Chapter II

The sound of a door falling shut brought him back. Everybody else had left and it was just him standing next to the demolished car Nina had been dragged out of. Just him. Alone, abandoned, broken. Closing his eyes, he could still see her face, but not the way he used to. When he was thinking of her, missing her, longing for her. Then he would close his eyes and her features would take shape in his mind. First of all her eyes, green and intense, always seducing him to get lost in them. Her cheek bones, the color and softness of her skin, her lips and mouth and finally her chin. He would picture her face displaying different emotions, each one of them characterizing the different sides of her. His superior, Nina Myers, federal agent. And the person she became when she was with him and only him, Nina Myers, his lover or girlfriend. They hadn't really discussed the definition. But the image he saw now was that of a whole different person. Her eyes cold and empty in her motionless face, she seemed as unfamiliar as if he had never met her before. The stranger, Nina Myers, the traitor.

He had seen the evidence. The surveillance camera's recording of how she had killed Jamey. He knew she had really done all these things. Given Drazen information. Worked against Jack and everyone at CTU, trying to set him up and get him killed. Endangered his family and nearly helped to kill Teri and Kim. Helped assassins in their attempt to kill the president. She had lied, betrayed and killed. He knew it. His brain did.

Still, he couldn't believe it.

And what had she done to him? His mind kept revisiting single incidents of today's events. How she had been standing next to him just about an hour ago, telling him she didn't feel like she was doing her job, like she wasn't helping people. Had that just been another brilliant performance to maintain her cover? Or a sick and cruel way of playing with him? Or had she really been honest in a twisted way? Had her betrayal caused her pain and doubts?

He shook his head and started walking, towards the door and the elevator. It didn't matter. It didn't matter cause it didn't change a thing. Angrily he opened the door and left the garage. It didn't matter, considering who she was. What she was. What she had done. She had killed Jamey and the security guard right there were Tony was standing now. In cold blood, within a heartbeat, without blinking, without regret. He couldn't forget her eyes on the recording, her gaze as she had stared up into the camera. Only minutes before she had walked into the same room again with him, acting like she was in shock, pretending to nearly break. Standing next to him, watching the paramedics work, her one hand up in the air, playing with her fingers. A nervous habit she had. As if she had to struggle not to lean against his shoulder or bury her head in his chest. He surely had struggled not to place his arm around her.

He hit the button for the elevator, reliving all the memories. The way she had acted around Jack, around him, around everyone. Making them all believe she wasn't over Jack yet, that she still had feelings and would do everything for him. Like a lion mother protecting her babies. No one would have suspected her and no one did until the evidence had been on the table. The perfect show, the perfect cover. Had it all been an act? Everything? Entirely?

The doors opened and he stepped into the elevator. He really didn't want to go back. He didn't want to face Jack, George or anyone of CTU. He didn't want to see Kim or Teri, didn't want to see Jamey's desk. He didn't want to face any destruction Nina had caused. And the least of all he wanted to see her empty work station, triggering only more thoughts and images.

But he had to, he knew it. So he pushed the button and feeling the elevator starting to make its way up, he closed his eyes and felt a new wave of memories washing over him.

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He was lying in bed, his head propped up on his elbow and watching her sleep. She looked so beautiful and he had to control himself not to touch her. Not to let his hand caress her cheek, let his fingers travel her skin, assuring himself she was really there. Lying next to him in his bed, sound asleep at 3.15 in the morning.

They had been dating for a while. The first time a saturday, three days after that ride in his car. He had taken her to a cozy little latino bar with live music and if she had been surprised that he seemed to know everyone she hadn't let it show. But she had a little later when he had gotten up and excused himself from the table and followed an invitation to join the band. Sitting on the tiny stage between the other musicians and playing the guitar, he had felt her eyes on him and strangely enough it hadn't made him the least bit nervous. On the contrary, he had played a lot better than he would have expected, considering his poor exercise. But feeling her gaze on him, he had just closed his eyes and played in some kind of trance where everything had just come easy. Like sleepwalking.

"So, do you take all your dates there to impress them by playing spanish guitar?" she had asked on the way home, sitting in his car again.

"First of all I've never taken anyone there before," he had answered, not taking his eyes off the road. "Second of all I'm not really dating." In fact he had not been on any date since he had started working for the government. "And I didn't want to impress you. I just wanted to show you that there's more to me than the guy you're delegating stuff to at work."

He had given her a quick side glance and she had watched him with that curious, interested expression again, surprised by his seriousness.

"Well, you sure did," she had said after a moment. "Do you have any other hidden qualities?"

"Some," he had answered in self-confidence and she had replied: "Then I guess I'm looking forward to next time."

The next time he had dragged her into a bowling hall and afterwards to a Taco bar.

"So bowling isn't really your thing. If you ever start a second career you should stick to the guitar," she had commented jokingly over dinner, refering to his poor play. "So where's the hidden talent here?"

"Well, I made you laugh, didn't I?" he had replied and she had cast her eyes down and smiled before looking at him again.

"Yes, you did."

They had been quiet for a while but again it had been a comfortable silence. And when he had stopped the car once again in front of her place later that night, she had turned to him with an unfamiliar soft expression.

"I don't know how you do it but..." she had started but cut herself short. And instead of struggling for words to finish her sentence, she had looked at him a few seconds longer before leaning in. It had been their first kiss and being the one who had taken initiative, she had also been the one to end it. Slowly, softly, she had pulled her head back and given him another one of those intense looks.

"Thank you," she had said, as simply as that, and gotten out of the car, just as the other times before. Without a goodbye, without a look back. And he had watched her until she had disappeared inside the building and driven home, whistling a little tune.

They had only dated in the weekends, not acting any different throughout the week, except for friday afternoons when they had used to set a time for the following day. They had never talked about it but it had been understood right away that no one at work needed to know. And he had only taken her to places where the risk of running into someone they both knew had been minimal. Another silent agreement was never to talk about work and in the beginning Tony had been worried what to talk about. But each time the conversations had come easier. As had the relaxed, comfortable atmosphere. It seemed to him like she was more and more becoming herself around him, every time she was with him. And only him. There was something schizophrenic to their relation, a whole world between life inside and outside of CTU. But it didn't really bother him. If anything then it gave the whole thing an extra kick. Partly because they had a secret that they shared. But also because every now and then, watching her at work with other people, he would think: I know something that you don't. I know parts of her no one does. I see her in a way none of you ever will.And even seeing her with Jack didn't make him as jealous anymore, at least most of the time. Cause he would feel superior. Maybe you fucked her, but I'm the one she's gonna be with when she's happy.

And now she was here. With him. Last night he had picked her up and they had been ice-skating in the stadium, only to find out that they were equally bad at it. Several falls and bruises later he had let her choose between going for dinner to a restaurant or him cooking for her. She had chosen the latter one and they had gone to a supermarket to buy the ingredients for a meal they had never had the time to enjoy.

Not able to withstand any longer he reached out to stroke her hair, disentangle a strand from her forehead. She moved a little bit in her sleep and carefully he withdrew his hand, laid down properly beside her and took a deep breath. Like sleepwalking.