Chapter 3: Hope Reborn

Was she alive or was she dead? Max Guevera was finding it increasingly difficult to tell with every passing day. Sure she did most of the things that living people should: she breathed air; she moved around and generally went about her life. That surely meant she wasn't dead, but that wasn't how she felt. Inside Max felt far from alive. It was as though someone had torn out her soul. Perhaps she was a zombie. That was kind of how she conducted herself these days. Never really interacting with other people, she would just get up and go to work then come home and stare out the window, like she was doing now.

The clock read six thirty in the evening and the sun was fading fast. Max sat at her windowsill, calmly staring off into the distant hills that glowed orange as the sun ducked behind them. After much moving around the country, Max had chosen to settle here; a quiet mountain town just south of the Canadian border. This place was her home now. The paranoia about the transgenics hadn't managed to snake its way this far north, that coupled with the isolation made it perfect for Max. She had managed to find work at the small local bar providing her with the funds to eat and pay the rent on her small shed like house.

Although not that much different from the flat she had in Seattle, Max felt rather uneasy in her new digs. It was basically just one room with a small wall cutting through the middle, creating a barrier between the sleeping area and the makeshift kitchen. The walls were old and dank, the yellow plaster stained and beginning to tear away. The floors were wooden and uncovered. In this, Max's bedroom, she had a small bed in the corner top left from the entrance. It didn't look very inviting but Max had very little need for it as she hardly ever slept. Next to the bed there was a small wooden table where-upon there sat a blue lamp and her digital clock. In the opposite corner from the bed stood a tall oak wardrobe. It was in here that Max kept most of her possessions, just a few clothes and other bits and pieces.

The kitchen broke away from the bedroom to the right of the front door. Inside was a loosely tiled floor. Covered in dirt and other such grime, it was not the most sanitary of places and Max often had to fight against the invading cockroaches. As far as utensils were concerned, she had an old rusty stove and a few pots and pans and a small black kettle. Next to the stove there was a battered kitchen sink, below it there were a couple of cupboards where she could keep any provisions.

Thankfully there was a bathroom the door to which was at the end of her bed. Inside there was another sink, a toilet and a shower that mainly ran cold water, that is if it ran any water at all.

This place was not much but it was all Max had been able to get. She didn't really care about the poor state of its insides; somewhere was better than nowhere. Besides the location of the place was what attracted Max to it in the first place. It was a good walk away from the rest of the town and was surrounded by acres of green countryside. This coupled with the fact that she had no phone or TV meant she was extremely isolated from the world. Max didn't care though, in fact she preferred being cut off from everything else, well except for the small community she lived with but they never really bothered her. Too busy going about their own mundane existence to worry about one strange girl. She had kept herself to herself and they had left her alone and that was fine.

The sun finally disappeared and darkness flooded the room. Max thought about turning on her lamp but then what was the point? Thanks to the feline DNA Manticore had given her, she could see in the dark and so had little need for light. Better to sit in the dark she thought. Breathing slowly Max let her head rest on the cool glass of her window. There was no sound except for the odd animal call from the wood outside. Max didn't want to be alone anymore, but then she felt she had to be. There was no way she could let herself get close to others ever again. She had done once, the results of which were almost unbearable to think about.

Terminal City; Max knew it wouldn't be long until her mind wondered back there. It was there that things had fallen apart. To think about it now made her want to convulse, the sickness of loss still fresh in her heart. She hadn't wanted to leave, even when it was clear that it was going to be a massacre. It was Max after all who had convinced her fellow transgenics to stay and fight in Terminal City. Looking back on it now, she knew she had been wrong.

All they had wanted was the chance to live, to be left alone in peace, but that had been too much to ask. The transgenics were never going to be accepted and cheers from the majority of the population of Seattle had greeted the massacre at Terminal City.

Tears began to run down Max's face and she gave herself a moment, allowing her body to go limp as she sobbed. She had been designed to be the perfect killing machine, so why had they given her the ability to feel? Before things had gone wrong, Max had been grateful that she could experience emotion that she could live like everybody else. But now that her body was riddled with hurt, she wished she were a cold-blooded killer. Things would be so much easier that way.

