I am trying to keep this flowing so every now and then I slow down...
sorry! Things are going to pick up now... I hope! Enjoy! Serendipity
CHAPTER NINETEEN
Dropping the burgers off with Bianca, Kendall got in the car and drove... she knew where she was taking JR, but she had to give Bianca time to get Babe there. So, they had arranged for her to take him there to talk... to try and reach his heart... which right now was clouded with grief and anger.
"So Kendall where are we going? Or are we just going to drive around until I pass out?" JR was so tired of thinking, so tired of hiding from the truth. His life was completely shattered. The woman he loved had lied to him so completely... cheating, lying, and then taking his daughter away from him... even if she was never really his child, Babe had let him believe that she was and he loved her.
"You'll see... just be patient... So what have you been doing? Drinking yourself into a stupor every night? Have you even been to the office? I mean, it has been a week and you look like you haven't shaved it or showered since then."
"Well, I tried to leave town... hit every bar between here and the edge of the county and then I hit them all the way back... maybe more than once... Yeah, I just can't leave... I want to, but something is keeping me here..." He closed his eyes and almost immediately fell asleep.
Kendall had her own theory on why JR couldn't leave... and whether or not he hated her too once this was done was a chance she had to take. Before her and Bianca made up and before Simone and Mia, JR was her only friend... and she owed him this.
Twenty minutes later they pulled up to the spot. From here they could walk into the woods to the spot that had become a memorial of sorts... first for Miranda and now for the little boy that Babe and JR had lost.
Kendall hated to wake him up, but she needed to get him to the spot before Bianca and Babe showed up.
"Hey... wake up... we're here..." Kendall gently nudged JR.
"Where are we?" He asked trying to wake up and look around.
"I am taking you somewhere... as someone who loves you JR... I think you need to be here... Please trust me."
JR felt like a helpless child. Right now he would go where ever he could feel safe... he could escape from reality on his own... but, right now he needed a friend... Someone to show him what to do.
He didn't even argue... not even when alarm bells rang in his head as he started to recognize where they were... He just opened his door and slid out of her car.
"Take my hand and follow me... everything is going to be ok..." Kendall took his hand and pulled him along the path. They didn't talk, just walked along the path in silence until they came to a little clearing with a home-made cross and flowers, there were also small baby toys set around it.
JR let go of Kendall's hand and walked forward. He had never come here before. Especially now...now that he knew that his child... his son... had been lost.
Looking around him he walked over and picked up a tiny bear... he didn't even realize that tears had begun to stream down his face...
Turning he looked at Kendall, "How can I except this? I mean... I can't hold out hope that he is still alive... that he's out there... like you and Bianca... I can't feel that."
Kendall walked over and put a hand on his shoulder, "I know... JR, but you can't run from it... you can't drink it away... please don't kill yourself trying to hide..."
"He never had a chance... and Babe, she knew... she knew that he was gone... and she didn't..."
"No... JR, I was there... she didn't know... She is hurting just as much as you are... She loves you... I know..."
"But... how can I believe her? How can you? She has lied so much... and my son... did he look like me... or his mother?"
Kendall's phone beeped and she knew that Bianca was parking at the moment. "JR... you trust me right? Come... stand over here... back out of sight... and don't say a word... you will know when the time is right..."
JR was confused, but he followed her back to a spot hidden behind some trees.
It was at that moment that Bianca and Babe walked up and moved toward the memorial site. "Bianca... thank you for coming with me... I just don't know if I can do this..."
"Babe trust me...you need this... let it out... let out what you are feeling... I can see you holding it in... hurting... say what you need to say... I am here and I love you and I won't let you fall."
Babe shook her head and then turned away. "You know... I came here a few times to talk to Miranda... I stood here and cried for her... and all that time my child, my son... was the one that had died... I didn't cry for him... not then... Now, now that I remember... he was so beautiful, so small. He didn't have a lot of hair... but it was a golden color... like JR's... his daddy never even got to hold him, to see him..."
