A/N: So sorry it took me so long to update. I so haven't forgotten about you all. You know that. I've just been so busy, what with a new boyfriend, a new job and 2 new novels, both on , called Scream for Me and The Executions of a Silent Assassin, the lead character to this one looks like Ray, I did that for you all ;). Check them out if you get the chance. Anyway, so glad that every body was thrilled with Ray being knocked up. But as always in Ravyn's Paradise Murphy's Law reigns supreme, so if it can go wrong, trust me, it will! This chapter's song is "So" By Static X off their new album Shadow Zone, which so happens to be a great CD, so if you get the opportunity, pick it up.
What was she going to tell Shane? Was he ready to have a baby? He had his entire career ahead of him. He was The Hurricane, he had a million of adoring fans, and he was the Light Heavy Weight Champion. The last thing he needed in life was a baby.
"When are you going to tell him?" Mark asked her.
When am I going to tell him? Are you insane? The question is more like what am I going to tell him. Actually, I'm trying to think of the quickest way to get rid of this problem I just created. What about my career? What about my job? What about my life?
"I don't know daddy," she lied, "I guess I'm just trying to think of the best way to."
"I think he's going to be thrilled."
She was a lot less hopeful; she thought the boy was going to have a natural born fit.
"You think so?"
"Sure, I wouldn't be surprised if he did a cartwheel or something in here."
Ray smiled weakly, she knew she should trust her dad, he has never lead her astray before, but on this occasion she was going to have to ignore him.
"Certainly sounds like something he would do."
Mark just smiled, she seemed like she was so happy, but deep down inside he knew she was scared to death.
"Send him in for me daddy, would ya?"
"Sure darlin', I'll do whatever you need."
Mark had to stop himself from practically skipping out into the hallway. He was going to be a granddad and he wanted the entire world to know.
"Hey son, she wants to see you," he told Shane.
"Okay,"
Shane walked into the room not knowing exactly what to expect. But he saw something new in Ray's eyes, for the first time, he saw fear, actual terror. It scared him, but most of all, it sickened him. She was about to have his baby, give him his seed. What could she possibly be so afraid of, or what's worst, who?
"Hey beautiful," he kissed her forehead, "how's it going?"
"It's going." She had already vowed that she was not, under any circumstances going to tell him about this baby, she just had to figure out where she could hide out for a few months, somewhere no one would think to look.
He smiled from ear to ear, "Well, how do you feel?"
"Not bad, I'm still running a fever, still sweating, but other than that, I'm okay."
"Oh, I see." He said. He wondered what was taking her so long to tell him about the baby. He was bursting at the seams with wanting to hug her and thank her for giving her the best gift in the world.
"Hey, when I get out of here, I want to go back to North Carolina,"
"Why would you want to do that?" he asked a smile tickling the corner of his mouth.
"Because--," she chose her words carefully, "that's where I live right?"
Shane smiled then, "Yeah, that is where you live."
"Then, that's where I need to be to--," she decided that she would tell him; she would get out of it later. "To, to..."
Shane eyes flooded with tears as he placed his hand on her belly, he knew she hadn't told him yet, and that he was supposed to a surprise but he couldn't help himself, "This is going to sound really corny,"
Oh Lord, what now? Ray thought. I'm just trying to get this whole baby thing out. What is he about to throw in my lap now?!
Shane took his silver herringbone chain off his neck, from it hung the Hurricane pendant she had just had designed for him, clasping it around her neck, "Marry me,"
Holy God almighty, Ray thought, he wasn't going to make this easy for her she saw.
"Marry you?" tears weld up in her eyes, "Shane,"
"Please," She nodded.
He kissed her, long and hard. "I love you. I love you so much."
"Yeah," she whispered, "Me too."
"She's what?" Vince said beaming. "Wow."
"Yeah, I know. I'm going to be a granddad. How about that?"
"I hear you're going to be a father in law too, how's that coming along?"
"Well by the looks of things, I'm going to be a husband before I become a father in law."
"Oh yes, well congrats on that. Well back to business, any word on her kidnappers? What they wanted and so forth?"
"No word on that. Darlin's not talking and we're really not forcing her. She said they had her blindfolded and talked with a voice box. But she said she remembered their speech pattern real well."
