Chapter 2
Disclaimer: Sadly enough (sigh sigh) I do not own the characters in the story or Middle Earth (they belong to Tolkien –applause). The only things/people are Mrs Bobummi and Mrs Goomsdale, but I do NOT own SALPC, even if some people would like to think I do, I only own rehab, nothing else.
Mrs Bobummi was expecting quite a large crowd today. Sixteen, in fact. She peered down at her list again. These people had very weird names, ones she had never heard of. 'Aragorn son of Arathorn (Estel) Elessar Arwen daughter of Elrond Undomiel Evenstar Boromir son of Denethor (Steward of Gondor) Celeborn of Lorien Eowyn sister daughter of Theoden (White Lady of Rohan) Faramir son of Denethor (Captain of Gondor) Frodo Baggins son of Drogo of the Shire Galadriel Evenstar of Lorien Gandalf the White Gimli son of Gloin of the Lonely Mountain Glorfindel of Rivendell Haldir of Lorien Legolas Greenleaf son of King Thrandruil of Mirkwood Meriadoc Brandybuck of the Buckland Peregrin Took of Tookland Samwise Gamgee of the Shire.' Mrs Bobummi sighed. You got a lot of weird people at the 'Simple Adults Learning Program Centre'. Just then, a large group of people appeared at the doorway. It must be them.
She went over to them and looked professionally over her glasses at them. They dressed strange too, from long robes and trailing dresses to dirty, mud-stained clothes. They were a couple of male weirdos with hair longer than hers, and most of them carried at least some sort of weapon. 'You know that weapons are not allowed inside the building, don't you?' she said. They all looked confused. She sighed. Did these people even have brains? She noticed one of them had vomit stains all down his front. She shuddered. Disgusting. 'OK. Welcome to the Simple Adults Learning Program Centre, or otherwise known as SALPC. I hope you, er, enjoy your stay and benefit from our helpful programs,' she said, trying to smile. Then, she noticed some of them had pointy ears. Even stranger. 'Must be the new weirdo fashion,' she muttered to herself. Legolas caught what she said. 'Sorry? What did you say?' Mrs Bobummi was flustered. 'Oh, er, ah, umm, I said, er, I'm very, umm, glad to meet you all!' she said. Legolas raised his eyebrows. One of them must have had supernatural hearing to catch what she had said. 'In fact, I really need to go now, so, er, just proceed upstairs, and into the first room on your left,' she said, thoroughly confused by this mob of supernatural weirdos.
Haldir grabbed Boromir's arm and pulled him up off the ground, and Celeborn did the same to Aragorn. They were both sitting on the ground, muttering to themselves and talking in gibberish. They went up the stairs and found the room they were supposed to be in. Their teacher had obviously not arrived yet, and the room was crammed with desks and chairs. A whiteboard was on the wall, and there were fans on the ceiling. Not knowing what to expect at their first lesson, they just made themselves at home. Galadriel and Eowyn sat on the window sill, admiring the view with their feet dangling out the window. Arwen was experimenting with the whiteboard markers; drawing pics of herself (she was extremely vain). Faramir was at another window, still throwing up on peoples' heads as they passed by. Legolas and Haldir were practising their archery, with Gimli's beard being the target, while Frodo, Sam, Merry and Pippin were talking about food and mushrooms and Gollum and Farmer Maggot and Sam's old gaffer and Ted Sandyman and Rosie Cotton and oliphaunts and gardening and ale and Bilbo and who knows what else. Aragorn and Boromir sat in a corner, smoking Longbottom Leaf and muttering and being depressed because they were parted with their beloved beer, and Celeborn and Glorfindel were sitting on the tables, arguing about whose ears were pointier and whose hair was longer and which one of them was more remotely related to Elrond. Gandalf had gone to sleep with his eyes wide open, snoring on one of the tables. Another teacher passing by was totally convinced that the classroom was inhabited by complete retards.
