Dotbf: Welcome back to another wonderful chapter of one messed up .hack fic!
Vtm: Yes! Be prepared to be disturbed!
Dotbf: Well anywho..disclaimer time!
Vtm: runs off for a moment
..waiting..
Vtm: comes back..dragging Sniper..
Sniper: Let go of me!!
Vtm: Not until you do the disclaimer!
Sniper: glares Fine..puts several dice in his hand
Dotbf: holds up a board
Sniper: flicks the dice at the board..when each dice hits the board a letter appears....
....about five seconds later....
Sniper: There..walks away....
Vtm and Dotbf: look at the board..
THE BOARD READS....
Vtm and Dotbf DO NOT own any part of .hack, yu yu hakusho,Pirates of the Carribean, db..dbz..dbgt, or Rurouni Kenshin!! Lorelei is owned by Vtm and Tyoki is owned by Dotbf....
Dotbf: and in case we missed anything..the only thing we own is out characters..and..ourselves..everything else belongs to other people!!
Vtm: Ah..well now that that's done with....
Dotbf and Vtm:....ON WITH THE STORY!!!!
CHAPTER 6
It was another "normal" day in "the world." Everyone was hanging around Mac Anu bored.
"Man i'm so bored!!" she complained.
"Complain complain complain..that's all you do.." Tyoki said as she thought of Crim. Mimiru growled at her. Bear rolled his eyes.
"Break it up! Break it up!" he said with boredom.
Suddenly Crim logged in.
"LADIES AND GENTLEMEN..BOYS AND GIRLS!! THIS IS YOUR ONCE IN A LIFETIME OFFER TO DATE A HOT AND SEXY GUY....ME!!" Crim said as he struck a macho man pose.
Everyone slowly turned around. Tyoki was about to run towards Crim, but then she saw him and stopped. Everyone stared at Crim speechless as they looked him up and down, Mimiru then got up the nerve to speak.
"Wh..what the hell are you wearing!?" she asked. (use your imaginations here..for we do not tell u what he's wearing..that is for u to determine for yourselves....well....have fun!!)
Sora stared at the deranged long arm.
"Now I've gotta admit that's sexy..even for Crim!" The male twin blade said. Everyone looked at Sora. Crim's eyes became all watery.
"Oh..you..really do love me!!" Crim cried grasping Sora in a hug. Sora struggled . Crim then put his mouth to Sora's ear.
"You know..I heard that a hot long arm like me and a sexy twin blade like yourself can make beautiful babies together!!" Crim said. Sora immediately got out of Crim's grip and slapped him across the face. Crim put a hand to the big red spot on his face and smirked a bit. "That's okay..i'll get ya later..when you least expect it!" Crim said. Sora shuddered and hid behind Tsukasa again. Everyone looked at Sora who was curled up in a fetal position sucking his thumb shuddering and shaking with fear of Crim liking him. They shook their heads.
"Ya know..now i'm actually starting to feel sorry for Sora now..I mean..look at him..its..well..miserable.." Mimiru said.
"Yeah..you're right..it is sad.." Tsukasa said.
"Oh come on people!!" Crim said impatiently. Everyone turned back and looked at him blankly and blinking.
Suddenly they heard some singing.
"When..the..moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie its..amore.."
BT looked towards the water.
"Oh..Kite.." she said.
"KITE! WHERE!? MAYBE HE COULD HELP US!!" Sora said standing up and rapidly looking around,
Kite docked and walked out to the others.
"Hey..what's up?" he asked.
"NO!! GET AWAY FROM HIM!" Tsukasa said lunging towards Kite and pushing him back.
"Hey! What's the big idea!" Kite said getting up.
"Keep away from him! He's trying to hit on everyone! If you get close enough..you'll be his next victim!!" Tsukasa said.
"Oh..you're hallucinating." Kite said walking up to Crim and tapping him on the shoulder.
"Hm.." Crim said turning around. He spotted Kite. "Hey..you're sexy..who are you?" How about a movie Friday night?" Crim asked.
"....Uh...." was all Kite could say. He ran back to Tsukasa almost knocking her down. "I'M SORRY FOR EVER DOUBTING YOU!!!!" Kite said hugging you please get off me...." Tsukasa said.
Just then the "evil" authoresses appeared walking around Mac Anu. Then they spotted the .hack cast and walked up to them. Everyone suddenly spotted them and gasped.
"OH NO!! IT'S THE AUTHORESSES! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!!" Tsukasa screamed.
"IT'S EVERY MAN FOR HIMSELF!!" Bear yelled.
"..Uh.." Kite scratched his head "..authoresses..?"
"..Kite..lets just put it this way..as long a you're in this fanfic..they're gods.." Tsukasa explained. Kite gasped and bowed down over and over before the authoresses. Everyone developed sweat drops.