"Oh well at least that's a start. What about her? What does she want to do? I'm sure that we can find something for her to do so she and Shane won't have to be apart for so long."
"Well I think she wants to go back to Cameron," Mark said, "I think that might be best for her."
"Well that sounds like a good idea of course, but I worry about her being in just one place with no one there with her."
Mark scratched his chin, he hadn't thought about that. "Well that's a good point."
"Yeah, I don't think any of us want to take any chances with her, especially in this condition."
"Yeah, you're right about that."
"Well like I said, I'm sure I can find something non endangering for her to do backstage,"
"That or I can send her back to New York with Paul."
"Say that's a good idea, well let me know."
"I'll go see what she wants to do."
Meanwhile, somehow or another John had not only just got wind of the engagement but the pregnancy as well.
He went through the roof at first hearing the news. He refused to hear what they were telling him. There was no way in the world that his girlfriend, the most important person in his life besides his illegitimate son was moving on without him.
He raced through the hallways of the Baltimore arena determined to find her. He wanted to rip Shane's spleen out through his mouth for putting his hands on his woman. Damn it, he couldn't believe it. He found her sitting in the men's locker room; she wore a pair of sweatpants and a Torrid's Heat tank top. She looked up at him with those intense gray eyes of hers and he had to question her actions. Not only getting married but also bringing a child of her own into the world. How could she do this to him? But then again, could he really blame her? He hung his head, the answer really was no.
"So that's how it is ma?" John looked down at her.
Ray didn't even meet his eyes; it killed her to see the hurt in his crystal blue eyes. She knew she didn't want to carry this baby any more than he wanted her to carry it. She nodded quickly.
"Yeah I guess," she whispered.
"Yeah," he sighed, "Well I knew it was bound to happen sooner or later."
"What?"
"I knew I couldn't keep you guys apart for long,"
"John what are you talking about?"
"Ma, let me tell you something, I could see things as well as any other people could. I could see that he not only loved you as a lover but he loved you as a friend, I know that he knew what you needed far better than I. You trusted him in ways you could never trust me."
She felt her trachea tighten at his words, "How did you know John?"
"Well I'm not blind ma, I could see that he did things for you I could never. Hell everybody with a pair of eyes could see that. You guys were the only two fighting your love."
"John," Ray sighed, "You were a great boyfriend."
"No I wasn't, I was selfish,"
"Selfish? John,"
John put his hand up to stop her words, "No ma, I was selfish, stupid and refused to give you the kind of love that you so desperately needed, and for that, I am so, so sorry."
"No, no, John please don't apologize. I was spoiled, and very used to getting my way," Ray sputtered, her chest heaved as she spoke. She didn't want to face him or anyone else right now, at a time where she was so confused.
"And I never wanted to give it to you." John looked down at his feet, "I was so hell bent on making you something you weren't instead of appreciating what I had in front of me."
Ray thought about it. He was right about that. There were situations and such that he didn't want too budge on. Even though she could be justified in her actions of being with the man that loved her most, she didn't want him to feel any worse than he did.
Ray shook her head, "Don't blame yourself for this, this is my doing not yours."
John shook his head, it was almost as if she had forgotten everything he had put her through, arguing with her on the stupidest shit, stressing her out, making her feel like she was less than what she was. She had handled him with such grace and loved him despite everything. And now she sat here in front of him, heaving greatly, terrified that she had hurt him, when it was he that had hurt her in ways she didn't even know about, and since she was pregnant he felt as if it wasn't time to go bringing it up.
"So you guys are getting married?" he asked trying to change the subject from their relationship and back to her current one.
Ray shrugged. Not if she had anything to say about it. She hadn't even formally accepted the proposal and he was around her skipping like everything was peachy fuckin' keen. And Ray was no fool, she knew Shane knew about the baby though he hadn't mentioned it, he was treating her like a damn porcelain doll.
"You don't seem like a very enthusiastic fiancée ma, I may not be your boyfriend any more, but I would still like to be your friend, if that's okay."
Ray nodded, "Yeah, that's fine."
John sat down next to her, wrapping his arm around her shoulders, "So, tell me, what's wrong?"
"Nothing, I guess I'm just tired, this is so much to deal with, I'm pregnant, engaged, I was kidnapped and nearly killed. My body hasn't had time to adjust to any of it."