Suddenly their teacher appeared at the door. Her name was Mrs Goomsdale, she was very old and she had a hearing aid. Everyone noticed her, and quietly sat down in the chairs, except Gandalf who was at the back of the room, snoring away happily in his happy land (he was dreaming about chocolate). Mrs Goomsdale walked into the middle of the classroom. 'Good morning, class. My name is Mrs Goomsdale, and I hope you enjoy learning here,' she announced. No-one answered, they all just sat there and stared at her. The first thing, Mrs Goomsdale thought, was to teach this class some manners. For one thing, there was this old guy, sleeping on a desk!!
'Ah, excuse me sir, could you please wake up?' she asked. There was no answer. The open eyes really freaked her out. 'When Gandalf is asleep, nothing but a band of Uruk-hai can wake him up,' said Pippin helpfully. 'You mean oliphaunts,' said Sam. 'No, I mean Uruk-hai.' 'You liar.' 'No, you're the liar.' Pippin tackled Sam and they started fighting and punching and rolling around on the floor. 'Yes, and do not meddle in the affairs of wizards, for they are subtle and quick to anger,' remarked Glorfindel, while all this was going on. 'Yet, it is said that go not to the elves for counsel, for they will say both yes and no,' added Frodo. Everyone laughed except for Gandalf (who was still asleep), Pippin and Sam. Mrs Goomsdale was thoroughly confused. Aragorn stood up and swayed. 'Umm, my lady? Do you have any beer?' Everyone laughed again. Boromir got up as well. 'Yes, lead us to the place you keep beer. We want beer.' More laughs. Mrs Goomsdale felt indignant. 'Are you trying to be funny, young man? Because I do not see the humour in it.'
'That's funny. Hahahahaha...' Arwen slapped Aragorn on the face again. 'Yeah, when that's funny, it's er, it's funny. Hahahahahahaha...' Faramir tried to slap Boromir on the face, but ended up throwing up on him. Eowyn slapped Faramir on the face for trying to slap Boromir and throwing up on him. Then Galadriel scolded Eowyn for slapping Faramir, and Eowyn started crying. Galadriel and Arwen went to comfort her, while Aragorn and Boromir were still laughing like crazy men (because they were only doing what was natural to them, being insane). Meanwhile, Pippin and Sam were still fighting, and Frodo and Merry and Gimli had joined the fight, even though they had no idea what they were fighting about.
Faramir was still throwing up his lembas bread.
And Gandalf was still asleep.
That left Glorfindel, Legolas, Celeborn. So Celeborn went to comfort Eowyn, while Glorfindel and Legolas joined the fight which now consisted of Pippin, Sam, Frodo, Merry, Gimli, Glorfindel, Legolas, Aragorn and Boromir, because they had also joined the fight. Eowyn refused to be comforted by a male elf with hair longer than hers, so Celeborn also decided to join the fight.
Faramir was still vomiting, now back at the window.
And Gandalf was still asleep.
And Mrs Goomsdale was losing her head. Never had she had a class which was as uncontrollable as this one, however crazy this place might be. Most of her pupils just sat there drooling out of their mouths. But this class ... She began tearing out her hearing aid, but slowly went up to her hair, which she tore out full-on, in large chunks. This left her half-bald, and Mrs Goomsdale did not like it AT ALL.
She started wailing and ran out of the classroom screaming about lunatics.
This left the people from Middle Earth having the best (and most action- filled) time of their lives.
Except for Faramir, who was STILL throwing up. He was down to his clay and pipeweed now. Someone had to feel sorry for that guy.
And Gandalf was still asleep.
Please read and review, even if you think it is the worst. I like feedback from my audience, that is if I have one. If you don't review, I will lock you in a room with the insane people (cough cough) mentioned above. So there. !!!!!!!! I hope to upload more chapters soon, tell me if you like long stories because I do, but no-one else I know does!!!!!!
