Chapter 11
The clouds hung low and pensive as Buffy made her way back to her car that day. It was well over a month since her promise to Willow and she'd managed to keep it. Though I can't say the same for Willow, unfortunately Buffy thought rather bitterly.
Willow still hadn't had a chance to talk to talk to Riley, despite her constant promises that she would. She just never seemed to be able to get him alone. Valentine's day had been and gone Valentine's Day! Buffy snorted derogatively at the thought. It had ended up being a complete nightmare for her. She'd been really looking forward to it, seeing it as the perfect opportunity for them to go out to dinner or something and basically have a nice romantic evening. For her to remember exactly what she saw in him and why she was going out with him.
It had all started to go wrong the day before Valentine's Day. Cordelia had split up with her latest boyfriend and she and Anya had come round for an evening of girl's movies, popcorn and a general moan about the evils of men. That was the night that Buffy discovered that Riley had had himself a key cut to the flat.
He let himself in halfway through 'Dirty Dancing'. Buffy knew he had to have let himself in – all the guys were out and all the girls downstairs watching the film. When she asked him about it, Riley seemed quite pleased with himself. He declared that he'd found the spare key in the kitchen and didn't think anyone would mind because he was here most of the time anyway.
Buffy was fuming, but she just couldn't seem to make Riley see that she was upset. He was just so convinced that it was a good idea.
And things got worse the next day when she got home from lectures to find him moving his favourite stuff into her room. No, sorry, she thought resentfully. It's our room now, isn't it? She'd wanted to just scream at him there and then, but it was Valentine's Day and they had a table booked at a lovely Italian for that night and she'd been looking forward to it for weeks. So she'd backed down. And now, She thought I just don't know how to approach the subject.
So here she was, February drawing to a close. Oz's gig was in three days and things between Riley and herself seemed to be getting worse rather than better. But hopefully things will improve today she thought as she rounded the corner and approached her car which was in its usual spot outside Spike's flat. Willow was talking to Riley today. She'd finally given up trying to corner him in the evenings and had promised Buffy that she would skip classes this afternoon because she knew that he would be home. Buffy still couldn't believe that her normally studious friend would willingly skip classes, but she wasn't about to argue the point! It should be over by now. Buffy hoped that it had gone well and that Riley would understand. She hoped...
Buffy's train of thought came to an abrupt halt as she reached her car. She had reached out almost automatically to pluck the note from her windscreen, only to realise that there was nothing there. No note.
She couldn't believe it, there had been a note religiously every day since the start of term. She'd ignored every one, of course, but still he'd left them. She stared at the car; frown slightly creasing between her eyebrows, lump forming in her throat. She looked up towards his flat and swallowed, unsure about what to do.
She took a deep breath, well, I can't go up there now. I've truly fucked up this time haven't I? God, how can I be so stupid! Things aren't getting any better – no, scrap that – things seem to be getting steadily worse with Riley. The whole point of this was to work things out with him, but I can't even get him to admit that there's a problem! So here I am, spending what seems like every waking moment with a guy who drives me crazy half the time and I'm forcing myself to avoid the one person I'd most like to spend time with. Now, for my stupid boyfriend, I've lost someone who was fast becoming one of my best friends.
Just good friends? the little voice echoed quietly in the back of her mind. Buffy firmly ignored it.
"This day just can't get any worse!" She groaned before climbing into the car.
Buffy found Willow in the living room, sitting on the sofa, alone.
"So, how'd it go?" She asked hopefully.
Willow looked up and smiled nervously, "Well, you see..."
"Will, tell me that you talked to him!" Buffy interrupted.
"Yes, yes, I did." Her smile faded. "I just don't know if he got it."
"What do you mean?" Buffy sat down next to her friend and let her head fall back to rest against the back of the sofa.
"I gave him the whole 'Buffy might need a bit of time occasionally to just be with her friends and not with you' speech. At least, that's what I think I was saying, but I'm not sure if that's what he was hearing. He started to go on about how there was nothing wrong with your relationship, about how it was absolutely perfect, about how you were absolutely perfect. I'm sorry, Buffy, but I think you were right – that boy won't hear anything unless he wants to." She grimaced slightly.
Buffy sighed and stared at the ceiling. She had hoped that Willow's plan would work, but she also knew deep down inside that it wouldn't – she'd known that Riley wouldn't listen.
"Thanks anyway Will, it was worth a try."
"So, are you going back to hiding at Spike's every night then?" Willow tried to sound cheery, but this only elicited another sigh from Buffy.
"No."
Willow frowned; obviously there was something that she didn't know about. Buffy turned her head to face her friend.
"He's stopped inviting me over." She sighed.
"But he knew that you had to stop coming over while you sorted out this problem with Riley," Willow saw the expression on Buffy's face, "didn't he?"