The price of Max's decision to stay in terminal City had been paid for by the blood of others. Not just the blood of her fellow transgenics, but that of some of the people that she held most dear. Her best friend, Original Cindy, had died because of her. Sketchy too had lost his life as a result of her decision. Then of course there was Logan.

Max hadn't actually seen Logan die. The last time she saw him he was barely alive, lying in a pool of his blood, but he wasn't dead. She hadn't planned on leaving him; she wanted to stay by his side despite both his and Alec's protests. If they were going to die then they would do so together, where they belonged. That's not what happened though. Alec had dragged her away and despite her best efforts, all she could do was watch as Logan faded away. His last cry of "I love you" now seemed to echo in her troubled mind.

After disappearing down the tunnel into the sewers, Max had felt devastated, almost unable to form thoughts of any kind. The shock of losing so much so quickly had hit her with such force that she was oblivious to anything other than the pain in her heart and her head. Alec practically had to carry her all the way through the sewers out to the edge of Seattle. There they had found Joshua waiting with a car. He had informed them that there was little they could do for anyone else now and that they should leave as soon as possible or suffer the same fate as those who now bled the streets of Terminal City. Max remembered driving away, as far away from the city as they could. At the time she felt like a criminal fleeing the scene of a crime, her hands tainted with the blood of innocence.

For the next few months they had travelled around the country, going from place to place never staying still in one town for more than a few weeks. Thanks to events at Terminal City, it hadn't been safe to linger, to get comfortable. New laws were passed that took all rights away from trangenics. Considered freaks, there was to be no place for Max and her kind in the land of the free. Papers frequently bore stories detailing the death of another 'freak'. Hunted like animals, this was the fate that awaited them, that Max had brought them.

After a while, Joshua had broke away from their trio. He had got word from Mole that a group of the more unusual Manticore creations had found a home deep in the heart of Canada.

"You could always come with me little fella", he had said in that voice that hid the true extent of his intelligence.

"That would be nice but…I just cant. Do you understand?" Max had replied. Joshua nodded and then proceeded to give her a huge hug that had squeezed the air right out of her.

"Max must not run forever. One day she must turn and face her past." Joshua had spoken quietly, almost as if he did not trust himself to say the right thing. "Joshua does not have the words…but I do know this: Logan loved Max, Max love Logan and that will never change, never die." He had given her one last smile before turning his back and leaving for his new home. She hadn't heard from him since, another friend lost.

Alec, the most unlikely of companions, had stayed with her for a few more months. It was of course Alec who had been the thorn in her side since she escaped Manticore the second time. Still, despite the lack of conversation, Max appreciated him sticking around. However, when Max decided the time had come to settle, Alec chose to keep on roaming. He had told her it still wasn't safe to try and fit in again; anyway there was something he had to do. Max didn't know what it was but he assured her that once he was done he would come look her up which she was grateful for. Sure they had had their differences but deep down, Alec was a good guy.

Those had been the events that led Max to her current location. Her past life like a dream, as though it had never happened. But then there was the guilt, always coming back to pinch her, remind her that it was real and all the pain and suffering caused had been her fault. Suddenly it began to rain, typical Max thought. It wasn't the usual downpour though, just a light shower offering a comfortable pitter-patter on the window and roof. There cam a groan of thunder, it was going to get worse as the night went on. Maybe she should sleep, let the hours pass quicker, Max considered this idea for a few minutes. She eventually decided against it, it was worse when she slept. Her mind conjured up images from her blood tattered memories, allowing her to re-live them in their full blown, horrific horror.

Bowing her head, Max finally allowed the truth of her existence to sink in. She felt suffocate by the reality of her life. This was something she couldn't fight, an enemy within herself. Nothing she could do would change the past. It would always be there to remind her of what she once had and just how much she had lost.