Dotbf: Uh..you..uh.. really..don't have to do that..
Kite continued bowing.
Vtm and Dotbf: look at each other..then back at Kite WE COMMAND YOU TO STOP!!!!
"Eep...." Kite said.
"Wait..but what're you doing down here? Don't you belong up there?" Mimiru asked as she pointed towards the sky. Everyone looked up.
Vtm: Well if you would all kindly look back towards us we'll explain to you that we have a problem.
Everyone looked at them.
"A problem..with what?" Bear questioned.
Dotbf: ..The..plot..
"...." Everyone looked at the authoresses blankly.
Dotbf: sighs heavily what I mean is..WE CAN'T FIGURE OUT A FREAKIN' PLOT FOR THIS FREAKIN' THING!!!!
Vtm: DAMN YOU WRITERS BLOCK!!!!
Everyone gasped.
"W..well..what's gonna happen then?" Kite asked.
Vtm and Dotbf:..Well..
Suddenly Jack Sparrow flew in from out of nowhere.
"Ha ha ha ha!! Where's me rum!!" Jack asked. Everyone looked at Jack Sparrow.
"...Who the hell are you.." Kite asked. Jack Sparrow fell anime style.
"Wha..you mean you never heard of the great...." Jack Sparrow was interrupted by a loud scream.
"AHHHH!!!!!! WHERE IS MY ASS! MY ASS! CAN SOMEONE TELL ME WHERE MY BELOVED ASS IS!?!?" Kaiba screamed as he came flying by on his wheel chair.
"..Um..now..that was..uh..random.." Bear said.
Vtm:..Um..it's gonna get worse.
"Oh? How?" BT asked.
Vtm: pulls out a revolver and shoots BT Like that..
BT dissapeared. Sora looked towards the sky.
"Um..guys..why is the moon out in the daytime?" Sora asked. Everyone looked up.
"..Um..I don't think that's the moon.." Bear said.
"What makes you think that Bear?" Mimiru asked.
"Um..maybe because there is a giant crack in the middle....and i'm pretty sure that the moon doesn't have a mole...." Bear said. Kaiba wheeled back.
"MY ASS! MY ASS! IT CAME BACK FOR ME!!" he screamed wheeling off.
"Uh..that was well..wierd.." Lorelei said.
"We need to think of a plot and quick before the randomness get even more out of hand!!" Mimiru said.
"But how can it get more random then that!?" Tsukasa asked.
Suddenly Goku appeared out of nowhere and mooned everyone. Kenshin and Sano popped up and started singing:
"Blue moon..you caught me standing alone...."
"Um.." Bear said. Suddenly chibi Hiei appeared
"Frosty the Snowman was a jolly happy soul.." he sang. Everyone looked at him.
"Who are you..and why the hell are you here?" Mimiru asked.
Hiei changed back to regular form.
"My identity is of no concern to you....However..as for the reason i'm here.." Hiei reached into his pant pocket and pulled out a piece of Paper. He unfolded it and showed it to everyone. "I found this flier..." The flier had a picture of Crim on it and the words: "Lonely..lover wanted...." Everyone sweat dropped.
"Hey..I remember this guy!!" Crim said taking a long look at Hiei.
"If it has to do with your love life we don't wanna hear it!" Bear said.
"Oh no..we just screwed each other in front of my house with nothing on.." Crim joked. Hiei put his hands up defensively.
"Hey..he said it..not me!!" the fire demon said.
"Oh..eww..eww.." everyone said disgusted. Mimiru smacked Crim upside the head.
Vtm: well anyway back to the problem at hand..
Dotbf: Yeah..we don't want this to be a completely pointless chapter....
Vtm: So..Does anyone have any ideas?!
"Hm..well didn't you mention earlier about that silver dude and that angel chic having kids....by chance..were they..married?" Jack Sparrow asked.
Vtm and Dotbf: look at each other.. ..uh..whoops..
Dotbf: ..heh..guess we forgot to add that now didn't we..
"Yes..yes you did.." Jack said.
"But who are ya gonna get to play the priest?" Kite asked.
Vtm and Dotbf: look at Jack with evil smirks
Jack sees them.
"Oh no..HELL NO!!!!" he said.
Vtm and Dotbf: PLEASE!! PLEASE!! PLEASE!!
Vtm: whispers to him we'll give you a whole keg of rum in you do!!"
Jack sighed.
"Very well.." he said.
Vtm and Dotbf: cheering
Everyone looked at them clueless..
Vtm and Dotbf: LET THE WEDDING BEGIN!!!!
"Oh no..WHAT DID WE DO TO DESERVE THIS!!!!" everyone screamed.
Dotbf: Well that's it..
Vtm: Hope ya liked it..stay tuned for the next chapter!!
Dotbf: Well please review!!
Vtm and Dotbf: THANK YOU!!!!