"Well, you see, I knew that if I started going round again I'd just fall back into bad habits again, so I thought that if I just didn't – go round I mean – then I wouldn't." She smiled hopefully at her friend, knowing what was coming next.
"Buffy! You mean that you haven't seen Spike at all this semester? You haven't explained why you're ignoring him? That's terrible – the poor guy. You spend hours round his house and then blank him completely? He's probably furious at you!" Willow looked at Buffy unbelievingly.
"I know..." Buffy looked contrite.
"You're going to have to explain all this to him you know."
"Hey! Don't have a go at me about this! You're the one that was all 'resolve face' and 'I'll only speak to Riley if you stop hiding at Spike's'!"
"Yeah, but I didn't mean for you to stop seeing the guy altogether. Jeez! I mean – it's a little drastic, don't you think?"
Not really she thought. Her mind wandered back to the last time she'd seen him. It had been just before the Christmas break and she'd gone round with a small present. Nothing much, it was just a Manchester United mug, but she'd wanted to buy him a present and he'd seemed to like it. They'd lain there on his bed for hours. It had been freezing cold in his room and they'd ended up cuddling up to each other under the duvet for warmth. Ever since she'd tried not to think about how it felt to lie there in his arms, pressed up against him. How right it had felt – they just seemed to fit.
She thought of confessing all of this to Willow, but decided against it. This isn't happening she decided. It's just because of Riley. Things are difficult at the moment, I'm bound to compare. Right?
Which is why you're comparing Riley to Xander and Oz as well, right? Because they're your friends as well, remember... the traitorous little voice smirked at the back of her mind.
She could tell Willow, but to admit it was to make it real. And it wasn't real - it was all just confusion. That's all.
Buffy sighed and let her head bang back against the sofa.
"I know. I just... Argh!" She threw up her arms in despair. "What am I going to do Will? Life shouldn't have to be this complicated. But you're right – I know you are. I'm going to have to explain everything to Spike. And try to think of some way of getting through to Riley. Just, not right now because right now I really have to," Buffy thought hard for something that could legitimately distract her from the problems in her personal life. "I have to go and tidy my room! Yes, that's it. It's really messy and I've been meaning to do it for ages and now it must be done – top of my list of things to do. So, I really must go." With that Buffy made a dash for the stairs and disappeared, leaving a frowning Willow alone in the living room.
The clouds hung low and pensive as Buffy made her way back to her car that day. It was well over a month since her promise to Willow and she'd managed to keep it. Though I can't say the same for Willow, unfortunately Buffy thought rather bitterly.
Willow still hadn't had a chance to talk to talk to Riley, despite her constant promises that she would. She just never seemed to be able to get him alone. Valentine's day had been and gone Valentine's Day! Buffy snorted derogatively at the thought. It had ended up being a complete nightmare for her. She'd been really looking forward to it, seeing it as the perfect opportunity for them to go out to dinner or something and basically have a nice romantic evening. For her to remember exactly what she saw in him and why she was going out with him.
It had all started to go wrong the day before Valentine's Day. Cordelia had split up with her latest boyfriend and she and Anya had come round for an evening of girl's movies, popcorn and a general moan about the evils of men. That was the night that Buffy discovered that Riley had had himself a key cut to the flat.
He let himself in halfway through 'Dirty Dancing'. Buffy knew he had to have let himself in – all the guys were out and all the girls downstairs watching the film. When she asked him about it, Riley seemed quite pleased with himself. He declared that he'd found the spare key in the kitchen and didn't think anyone would mind because he was here most of the time anyway.
Buffy was fuming, but she just couldn't seem to make Riley see that she was upset. He was just so convinced that it was a good idea.
And things got worse the next day when she got home from lectures to find him moving his favourite stuff into her room. No, sorry, she thought resentfully. It's our room now, isn't it? She'd wanted to just scream at him there and then, but it was Valentine's Day and they had a table booked at a lovely Italian for that night and she'd been looking forward to it for weeks. So she'd backed down. And now, She thought I just don't know how to approach the subject.
So here she was, February drawing to a close. Oz's gig was in three days and things between Riley and herself seemed to be getting worse rather than better. But hopefully things will improve today she thought as she rounded the corner and approached her car which was in its usual spot outside Spike's flat. Willow was talking to Riley today. She'd finally given up trying to corner him in the evenings and had promised Buffy that she would skip classes this afternoon because she knew that he would be home. Buffy still couldn't believe that her normally studious friend would willingly skip classes, but she wasn't about to argue the point! It should be over by now. Buffy hoped that it had gone well and that Riley would understand. She hoped...
Buffy's train of thought came to an abrupt halt as she reached her car. She had reached out almost automatically to pluck the note from her windscreen, only to realise that there was nothing there. No note.