With her new 'no contact with others' policy, Max had no way to vent her feelings, no one to confide in. Consequently they just grew and grew deep within her being until she was just one great mass of emotions. She could feel this now as her mind carried the weight of it all. Rising to her feet she began to pace up and down her claustrophobic surroundings. That was it, she had to let herself go, "LOGAN", she cried falling in a heap on the floor.

The sky cried with her as Max lay on the wooden floor, completely devoid of anything but the pain spilling form her heart. Despite all the things that had happened to her since she escaped Manticore all those years ago, she had never felt this hopeless. There was no Original Cindy to assure her that everything would work out fine. No Joshua to wrap her up in his strong embrace and affectionately call her "little fella". No sketchy to light up the room with his sheer enthusiasm. No Alec to come and make things worse. Most of all, there was no Logan to make her feel whole again.

There she lay, a shadow of her former self, disintegrating on the ground. Max had been taught to kill without mercy and without compassion but that wasn't who she was. She had come to Seattle and built herself a life, albeit a very strange one. People had come to take it away from her. Lydecker, Renfro, Ames White, all of them had come and tried and each time they had ultimately failed; together Max and her 'family' had prevailed. Until one mistake that is, that was all it took. Then everything was gone and there was no way to get it back. Had she strayed hidden and isolated, like she was now, then maybe she wouldn't have been so exposed to the dangers of life. Then of course she would never have had that time in the first place, never had the feelings of warmth, love and belonging. There was no way she would ever trade those days away, they were hers, locked away safe. Nothing could take them away from her.

Max's head was spinning, her eyes bleary, and tears still streaming down her face and onto the floor. The rain outside became more intense, battering the shell that held Max tight. As the ferocity of her torment increased, so it seemed, did the intensity of the storm. It was as if nature herself was sharing in Max's pain, her anguish and her regret.

An image of Logan began to grow inside Max's head. His radiant smile, scruffy beard and those piercing blue eyes, emphasised by his thin wire-frame glasses. How she longed for him now, to come sweep her away from everything. It had been over a year since that day in Terminal City and this state Max found herself in now had not been uncommon. Yet something was different this time, this time it was far worse. With no one but herself and her scarred history for company, Max was slowly going insane. It was a fate worse than death, she was living without hope, she had nothing to live for. She could end it, she knew the most effective way, and it could all be over, the pain, all gone in a sudden rush of crimson. The idea grew more appealing with every passing minute, every second of torment inviting her to die. Then something clicked inside Max, a frequent thought that came to her when things were at their worst; she hadn't seen Logan die.

All thoughts of suicide were now gone, trapped behind a dam in her head. She hadn't seen the Logan die and so he wasn't necessarily dead. There was always a slight chance that if he was alive then they could still be together. She loved him and she loved her that would never die, Joshua's word coming back to her now. Nothing would ever change that, even if they never ended up in each others arms, what they shared would endure, a star in an otherwise black sky. These thoughts fuelled the fire that now burned inside Max, a fire that raged with hope. She couldn't just give up, that would be a betrayal of who she was. Opening her mouth Max spoke softly, "I am more than this…I will see you again." Today would be the start of a new era and the first thing on her list of things to do: find Logan.

A gentle knock on the door caused Max to jolt upright. How long had she been asleep? She glanced at the clock, four fifteen in the morning. The rain outside had stopped and everything seemed deathly still and quiet. Then came the knock again. Max never had visitors; something had to be wrong. Slowly rising to her feet, Max approached the door carefully. The knock came once more, this time with more force. She grabbed the handle and flung the door open, grabbing a waiting Alec by the throat.

"Hey Max", he spluttered, "good to see you haven't changed." Shocked, but strangely happy to see the goof, Max flung her arms around his neck and held him tight.

"Now that's more like it", he said with his trademark grin. Stepping back, Max looked her fellow X-5 up and down. Wearing loose fitting black jeans, a tight red shirt and short black leather coat, he had barely changed at all. His light brown hair a bit longer but his fringe still worn away from his face, a few strands dangling around his forehead. It was good to see an old friend.