Kendall stopped JR from going forward at that point and held him... she knew in some instinctive way that there was more he needed to hear.
Babe sat down crying and continued, "I remember holding him and thinking that he was so perfect... he... him... my little boy... he didn't even have a name Bianca... my angel didn't have a name..." And that was when she lost it... and started sobbing...
Just as Bianca went to go and support her friend when a hand stopped her. It was JR and he was crying openly and he continued walking to Babe.
He didn't say a word he just gathered his wife in his arms and they cried together for their child... He didn't want to think about the lies... not right now, he just knew that the woman he loved was hurting and so was he and he needed to hold her.
Babe pulled back, "JR? JR... he didn't have a name... we didn't even name him... and now he's gone..."
"I know... I know... we'll figure it out ok... we'll name our son... but, right now just let me hold you, ok?" JR knew in that moment that he had forgiven her for the lies and the betrayal and together they will make it through this... together.
Kendall walked over and hugged her sister. Bianca wiped tears from her cheeks and smiled, "I think you did it Kendall..."
"No... we did it... and they did it... I love you, Sis." Kendall smiled down at her baby sister.
"I love you too... everything is going to be ok now... I just wish they could find their son... just like I found Miranda... I just wish this was another bad lie..."
"Who knows with Paul Kramer... I mean he lied about this... but even he couldn't be that sick... I mean, why would he do that?"
"I know you are right... I know, but I just wish that things could be different." The two sisters hugged and moved off a little way to give the couple some privacy to grieve for their child.
Babe looked out to the slowly flowing water and said in a quiet voice.
"When I thought that I was having a boy... I thought Blake might be a good name... Blake Chandler... what do you think?"
"I like it... you know, I wanted a girl, but on the chance we had a boy I kind of thought Dixon might be cool... but then I realized he might not like having a name that could go for a reindeer name..."
"Dixon for your mom right? Instead of Dixie... well, I guess he could be named Blake Dixon Chandler... it's kind of different... but there won't be any kids to tease him now..."
"Babe, I am sorry about how I was at the hospital... I just couldn't deal with it... you know... but I shouldn't have taken it out on you... not like that..."
"I don't blame you for it... I deserved it after all that I did to you... and if you want a divorce... I'll agree to it... I should have taken better care of our child... I shouldn't have trusted Paul Kramer."
"Paul Kramer is going to pay for this... don't worry he will get what he deserves... and you and I will have more children... but, this one will always be special... I promise you."
Babe felt her heart leap and she turned and looked at her husband, "You mean it... this is just another attempt to get back at me... to hurt me more...for hurting you?"
JR hurt for her... to see her looking at him with so much hope in her eyes... but if you really looked you could see the pain and hurt not too far behind it... He had done this... he had hurt her ten times worse than she had ever hurt him.
"Babe... I want you to come home... with me. I love you, I always have... come home."
"I want to come home with you more than anything... but, I can't... not as we are JR... If this is going to work... if we are going to work... we need to start with something better... some place better than where we are... I need to grieve for little Blake... and so do you and that is no way for us to start fixing what was wrong..."
"I know... but maybe we can try... and I know that I can't do this without you... you're my heart... so what do we do? Can we compromise... there are plenty of rooms... take any of them you want... just please come home with me."
"Let me think about it... give me some time... maybe tomorrow? I just am scared to believe that this... that we can work..." Babe felt tears burn her eyes, just when she thought that she had no more tears to cry more seemed to surface.
"I'll give you all the time you need... just don't tell me its over, ok... give us a chance... I can't lose my son and you too... I just can't..." JR was tired of being the "tough guy", right now he felt more vulnerable than he had ever felt in his life.
"I think we should start... by getting you a shower...and some food... and then we can take it from there. If you will take me back to Erica's later... I'll go home... but not for the night... not yet."
