Chapter Twenty-Three
Stress and Smoking
I looked at myself in the mirror. Prefect! I was wearing a baby blue, off the shoulder peasant top that went down to my mid-thigh and dark denim hip huggers. I picked up my brush and a hair bow and lay on my bed so my head was hanging off. I then put my hair up in a high pony tale. When I sat up I saw a photo of Simone and I two years ago in front of Roscoe high for my first day of school. I was wearing a black t-shirt, beige jacket, and plain jeans. My hair hung around my shoulders and I had no make up on. My style had definitely changed but so had I. At least I'm not a slut. I'm still out going and I'm still a total ANTI-conformist. Plus, Travis seemed to like this look. At least he did when we were going out.
I walked back over to my dresser and put some make up on and some eyeliner. I pulled a few strands of hair out from my pony talk so they framed my face. I then sat on my bed and slipped on my black DC's. On last mirror check and I was headed out the door for school. When I arrived I sat on the front steps next to Ray. He had a distant look on his face.
"Ray, why did you lie?"
"What are you talking about?" He looked at me.
"You said you never loved Audrey. You were lying. If you had been telling the truth you wouldn't be staring at her right now." His cheeks turned crimson. I had seen Audrey talking to Travis when I walked onto school grounds.
"I don't know what to do. I...I miss her so much. I had just wanted to see if I had any feelings for you still...and I don't." I let out a sigh of relief. I had wanted him to confirm this for quite a while and this was a load off my chest.
"Ray, she misses you too. Just talk to her. Explain things and I'm sure she'll forgive you. She's been so depressed since you two broke up." He looked at me with thanks. I simply gave him a hug and pushed him in the direction of Audrey who had just finished talking to Travis. I grinned as I watched them talk. Smiled were plastered on their face. After five minutes of talking they were sharing hugs and kisses. Why can't I be as happy as them? I sighed and walked into school and prepared for another boring day.
When the lunch bell finally rang I rushed off to the art room. I guess Audrey had rubbed off on me because I always seem to want to paint when I'm stressed out. It was better than my old habit, see, about a year ago I was having a lot of stress. My parents were fighting, my grandmother had passed away, and I had to deal with Travis dating some girl named Renee (it only lasted two weeks). In the midst of it I started smoking. Audrey caught me and I quit and got hooked on painting. Some times I still have that craving for a cigarette and right now is one of those times. I could really go for a smoke but I simply can't. I refuse to resort to that again.
School let out two hours ago. I decided to skip RFR. Here I am, sitting on the roof of my house. I have the beautiful blue sky in front of me; lush green trees cover the floor as far as the eye can see. I'm simply staring at it with a smile on my face and a cigarette in my hand.