Disclaimer: Sadly enough (sigh sigh) I do not own the characters in the story or Middle Earth (they belong to Tolkien –applause). The only things/people are Mrs Bobummi and Mrs Goomsdale, but I do NOT own SALPC, even if some people would like to think I do, I only own rehab, nothing else.
Mrs Bobummi was expecting quite a large crowd today. Sixteen, in fact. She peered down at her list again. These people had very weird names, ones she had never heard of. 'Aragorn son of Arathorn (Estel) Elessar Arwen daughter of Elrond Undomiel Evenstar Boromir son of Denethor (Steward of Gondor) Celeborn of Lorien Eowyn sister daughter of Theoden (White Lady of Rohan) Faramir son of Denethor (Captain of Gondor) Frodo Baggins son of Drogo of the Shire Galadriel Evenstar of Lorien Gandalf the White Gimli son of Gloin of the Lonely Mountain Glorfindel of Rivendell Haldir of Lorien Legolas Greenleaf son of King Thrandruil of Mirkwood Meriadoc Brandybuck of the Buckland Peregrin Took of Tookland Samwise Gamgee of the Shire.' Mrs Bobummi sighed. You got a lot of weird people at the 'Simple Adults Learning Program Centre'. Just then, a large group of people appeared at the doorway. It must be them.
She went over to them and looked professionally over her glasses at them. They dressed strange too, from long robes and trailing dresses to dirty, mud-stained clothes. They were a couple of male weirdos with hair longer than hers, and most of them carried at least some sort of weapon. 'You know that weapons are not allowed inside the building, don't you?' she said. They all looked confused. She sighed. Did these people even have brains? She noticed one of them had vomit stains all down his front. She shuddered. Disgusting. 'OK. Welcome to the Simple Adults Learning Program Centre, or otherwise known as SALPC. I hope you, er, enjoy your stay and benefit from our helpful programs,' she said, trying to smile. Then, she noticed some of them had pointy ears. Even stranger. 'Must be the new weirdo fashion,' she muttered to herself. Legolas caught what she said. 'Sorry? What did you say?' Mrs Bobummi was flustered. 'Oh, er, ah, umm, I said, er, I'm very, umm, glad to meet you all!' she said. Legolas raised his eyebrows. One of them must have had supernatural hearing to catch what she had said. 'In fact, I really need to go now, so, er, just proceed upstairs, and into the first room on your left,' she said, thoroughly confused by this mob of supernatural weirdos.
Haldir grabbed Boromir's arm and pulled him up off the ground, and Celeborn did the same to Aragorn. They were both sitting on the ground, muttering to themselves and talking in gibberish. They went up the stairs and found the room they were supposed to be in. Their teacher had obviously not arrived yet, and the room was crammed with desks and chairs. A whiteboard was on the wall, and there were fans on the ceiling. Not knowing what to expect at their first lesson, they just made themselves at home. Galadriel and Eowyn sat on the window sill, admiring the view with their feet dangling out the window. Arwen was experimenting with the whiteboard markers; drawing pics of herself (she was extremely vain). Faramir was at another window, still throwing up on peoples' heads as they passed by. Legolas and Haldir were practising their archery, with Gimli's beard being the target, while Frodo, Sam, Merry and Pippin were talking about food and mushrooms and Gollum and Farmer Maggot and Sam's old gaffer and Ted Sandyman and Rosie Cotton and oliphaunts and gardening and ale and Bilbo and who knows what else. Aragorn and Boromir sat in a corner, smoking Longbottom Leaf and muttering and being depressed because they were parted with their beloved beer, and Celeborn and Glorfindel were sitting on the tables, arguing about whose ears were pointier and whose hair was longer and which one of them was more remotely related to Elrond. Gandalf had gone to sleep with his eyes wide open, snoring on one of the tables. Another teacher passing by was totally convinced that the classroom was inhabited by complete retards.
