Mother's Wisdom
Dear Arwing,
Yesterday I was walking alone on the balcony of the house of healing. A slight breeze was blowing, tossing my hair every which way I did not want it to go. I was frustrated about Boromir, and frustrated about being stuck here in this city. Grand as it is, I long to be home. Home under the tall trees, home with the elves, home with Boromir safe, home with life just as it used to be. And I was frustrated because I knew deep inside that I cannot have that life back just as it was then. Change has come.
I heard footsteps behind me. I turned my head around slowly and carelessly.
It was my mother.
"Silwen, why do you wander alone? Your brother woke and has been asking for you."
I looked at her and could not find an answer.
She walked up beside me, brushing the hair out of my face.
"Have you noticed the sunset, dearest? It is very lovely tonight."
I looked, but again could think of nothing to say. I sighed. She spoke for me.
"You are very much affected by Boromir. I see it."
The wind blew in gusts.
"It is hard; yes, I know. Especially for you, who are so close to him," she said.
"Especially for me? Mother, he is your son. I thought it was more difficult for you."
"It is different for me, if that is what you mean. Yes, that is true. But your pain and mine differ much in ways that should not be."
"What do you mean?"
"You fear for him, truly, sincerely, hourly. You fear that in a minute he will be gone and then you will be with him no more. Do you not?"
A tear rolled down my face.
"You do not need to be in such agony hour after hour and day after day."
"Why? Do you know he will be well again?" I asked.
She sighed.
"No. But I have resigned myself to whatever will happen."
I looked at her in disbelief.
She continued, "We have had Boromir's presence for many years now, have we not? If he dies we will still have the memories of those days to keep forever. When we too pass from this world we will meet again, and be together always where there is more than memory. We cannot by wishing add one day to our lives, nor can we by longing add one to the lives of those whom we love."
"But--"
"You are passionate, my Silwen. You cannot live without being either at one peak of your emotions of the other. Life is so alive for you. Believe me, if your life was not what you felt it should be, you would be just as passionate about leaving it. You are like me, my daughter."
"Yet I have never seen you as you now speak of me."
"I have learned patience through impatience, and composure through rash actions. I have learned the meaning of hope through experiencing hopelessness. Now you are learning the meaning of trust as you sit helplessly by your brother each day with no ability to heal him."
"What else can I do?"
"You can accept life as it is given you, just as Boromir is learning to accept the life that he has been given. He has been as much frightened about leaving life as you are yet frightened for him to leave yours. But he is learning to accept, learning to appreciate every moment, the good and the bad. And I think, if he is called away, he will now be able to leave without misgivings, without regrets, and without despair."
"Oh, Mother."
I fell against her shoulder, and she held me in her arms. The wind continued to blow and the sun sank lower and lower, until the last wisp of light faded and was gone.
I have much to think on these things. I thought you would be interested to know them, so I have written you this letter. I hope you will in future be as open as I have been.
-Silwen
a/n: Sorry it's been sooO way long since I've updated! wow... It's been since like what? June? Oops! I'll do my best not to let that happen again! I was just so busy this last summer, and now with school, and working I'm not sure how often I'll be able to post, but I'll do my best to update at least once every few weeks. :) --DofE
Dear Arwing,
Yesterday I was walking alone on the balcony of the house of healing. A slight breeze was blowing, tossing my hair every which way I did not want it to go. I was frustrated about Boromir, and frustrated about being stuck here in this city. Grand as it is, I long to be home. Home under the tall trees, home with the elves, home with Boromir safe, home with life just as it used to be. And I was frustrated because I knew deep inside that I cannot have that life back just as it was then. Change has come.
I heard footsteps behind me. I turned my head around slowly and carelessly.
It was my mother.
"Silwen, why do you wander alone? Your brother woke and has been asking for you."
I looked at her and could not find an answer.
She walked up beside me, brushing the hair out of my face.
"Have you noticed the sunset, dearest? It is very lovely tonight."
I looked, but again could think of nothing to say. I sighed. She spoke for me.
"You are very much affected by Boromir. I see it."
The wind blew in gusts.
"It is hard; yes, I know. Especially for you, who are so close to him," she said.
"Especially for me? Mother, he is your son. I thought it was more difficult for you."
"It is different for me, if that is what you mean. Yes, that is true. But your pain and mine differ much in ways that should not be."
"What do you mean?"
"You fear for him, truly, sincerely, hourly. You fear that in a minute he will be gone and then you will be with him no more. Do you not?"
A tear rolled down my face.
"You do not need to be in such agony hour after hour and day after day."
"Why? Do you know he will be well again?" I asked.
She sighed.
"No. But I have resigned myself to whatever will happen."
I looked at her in disbelief.
She continued, "We have had Boromir's presence for many years now, have we not? If he dies we will still have the memories of those days to keep forever. When we too pass from this world we will meet again, and be together always where there is more than memory. We cannot by wishing add one day to our lives, nor can we by longing add one to the lives of those whom we love."
"But--"
"You are passionate, my Silwen. You cannot live without being either at one peak of your emotions of the other. Life is so alive for you. Believe me, if your life was not what you felt it should be, you would be just as passionate about leaving it. You are like me, my daughter."
"Yet I have never seen you as you now speak of me."
"I have learned patience through impatience, and composure through rash actions. I have learned the meaning of hope through experiencing hopelessness. Now you are learning the meaning of trust as you sit helplessly by your brother each day with no ability to heal him."
"What else can I do?"
"You can accept life as it is given you, just as Boromir is learning to accept the life that he has been given. He has been as much frightened about leaving life as you are yet frightened for him to leave yours. But he is learning to accept, learning to appreciate every moment, the good and the bad. And I think, if he is called away, he will now be able to leave without misgivings, without regrets, and without despair."
"Oh, Mother."
I fell against her shoulder, and she held me in her arms. The wind continued to blow and the sun sank lower and lower, until the last wisp of light faded and was gone.
I have much to think on these things. I thought you would be interested to know them, so I have written you this letter. I hope you will in future be as open as I have been.
-Silwen
a/n: Sorry it's been sooO way long since I've updated! wow... It's been since like what? June? Oops! I'll do my best not to let that happen again! I was just so busy this last summer, and now with school, and working I'm not sure how often I'll be able to post, but I'll do my best to update at least once every few weeks. :) --DofE