"Ok, anything..." Babe and JR hugged and looked back to the river and said good night to Blake Dixon Chandler... their son who would never be with them....
CHAPTER NINETEEN
Dropping the burgers off with Bianca, Kendall got in the car and drove... she knew where she was taking JR, but she had to give Bianca time to get Babe there. So, they had arranged for her to take him there to talk... to try and reach his heart... which right now was clouded with grief and anger.
"So Kendall where are we going? Or are we just going to drive around until I pass out?" JR was so tired of thinking, so tired of hiding from the truth. His life was completely shattered. The woman he loved had lied to him so completely... cheating, lying, and then taking his daughter away from him... even if she was never really his child, Babe had let him believe that she was and he loved her.
"You'll see... just be patient... So what have you been doing? Drinking yourself into a stupor every night? Have you even been to the office? I mean, it has been a week and you look like you haven't shaved it or showered since then."
"Well, I tried to leave town... hit every bar between here and the edge of the county and then I hit them all the way back... maybe more than once... Yeah, I just can't leave... I want to, but something is keeping me here..." He closed his eyes and almost immediately fell asleep.
Kendall had her own theory on why JR couldn't leave... and whether or not he hated her too once this was done was a chance she had to take. Before her and Bianca made up and before Simone and Mia, JR was her only friend... and she owed him this.
Twenty minutes later they pulled up to the spot. From here they could walk into the woods to the spot that had become a memorial of sorts... first for Miranda and now for the little boy that Babe and JR had lost.
Kendall hated to wake him up, but she needed to get him to the spot before Bianca and Babe showed up.
"Hey... wake up... we're here..." Kendall gently nudged JR.
"Where are we?" He asked trying to wake up and look around.
"I am taking you somewhere... as someone who loves you JR... I think you need to be here... Please trust me."
JR felt like a helpless child. Right now he would go where ever he could feel safe... he could escape from reality on his own... but, right now he needed a friend... Someone to show him what to do.
He didn't even argue... not even when alarm bells rang in his head as he started to recognize where they were... He just opened his door and slid out of her car.
"Take my hand and follow me... everything is going to be ok..." Kendall took his hand and pulled him along the path. They didn't talk, just walked along the path in silence until they came to a little clearing with a home-made cross and flowers, there were also small baby toys set around it.
JR let go of Kendall's hand and walked forward. He had never come here before. Especially now...now that he knew that his child... his son... had been lost.
Looking around him he walked over and picked up a tiny bear... he didn't even realize that tears had begun to stream down his face...
Turning he looked at Kendall, "How can I except this? I mean... I can't hold out hope that he is still alive... that he's out there... like you and Bianca... I can't feel that."
Kendall walked over and put a hand on his shoulder, "I know... JR, but you can't run from it... you can't drink it away... please don't kill yourself trying to hide..."
"He never had a chance... and Babe, she knew... she knew that he was gone... and she didn't..."
"No... JR, I was there... she didn't know... She is hurting just as much as you are... She loves you... I know..."
"But... how can I believe her? How can you? She has lied so much... and my son... did he look like me... or his mother?"
Kendall's phone beeped and she knew that Bianca was parking at the moment. "JR... you trust me right? Come... stand over here... back out of sight... and don't say a word... you will know when the time is right..."
JR was confused, but he followed her back to a spot hidden behind some trees.
It was at that moment that Bianca and Babe walked up and moved toward the memorial site. "Bianca... thank you for coming with me... I just don't know if I can do this..."
"Babe trust me...you need this... let it out... let out what you are feeling... I can see you holding it in... hurting... say what you need to say... I am here and I love you and I won't let you fall."
Babe shook her head and then turned away. "You know... I came here a few times to talk to Miranda... I stood here and cried for her... and all that time my child, my son... was the one that had died... I didn't cry for him... not then... Now, now that I remember... he was so beautiful, so small. He didn't have a lot of hair... but it was a golden color... like JR's... his daddy never even got to hold him, to see him..."
