Chapter 41

Buffy balanced her books against a hip as she reached down to pick the pile of post up from the mat. Shifting the load into a better position for carrying, she made her way downstairs.

Placing her books on the coffee table, she carried the small pile of post into the kitchen. Switching on the kettle to make a cup of tea, she sorted through the post.

"Bill, bill, bill," she muttered, putting them aside until the others came home and they could all be depressed together at how much they had to pay out this month. She frowned as she came across a small blue envelope addressed to her in a handwriting she didn't recognised. She shrugged and put it down for a moment whilst she made herself a drink.

Abandoning the rest of the post on the kitchen worktop, she took the strange letter and her cup of tea back into the lounge. Sitting down on the sofa, she took a sip of tea, opened the letter and began to read.

Dear Buffy

William gave me your address – along with an explanation about what had been going on between the two of you – though you will be glad to know that I wouldn't let him go into detail about things, even if he'd wanted to – which he didn't, I am happy to say.

I understand that whether was going on between the two of you is long finished and you're just friends now. From what William has told me, maybe that's for the best.

I'm sure that you're wondering why I'm writing to you. The truth is, it's William's birthday coming up soon and Rupert and I are trying to organise a weekend away to celebrate. Just us, a few members of the family and some close friends.

We have found a hotel down on the South Coast. It's not very big – there is only room for about 10 people and we were considering taking it over for the weekend.

We would both love it if you would agree to come. I know that you and William haven't seen each other for a few months now and this seems like the ideal time for a reunion. I know that William has been missing you and would love to see you there.

Please let me know whether you would be able to come as soon as possible. I've been awfully lax in organising this whole thing and I need to get the hotel booked as soon as possible.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Jenny

P.S. – Please don't mention any of this to William, it's meant to be a surprise. I told him that you'd left something at our house when you were down which was why I needed your address, so remember to tell him that you got the shirt, okay.

And thank you in advance for playing along with our little 'surprise'.


Buffy stared at the letter for a moment, not sure what to think. She took a deep breath refolded the letter, put it back in its envelope and place it on the table.

She sipped her tea as she sat in silence staring at the envelope.

Draining the mug, she picked up the letter and read it again.

She didn't know what to do. Of course, she knew what she should do as Spike's friend – she should pick up the phone and call Jenny, tell her that she would love to go and that would be that – simple.

But it wasn't that simple.

Things had been difficult between her and Spike ever since she had realised, some months previously, that she was in love with him.

That had been a bit of a revelation in itself. Oh, she had always been aware of the fact that she loved him – the same way that she loved Willow and Xander and Tara. As a friend. But to suddenly realise that she was in love with Spike had completely blindsided her.

She'd wondered at first whether she should tell him – whether she should drive straight over there, knock on his door and tell him how much she loved him and wanted to be with him.

But she hadn't done. She couldn't – not after had she realised how badly she had treated him and not after she discovered that he was moving on with his life.

After much thought, she made the decision that he deserved someone better than her and that she would step back and let him find that person. She made the decision that she would have to be happy just to be his friend.

And, she thought to herself as she stared at the letter, that's what they were. Their relationship had fallen back into the easy banter of its early days. They spoke on the phone almost every night, gossiped and chatted. Relationships seemed to have unspokenly become a non-go area. Buffy had no idea whether Spike was dating anyone in particular and she decided that she didn't really want to know at this point in time.

She read the letter through once again and thought about it, about him.

The truth was, they talked almost every night, but Buffy was unsure whether she was ready to actually, physically see him yet.

He'd been inviting her over more and more lately, but Buffy had been coming up with excuses not to go.

Perfectly valid excuses, she thought to herself. But excuses nonetheless.

She just didn't think that she was ready to be in the same room with him. She knew that she could keep up the pretence of being happy with friendship over the long distance, but when she was actually with him? That was another matter entirely.

Her memory of him was as clear as if she had only seen him yesterday – how she felt when he turned those cerulean eyes on her, how he could make her feel like the only girl in the world, just with a look. And his smile, his laugh.

She sighed and put the letter on the coffee table. She would have to think of a reason not to go.

Firm in her decision, she stood to make herself another cup of tea before she phoned Jenny to break the bad news.

She imagined him looking round the room, searching for her amongst the other guests. At the light dying in his eyes when he realised that she wasn't there. At him looking to his mother for an explanation.

Stop it! Buffy told herself firmly. He probably won't notice. After all, you're not that important to him, she thought, knowing that she was fooling herself, that Spike would expect her to be there, that he would want her to be there.

Determined to put an end to it once and for all, Buffy marched into the lounge and picked up the pone, dialling the number in the letter. The line rang for a while before being picked up.

"Hello?"

"Hi, Jenny? It's Buffy, Buffy Summers."

"Buffy, oh I'm delighted to hear from you – I assume you got the letter. Now, please, tell me that you'll come."

"I'd love to," Buffy heard herself say.

"Fabulous, let me give you the details," Jenny said enthusiastically.

Buffy frowned as she took down the details of the hotel. She wasn't sure what had just happened. She was absolutely adamant that she was going to excuse herself from the weekend, but, somehow, she'd accepted.

And it felt fabulous. As she listened to Jenny tell her about the hotel, Buffy found herself getting excited. All of a sudden, she just couldn't wait. All her fears, all her doubts had been cast aside.

She had no idea what she would do about her feelings for Spike when she actually saw him, but all of a sudden, that didn't seem so important anymore.

After all, what better time to face him, than when they would be surrounded by people?