Darth Warious: Yes, everything is a conspiracy. I mean to update this fanfic a bit more often than my other ones, by the way.

Smenzer: I emailed you about your review. Which included the fact that No, my master is not Palpy. (shudders) Jandalf's my master, and Audreidi is my co-master. Heh. You'll find out exactly what happens to Palpy sooner or later, of course... I will keep you updated! I promise! Glad you thought my stuff looked interesting! Old age home? Hmmmmmmm...

Lena Breeze: Glad it's funny. Palpatine's unconscious because he fried himself, as will come into being in the next chapter (chapter 3) or later. Heheheh. I am Canadian, so I suppose it's a good thing you don't hate Canada!

Audreidi: (innocent eyes) Who me? Not involve Palpy more? No way... not in this story... (laughs insanely) This one, though with shorter chapters, will be insane. Now, whyever do you have that tone, Master, when you mention Shadow and Lara'li being in here...? (just you wait...) Erm... you really shouldn't give me plot bunnies, though... because... now... well... you'll see, I suppose. Don't worry. (raises right hand) I give you my solemn promise that Palpatine will be used more in the next few chapters, more so as the chapters go on. Happy? Glad you like it!

Chapter Two: Tiana's Solution

Well, the Emperor remained unconscious for a good while-- in fact, when we left the room a half hour later, he was still unconscious. And I still had a headache.

"Now, I have a plan," Tiana filled in to meet the unbearable silence.

"Uh-huh?" I didn't exactly feel like talking in full sentences after being zapped by Force-lightning. At least, that's what I assumed it was. I had to review the Star Wars movies some time, because I was rather clueless. If I had to wake up to Palpatine in my closet, why couldn't it have been the younger Palpatine... groan. I don't want a mummified twerp in my closet!

She grinned, and sat down on the couch. "We call a red-alert on Middle-earth."

Did I mention that she runs a webpage, as well as thinking she's a Jedi? No, I don't think I did. It's called Middle-earth: Insanity. "Red alert..." It took me a moment to understand what she meant. "Tiana! You can't call up all the Middle-earthians!"

Tiana pouted. "Well, not all of them, but any that might be of help."

"Help?! Those... insane... people..." I rolled my eyes. Like her solution would be of any help to me. "Call your friends, then... I need to go... erg..." I stood up, and walked back to my room.

I could hear her grinning. "You have to learn to face reality, Shadow."

"This is reality," I muttered. "And the reality is that this is all a dream."

I swore that I heard her saying something about the Matrix, and Mr. Anderson, but, when I looked back at her, she merely smiled sweetly, and waved me away.

Well, I made it back to my room with little trouble, considering it had been a little while since I had been zapped, at least. However, opening my door, I nearly fainted. Again. I had the strangest feeling that there was going to be a good deal of fainting going on at this rate.

"WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU DOING TO MY CLOSET????" I screamed, when I had got my voice back. The mentioned closet was now on my floor, in pieces. A certain Palpatine was attempting to put it back together.

He looked at me, glint in his eyes, and pointed one shaking finger at me. "You. You're the one you pulled me here in my moment of triumph."

I had no clue what he meant. "I have no clue what you are talking about," I said, to make sure that point was taken.

He cackled. "Shadow, my apprentice..."

"I'm not Shadow," I muttered. And I'm certainly not your Apprentice. Who'd want to be apprenticed to that dried up freak of nature, anyway?!

He ignored me. "...obviously, you have forgotten the effects of time travel. Of chasing the worlds like so. They'll be here for you soon..."

I took that moment to slap him. Don't ask me why I felt the need to slap a supposed Emperor that was sitting on my floor, but I did. "Palpatine," I hissed. "You just took apart my closet, messed up my bedroom, which had been clean a moment passed, and fried the power in the house." I just noticed that the power wasn't on. "Now you are acting like that Tiana, and calling me Shadow, and expecting me to know what's going on? Well, reality check, you mummified twerp, I don't!"

"You would dare call your Emperor a... mummified twerp?" he asked, rising up to his feet in a pathetic imitation of Gandalf. Sadly, the wrinkled up prune appearance did nothing for the act, beyond making him look like someone was inflating a prune balloon.

I sighed. "You aren't my Emperor, and you are in my house. Thus, under my control."

Tiana took that moment to come into the room, and grab me by the arm. The rate I had been going would've probably meant my death by Force-lightning relatively soon. However, I, unlike Tiana, had no belief in all that mumbo-jumbo Force stuff, and was rather annoyed. Who wants an Emperor in your bedroom anyhow?! "Lara'li," she hissed at me-- for once leaving off the old name of Shadow, "it might be wise for your health if you just shut up, and leave this to the red-alert people."

"They aren't here yet," I muttered back, "and you what, expect me to invite him to tea, or something?!"

She shrugged. "Why not?"

