Title: White roses.
Rating: Would be G but it has a bad word... PG-13 I guess...?
Disclaimer: Not mine, none, not even a little bit. Hold me :'(
Author: Taya
Thanks: Steph, who's a better friend than I thought I deserved and Nat, always thanks to Nat because!
500 word drabble.
The words on the page meld together in your tired eyes; you turn the page, another empty space to fill.
Nothing you write here is the truth; nothing you write is any more real than your smile.
It's what was recommended. Because your you, strong and obedient your doing it. Fuck. That word fits more than all the structured syllables and sentences on that page...
You slam it shut and get up from your bed.
This isn't going to help you.
But you don't think you have a problem do you?
No matter how hard you try you just don't see it as something to be fixed, it's just you.
You walk around the room, moving helps.
You know you can be happy.
You think you will be one day.
You can say that in a thousand different ways and a few different languages.
Doesn't make it true.
Makes you bitter.
You recognise that.
You hope you're not turning into your mother.
You'll be there at the wedding though, wearing your biggest smile and probably not your most flattering dress.
You'll give them a toaster and try to refrain from thoughts of how many ways she could be killed by it.
No screw it you can think like that! It'll make your smile more real.
You chuckle.
Just slightly, but it's a dark laugh.
You know you can be happy!
Keep saying that.
Walking over to your dresser you stretch your arms.
You look at a picture of H and you, you can see what's there, because, you muse, she isn't?
Well she's here now, and he's hers and you lost your chance and you have no one to blame but yourself.
Yourself and him.
You'll blame him for a long time.
And cry yourself to sleep for a while.
You stand and watch them together.
Maybe your therapist did help 'cos it doesn't hurt as much as you thought.
They kiss, they walk don their isle but it doesn't hurt to much... a bit but not that gut wrenching pain.
They look so happy.
She throws her bouquet, the white roses cut through the air and a few petals fall to rest on the ground. That's an image that will stay with you.
She turns around, her smile, her hair, her long flowing white dress... she does look stunning.
And H, he almost makes you breathing go straight to hell.
He looks... perfect, you've never seen a more handsome suit or a more handsome man...
You wonder what she thought when H invited you.
You wonder if you care.
Turns out you don't.
They get into their car, go home to their house.
You're gonna miss him... more than you though.
But you never made him smile like that.
You never made him happy... not really, and you never looked that good in white.