watched her briefly and then took residence at his desk, attending to other matters. She wondered if her question had been too forward and she realized that in feeling a moment of easiness around him, she had perhaps overstepped her bounds. She continued her preparations.
"Your willingness to.further your understanding in this area of magic is admirable, Professor." As he spoke, Narnia stopped what she had been doing to look up at him. His focus remained on his desk, as he scratched his quill across a piece of parchment. The same stillness was present in his voice and Narnia was shocked at his forthright compliment. He continued. "If any other member of the Hogwarts' staff was to teach this class, it would be mediocre, at best. I daresay that Potions is not among their top priorities, yet their dependency upon it repeatedly shows itself. It would do them well to share your attitude." He glanced up at her briefly, his demeanor stating that the subject would not be discussed further.
Narnia directed her attentions back to the potion. Realizing that she was not the only professor at Hogwarts in need of Potions instruction encouraged her, but Snape's compliment left her determined to do well. From what she knew of him already, any kind word was not easily earned. She was now ready to begin adding ingredients to the cauldron. She was hesitant, but thought it best to gain Snape's approval before beginning. Fatigue was setting in and she would rather interrupt him than have to start all over. She leaned her head back, closing her eyes, and rolled her neck from side to side.
"Is this boring for you, Professor?"
Narnia quickly opened her eyes, only to find that Snape had approached the desk. His look was inquisitive.
"No, Professor. It has simply been a.tiresome day," Narnia replied, looking away, feeling an overwhelming sense that if she had held his stare any longer, he would surely discover the source of her exhaustion.
"Ah." Snape's tone implied disbelief. "Well, in that case, you are ready for the next step."
After adding all the ingredients and stirring the potion once before brewing, Narnia stood up and walked to the hearth. She had greeted the warmth of the fire earlier, but now it seemed to be fighting against her, draining what remaining energy she had. Her evening with Snape had turned out to be quite different than what she had expected. He had, indeed, honored her request to be professional. Conversation had been kept to a minimum and to the subject at hand, but she had felt comfortable in his presence, even among his silence. He offered his assistance when needed and kept to himself and his work at all other times. She wondered if he spent much time in the company of others, outside of staff meetings and meal times. She turned to look at him. He remained at his desk, bent over a book, reading a passage as he trailed the words with his index finger, his other hand supporting his head. She found herself absorbed in studying him. She felt drawn to him, but her feet remained rooted to the floor. He darted his eyes in her direction and she hastily turned back to the fireplace. Her heart began to race and she tried to control her breathing.
"It is my understanding that you are a member of the Order," Narnia stated, turning to look at him again. Snape closed the book and placed it on the desk. He walked over to the cauldron where her potion was brewing, glanced in, and then joined her at the fireplace. Pulling out his wand, he provided two chairs and motioned for her to sit down. She had simply expected a yes or no response and for the subject to then be closed. His reaction puzzled her. He sat down opposite her and she waited for him to speak.
"I trust that the Headmaster has pointed out to you the possible costs of your allegiance to the Order."
"Yes, he has. He made it quite clear, but on some level, I expected it." Narnia replied.
Snape eyed her for a moment, before continuing. "Tell me, Professor, as you seem to be a person of. considerable intelligence, do you think it wise to make such a commitment with so little knowledge as to what you are agreeing to?"
Narnia stared at him, before offering a reply. Disdain and condescension dripped from his words. "All the knowledge I needed to make that decision, I already had. Voldemort." Narnia stopped, noticing Snape tightening his grip on the armchair until his knuckles were white. She continued, "..had indeed returned and those willing to stand against him were joining together."
"You make it sound so simple, when it is quite complex." Snape offered, an agitation apparent in his voice.
"Perhaps you would like to explain it to me then, Professor, unless you feel that someone of your high intellectual standing would have a difficult time simplifying the matter to someone of my. considerable intelligence." The words had found their way out before Narnia could stop them. She had spoken them calmly, but they signaled her irritation with his comment. She was too weary to care.
"I believe your potion to be ready," Snape stated, his lip curling slightly. He seemed pleased at her annoyance. He walked over to the cauldron, stirring the contents. "Next week, we will proceed to a more difficult draft. I consider you capable of handling it." With a wave of his wand, the area had been cleaned up.
"Very well. Good night." Narnia turned and left, not wanting to spend another moment in his company. She was glad to finally reach the isolation of her room. Without much concern for changing into her nightgown, she fell into bed immediately, hoping for a full night's rest.
The last hours before sunrise stretched themselves almost making time stand still. Narnia had not been able to escape the haunting feeling of her dream and she had spent the remainder of the night in thought, trying to gain new perspective on what the vision could mean. She paced the floor mostly, muttering to herself to keep a train of thought, only stopping when realizing the idea was impossible. She would sit down next to the fire for a moment and then return to her pacing, thinking the problem over again. Glancing up, briefly, she had noticed some of her students' papers lying on her desk. Today was a full day of teaching for her and it would be a struggle to make it through, working on so little sleep and her mind already overworked. "At least it's Friday," she mumbled.
