A/N: I realized after uploading the last chapter there was still a great deal more to say surrounding Severus' dismissal of Narnia. I was so immersed in trying to describe what she was going through that I didn't get back away far enough to see the whole picture. All is not lost, though and hopefully I can weave some of it through this chapter when she talks with her uncle. Isn't that the way it always works though? Nothing is clarified till we have a nice sit down with the Headmaster.
Chapter 26
Taking refuge within the confines of her room, Narnia had spent the past day and night holding her last crying session. Never, in her recollection, had she been this emotional and somewhere over the past hours she had decided to place her feet on the ground and test exactly how firm her footing was. As Lupin had said, healing would take time and she had decided it the right moment to begin the process. Students would be returning in a couple of days and there was no place for a snivelling, lovesick Defense Against the Dark Arts instructor.
Since locking herself away in her chambers, she had several visitors, mostly Lupin checking in on her and offering how pleased he was to see her in better spirits. She had supposed her uncle had ordered the house elves to bring her meals to her rooms, but mostly the food was wasted on her as she picked through without much appetite. She had acknowledged to Lupin the eventual need to return to the Great Hall at meal times and she had been strengthening her resolve to follow through with his suggestion of returning before the whole school was back.
Though it had been her decision to cease the weeping bit, recollections of exactly what Severus had said to her would leave tears running. She hadn't realized she had retained a good deal of what he had said and as his words rang in her ears, she noticed that one theme encompassed them all.
He wanted nothing to do with her. He mistrusted her.
She had predicted his suspicious attitude towards her. There was so much surrounding the happenings of that night that she was still unsure of. He had been justified in his doubts, but what came as a shock was when he had declared her story a fabrication, a scheme, one in which she was purposefully trying to ensnare him. She had been fine that day in his quarters until the moment he had stated that, to him, she had only ever been a possible romp in the sheets and that when she had proven to be more effort than what she was worth, he had given up the quest. He claimed that the lie she was currently weaving was only a means to manipulate him. He had added something along the lines of it being worthy of Trelawney.
This last memory had been the stimulus of her last breakdown and since its remembrance, it remained in a shadowy corner of her mind, always lurking close by. On this afternoon, she stood at the window, thinking on it again, when her uncle's voice interrupted her thoughts. She turned to see him poking his head inside her doorway.
"I knocked and when there was no answer...." he trailed off.
"Sorry, uncle, please come in," Narnia replied, noticing a bit of discomfort in Dumbledore's countenance. The Headmaster approached her, kissing her gently on the cheek and after leading her to a chair, took the one opposite her own.
"How are you feeling today?" Dumbledore asked.
"Much better, thank you." The crackling of the logs in the hearth could only be heard.
"The house elves have been most helpful," Narnia offered.
Dumbledore chuckled. "Dobby is most anxious to please. I'm sure he's been grateful to be at your service."
Narnia smiled in return before her expression turned somber again. "I am sorry for the inconvenience I've placed on everyone. It's been very selfish of me to do so."
Dumbledore slid forward in his chair, pinning Narnia with his gaze. "It has been an inconvenience to no one, other than yourself. You have acted as only one in love knows how to act when these things occur. Most of us within these walls have sat in the seat you're currently in. No one has any intention of letting you tackle this on your own."
Narnia reached forward her hand and squeezed that of her uncle's. She whispered, "Thank you," fighting the urge to break down again.
Both Narnia and her uncle settled back into their chairs again, listening intently to the snapping sounds coming from the fire.
"I should have remained with you and perhaps some of this could have been avoided," Dumbledore commented staring into the flames. "Severus seemed to be accepting your presence in a way I had yet to see from him and I felt secure leaving the two of you to talk things through.
"Merlin help that boy," he added as an afterthought.
"Uncle, none of this is your doing. Besides, he would have only held back with you in the room." Narnia paused. "It's better to have it all out than to be given any false hopes.
"Yes, well, I'm not sure how much credit I would have been anyway since he believes that you have 'pulled the wool over my eyes' with this," Dumbledore replied.
Narnia looked to her uncle. "You've spoken with him."
"Briefly."
Narnia kept silent, hoping her uncle would relate some of their conversation.
Dumbledore sighed. "Though I am severely frustrated with him right now, I hurt for both of you. It is safe to say he is feeling quite vulnerable at the present, especially after the occurence among the Death Eaters the other night. Rightly so.
"Severus has put himself in harm's way for a longer amount of time than any of us would have liked and he's been successful at remaining unscathed, of course, until recently. As to how he managed to be 'found out', we cannot determine, but his level of paranoia has skyrocketed.
