Disclaimer: I am now the proud owner of a talking bucket filled to the brim with Faramir's vomit. Nothing else am I the proud owner of, it's all Tolkien's work.
Everyone in the room was staring at the bucket now, Elrond's eyebrows still twitching as if they were electrocuted. 'Hmm, you know, I can totally understand your situation. I mean, who would like carrying around vomit all the time? A bucket needs the simple pleasures of life, like we all do,' said a voice in the corner. It turned out to be Haldir, who sat there looking as if he knew what it felt like to be a bucket. Elrond's eyebrows twitched again.
'Exactly! That's what I'm talking about! Us buckets need to be thoroughly understood man, you know? We have intricate, complicated feelings, dude, and buckets don't like to be mentally, physically, psychologically, politically, technologically, spiritually, mechanically, terminally, annually and socially undermined just because we don't look as good as other objects. Man, we kinda like to be appreciated once in a while,' the bucket replied with the same enthusiasm. It looked as if Haldir and the talking bucket were going to be the best of friends. Twitch.
'I kinda need a dictionary, what a speech, bucket-dude,' muttered Aragorn, rifling through his 'Complete A-Z Dictionary and Guide for Idiotic Kings', looking for 'psychologically' even though he didn't know how to spell it. He did know how to spell 'beer' however. Arwen rolled her eyes and wondered how she ever got married to him.
Another long silence. Legolas resisted the insane urge to write three full- stops on the whiteboard, and after that put 'uncomfortable silence, rendered speechless by strange un-known object classified as a talking bucket' in brackets. He doubted Aragorn would know half those words. He himself didn't either, they were just the first words he ever saw when he was young, and memorised it ever since.
Faramir was the first to break the silence. Another twitch from Elrond.
'Umm, Mr. Bucket, sir? I was kind of wondering if you knew how to stop vomiting, because,' he retched again, 'I can't really stop myself.' He ended the quite obvious statement with another spell of vomit. The smell was starting to get to everyone. Elrond's eyebrows started twitched furiously, looking a lot like a grandmother's knitting needles when she just found out she only had two days to knit red polka-dot scarves for all her grandchildren.
'Oh sure, dude. It's so easy man, like a child of five could do it. All you gotta do is hold it in, you know?' the bucket said conversationally, quite at ease. And no, Faramir did not know how to hold in his vomit. He tried to swallow and to his surprise, it worked. Faramir finally stopped throwing up lembas bread!!!!!
There was a moment's silence, and then everyone screamed their heads off and rushed towards Faramir, patting him on the back and shaking his hands and congratulating him. Even Boromir managed to say one word before he collapsed from his state of drunkenness-'Finally'.
Sorry it took so long to update, I've been reading too much and writing too little. Anyway, hope you enjoy.
Everyone in the room was staring at the bucket now, Elrond's eyebrows still twitching as if they were electrocuted. 'Hmm, you know, I can totally understand your situation. I mean, who would like carrying around vomit all the time? A bucket needs the simple pleasures of life, like we all do,' said a voice in the corner. It turned out to be Haldir, who sat there looking as if he knew what it felt like to be a bucket. Elrond's eyebrows twitched again.
'Exactly! That's what I'm talking about! Us buckets need to be thoroughly understood man, you know? We have intricate, complicated feelings, dude, and buckets don't like to be mentally, physically, psychologically, politically, technologically, spiritually, mechanically, terminally, annually and socially undermined just because we don't look as good as other objects. Man, we kinda like to be appreciated once in a while,' the bucket replied with the same enthusiasm. It looked as if Haldir and the talking bucket were going to be the best of friends. Twitch.
'I kinda need a dictionary, what a speech, bucket-dude,' muttered Aragorn, rifling through his 'Complete A-Z Dictionary and Guide for Idiotic Kings', looking for 'psychologically' even though he didn't know how to spell it. He did know how to spell 'beer' however. Arwen rolled her eyes and wondered how she ever got married to him.
Another long silence. Legolas resisted the insane urge to write three full- stops on the whiteboard, and after that put 'uncomfortable silence, rendered speechless by strange un-known object classified as a talking bucket' in brackets. He doubted Aragorn would know half those words. He himself didn't either, they were just the first words he ever saw when he was young, and memorised it ever since.
Faramir was the first to break the silence. Another twitch from Elrond.
'Umm, Mr. Bucket, sir? I was kind of wondering if you knew how to stop vomiting, because,' he retched again, 'I can't really stop myself.' He ended the quite obvious statement with another spell of vomit. The smell was starting to get to everyone. Elrond's eyebrows started twitched furiously, looking a lot like a grandmother's knitting needles when she just found out she only had two days to knit red polka-dot scarves for all her grandchildren.
'Oh sure, dude. It's so easy man, like a child of five could do it. All you gotta do is hold it in, you know?' the bucket said conversationally, quite at ease. And no, Faramir did not know how to hold in his vomit. He tried to swallow and to his surprise, it worked. Faramir finally stopped throwing up lembas bread!!!!!
There was a moment's silence, and then everyone screamed their heads off and rushed towards Faramir, patting him on the back and shaking his hands and congratulating him. Even Boromir managed to say one word before he collapsed from his state of drunkenness-'Finally'.
Sorry it took so long to update, I've been reading too much and writing too little. Anyway, hope you enjoy.