Part Two

Tom

With only a few days left of the year James and Lily would be allowed to graduate with the class. James' things had been moved to his old room. Snape was not to be allowed near him. Snape screamed every curse he knew at the door to James' room but it would not open for him. Dumbledore, newly appointed, came to see him personally and told him to let James go and stop embarrassing himself. He saw Potter only once, across the Great Hall, he shouted for him and ran as fast as he could but James left with only a short backward glance. Even across the hall Severus could see the tears streaming down his face.

That summer he saw notice of their wedding in the Daily Prophet. Potter had been wise enough not to send an invitation, but Severus almost wished he had. At least then he would have been able to see him once.

Lily and James lived happily enough. James grew to love and respect Lily but she always knew she would never be the one he truly cared for. It was enough for her that she had him, even if it was only half of who he used to be. Her husband would brighten up enough when Remus and Sirius came to visit. One day she truly realized how much he loved Snape. Sirius had made a very rude aside comment about the Slytherin when much to his and everyone else's surprise, James blasted him through a wall and stormed out. They made up afterwards but Severus was always danced around in conversation of their school days from then on. Gradually James grew to accept his new life and when the baby was born he found happiness again. When asked for a name for the baby he said the first thing that came to mind. Seeing the shocked look on Lily's face he decided on Harry.

Things were not so easy for Snape. He walked down dark alleys and foreboding paths but never did he find what he was looking for. The longing for James became bitterness, and that bitterness became a deep-seated hate, so engrossing that Severus had almost forgotten their love long ago. Then he found Voldemort and became a Death Eater. He found solace from his pain only in the pain of others and the physical pain inflicted on himself in turn. For his services he asked only one thing, that he might be hurt over and over until the very memories washed away in blood. It was done and the scars across his body and mind accumulated over the years until he became a true death eater. Living off the deaths of others and becoming death itself. Then Voldemort fell and with his fall came the ringing of a familiar name. Potter.

After James' death, Severus apparated to a lonely cliffside. He had lived only to hate James. Now that he was gone, what reason was there for him to go on? He thought of their love, so soon forgotten by Potter. With his love's name on his lips he stepped off the edge into oblivion. He opened his eyes to Lord Voldemort's face.

"Tom?"

"Yes, Severus."

"Is this hell?"

"No. There is no hell for those who are already damned as they walk the earth. What is the good of seeking atonement in eternal fire when you will already feel that and more with every breath you take? Live, and mourn at the uselessness of your death."

"Why did you kill him, Tom?"

"For you. I killed him because you asked me only for pain and pain was all I could give you. I knew this would hurt you most of all."

"It is too much to bear."

"You will suffer and I will be glad of it Severus. You came too close to me, I began to need you, care about you. You only lived for that damned Potter. That is why my curse failed. Not the child. I fell because of you. I cast the curse for love of you."

With that Voldemort disappeared, his shade drifting away as if blown by the wind.

Severus lay down his head and wept for the first time in many years.