Author's notes: This is not meant to be a one-shot, since it's directly connected to the story. It's not a chapter either, because it takes us back to before the boys were reincarnated. I honestly don't know if I fucked up the whole 'song-fic' concept. The lyrics don't always reflect on Muraki's thoughts. The song makes me think more of the *two* of them, than just one. There's supposed to be two more of these in the future; yes, you've guessed it, with the other two pairings and two other Coldplay songs. Please tell me if you hate the concept and I won't do them, though.
For all of you who have me on your author's alert, if you got one on Monday and then you checked it and there was nothing it's cuz I posted this, but then regretted it. I knew the real chapter wasn't going to be finished for a few more days and I felt like it would be cheating you to make you all exited about a new chapter only to find this. Gomen!!
Enjoy!
IN MY PLACE: MURAKI/ORIYA INTERLUDE
There is peace in the knowledge that you're going to die.
I've spent so long running from it, denying it and even fearing it. It's not like those numerous times I've been close enough to taste it. Oh no, those times I mocked death in the face; laughed at it. But now that it's here I...
Now I *know*; now I embrace it.
Who'd thought that I, of all people, would die laying peacefully in the safety of my bed? Who'd thought that *I* wouldn't die alone?
...................
~In my place, in my place,
were lines that I couldn't change,
I was lost, oh yeah.~
..................
I played the part, and I played it well. I was everything I was expected to be; what I was programmed to be. I shouldn't fear death. I have no regrets.
Oh surely I can see all the things in my life that should make me fear it. Strangely enough, knowing I'm going to die soon has given me an enormous clarity of thought. But why should I regret those things? From the moment I was born I was nothing but a doll; a puppet. First to my mother, then my father and last but not least, to Saki.
I did what I was supposed to do; I was what I was supposed to be.
I wonder how bad hell is really like. I wonder if maybe I'd get special treatment, being as I was a good soldier and all? Yeah, right.
Someone like me doesn't have the luxury of hiding behind atheism or scepticism. I've seen the other side. Hell, I've *been* there!!
....................
~And I was lost, I was lost,
Crossed lines I shouldn't have crossed,
I was lost, oh yeah.~
...................
But who would accept my argument? I'm going to be judged, and I already know the outcome. I've always known it.
Why do I feel like it's unfair? I know it isn't. I may have been a puppet of the circumstances, but I'm far from stupid. It *was* my choice to walk the path set before me. Hell is what I deserve.
I say I have no regrets. But why do I feel guilty? Guilty of what? Of murdering and torturing those countless souls? No chance in hell. Yet it's there.
I know, I had the chance to change. I had the opportunity. Without Saki, without Tsuzuki; what was the point? Why did I keep on going? I had no reason, no obsession to feed off. I could have stopped.
I had everything but the motivation. Or did I?
....................
~I was scared, I was scared,
tired and under prepared,
but I'll wait for it.~
....................
Because he's here, isn't he? He's always been here. Now he looks old; his hair has turned grey and his body decayed but, somehow, he's as beautiful as he'd always been. I've lost everything; I'm about to lose my own life; but I still have him.
All this time running away from old age, from death, when what really terrified me was next to me the whole time.
Yes, he scared me. Not because of what he made me feel, but for the possibility. I always knew that he was capable of melting that wall of ice around my heart. So I kept him at an arm's length. For what?
In the end, he's the one by my side; talking me through it. He really did love me.
.................
~And if you go, if you go,
and leave me down here on my own,
then I'll wait for you, yeah.~
.................
Will he follow me to hell? Does he love me that much?
The funny thing is, I *don't* want him to. I want him with me, yes, but not if it causes him pain...It's a strange feeling; one that's always been there but I'd never wanted to acknowledge.
I don't want to cause him pain; I don't want him to cry for me.
Why would I hide from it now? I'm dying; the only thing I have left is my soul, as battered and damned as it is. Why deny it?
I could have loved him, too.
For all my power, my longevity. For all my crimes and victories; I'd give it all up for just one chance. Just one, to go back at that point in life when I could have turned back from all of it. I couldn't change after taking that step, but I just wish... If I could just be there again and decide to step aside...