"So my only conclusion is that his treatment of you is a knee-jerk reaction. He didn't say as much, but I'm sure he suspects you've formulated some plan against him." Narnia silently agreed, knowing Severus had plainly stated it to her. "Knowing his likelihood to do so, you will more than likely be under the most intense scrutiny from him now that he is aware of your involvement the other night. His moods have always been difficult to deal with, but I'm afraid now that each and every one of us will have to adjust to a greater degree."
Dumbledore stood and walked to the window, placing himself where Narnia had been earlier. "It is difficult to stand by and watch as he pushes away something that could bring so much enjoyment to his life and equally hard to watch you being pushed."
Narnia dropped her eyes to the floor. She heard her uncle approach the back of her chair and then felt his hand gently squeeze her shoulder.
"Though this has all turned out quite unexpected, the important thing is he's home.....alive," Narnia stated, a shakiness apparent in her voice and her eyes welled up yet again. Dumbledore's grip grew a little firmer as Narnia raised her hands to wipe her eyes.
"Hmm. Agreed."
After a couple of moments, Narnia had regained her composure and Dumbledore settled himself across from her once again.
"When you are ready to do so, I would be honored to accompany you to a meal or simply for a stroll about the castle. I must say, it seems as though you've regained your strength, at least enough to keep up with this old man," Dumbledore stated with a grin.
"Perhaps this evening," Narnia stated, feeling nervous at the thought of facing everyone, especially Severus.
"If you think you will be up to it, my dear," he replied, somewhat uncertain.
"I believe I must make the first attempt while my audience is small."
"That would be wise," he stated, seeming impressed by her attitude.
The Headmaster remained in Narnia's company for another hour talking and getting her to laugh about lighter topics, humoring her again with stories from his younger days and the torment he and his siblings would put each other through. Narnia had retrieved several of Gran's recent letters, allowing her uncle to peruse them freely and their conversation ended with talk of old Christmas family traditions and promises of dinner and an evening walk.
"I'll see you in a bit then," Dumbledore stated and upon receiving Narnia's acknowledgement, shut the door behind him, leaving Narnia alone for the first time in a couple of hours. She stood there, taking a deep breath, deciding to soak in a bath before leaving her room.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Narnia stood in front of her mirror turning her head from side to side to glance at her reflection while running her hands across her gown to smooth some of the creases. She opted for her long-sleeved platinum silk gown, the neckline resting just below her collarbone. She retrieved the pearls Gran had gifted to her for Christmas and placed them about her neck. Despite a slight paleness to her complexion and a tinge of redness coupled with slight circles about her eyes, her appearance was confident and strong. She wished to make no grand entrances, her only wish to state she would be fine and would conquer this. She appreciated her uncle's relating to her that the other professors were supportive, however, she hoped they wouldn't fuss over her from some assumption that she was weak.
A rap on the door signaled the moment had arrived.
Dumbledore stood on the other side waiting to escort his niece to the evening meal.
They walked in silence down a few corridors before he spoke. Narnia was glad for the break in the silence and she could now focus on something other than the rapid beating of her pulse.
"You look lovely this evening, Narnia."
She offered a smile as a token of her gratitude.
"Since taking leave of the infirmary, Professor Snape has continued to take meals in his quarters. I do not believe we'll be seeing him tonight."
"Oh," Narnia replied, releasing a sigh and allowing her shoulders to relax. Dumbledore simply patted her hand as they walked arm in arm into the Great Hall.
The tables and Hall were decorated and arranged as they had been prior to Christmas and the giant Christmas trees did a great deal to improve Narnia's mood. Most of the chairs had been occupied, with few left vacant. Dumbledore seated his niece and then took his own place at the table, all at once, food appearing from nowhere. As predicted, Severus was absent from the group and for the first time since being at Hogwarts, Narnia was glad to be free of his presence. Dinner proceeded as if nothing had occured, putting Narnia at an even greater ease, and the only hint that something had actually taken place came only from subtle reassuring smiles and winks from the other staff members. Though still far from regaining her appetite entirely, Narnia ate more than she had of late and at the conclusion of the meal, deemed herself ready to sleep the entire night through.
Each member of the dinner party left one by one or in small clusters, the students clearly still talking over their Christmas wares. As if second nature, Narnia rose when her uncle stood and he stated to Professor McGonogall that he and his niece were headed out for a brief walk around Hogwarts. Minerva bid them good evening and they set off down a set of passageways Narnia took rarely.
After walking a ways and being introduced to several occupants of portraits and paintings, Dumbledore slowed down and stopped, tilting his head as if listening for something. He must have noticed Narnia preparing to speak, but raised his hand to ask for her silence and soon after, the sound of footsteps could be heard. Narnia could feel the sweat began to wet her palms. She didn't know how far they were from the dungeons, but bumping into Severus right now was the last thing she wanted to handle.