Narnia arrived at breakfast early. The hot shower had recharged her momentarily, but the picture from her dream kept flashing through her mind. At the Head Table, it had taken her uncle several attempts to draw her from her thoughts.
"Narnia," he stated, his hand upon her shoulder.
Narnia looked up at him and noticed the inquisitive concern displayed on Dumbledore's face. She realized several other professors had looked in her direction as well, slightly curious as to what would keep her so deep in thought.
"Sorry, sir. My mind was somewhere else just now. I do apologize," Narnia offered.
"Do not make yourself uneasy my dear. I just wished to say 'Good morning'," Dumbledore replied.
Narnia smiled back at him, replying almost apologetically, "Good morning." She looked at the food displayed on the table, all of it looking wonderful, but none of it tempting her appetite. Knowing she must eat something, she grabbed a pastry and washed it down with some pumpkin juice. She got up to leave from the table, wanting to spend the time before her first class focusing her thoughts and energy on her lessons. She barely noticed that Snape had just approached the Head Table and she offered him nothing more than a quick "Good morning, Professor," as she departed the Hall. Despite her attempts, Narnia found it hard to set aside the memory of the dream the night before and it would creep back into her mind at the most inopportune moments. The day's schedule was painstaking and she was happy to see its end. She had skipped lunch, hoping to catch a quick nap, but each time she closed her eyes, pictures of him would flash through her mind. Trying to purge herself of these visions was even more tiring and she eventually gave up, reminding herself that there were only two more classes to go.
With the burden of the day's tasks over, Narnia did feel a sense of relief and was able to enjoy the evening meal. Her uncle had patted her on the shoulder as he passed by, making his way to his seat. She returned his gesture with a faint smile and resumed filling her glass. After finishing her meal, a good night's sleep was all she could think of and the sooner she could return to her room, the better. With her energy focused elsewhere, she had completely forgotten that she was to meet Snape in his office that evening.
Returning to her chambers, Narnia closed the door and leaned against it, laying her head back and sighing in relief. She stood there for a moment, allowing the door to support her. In all her memory, she couldn't think of a day that went on longer. She was glad to see its end. Standing up again, she made her way across the room, unfastening her robes as she went. Laying them across the back of her chair, her eyes met the unreturned Potions book lying on the table. "Will this day never end?" she said aloud.
Taking a deep breath, Narnia left her rooms and headed for Snape's office. As she made her way through the corridors, she couldn't help but think of herself as a wounded, defenseless animal, walking into its predator's lair. She could muster no defense and he would sense this, and use it to his advantage. Despite realizing this, she seemed not to be bothered by it. She only hoped that when Snape brought forth his verbal onslaught that she would not make any comment that she may later feel guilt for. She had arrived at his door and before entering, thought to herself. "Well, at least it will be brief. I will simply thank him for his offer, decline, and bid him good night."
Narnia knocked on the door and waited to be greeted by Snape. She waited to hear footsteps, but no sound came from within. Cautiously, she opened the door and peered in. The Potions Master was nowhere to be seen and her curiosity getting the better of her, Narnia stepped in to have a closer look. It was not as though Snape's office was warm and inviting, but it was his and the opportunity of discovering anything about him was too alluring. Now desiring the warmth of her robes, she wrapped her arms tightly around her waist and glanced around the room. Jars were lined on shelf after shelf and behind a desk, stacks of books. In the center of the room, there was a cauldron and on the table beside it, knives and measuring utensils. These items appeared to be set out for her first lesson. He had made preparations for her and refusing his assistance no longer seemed proper. It would be rude, actually, as Narnia was sure that he had other things he could be doing with his time than instructing her on things she should already know. Besides, he would be more apt to believe her sudden disinterest after one lesson than if she were to refuse before having any at all. Now all she had to do was wait for him to come back and they could begin.
Narnia walked over to the stacks of books and bending down, ran her fingers along their spines, reading each title. A fire suddenly erupted in the hearth, and turning her head, Narnia watched as Snape made his way across the room. He had not startled her, but she had realized her forwardness in entering his office in his absence. His thoughts seemed to be somewhere else and when he approached his desk, he fumbled through pieces of parchment, as if looking for something. Standing up, Narnia prepared to apologize for her intrusion, but before she could begin, Snape spoke.
"You are late." Apparently not finding what he was looking for, he walked to a smaller desk and began opening drawers. "However, from the state you have been in today, I am surprised that you are here at all." He resigned his search and lifted his head to look at Narnia, brows raised, as if waiting for an explanation.
"As am I, Professor." Before Narnia could make further reply, Snape gestured to the area of the room where the cauldron was located. Narnia proceeded to take a seat as Snape sat down immediately facing her. His close proximity didn't escape her. She felt uneasy and yet something about his nearness soothed her.
"We shall begin with a simple potion this evening, Professor," Snape stated matter-of-factly. "I have written down the ingredients and procedure." He handed Narnia the parchment that contained his notes. Narnia glanced down the page. She wondered if he would give brief instruction on reading his handwriting, and briefly smiling to herself, turned her attentions back to the Potions Master. "I will demonstrate the preparation of the ingredients and then I will leave you to perform the steps on your own." Narnia nodded her head in acknowledgement. She watched carefully as he meticulously cut up the first of the items. Though she was sure he had done this so many times he could do it with his eyes shut or in his sleep, she was impressed by the complete devotion of his attention to the task. They remained silent as Snape continued to exhibit the technique Narnia would need to use.