John winced when she uttered the word kidnapped, that was his doing, and though she knew nothing of his involvement, it would always be held against him, if not by her then by himself.
"I know, if you need anything, even if it's just a ear to listen to you, give me a call." He moved to kiss her.
"Xena," Randy called out.
John sighed his irritation, "Damn it,"
"I hear my warrior princess is pregnant." Randy beamed.
Ray nodded; damn word travels fast. She had only planned on a handful of people knowing; at this rate the whole damn locker room would know.
He put his arm around her shoulder, "Well congratulations girl."
"Thanks." She said.
"And John, you go boy. How dare you not tell me." He pushed his friend.
John and Ray locked eyes. Each knew what the other was thinking but there was a scenario neither had been hit with before. Most people knew it was Shane's baby.
I guess news doesn't travel as fast as I thought, Ray thought, her eyes still locked with John's.
Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, John's eyes turned from a warm sapphire blue to hateful cold ice chips.
"It's not mine," John said leaving the room.
"What the hell is he talking about?" Randy turned raging blue eyes on Ray.
"It's not his," Ray said quietly, trying to shake the look of John's cold eyes from her mind. He looked at her with pure hate in his eyes.
"Then who the hell does it belong to Ray?"
"It's Shane's."
"Well how the hell can you be so sure?"
"Trust me its Shane's. John and I were never together like that."
"Ray," Randy let out a slow breath to calm himself. He looked down into her eyes and he had to remember that he was dealing with a pregnant woman and that even though he could strangle the life out of her at this point, they were very sensitive people. "Do you mean to tell me that as long as you were dating that boy, you didn't give him any? What the hell is that about?"
"I just never felt comfortable enough with him to go there."
"But Ray," he pushed out another breath, what the hell was wrong with this girl? If he were John he would've left her the minute she denied his needs. But anyone that was attracted to this girl, himself included, couldn't say why he were attracted to her. They just were. "He is your boyfriend."
"Was my boyfriend." Ray corrected him quietly.
"Oh well, was your boyfriend, and you didn't have sex with that boy? Not even once?" Ray shook her head no. Randy threw his hands up in frustration, "Well it's no wonder he started sleeping with Secret again."
Ray felt the familiar sting of tears, she knew she deserved everything she was getting but for some reason she had hoped the fact that she was pregnant would scathe off most of the brutal attack she was going to sustain.
"Yeah, I didn't say I blamed him."
"Not that you could,"
"Gee, thank you for all your support." Ray said, "Nice to know I have that." She put her hands on her belly, "Especially with this new found situation."
"Well Xena, I'm happy for you, you know that. I'll do anything you need me to do with the baby and such, but you can't possibly expect him to be all honkey dorey about it."
"I know that Randy, damn it, you think I wanted this happen like this? And then you expected that I would come back and my so called boyfriend, who by the way has lied to me directly to my face about loving me,"
"Xena, he loves you, he loves you so much,"
"Oh yes, loves me, fucks and knocks her up," Ray rolled her eyes hatefully, "if that's love, tell him to do me a favor and tell him to hate me." Ray screamed, "Not that he doesn't already,"
"He doesn't hate you Ray,"
"Did you see the way he looked at me when he walked out of here, fooled the hell out of me,"
"Xena you are carrying another man's baby. A rival man at that."
"What the hell are you talking about Randy?"
"Ray, do you honestly think that man is blind? That he didn't know that you were in love with Shane and that the feeling was mutual? The entire locker room, male and female alike knew that. All they had to do was see you two together, most of our backstage staff, those that didn't know you were dating John thought for sure you were dating Shane,"
Ray just stared at Randy, what the hell did that have to do with John's baby and the fact that the chill factor fell when he left the room.
"Xena, all I'm saying to you honey is that he knew the end was coming, your birthday, when he went out of his way to buy that damn dress and you just set it aside, but you jumped up and down like you had one the lottery when Shane got you a damn t-shirt."
"That came from his heart, that's why I loved it so much, but I don't have to explain this to you."
"No you don't, all I'm saying is he doesn't hate you, he hates that someone else did something that he wanted to do but could never, loved you enough to make you trust him on that level. And now look, you getting married and carrying his baby."
Ray snapped, she had no clue why; she had enough of Randy coming down on her. She knew she would have this kind of problem with John but she would just be damned if she was going to go through this with Randy.