"Relax, child. I believe those foot falls belong to Remus."
"He's here a lot, not that I mind," she added,"He's a great friend. I just seemed to be bumping into him a bit more than I expected, is all."
"Well, he's been quite concerned about you. He knows, firsthand, how Professor Snape can be. Plus, I think he's come to think quite highly of you." Narnia blushed at Dumbledore's admission and even though the corridor was dark, she was sure her uncle knew her face had flushed. "He's been staying in Hogsmeade, over Christmas. I believe he's been wanting to be close to Harry through the holidays."
"Of course."
The footsteps drew nearer and sure enough, turning a corner was Remus Lupin.
"Professors, good evening." As Lupin approached he firmly squeezed Narnia's hand then released it, smiling, apparently happy to see them both.
"I was just acquainting Narnia with some more of the castle when we heard you coming this way."
"Yes, well, I have just left Harry and Ron and was taking a bit of a look around myself."
"Reminiscing on old school days?" Narnia asked, grinning when she recalled some of what Lupin had told her of his time at Hogwarts.
"Yes. Good times," he stated with a slight laugh, a sadness in his tone as he looked around the corridor.
He then changed the subject, from an apparent need to do so. "It's nice to see you out and about, Narnia."
"Well, I have a great many people to thank for getting me out of my room. One of which, is you."
Lupin smiled at her statement. "Anytime. I hate to be short, but I must be off. I was just taking my leave."
"Anytime that you would like to spend some time with Harry, Remus, we will arrange it," Dumbledore said.
"I appreciate that Headmaster and will take you up on the offer." He then turned to Narnia, placing his index finger under her chin. "Chin up."
Narnia nodded in agreement and he walked passed them and out of sight.
Instinctively, they continued their walk and to Narnia's liking, without any more interruptions. Every now and then she thought she could hear footsteps approaching, but as her uncle only pressed on, she figured it was only a remaining echo in her ears from earlier. Eventually they found themselves outside her rooms and she leaned in to place a kiss on her uncle's cheek. He wished her good night and she watched as he left the corridor. She turned to enter her rooms when a sound at the opposite end of the hall caught her attention. She turned her head only in time to see the rapid movement of what she could only guess was the hem of someone's robes rounding the corner, gone from sight. She quickly stepped inside, sealing the entry way with several spells before getting into bed, wand in hand.
Chapter 26
Taking refuge within the confines of her room, Narnia had spent the past day and night holding her last crying session. Never, in her recollection, had she been this emotional and somewhere over the past hours she had decided to place her feet on the ground and test exactly how firm her footing was. As Lupin had said, healing would take time and she had decided it the right moment to begin the process. Students would be returning in a couple of days and there was no place for a snivelling, lovesick Defense Against the Dark Arts instructor.
Since locking herself away in her chambers, she had several visitors, mostly Lupin checking in on her and offering how pleased he was to see her in better spirits. She had supposed her uncle had ordered the house elves to bring her meals to her rooms, but mostly the food was wasted on her as she picked through without much appetite. She had acknowledged to Lupin the eventual need to return to the Great Hall at meal times and she had been strengthening her resolve to follow through with his suggestion of returning before the whole school was back.
Though it had been her decision to cease the weeping bit, recollections of exactly what Severus had said to her would leave tears running. She hadn't realized she had retained a good deal of what he had said and as his words rang in her ears, she noticed that one theme encompassed them all.
He wanted nothing to do with her. He mistrusted her.
She had predicted his suspicious attitude towards her. There was so much surrounding the happenings of that night that she was still unsure of. He had been justified in his doubts, but what came as a shock was when he had declared her story a fabrication, a scheme, one in which she was purposefully trying to ensnare him. She had been fine that day in his quarters until the moment he had stated that, to him, she had only ever been a possible romp in the sheets and that when she had proven to be more effort than what she was worth, he had given up the quest. He claimed that the lie she was currently weaving was only a means to manipulate him. He had added something along the lines of it being worthy of Trelawney.
This last memory had been the stimulus of her last breakdown and since its remembrance, it remained in a shadowy corner of her mind, always lurking close by. On this afternoon, she stood at the window, thinking on it again, when her uncle's voice interrupted her thoughts. She turned to see him poking his head inside her doorway.
"I knocked and when there was no answer...." he trailed off.
"Sorry, uncle, please come in," Narnia replied, noticing a bit of discomfort in Dumbledore's countenance. The Headmaster approached her, kissing her gently on the cheek and after leading her to a chair, took the one opposite her own.