Kendall stopped JR from going forward at that point and held him... she knew in some instinctive way that there was more he needed to hear.
Babe sat down crying and continued, "I remember holding him and thinking that he was so perfect... he... him... my little boy... he didn't even have a name Bianca... my angel didn't have a name..." And that was when she lost it... and started sobbing...
Just as Bianca went to go and support her friend when a hand stopped her. It was JR and he was crying openly and he continued walking to Babe.
He didn't say a word he just gathered his wife in his arms and they cried together for their child... He didn't want to think about the lies... not right now, he just knew that the woman he loved was hurting and so was he and he needed to hold her.
Babe pulled back, "JR? JR... he didn't have a name... we didn't even name him... and now he's gone..."
"I know... I know... we'll figure it out ok... we'll name our son... but, right now just let me hold you, ok?" JR knew in that moment that he had forgiven her for the lies and the betrayal and together they will make it through this... together.
Kendall walked over and hugged her sister. Bianca wiped tears from her cheeks and smiled, "I think you did it Kendall..."
"No... we did it... and they did it... I love you, Sis." Kendall smiled down at her baby sister.
"I love you too... everything is going to be ok now... I just wish they could find their son... just like I found Miranda... I just wish this was another bad lie..."
"Who knows with Paul Kramer... I mean he lied about this... but even he couldn't be that sick... I mean, why would he do that?"
"I know you are right... I know, but I just wish that things could be different." The two sisters hugged and moved off a little way to give the couple some privacy to grieve for their child.
Babe looked out to the slowly flowing water and said in a quiet voice.
"When I thought that I was having a boy... I thought Blake might be a good name... Blake Chandler... what do you think?"
"I like it... you know, I wanted a girl, but on the chance we had a boy I kind of thought Dixon might be cool... but then I realized he might not like having a name that could go for a reindeer name..."
"Dixon for your mom right? Instead of Dixie... well, I guess he could be named Blake Dixon Chandler... it's kind of different... but there won't be any kids to tease him now..."
"Babe, I am sorry about how I was at the hospital... I just couldn't deal with it... you know... but I shouldn't have taken it out on you... not like that..."
"I don't blame you for it... I deserved it after all that I did to you... and if you want a divorce... I'll agree to it... I should have taken better care of our child... I shouldn't have trusted Paul Kramer."
"Paul Kramer is going to pay for this... don't worry he will get what he deserves... and you and I will have more children... but, this one will always be special... I promise you."
Babe felt her heart leap and she turned and looked at her husband, "You mean it... this is just another attempt to get back at me... to hurt me more...for hurting you?"
JR hurt for her... to see her looking at him with so much hope in her eyes... but if you really looked you could see the pain and hurt not too far behind it... He had done this... he had hurt her ten times worse than she had ever hurt him.
"Babe... I want you to come home... with me. I love you, I always have... come home."
"I want to come home with you more than anything... but, I can't... not as we are JR... If this is going to work... if we are going to work... we need to start with something better... some place better than where we are... I need to grieve for little Blake... and so do you and that is no way for us to start fixing what was wrong..."
"I know... but maybe we can try... and I know that I can't do this without you... you're my heart... so what do we do? Can we compromise... there are plenty of rooms... take any of them you want... just please come home with me."
"Let me think about it... give me some time... maybe tomorrow? I just am scared to believe that this... that we can work..." Babe felt tears burn her eyes, just when she thought that she had no more tears to cry more seemed to surface.
"I'll give you all the time you need... just don't tell me its over, ok... give us a chance... I can't lose my son and you too... I just can't..." JR was tired of being the "tough guy", right now he felt more vulnerable than he had ever felt in his life.
"I think we should start... by getting you a shower...and some food... and then we can take it from there. If you will take me back to Erica's later... I'll go home... but not for the night... not yet."
"Ok, anything..." Babe and JR hugged and looked back to the river and said good night to Blake Dixon Chandler... their son who would never be with them....