Chapter Four
My mind raced as I thought of what he would say. Within five seconds I thought of a million outcomes to what he would say. My pulse rang loudly in my ears as I eagerly anticipated what he was about to utter. Finally the moment came and in that moment my heart stopped as I listened to what he would say.
"Lily, don't go. Please, don't go." I stopped and waited for him to continue. "Lily, I want to like you-really I do but..."
"But what?" I tried to mask the pain in my voice but it still got out. One thing I could stop was the flood of tears rushing to my eyes. And I did stop them.
"I don't know what. It's just..." As Travis paused I got a good look at his face and something dawned on me. For the first time since I had met Travis, I could read his expression. He was sad. His eyes were even glassier than normal so I could tell he also had tears welling up. And his lips were in a tight line.
I motioned for him to continue.
"Look what happened with Audrey and I. I don't want that to happen to us." I took Travis by the shoulders and looked deep into his eyes.
"Travis, that won't happen to us. Because-I'm not Audrey. I'll never be like Audrey. You know why? Because unlike Audrey, I know that my feelings for you won't vanish. And I know...I know that your feelings wont either." Travis diverted his gaze for a moment but it quickly returned.
"I just don't know if I can trust my emotions. Do you understand that?" I let out a chuckle but quickly stopped as I saw that he was looking at my strangely.
"I'm sorry for laughing but...I know exactly how you feel." I wrapped my arms around his neck and rested my head on his shoulder. "I can't trust all of my emotions either. I don't think I ever will. But I know that this I can trust."
I leaned back and looked at him with tears slowly dripping down my face. "I love you more than...anything. And, if-if you don't feel the same, I-I understand. But, what happened between us wasn't a mistake. Right before we kissed for the second time you said that this wasn't who we are, and this wasn't who we were meant to be. I questioned for the longest time if that was true, and, I finally came up with an answer. It is who were are, and...it is who we're meant to be."
My mind raced as I thought of what he would say. Within five seconds I thought of a million outcomes to what he would say. My pulse rang loudly in my ears as I eagerly anticipated what he was about to utter. Finally the moment came and in that moment my heart stopped as I listened to what he would say.
"Lily, don't go. Please, don't go." I stopped and waited for him to continue. "Lily, I want to like you-really I do but..."
"But what?" I tried to mask the pain in my voice but it still got out. One thing I could stop was the flood of tears rushing to my eyes. And I did stop them.
"I don't know what. It's just..." As Travis paused I got a good look at his face and something dawned on me. For the first time since I had met Travis, I could read his expression. He was sad. His eyes were even glassier than normal so I could tell he also had tears welling up. And his lips were in a tight line.
I motioned for him to continue.
"Look what happened with Audrey and I. I don't want that to happen to us." I took Travis by the shoulders and looked deep into his eyes.
"Travis, that won't happen to us. Because-I'm not Audrey. I'll never be like Audrey. You know why? Because unlike Audrey, I know that my feelings for you won't vanish. And I know...I know that your feelings wont either." Travis diverted his gaze for a moment but it quickly returned.
"I just don't know if I can trust my emotions. Do you understand that?" I let out a chuckle but quickly stopped as I saw that he was looking at my strangely.
"I'm sorry for laughing but...I know exactly how you feel." I wrapped my arms around his neck and rested my head on his shoulder. "I can't trust all of my emotions either. I don't think I ever will. But I know that this I can trust."
I leaned back and looked at him with tears slowly dripping down my face. "I love you more than...anything. And, if-if you don't feel the same, I-I understand. But, what happened between us wasn't a mistake. Right before we kissed for the second time you said that this wasn't who we are, and this wasn't who we were meant to be. I questioned for the longest time if that was true, and, I finally came up with an answer. It is who were are, and...it is who we're meant to be."