Chapter 17

The room was grey, the walls weren't painted and she thought that they might be made of stone. It was light in the room though – the sunlight entering the room through windows set high in the thick, grey walls. She was fairly sure that he'd been asleep in the ragged green chair that stood to one side of the room when she walked in, pushing the heavy wooden door open with all the force she could muster. It banged against the wall loudly, waking the figure in the chair that jumped to his feet.

"It's you, should've known." He said moving to stand in front of her. His eyes never left hers as she walked towards him wondering where they were and what she was doing here in this empty, grey room. She came to a stop in front of him and for a moment they just stood there, staring into each other's eyes.

Suddenly he grabbed her by the upper arms and kissed her, trying to inject all the passion he felt into that one kiss. She returned it for a moment, more out of habit than anything else, then pulled back with dismay. She brought her hand to her mouth and looked up at him, brow furrowing. Confused she reached up around the back of his head and pulled him towards her, kissing him passionately. She felt his hands clutch at her back and his mouth leave hers to kiss her cheek. She stood frozen, she couldn't move.

"I love you Buffy." She heard him whisper to her and still she stood there. Then she pulled back and looked him in the eye, she smiled sadly.

"But I don't love you Riley. I'm sorry."

Buffy awoke with a gasp, tears streaming down her face as the dream came flooding back to her.

"No. Oh no." she shook her head, trying to tell herself that it was just a dream, just a silly dream, but she knew that it wasn't. She looked at the clock 5:24. She was in her bedroom, at home in her mother's house in Sunnydale and had been for the best part of a week now.

She swallowed a couple of times, trying to banish the tears that continued to stream down her face, but it was no good. She picked up the phone and dialled.

"Hello?" a sleepy voice on the other end of the line said.

"I don't love him." Buffy sobbed down the line.

"Oh, god Buffy, are you okay?" Willow was suddenly very awake.

"No, I don't think I am. What am I going to do Will. I tried and tried. It shouldn't be like this. We were the perfect couple – he was everything I was supposed to want and I tried so hard to make it work. But I can't do it anymore. I don't love him. Why don't I love him? What do I do?" She burst into a fresh round of sobs. At the other end of the line Willow looked at the clock and stifled a sigh. Looks like I'm getting up then.

"What you do is go and have a shower – I'll meet you in an hour for an early breakfast – things always look better over coffee and a large plate of fattening pancakes with far too much syrup – it's a proven fact." Willow said matter-of-factly.

"But I don't like coffee" Buffy complained, sniffling now rather than sobbing.

"I'm sure they have alternatives. Now go, shower." Willow said before hanging up the phone and turning over for another few minutes sleep before she had to get dressed.

The two girls were the only ones in the restaurant that early in the morning and the waitress looked at them wondering why the pale redhead who looked like she was still half asleep and the tiny blonde with the huge bloodshot eyes felt the need to be here at this time in the morning. She shrugged and turned away – the world was full of odd people.

Buffy had managed to stop crying by the time she met Willow and she sat at the table, nervously shredding napkins from the dispenser, not knowing what to say.

"You got me out of bed – you get to speak first." Willow stated firmly, taking a large mouthful from the mug of strong, hot coffee in front of her.

"I don't love him." Buffy said quietly.

I gathered that through the sobs on the phone Willow thought somewhat meanly – she didn't really react well to early morning wakeup calls, but she swallowed the thought and prepared to be supportive to her friend who seemed to have finally realised what Willow had suspected, then known, for quite some while now. This was finally the end for Buffy and Riley and Buffy seemed to be suffering from shock right now.

"I tried, really I did. I wanted so much for it to work and then I woke up this morning and I knew it wasn't going to." Buffy gabbled, desperate to fill the silence. Willow just made encouraging listening sounds, knowing that the best thing for her friend would be just to talk about it – she didn't need advice right now.

"And then it suddenly hit me. I realised that I haven't loved him for a long time now. And, god Will, I'm only 20 and here am I running round trying to change and be this perfect thing and make this relationship work as though we've been married for years or something. And it's making me miserable. And I can't do it anymore." She took a deep breath. "It's over. It has to be. I have to break up with Riley."

Willow watched the emotions play across her friend's face. The final one seemed more like relief than anything else. Relief that she knew what to do and Willow suddenly realised that Buffy was going to be fine.

"So, what you gonna do?" Willow asked carefully, just as two large plates of pancakes arrived. Buffy avoided answering for a while, thinking about the question as she busied herself with preparing her pancakes with far too much syrup. She cut a piece off the first one, then looked at it and put down the fork – suddenly realising that food was the last thing she wanted right now. She looked across the table at Willow.

"I've let this thing go on long enough – I can't drag it out any further. It wouldn't be fair to either of us. But I have to tell him face to face.

"I'm going to go back to England a few days early – and alone before you suggest coming with me. I know Riley's still there, he didn't go home for the Easter break, so I can talk to him and we can sort this out before everyone comes back. I think that would be best." She looked over for confirmation.

"Sounds sensible to me, but are you sure that you don't want me to come with you?"

"Yes Will, I'm sure. I need to do this on my own." Buffy said determinedly. She looked back down at her plate of rapidly cooling pancakes. "But can we get out of here now – the smell of all this food is really turning my stomach."

"Sure, let's go." Willow smiled and called for the cheque.