Secret Smile
By Hwoarang Girl

Disclaimer - Kaine and all related characters, concepts etc. belong to the amazing Kaori Yuki. I can only worship her.
Rating/Warnings - PG, for references to suicide. Spoilers. Die's P.O.V.
Pairing - Die/Kaine
Summary - As Kaine recovers in hospital after his latest suicide attempt, Die muses on the singer, their relationship, and the future. Die/Kaine

Plain italics signify direct quotes from the manga.

'Kaine I could never hate you, because... I had already been caught and was trapped in your scarlet red locks...'
I wrapped a strand of his fiery hair around a finger as my gaze lingered on him. Even when sat in a hospital bed, with his glorious locks no longer flowing over his shoulders in vibrant waves, instead cut and clumped up under bandages, he retained some of that maginficence he had come to carry; only this time, it wasn't so untouchable, instead...vulnerable.
"Why are you crying? You're strange! Die..."
His voice cut through my thoughts, and I untangled my finger from the strand of flame red hair, before raising that hand to my cheek. I was a little surprised when my fingers encountered moisture - I hadn't realised I had begun to cry silently. Now conscious of it, I looked away, but I could still feel his gaze resting on me.

I couldn't bear the thought of what had occurred. It wasn't the first time I had seen Kaine attempt suicide. I can name numerous occasions on which he had slit his wrists only to tell me that if I didn't save him, then I would have murdered him; but this time was different. When he sung Imashime no oto and the truth came rushing back to him, he understood I had known the whole time that he was Kaine, and not Shinobu. After the performance, when he laid back against me and rested his head against the crook of my neck, I made no hesitation in resting my cheek upon his crown. That moment was a moment of change, acceptance and of love... and then he pulled away, and smiled, a genuine, pure smile just for me before raising the gun and pulling the trigger.

He was so beautiful in that moment, as he broke his promise to me and cut out my heart.

Warm fingers tucked under my chin and gently steered hy head back round. I remember, when I first met Kaine I told him he had beautiful eyes. That has never changed. A bittersweet smile graced his face as moved his hand to wipe away my tears - I hadn't realised I never stopped crying - and I wonder just how much he remembers. I wonder how long it will take for him to recover and be out of this place, and how long he will last before he smiles that breathtaking, secret smile before breaking another promise of ours.

Perhaps I should stop asking him to promise me the one thing he cannot.

His way had always been to make me hate him, so I would never forget him. Deadly poison.
I caught his hand with one of my own and pushed it away, before resting my head against his shoulder. He seemed to expect the move, and a moment later he had begun to rub soothing circles on my back.

The Endorphines were over. We were no longer bound to this area, or this life. I wouldn't give up music, of course, and I wouldn't let Kaine give up on that extraodinary voice and talent... but there was just too much of a past to go on here. He would never survive if he couldn't find a way to distance himself from what had happened to him. I took a deep breath to compose myself, before pulling back out of the embrace. Our eyes locked for a moment, before I ran a hand though my hair. "When you're out of here, we're going to move far away from this place. Together." My tone was final; I'd drag him if need be.

My sudden declaration took him aback for a moment, and I found a familiar amused smirk etching its way onto my face. Kaine mirrored the look, before looking away with a smile. This time I caught him by the chin and redirected his attention back to me, before leaning in a stealing a tender kiss. His mind I would never truly know, but I took it as a good sign when he relaxed into it, wrapping an arm around me.

It was a silent promise that I would be there for him. I was well aware this was only the calm before the storm and I can only pray that when the past consumes him next, I will have given him some kind of a lifelife to cling to. This promise was my promise to him, something he couldn't break as he smiled a rare, genuine smile at me.