Suddenly their teacher appeared at the door. Her name was Mrs Goomsdale, she was very old and she had a hearing aid. Everyone noticed her, and quietly sat down in the chairs, except Gandalf who was at the back of the room, snoring away happily in his happy land (he was dreaming about chocolate). Mrs Goomsdale walked into the middle of the classroom. 'Good morning, class. My name is Mrs Goomsdale, and I hope you enjoy learning here,' she announced. No-one answered, they all just sat there and stared at her. The first thing, Mrs Goomsdale thought, was to teach this class some manners. For one thing, there was this old guy, sleeping on a desk!!
'Ah, excuse me sir, could you please wake up?' she asked. There was no answer. The open eyes really freaked her out. 'When Gandalf is asleep, nothing but a band of Uruk-hai can wake him up,' said Pippin helpfully. 'You mean oliphaunts,' said Sam. 'No, I mean Uruk-hai.' 'You liar.' 'No, you're the liar.' Pippin tackled Sam and they started fighting and punching and rolling around on the floor. 'Yes, and do not meddle in the affairs of wizards, for they are subtle and quick to anger,' remarked Glorfindel, while all this was going on. 'Yet, it is said that go not to the elves for counsel, for they will say both yes and no,' added Frodo. Everyone laughed except for Gandalf (who was still asleep), Pippin and Sam. Mrs Goomsdale was thoroughly confused. Aragorn stood up and swayed. 'Umm, my lady? Do you have any beer?' Everyone laughed again. Boromir got up as well. 'Yes, lead us to the place you keep beer. We want beer.' More laughs. Mrs Goomsdale felt indignant. 'Are you trying to be funny, young man? Because I do not see the humour in it.'
'That's funny. Hahahahaha...' Arwen slapped Aragorn on the face again. 'Yeah, when that's funny, it's er, it's funny. Hahahahahahaha...' Faramir tried to slap Boromir on the face, but ended up throwing up on him. Eowyn slapped Faramir on the face for trying to slap Boromir and throwing up on him. Then Galadriel scolded Eowyn for slapping Faramir, and Eowyn started crying. Galadriel and Arwen went to comfort her, while Aragorn and Boromir were still laughing like crazy men (because they were only doing what was natural to them, being insane). Meanwhile, Pippin and Sam were still fighting, and Frodo and Merry and Gimli had joined the fight, even though they had no idea what they were fighting about.
Faramir was still throwing up his lembas bread.
And Gandalf was still asleep.
That left Glorfindel, Legolas, Celeborn. So Celeborn went to comfort Eowyn, while Glorfindel and Legolas joined the fight which now consisted of Pippin, Sam, Frodo, Merry, Gimli, Glorfindel, Legolas, Aragorn and Boromir, because they had also joined the fight. Eowyn refused to be comforted by a male elf with hair longer than hers, so Celeborn also decided to join the fight.
Faramir was still vomiting, now back at the window.
And Gandalf was still asleep.
And Mrs Goomsdale was losing her head. Never had she had a class which was as uncontrollable as this one, however crazy this place might be. Most of her pupils just sat there drooling out of their mouths. But this class ... She began tearing out her hearing aid, but slowly went up to her hair, which she tore out full-on, in large chunks. This left her half-bald, and Mrs Goomsdale did not like it AT ALL.
She started wailing and ran out of the classroom screaming about lunatics.
This left the people from Middle Earth having the best (and most action- filled) time of their lives.
Except for Faramir, who was STILL throwing up. He was down to his clay and pipeweed now. Someone had to feel sorry for that guy.
And Gandalf was still asleep.
Please read and review, even if you think it is the worst. I like feedback from my audience, that is if I have one. If you don't review, I will lock you in a room with the insane people (cough cough) mentioned above. So there. !!!!!!!! I hope to upload more chapters soon, tell me if you like long stories because I do, but no-one else I know does!!!!!!