Chapter 40

Spike lay back on his bed and stared at the ceiling.

After a few minutes, he got up and walked into the kitchen to pour himself a drink, draining the glass before putting it in the sink and wandering over to the window to stare out at the seemingly endless rain.

Sighing, he walked into the living room and sat down, picking up the remote and flicking through the channels, never really stopping on any one thing.

After a few minutes, he switched off the TV again and tossed the remote into a nearby chair.

He stared at the blank screen for a moment before checking his watch and frowning.

He walked back into the bedroom and threw himself back down onto the bed.

This isn't like her, he thought to himself. She always calls me, every other night, like clockwork. She hasn't called for days. Something must be wrong, he concluded, grabbing the phone off the night stand and dialling quickly.

"Hello?" a female voice answered at the other end.

"Hi, Buffy," Spike said.

"Spike? Oh, erm, hi – how are you?" Buffy asked, suddenly sounding rather flustered.

"I'm fine. What's up?" he asked, immediately picking up on the edgy tone to her voice, which only served to increase his anxiety.

"Up? Oh, er, nothing – nothing's up, er, wrong. Everything's fine," she babbled. "And what about you? How was your date?" she asked in an up-beat tone.

Spike frowned. Something was definitely wrong. There was definitely something that she wasn't telling him.

"It was okay," he said warily. "Buffy – what's wrong?" he asked again.

"I told you," she said, more firmly this time. "There's nothing wrong. Now, tell me about this girl, Sophie, so I can decide whether she's good enough for you or not."

"Buffy..." Spike warned, knowing full well that she was trying to change the subject.

"Where did you meet her?"

"Buffy..." he said, increasing the warning in his tone.

"How long have you been seeing her for?" she asked in an overly-cheerful tone, determinedly persevering in her attempts to deflect his probing.

"Okay, that's it. I know that there's something wrong, pet. I can tell, you know – you have to be the worst actress in the known universe. Is it Angel again, is that it?" Spike asked, losing his temper slightly.

"Angel? How did you..." she asked, dropping all her attempts to change the subject as she realised what he'd just said.

"Like I told you before, luv – I have my sources. Now, what's the ponce done to you now?"

"Nothing. Well, not that's important anymore. We broke up," she said.

"Halle-bloody-lujah!" Spike declared. "'Bout bloody time. When'd this happen?"

"The other day."

Spike considered this for a moment and then groaned. "Oh no. The other day – as in, the other day when you called up wanting to speak to me and I was running out the door with Sophie, the other day?" he asked, sounding a little guilty.

"Yep, that other day."

"Oh, God, Buffy – you should have said something," he said, feeling a wave of guilt wash over him as he realised that he'd fobbed her off at the one time that she'd needed him most.

"No I shouldn't – like you told me the other day, you do have a life," she reminded him.

"But – you needed to talk to someone," he responded, unable to believe that she was forgiving him so easily, knowing that it would be much longer before he would forgive himself.

"I have other friends, Spike," she said kindly.

"But – I promised to always be there for you."

"Spike – just drop it, okay," Buff said, a little harshly, trying to end the subject that was too painful for her to talk about right now.

"But..." Spike protested.

"Drop it, Spike," she said seriously. "Anyway," she said, her tone changing to one of resolute brightness. "Did you have fun the other night? Tell me about your new girlfriend – I want to know."

"Well, she's not exactly a girlfriend. It was just a date – just dinner," he said, feeling a little uncomfortable talking to Buffy about another girl. It had been different when it was her talking about Angel.

For the short time that things had been going well, he'd enjoyed hearing her talk about it – it was nice to know that she was happy, even if it wasn't with him. Of course, he had never been particularly fond of the times that she had rung up in tears, but he hung onto that connection with her life like a lifeline, no matter how slim it was.

"Are you going to see her again?" he heard Buffy ask nonchalantly, breaking him out of his thoughts.

"Maybe, we'll see. You never know – she might not want to see me again," he answered with a small smile.

"Of course she would!" Buffy protested. "What girl wouldn't want to see you again?" she asked.

There was a sudden, awkward silence as the two contemplated what had just been said.

"I. I'm sorry," Buffy said in a small voice after a few minutes.

"No, no – that's alright," Spike reassured her, not sure exactly what she was apologising for – the affair, the break up or bringing up the memories.

"No, it's not," she told him in a sad voice. "I treated you terribly and I shouldn't have done. I don't know why... Well, I..." she changed tack. "Actually, Willow's making me a sign to wear. Big sign, says 'World's Biggest Bitch' on it in big red letters. It's my penance," she laughed derisively. "And I thinking of getting it tattooed..."

"Buffy, don't be ridiculous," Spike cut her off.

"I'm not being ridiculous. I did a lot of thinking the other night and, well," she took a deep, steadying breath before continuing. "I realise it's a bit late now, but I really am sorry," she said, sounding deadly serious.

"I know you are, pet. But it's not needed," he said sincerely, forgiving her instantly, not once considering it strange that he was willing to forgive her anything when he found it so incomprehensible that she would return the favour.

"Thanks. Look, I... I should go."

"Wait!" he said, his tone taking on a slight tinge of desperation, which made him cringe slightly. Desperation was not a good emotion to show towards a girl who is meant to just be a friend. "Do I get to see you sometime soon?" he asked.

"Maybe, we'll see," Buffy answered as she disconnected.

Spike looked at the phone for a moment as he realised that he'd never really found out what had been wrong.