"How are you feeling today?" Dumbledore asked.
"Much better, thank you." The crackling of the logs in the hearth could only be heard.
"The house elves have been most helpful," Narnia offered.
Dumbledore chuckled. "Dobby is most anxious to please. I'm sure he's been grateful to be at your service."
Narnia smiled in return before her expression turned somber again. "I am sorry for the inconvenience I've placed on everyone. It's been very selfish of me to do so."
Dumbledore slid forward in his chair, pinning Narnia with his gaze. "It has been an inconvenience to no one, other than yourself. You have acted as only one in love knows how to act when these things occur. Most of us within these walls have sat in the seat you're currently in. No one has any intention of letting you tackle this on your own."
Narnia reached forward her hand and squeezed that of her uncle's. She whispered, "Thank you," fighting the urge to break down again.
Both Narnia and her uncle settled back into their chairs again, listening intently to the snapping sounds coming from the fire.
"I should have remained with you and perhaps some of this could have been avoided," Dumbledore commented staring into the flames. "Severus seemed to be accepting your presence in a way I had yet to see from him and I felt secure leaving the two of you to talk things through.
"Merlin help that boy," he added as an afterthought.
"Uncle, none of this is your doing. Besides, he would have only held back with you in the room." Narnia paused. "It's better to have it all out than to be given any false hopes.
"Yes, well, I'm not sure how much credit I would have been anyway since he believes that you have 'pulled the wool over my eyes' with this," Dumbledore replied.
Narnia looked to her uncle. "You've spoken with him."
"Briefly."
Narnia kept silent, hoping her uncle would relate some of their conversation.
Dumbledore sighed. "Though I am severely frustrated with him right now, I hurt for both of you. It is safe to say he is feeling quite vulnerable at the present, especially after the occurence among the Death Eaters the other night. Rightly so.
"Severus has put himself in harm's way for a longer amount of time than any of us would have liked and he's been successful at remaining unscathed, of course, until recently. As to how he managed to be 'found out', we cannot determine, but his level of paranoia has skyrocketed.
"So my only conclusion is that his treatment of you is a knee-jerk reaction. He didn't say as much, but I'm sure he suspects you've formulated some plan against him." Narnia silently agreed, knowing Severus had plainly stated it to her. "Knowing his likelihood to do so, you will more than likely be under the most intense scrutiny from him now that he is aware of your involvement the other night. His moods have always been difficult to deal with, but I'm afraid now that each and every one of us will have to adjust to a greater degree."
Dumbledore stood and walked to the window, placing himself where Narnia had been earlier. "It is difficult to stand by and watch as he pushes away something that could bring so much enjoyment to his life and equally hard to watch you being pushed."
Narnia dropped her eyes to the floor. She heard her uncle approach the back of her chair and then felt his hand gently squeeze her shoulder.
"Though this has all turned out quite unexpected, the important thing is he's home.....alive," Narnia stated, a shakiness apparent in her voice and her eyes welled up yet again. Dumbledore's grip grew a little firmer as Narnia raised her hands to wipe her eyes.
"Hmm. Agreed."
After a couple of moments, Narnia had regained her composure and Dumbledore settled himself across from her once again.
"When you are ready to do so, I would be honored to accompany you to a meal or simply for a stroll about the castle. I must say, it seems as though you've regained your strength, at least enough to keep up with this old man," Dumbledore stated with a grin.
"Perhaps this evening," Narnia stated, feeling nervous at the thought of facing everyone, especially Severus.
"If you think you will be up to it, my dear," he replied, somewhat uncertain.
"I believe I must make the first attempt while my audience is small."
"That would be wise," he stated, seeming impressed by her attitude.
The Headmaster remained in Narnia's company for another hour talking and getting her to laugh about lighter topics, humoring her again with stories from his younger days and the torment he and his siblings would put each other through. Narnia had retrieved several of Gran's recent letters, allowing her uncle to peruse them freely and their conversation ended with talk of old Christmas family traditions and promises of dinner and an evening walk.
"I'll see you in a bit then," Dumbledore stated and upon receiving Narnia's acknowledgement, shut the door behind him, leaving Narnia alone for the first time in a couple of hours. She stood there, taking a deep breath, deciding to soak in a bath before leaving her room.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Narnia stood in front of her mirror turning her head from side to side to glance at her reflection while running her hands across her gown to smooth some of the creases. She opted for her long-sleeved platinum silk gown, the neckline resting just below her collarbone. She retrieved the pearls Gran had gifted to her for Christmas and placed them about her neck. Despite a slight paleness to her complexion and a tinge of redness coupled with slight circles about her eyes, her appearance was confident and strong. She wished to make no grand entrances, her only wish to state she would be fine and would conquer this. She appreciated her uncle's relating to her that the other professors were supportive, however, she hoped they wouldn't fuss over her from some assumption that she was weak.