"Severus, why did you agree to assist me?" Narnia asked suddenly. He stopped momentarily and then returned to the final part of his task. She watched as she waited for him to answer.
"You are to finish the preparations in the manner that I have shown and complete the potion," he stated, his voice carrying almost a stillness that surprised her. He handed her the utensil he had been using and she proceeded to do as he had instructed. He watched her briefly and then took residence at his desk, attending to other matters. She wondered if her question had been too forward and she realized that in feeling a moment of easiness around him, she had perhaps overstepped her bounds. She continued her preparations.
"Your willingness to.further your understanding in this area of magic is admirable, Professor." As he spoke, Narnia stopped what she had been doing to look up at him. His focus remained on his desk, as he scratched his quill across a piece of parchment. The same stillness was present in his voice and Narnia was shocked at his forthright compliment. He continued. "If any other member of the Hogwarts' staff was to teach this class, it would be mediocre, at best. I daresay that Potions is not among their top priorities, yet their dependency upon it repeatedly shows itself. It would do them well to share your attitude." He glanced up at her briefly, his demeanor stating that the subject would not be discussed further.
Narnia directed her attentions back to the potion. Realizing that she was not the only professor at Hogwarts in need of Potions instruction encouraged her, but Snape's compliment left her determined to do well. From what she knew of him already, any kind word was not easily earned. She was now ready to begin adding ingredients to the cauldron. She was hesitant, but thought it best to gain Snape's approval before beginning. Fatigue was setting in and she would rather interrupt him than have to start all over. She leaned her head back, closing her eyes, and rolled her neck from side to side.
"Is this boring for you, Professor?"
Narnia quickly opened her eyes, only to find that Snape had approached the desk. His look was inquisitive.
"No, Professor. It has simply been a.tiresome day," Narnia replied, looking away, feeling an overwhelming sense that if she had held his stare any longer, he would surely discover the source of her exhaustion.
"Ah." Snape's tone implied disbelief. "Well, in that case, you are ready for the next step."
After adding all the ingredients and stirring the potion once before brewing, Narnia stood up and walked to the hearth. She had greeted the warmth of the fire earlier, but now it seemed to be fighting against her, draining what remaining energy she had. Her evening with Snape had turned out to be quite different than what she had expected. He had, indeed, honored her request to be professional. Conversation had been kept to a minimum and to the subject at hand, but she had felt comfortable in his presence, even among his silence. He offered his assistance when needed and kept to himself and his work at all other times. She wondered if he spent much time in the company of others, outside of staff meetings and meal times. She turned to look at him. He remained at his desk, bent over a book, reading a passage as he trailed the words with his index finger, his other hand supporting his head. She found herself absorbed in studying him. She felt drawn to him, but her feet remained rooted to the floor. He darted his eyes in her direction and she hastily turned back to the fireplace. Her heart began to race and she tried to control her breathing.
"It is my understanding that you are a member of the Order," Narnia stated, turning to look at him again. Snape closed the book and placed it on the desk. He walked over to the cauldron where her potion was brewing, glanced in, and then joined her at the fireplace. Pulling out his wand, he provided two chairs and motioned for her to sit down. She had simply expected a yes or no response and for the subject to then be closed. His reaction puzzled her. He sat down opposite her and she waited for him to speak.
"I trust that the Headmaster has pointed out to you the possible costs of your allegiance to the Order."
"Yes, he has. He made it quite clear, but on some level, I expected it." Narnia replied.
Snape eyed her for a moment, before continuing. "Tell me, Professor, as you seem to be a person of. considerable intelligence, do you think it wise to make such a commitment with so little knowledge as to what you are agreeing to?"
Narnia stared at him, before offering a reply. Disdain and condescension dripped from his words. "All the knowledge I needed to make that decision, I already had. Voldemort." Narnia stopped, noticing Snape tightening his grip on the armchair until his knuckles were white. She continued, "..had indeed returned and those willing to stand against him were joining together."
"You make it sound so simple, when it is quite complex." Snape offered, an agitation apparent in his voice.
"Perhaps you would like to explain it to me then, Professor, unless you feel that someone of your high intellectual standing would have a difficult time simplifying the matter to someone of my. considerable intelligence." The words had found their way out before Narnia could stop them. She had spoken them calmly, but they signaled her irritation with his comment. She was too weary to care.
"I believe your potion to be ready," Snape stated, his lip curling slightly. He seemed pleased at her annoyance. He walked over to the cauldron, stirring the contents. "Next week, we will proceed to a more difficult draft. I consider you capable of handling it." With a wave of his wand, the area had been cleaned up.
"Very well. Good night." Narnia turned and left, not wanting to spend another moment in his company. She was glad to finally reach the isolation of her room. Without much concern for changing into her nightgown, she fell into bed immediately, hoping for a full night's rest.