She couldn't believe it, there had been a note religiously every day since the start of term. She'd ignored every one, of course, but still he'd left them. She stared at the car; frown slightly creasing between her eyebrows, lump forming in her throat. She looked up towards his flat and swallowed, unsure about what to do.
She took a deep breath, well, I can't go up there now. I've truly fucked up this time haven't I? God, how can I be so stupid! Things aren't getting any better – no, scrap that – things seem to be getting steadily worse with Riley. The whole point of this was to work things out with him, but I can't even get him to admit that there's a problem! So here I am, spending what seems like every waking moment with a guy who drives me crazy half the time and I'm forcing myself to avoid the one person I'd most like to spend time with. Now, for my stupid boyfriend, I've lost someone who was fast becoming one of my best friends.
Just good friends? the little voice echoed quietly in the back of her mind. Buffy firmly ignored it.
"This day just can't get any worse!" She groaned before climbing into the car.
Buffy found Willow in the living room, sitting on the sofa, alone.
"So, how'd it go?" She asked hopefully.
Willow looked up and smiled nervously, "Well, you see..."
"Will, tell me that you talked to him!" Buffy interrupted.
"Yes, yes, I did." Her smile faded. "I just don't know if he got it."
"What do you mean?" Buffy sat down next to her friend and let her head fall back to rest against the back of the sofa.
"I gave him the whole 'Buffy might need a bit of time occasionally to just be with her friends and not with you' speech. At least, that's what I think I was saying, but I'm not sure if that's what he was hearing. He started to go on about how there was nothing wrong with your relationship, about how it was absolutely perfect, about how you were absolutely perfect. I'm sorry, Buffy, but I think you were right – that boy won't hear anything unless he wants to." She grimaced slightly.
Buffy sighed and stared at the ceiling. She had hoped that Willow's plan would work, but she also knew deep down inside that it wouldn't – she'd known that Riley wouldn't listen.
"Thanks anyway Will, it was worth a try."
"So, are you going back to hiding at Spike's every night then?" Willow tried to sound cheery, but this only elicited another sigh from Buffy.
"No."
Willow frowned; obviously there was something that she didn't know about. Buffy turned her head to face her friend.
"He's stopped inviting me over." She sighed.
"But he knew that you had to stop coming over while you sorted out this problem with Riley," Willow saw the expression on Buffy's face, "didn't he?"
"Well, you see, I knew that if I started going round again I'd just fall back into bad habits again, so I thought that if I just didn't – go round I mean – then I wouldn't." She smiled hopefully at her friend, knowing what was coming next.
"Buffy! You mean that you haven't seen Spike at all this semester? You haven't explained why you're ignoring him? That's terrible – the poor guy. You spend hours round his house and then blank him completely? He's probably furious at you!" Willow looked at Buffy unbelievingly.
"I know..." Buffy looked contrite.
"You're going to have to explain all this to him you know."
"Hey! Don't have a go at me about this! You're the one that was all 'resolve face' and 'I'll only speak to Riley if you stop hiding at Spike's'!"
"Yeah, but I didn't mean for you to stop seeing the guy altogether. Jeez! I mean – it's a little drastic, don't you think?"
Not really she thought. Her mind wandered back to the last time she'd seen him. It had been just before the Christmas break and she'd gone round with a small present. Nothing much, it was just a Manchester United mug, but she'd wanted to buy him a present and he'd seemed to like it. They'd lain there on his bed for hours. It had been freezing cold in his room and they'd ended up cuddling up to each other under the duvet for warmth. Ever since she'd tried not to think about how it felt to lie there in his arms, pressed up against him. How right it had felt – they just seemed to fit.
She thought of confessing all of this to Willow, but decided against it. This isn't happening she decided. It's just because of Riley. Things are difficult at the moment, I'm bound to compare. Right?
Which is why you're comparing Riley to Xander and Oz as well, right? Because they're your friends as well, remember... the traitorous little voice smirked at the back of her mind.
She could tell Willow, but to admit it was to make it real. And it wasn't real - it was all just confusion. That's all.
Buffy sighed and let her head bang back against the sofa.
"I know. I just... Argh!" She threw up her arms in despair. "What am I going to do Will? Life shouldn't have to be this complicated. But you're right – I know you are. I'm going to have to explain everything to Spike. And try to think of some way of getting through to Riley. Just, not right now because right now I really have to," Buffy thought hard for something that could legitimately distract her from the problems in her personal life. "I have to go and tidy my room! Yes, that's it. It's really messy and I've been meaning to do it for ages and now it must be done – top of my list of things to do. So, I really must go." With that Buffy made a dash for the stairs and disappeared, leaving a frowning Willow alone in the living room.