A rap on the door signaled the moment had arrived.
Dumbledore stood on the other side waiting to escort his niece to the evening meal.
They walked in silence down a few corridors before he spoke. Narnia was glad for the break in the silence and she could now focus on something other than the rapid beating of her pulse.
"You look lovely this evening, Narnia."
She offered a smile as a token of her gratitude.
"Since taking leave of the infirmary, Professor Snape has continued to take meals in his quarters. I do not believe we'll be seeing him tonight."
"Oh," Narnia replied, releasing a sigh and allowing her shoulders to relax. Dumbledore simply patted her hand as they walked arm in arm into the Great Hall.
The tables and Hall were decorated and arranged as they had been prior to Christmas and the giant Christmas trees did a great deal to improve Narnia's mood. Most of the chairs had been occupied, with few left vacant. Dumbledore seated his niece and then took his own place at the table, all at once, food appearing from nowhere. As predicted, Severus was absent from the group and for the first time since being at Hogwarts, Narnia was glad to be free of his presence. Dinner proceeded as if nothing had occured, putting Narnia at an even greater ease, and the only hint that something had actually taken place came only from subtle reassuring smiles and winks from the other staff members. Though still far from regaining her appetite entirely, Narnia ate more than she had of late and at the conclusion of the meal, deemed herself ready to sleep the entire night through.
Each member of the dinner party left one by one or in small clusters, the students clearly still talking over their Christmas wares. As if second nature, Narnia rose when her uncle stood and he stated to Professor McGonogall that he and his niece were headed out for a brief walk around Hogwarts. Minerva bid them good evening and they set off down a set of passageways Narnia took rarely.
After walking a ways and being introduced to several occupants of portraits and paintings, Dumbledore slowed down and stopped, tilting his head as if listening for something. He must have noticed Narnia preparing to speak, but raised his hand to ask for her silence and soon after, the sound of footsteps could be heard. Narnia could feel the sweat began to wet her palms. She didn't know how far they were from the dungeons, but bumping into Severus right now was the last thing she wanted to handle.
"Relax, child. I believe those foot falls belong to Remus."
"He's here a lot, not that I mind," she added,"He's a great friend. I just seemed to be bumping into him a bit more than I expected, is all."
"Well, he's been quite concerned about you. He knows, firsthand, how Professor Snape can be. Plus, I think he's come to think quite highly of you." Narnia blushed at Dumbledore's admission and even though the corridor was dark, she was sure her uncle knew her face had flushed. "He's been staying in Hogsmeade, over Christmas. I believe he's been wanting to be close to Harry through the holidays."
"Of course."
The footsteps drew nearer and sure enough, turning a corner was Remus Lupin.
"Professors, good evening." As Lupin approached he firmly squeezed Narnia's hand then released it, smiling, apparently happy to see them both.
"I was just acquainting Narnia with some more of the castle when we heard you coming this way."
"Yes, well, I have just left Harry and Ron and was taking a bit of a look around myself."
"Reminiscing on old school days?" Narnia asked, grinning when she recalled some of what Lupin had told her of his time at Hogwarts.
"Yes. Good times," he stated with a slight laugh, a sadness in his tone as he looked around the corridor.
He then changed the subject, from an apparent need to do so. "It's nice to see you out and about, Narnia."
"Well, I have a great many people to thank for getting me out of my room. One of which, is you."
Lupin smiled at her statement. "Anytime. I hate to be short, but I must be off. I was just taking my leave."
"Anytime that you would like to spend some time with Harry, Remus, we will arrange it," Dumbledore said.
"I appreciate that Headmaster and will take you up on the offer." He then turned to Narnia, placing his index finger under her chin. "Chin up."
Narnia nodded in agreement and he walked passed them and out of sight.
Instinctively, they continued their walk and to Narnia's liking, without any more interruptions. Every now and then she thought she could hear footsteps approaching, but as her uncle only pressed on, she figured it was only a remaining echo in her ears from earlier. Eventually they found themselves outside her rooms and she leaned in to place a kiss on her uncle's cheek. He wished her good night and she watched as he left the corridor. She turned to enter her rooms when a sound at the opposite end of the hall caught her attention. She turned her head only in time to see the rapid movement of what she could only guess was the hem of someone's robes rounding the corner, gone from sight. She quickly stepped inside, sealing the entry way with several spells before getting into bed, wand in hand.