"Oh my god Alec! How have you been?" Max said at last.

"You know me, I've been good…you don't look so good though", he said taking in Max's pale complexion and bleary, tear stained eyes.

"I've been better." Noticing his concern she quickly added, "but I'm fine so don't worry."

"Well…can I come in?"

"Oh shit…sorry", she spluttered before steeping to the side to let Alec in. He looked the place up and down.

"Well I see you've landed on you feet", he said sarcastically. Max shot him a grin before offering him a seat on her bed.

"So come on spill." Max said curious as to why he was here.

"What no time for small talk?"

"Can't be doing with it right now", Max replied bluntly.

"Alright. What do you wanna know?"

"Well…where have you been? Have you heard from Joshua? Why are you here? What the hell have you been doing?" She paused a moment, "and what the hell is that smell?"

"Ok then. Well I've been around, well everywhere really. I saw Joshua last month actually. He's good, found himself another dog person…female." Alec flicked his eyebrows suggestively. Max laughed, first time in a while.

"Well that's good, and…"

"…And I'm here cause I have news and a surprise…oh and as for the smell, I think I stepped in dog shit on the way up here. I mean come on Max, dog shit." Alec lifted his boot up to show Max. Turning away Max pushed his foot out of her face.

"God, what is wrong with you?" She gave it a moment until the question would no longer stay down.

"What news and what surprise?" Alec turned toward the door.

"You can come in now Dave", he yelled. The door opened and in shuffled a small, weasel like man. He was wearing a brown puffy raincoat and brown trousers. His face was narrow and his nose looked like it had been broken. His beady eyes and balding head topped off the rather unattractive weasel look.  He shuffled over to the corner where he stood patiently. Max turned back to Alec.

"Who the hell is that?" Her voice hissed at him.

"That's Dave", Alec replied seemingly shocked that she did not know who he was.

"Ok, Dave who?"

"Dave the scientist I was looking for. Dave who helped put that little bitch of a virus inside you and Dave who knows how to cure the little bugger." Alec looked proud of himself.

"Yeah but what good is that now?" Max's heart beating faster now as she tried to keep the hope from her voice.

"Its good, Max, because I got word that a certain Logan Cale is actually alive and well back in Seattle."

The sound of this news set off a flash bang in Max's head. Logan wasn't dead; the virus could be cured. This was too good to be true; it couldn't be true. Max needed to make sure.

"Slap me", she said to Alec.

"What?" Alec's face fell into a confused look.

"Just do it will you", Max said again. Alec shrugged and stuck Max across the face. She opened her eyes; there was Alec sitting in front of her and Dave still stood in the corner. A wave of relief washed over her, the suffering from before now caught up and washed away in the tide of joy that covered every inch of Max's body. Logan was alive and, if not wasn't enough, the virus could be cured, the barrier between them gone.

"Why…why did you do this for me Alec?"

"I owed you remember? That explosive device in my head…right after I tried to kill you and Joshua."

Max remembered that day well. She had the chance to cure the virus then with the help of a doctor from Manticore that Logan had found. Of course it hadn't worked, she had had to use the money for her cure on removing a small explosive from the back of Alec's neck, the doctor choosing to flee after it was done.

"You sacrificed so much for me when I had been nothing but a total shit to you", Alec continued. "I've been trying to find a way to properly pay you back and when I found Dave I seized the opportunity." Alec smiled at Max, "so are we square?"

"No we're not square", Max replied.

"We're not?" Alec looked hurt.

"No…I totally owe you!" Max hugged Alec again, still not quite believing he had done this for her.

"Thank you, you have no idea how much this means to me."

Chocking, Alec replied, "I think I can hazard a guess!"

Max slept easy that night. The nightmares of the past now replaced with dreams of the future. Dreams of her and Logan together in each other's arms. Things were indeed going to change. She didn't have to be alone anymore. Logan and her had been given another shot and this time she was going to hold on. Nothing on this earth would break them apart; Max already knew where that road went. This time they would be together, properly together and hand-in-hand they would walk into the light of their future.