"Agh! That was sarcastic!"

I looked back over at a confused Palpatine. Seemingly, Tiana had been speaking in Pig Latin, thus confusing him greatly. We learned Pig Latin back when we were kids, but it worked. "You want to come to tea?" I asked, weakly.

"Yeeeeeeeeeessssssss..." he cackled. Tiana glared at him. He glared back at her-- and I'd swear recognition was on his face. "You..."

She grinned. "Yes, me. And me, and me, and me too. C'mon, Lara'li..." She grabbed me, and dragged me out of the room. "And make sure he doesn't come near me, or Arien," she hissed under her breath. "Not until my backup arrives."

Backup? Oh, great...

I had no clue who Tiana had called in of the Middle-earthian Agents, as they are so dubbed, but I had the feeling this wasn't going to be pretty...

I suppose now would be a good time to clue you in on these Middle-earthians. They are all insane people like Tiana, and they all have strange personas. And they seem to think they are these persons as well. I'm pretty sure I have an idea on who'll be coming, so I'll give you a bit of history, as far as I know it.

There's Maeggaladiel. She's the leader of the nearsighted Elves, a nearsighted girl who thinks she has Elven Jedi Mindpowers-- she's not Force-sensitive online, she only says they're Jedi powers for fun. I've seen her online, and, if I can compare anyone to Tiana, it's probably Maeg.

There's Jandalf. It's inevitable to think Tiana wouldn't call up Jandalf, considering she's positive that they are Master/Padawan. They actually do a fairly good job with that role, if nothing else, even if it's a bit odd. She's the only Middle-earthian that I've ever met before, really, though.

There's Thorongil and Vanacoriel. The two have been stalking each other, attempting to take over the world with a shovel-- currently Vana has it, but it's actually Thorongil's shovel. I don't know much about them, but Tiana probably contacted them.

And, of course, there's Trinity, Darth Warious, Adrienne, Cenerue, and Darth Aragorn-- the latter of whom is actually Jason, and Adrienne having her twin, Destiny. You'll meet them all in due time, of course... even if they are a bit bothersome. In the meantime, I had to get the Emperor tea, and hope that I didn't subsume to the temptation of poisoning him. I'm sure Adrien would've let me borrow some of his poisons, as I'm sure he has some hanging around. But then, I don't know what mom would've said...

My mom is Mystial Anderson. She's some freaky Matrix-like person, and I'd swear she actually thinks the Matrix is real. She, when not off doing Matrixy things, is either being an Elf, or being a mom. She's actually not that bad-- but, as I've said, I'm the only normal one here. Not even the Emperor behind me is normal, considering he's laughing something about galactic domination at the moment.

Normal? Yeah, right.

We actually made it to the kitchen with no problems, unless the fact that the Emperor just appeared in your closet, the power's now out, and your closet is torn into pieces could be classed as a problem. And your sister has just called up half of the members on her webpage while she was at it. No, no problems at all.

It was when we made it into the kitchen that the problem started.

I probably didn't mention that Cloud had waxed the floor the day before, did I? Well, I did now, anyway. I purposefully forgot to warn Palpy-- hey, I don't intend on talking to that mummified freak of nature for as long as I can help it!-- and he ended up gliding across the floor in slow motion.

He landed in a heap of gray robes, looking like a mummy that had fallen apart. And his breathing was remotely akin to Darth Vader's. Not to mention his eyes... I swear he was attempting to imitate Sauron. You know, from Lord of the Rings.

The Pepsi can on the cupboard incinerated, as he took out his frusteration on it, and fell on the floor in a heap of ashes. I dissolved into laughter, it was just too funny.

Tiana rolled her eyes, and handed him a broom. "Clean up the incineration, Emperor Palpatine," she said, annoyed. "That was my Pepsi."

Interestingly enough, Palpatine actually complied with her request, muttering something under his breath about Jedi brats. She just grinned faintly, and sat down. "Oh, just you wait," she muttered. "1 H4V3 P145 F0R '/U0, P41P471N3..."

To this date, I have no clue on how she manages to actually speak in L337. And yet, that girl still does it.

I made tea, and sat down with a cup, and wondered whether I'd ever wake up from this dream. Well, I did wake up from my wishes that it wasn't a dream when Palpatine shouted something about not enough sugar in his tea.

I went and got the sugar cubes, and bashed them over his head. You wouldn't believe what the Emperor looks like with sugar crystals stuck to his hood...

Tiana merely smirked, and said, "Paint Wars, meet your match..."

I had a suddenly bad feeling-- and for more than one reason. A) Paint Wars was a fanfiction she had wrote in which many Jedi Masters were dyed, and B) Because the Emperor was glaring at me so furiously, that I thought his eyes were going to ignite.

If I had to have a character appear in my closet, why, oh why couldn't it have been someone cute like Luke Skywalker?!