Chapter 30

Buffy was pulling out of the driveway when Spike's front door reopened nd he came running out. She stopped and rolled down the window.

"Miss me already, Spikey?" she asked teasingly.

He glowered at the use of the pet name she knew he hated, but decided not to dignify it with a response. "Not quite - forgot to ask you something."

"Oh, Yeah?"

"First weekend in December - you busy?"

"Like I plan my life that far in advance!" Buffy exclaimed incredulously.

"It's not that far away, you know - coupla months, tops. So, can I take it you're free?"

"Should be, why?"

"Work's Christmas bash - it's this big dinner and party thing - real posh affair apparently. Anyway, we're meant to turn up with a date and, well, none of the girls I know round here are much in the way of posh do material. Wondered if you'd come - there's a night in a hotel and a free bar in it for you if you do..." Spike wheedled.

"Sure, why not - might be a good night."

"Great! See you then!" Spike said, trying desperately to maintain is cool despite her response.

"Bye, Spike - call me," Buffy said as she pulled off with a smile.

The flat seemed quiet as she opened the front door. She shrugged and yawned, glad that the drive home hadn't been any further as the weekend had left her absolutely exhausted.

But exhausted in the best sense of the word, Buffy thought with a smile as memories of some of the more 'satisfying' aspects of the weekend flitted through her mind.

She walked into her room and dumped her bag on the bed before wandering downstairs to get a drink.

Willow looked up from the couch as Buffy entered the room.

"Hi," the redhead said nervously.

"Hi, Will - where's Tara?" Buffy asked, somewhat confused by the tone of her friend's voice.

"She, well, she's gone out," Willow said, looking down at her laps where her hands were fiddling fretfully with the hem of her skirt.

"Will - are you okay. Did you and Tara have a fight?" Buffy asked anxiously.

"What? Me and... Oh, no, no - nothing like that! It's just..." she trailed off.

Buffy sat down next to her friend, tiredness suddenly forgotten as worry took its place. "Just, what?" she asked, gently.

"Look, I'm sorry," Willow said in a rush.

Buffy frowned and looked at her friend. "Sorry? For what?" she asked perplexedly.

"For Friday night. You didn't just have to go off like that. I mean, I know it can't be easy - what with me and Tara living here and Xander and Anya and all and I realise that you're single and I'm sure that it gets a little too much at times and I'm sorry if you feel that we're leaving you out of things and I'll try really, really hard never to do it again and I, we, Tara and I feel really, really bad that you felt that you had to leave and I honestly thought you knew about Xander and Anya and you know I would have told you if I thought that you didn't know and..."

"Will, Will - breathe, for God's sake. Oxygen is of the good." Buffy said as her friend rattled on with no signs of stopping.

Willow smiled weakly and shrugged, but stopped.

"Will. You didn't drive me out of the house. I went because I wanted to. I'd just got off the phone with Spike and he'd been on at me to visit. I'd told him no because it was short notice, but then I realised I had nothing else doing this weekend and I just thought 'What the hell'. It's nice to do that sometimes. But, now that you mention it, I may have been feeling just a teensy little bit left out of things. But, I can cope with that. I'm sure that's how Xander felt last year when we both had people and he didn't. I'm just having to learn what that feels like. But that's okay. I can deal. No biggy."

"You sure? I mean..." Willow said showing definite signs of starting off on another apology ramble.

"Yes, I'm sure. Not a problem. And I promise to tell you if I think you're shutting me out. How's that?" Buffy asked, skilfully deflecting Willow's imminent outburst.

Willow looked relieved and nodded before relaxing and smiling. "So, how was the weekend?"

Buffy smiled inwardly as she wondered how exactly to answer that particular question. She imagined the look on her best friend's face if she told her exactly what she and Spike had been getting up to all weekend.

It was then that it occurred to her why she didn't want anyone else to know. It was special, what she had with Spike. She knew what it was and so did he. But she wasn't sure that anyone else would understand. She knew that her friends would want to quantify the relationship, for Spike to be her 'boyfriend' or just a 'one night stand'. That, for them, would be easy to deal with. A nice, neat little box in which to put them so they didn't have to think too hard. But Buffy knew that her relationship with Spike wasn't like that, it was, 'complicated' was the first word that came to mind, but that didn't seem to fit properly.

Spike was more than that. He was her friend, her confident - she knew that she could tell him anything without fear that he would judge her for it or like her less because of it. He would accept her because of who she was, not despite of who she was. And she was the same to him - no secrets, no lies and no silly little games.

And she knew that she would never be able to put any of that into words that her friends could understand.

"The weekend was fun," she finally said, feeling that the response was a little on the lame side.

"Fun? That's cool - so, what did you do? Tell me everything!" Willow demanded.

"Okay. Oh, wait a minute - Xander - did he propose?" Buffy asked, trying to deflect the subject away from her weekend with Spike.

"We don't know - he's not back yet. So, tell me, tell me!"

"Alright - well, have to admit, he wasn't exactly impressed when I turned up at like 1am..." Buffy started as Willow curled up on the sofa to hear her Buffy's tale of the weekend.

Well, the edited version of the weekend anyway, Buffy thought.

Willow had finally given in the night before; almost satisfied that Buffy was telling her all there was to know about the weekend.

Buffy, for her part, had been happy to get out of the room as she'd been doubtful that she would have been able to hold up under the pressure of her friend's rather extensive questioning about the weekend and keep some of the more personal aspects of their activities to herself.

The exhaustion she'd felt when she'd arrived home last night had disappeared with good night's sleep and now Buffy was curled up on the sofa, reading her now somewhat dog-eared copy of 'Pride and Prejudice' for what seemed like the millionth time before she sat down to write the final version of the essay that had to be in the following week.

She looked up as Xander ambled leisurely down the stairs. She smiled and put down her book.

"What?" Xander asked as he realised Buffy was smiling at him.

"So? Do I get to wish you joy?" she asked, attempting a posh English accent.

"What? Buff, what are you going on about?" Xander said, obviously bewildered.

"Oh, sorry," Buffy held up the book and shrugged. "Jane Austen - read it too much and you just get this overwhelming urge to talk like them. What I mean is, do I get to congratulate you?"

"Okay, see this look of confusion on my face? There's a reason for that. I mean, don't get me wrong - congratulations are always nice, but I have no idea why you would want to give them to me."

"Oh. So, you didn't propose to Anya this weekend, then?"

Xander's eyes bugged slightly. "I didn't what, to huh?" he sputtered.

"I'll take that as a 'no' then."

"Er, yes. I mean, no. I mean - no I didn't propose to Anya. Where did you get that bizarre and frankly ridiculous idea from?"

"Willow?" Buffy tried.

"Oh, and where did she get it from?"

"No idea..."

"Okay, let's be definite on this. I did not propose to Anya Jenkins this weekend. Nor do I intend to propose to her in the immediate future." Xander said slowly.

"Oh. But you took her away on a really romantic weekend"

"Yes, I did. And it cost me most of my student loan for this term. So that means no money for an engagement ring. You really think I would be stupid enough to try and propose to Anya of all people without being able to buy her a ring? I don't have a death-wish you know!" Xander explained fervently. Buffy just giggled at him.

"So, it wasn't that you just forgot to tell me?"

"No. Why would I do something like that? You're one of my best friends. Trust me, if I ever propose, I'm gonna want some serious female advice first - you'll be one of the first to know - promise."