Maybe then I could have given him what he needed. Maybe then I would have been free enough to love him back.
....................
~In my place, in my place,
were lines that I couldn't change,
I was lost, oh yeah.
Oh yeah.~
...................
~End of Interlude~
For all of you who have me on your author's alert, if you got one on Monday and then you checked it and there was nothing it's cuz I posted this, but then regretted it. I knew the real chapter wasn't going to be finished for a few more days and I felt like it would be cheating you to make you all exited about a new chapter only to find this. Gomen!!
Enjoy!
IN MY PLACE: MURAKI/ORIYA INTERLUDE
There is peace in the knowledge that you're going to die.
I've spent so long running from it, denying it and even fearing it. It's not like those numerous times I've been close enough to taste it. Oh no, those times I mocked death in the face; laughed at it. But now that it's here I...
Now I *know*; now I embrace it.
Who'd thought that I, of all people, would die laying peacefully in the safety of my bed? Who'd thought that *I* wouldn't die alone?
...................
~In my place, in my place,
were lines that I couldn't change,
I was lost, oh yeah.~
..................
I played the part, and I played it well. I was everything I was expected to be; what I was programmed to be. I shouldn't fear death. I have no regrets.
Oh surely I can see all the things in my life that should make me fear it. Strangely enough, knowing I'm going to die soon has given me an enormous clarity of thought. But why should I regret those things? From the moment I was born I was nothing but a doll; a puppet. First to my mother, then my father and last but not least, to Saki.
I did what I was supposed to do; I was what I was supposed to be.
I wonder how bad hell is really like. I wonder if maybe I'd get special treatment, being as I was a good soldier and all? Yeah, right.
Someone like me doesn't have the luxury of hiding behind atheism or scepticism. I've seen the other side. Hell, I've *been* there!!
....................
~And I was lost, I was lost,
Crossed lines I shouldn't have crossed,
I was lost, oh yeah.~
...................
But who would accept my argument? I'm going to be judged, and I already know the outcome. I've always known it.
Why do I feel like it's unfair? I know it isn't. I may have been a puppet of the circumstances, but I'm far from stupid. It *was* my choice to walk the path set before me. Hell is what I deserve.
I say I have no regrets. But why do I feel guilty? Guilty of what? Of murdering and torturing those countless souls? No chance in hell. Yet it's there.
I know, I had the chance to change. I had the opportunity. Without Saki, without Tsuzuki; what was the point? Why did I keep on going? I had no reason, no obsession to feed off. I could have stopped.
I had everything but the motivation. Or did I?
....................
~I was scared, I was scared,
tired and under prepared,
but I'll wait for it.~
....................
Because he's here, isn't he? He's always been here. Now he looks old; his hair has turned grey and his body decayed but, somehow, he's as beautiful as he'd always been. I've lost everything; I'm about to lose my own life; but I still have him.
All this time running away from old age, from death, when what really terrified me was next to me the whole time.
Yes, he scared me. Not because of what he made me feel, but for the possibility. I always knew that he was capable of melting that wall of ice around my heart. So I kept him at an arm's length. For what?
In the end, he's the one by my side; talking me through it. He really did love me.
.................
~And if you go, if you go,
and leave me down here on my own,
then I'll wait for you, yeah.~
.................
Will he follow me to hell? Does he love me that much?
The funny thing is, I *don't* want him to. I want him with me, yes, but not if it causes him pain...It's a strange feeling; one that's always been there but I'd never wanted to acknowledge.
I don't want to cause him pain; I don't want him to cry for me.
Why would I hide from it now? I'm dying; the only thing I have left is my soul, as battered and damned as it is. Why deny it?
I could have loved him, too.
For all my power, my longevity. For all my crimes and victories; I'd give it all up for just one chance. Just one, to go back at that point in life when I could have turned back from all of it. I couldn't change after taking that step, but I just wish... If I could just be there again and decide to step aside...
Maybe then I could have given him what he needed. Maybe then I would have been free enough to love him back.
....................
~In my place, in my place,
were lines that I couldn't change,
I was lost, oh yeah.
Oh yeah.~
...................
~End of Interlude~