"What's that, Lily?" Fantasmagenevive asked her best friend. Not that she didn't know- she'd read the note before passing it- but she couldn't open up a conversation by saying that. Fainty was usually the one who got secret admirer notes; Lily looked rather plain beside her.
"Oh, nothing." Maybe 'best friend' was rather generous. It seemed Fainty had no choice.
"It looks like a secret admirer note."
"How'd you guess?"
"It has hearts all over it."
"No it doesn't." Fainty conjured some. "Oh, I suppose you're right." Clearly, someone this stupid didn't deserve an admirer.
- - - - - - - - - - - -
"Hello? Is anyone here?" Fainty called out into the darkness of the astronomy tower.
"Lily!" someone answered. It appeared to be James. He looked to see who it was. "Oh, it's you."
"You have a crush on Lily?"
"You'd think that, wouldn't you."
"Um, yes, I would. You've only asked her out about seventy-two times."
Someone else was coming. "Lily?" asked Lupin.
"Hey what are you doing here?" asked his fellow marauder.
"Well, Lily's been so nice to me the past few years, I thought I'd just ignore your feelings for her and develop my platonic friendliness into a crush and then act on it. Especially because I'm not particularly brave." James jumped on him.
"Hey, you two can't like Lily. I like Lily!" called Snape.
"Severus?" asked Fanty, James, and Lupin.
"Well, she's a mudblood, my worst enemy likes her, and she just proved I had no spine in front of the whole school. Why wouldn't I send her a secret admirer note? Hey Sirius, what are you doing here?"
"Two words, man: Pearl Harbor." And suddenly, teenage boys came pouring out of the astronomy tower's corners.
"Well, there's only one way to decide this," said Fainty. "You have to have a wizard's duel. Naturally, the only suitable place is Norway. I'll conjure you there in direct defiance of the anti-apparation wards around Hogwarts."
"Gee, thanks!" The boys flexed their muscles and prepared to fight for Lily. In a moment, they had all disappeared.
Five minutes later, Lily showed up. "Fainty, where's my secret admirer?"
"It must have been someone's idea of a joke. There's no one here."
Lily sighed. Maybe she was as ugly as Fainty. Oh well, at least she didn't have to keep sending her friend secret admirer letters and saying they were from guys in their class. The girls walked slowly back to their common rooms, and Lily didn't notice how much Fainty was smirking.