"I don't even want to carry this baby, we have things we have to do in our lives and this baby is only going to fuck that up." Ray began to cry, the tears burned her eyes.
"Don't cry Xena." He put his arms around her.
"Just," she pushed him away, "just leave me alone. I'm going to be just fine."
Randy walked past Mark as he left the locker room. Mark walked in the locker room after hearing his daughter's heart wrenching cry that she didn't want to be a mother.
"Darlin'," Mark said quietly.
Ray frantically wiped at her eyes. She didn't want to her father to be worried about her. She had enough of people treating her like she was piece of glass. Like she would be broken if there was the slightest disturbance in her direction.
"Yeah," she answered.
"You don't want to carry this baby? Why didn't you just tell someone?"
"I don't know if I want to carry it or not. I haven't even formally told Shane I'm pregnant yet, and now I'm getting married." Ray cried hysterically. "What am I going to do daddy?"
"I don't know darlin'," Mark moved to touch her.
"Don't touch me daddy!" she screamed. "Just don't touch me."
"Darlin'," Mark looked like she had cut him down to the very core of his body.
Ray continued to cry and rock holding her self around the belly, "Damn it!" she screamed.
"Darlin' please," he moved a little closer to her.
"Don't touch me," she continued to rock faster and faster, "I'll be fine, please."
Mark was terrified and ran to get Shane. He found him talking to Stacy Keibler, "Shane, I need you."
Shane's eyes grew wide, he immediately knew it was his beautiful and there is something wrong with her.
"What's wrong with beautiful?" he asked as he jogged alongside Mark.
Mark smiled down at Shane and his bond to his daughter, "I don't know son, I really don't. I just know she's going to need you far more than she's ever needed you."
They could hear her music long before they hit the locker room, the song screamed volumes at them. They opened the locker room door; it appeared empty with exception of Ray's radio, which was blaring the new single, by Static X entitled, 'So'. Shane bought her the new Shadow Zone CD when she got out of the hospital. The case sat beside her radio with a note attached to it. They hadn't noticed it yet.
"I hear the shower," Mark said.
"Beautiful," Shane whispered.
"No but glad you think so," Jeff said peeking out the door.
"When did you guys get back?"
"Not to long ago," Jeff said draping a towel around his waist, "Killed me to leave Kacey and Ian, but a guy's got to work, you know?"
"Yeah I hear you, congratulations by the way," Mark said, "But you would've have seen darlin' here lately have you?"
"Nope, when I got in here, the only thing I saw was her radio blaring, kick ass song by the way."
"Yeah," Shane said solemnly looking up at Mark.
"Don't worry son, we'll find her."
"What's going on?"
"Ravyn is pregnant," Shane explained.
"Get the hell out of here, Kacey is going to flip when she finds out."
"Yeah well the last I saw her she wasn't feeling so well, so we'd better go find her." Mark said leading Shane out the door. It was then that he saw the note taped to her CD case. The envelope read: Before reading the note, please listen to track 11. It is on repeat for you. The lyrics are in the cover.
Shane sat down beside the radio waiting for the track to repeat itself.
SO I BETRAYED SELF
SO I BETRAYED YOU
SO WHAT NOW
SO WHAT DO WE DO
PUSHING YOU AWAY
PUSHING YOU AWAY
PUSHING YOU AWAY, AWAY FROM ME
PUSHING YOU AWAY
PUSHING YOU AWAY
PUSHING YOU AWAY, AWAY FROM ME
SO I'M, I'M CONFUSED
SO YOU'RE NOT AMUSED
SO I'M FEELING USED
SO WHAT DO WE DO?
PUSHING YOU AWAY
PUSHING YOU AWAY
PUSHING YOU AWAY, AWAY FROM ME
PUSHING YOU AWAY
PUSHING YOU AWAY
PUSHING YOU AWAY, AWAY FROM ME
EMPTY INSIDE
I'M DYING, I'M CRYING
SHE MAKES ME BAD
BETRAYS MY HEAD
EMPTY INSIDE
I'M DYING, I'M CRYING
SHE MAKES ME BAD
PUSHING YOU AWAY
PUSHING YOU AWAY
PUSHING YOU AWAY, AWAY FROM ME
PUSHING YOU AWAY
PUSHING YOU AWAY
PUSHING YOU AWAY, AWAY FROM ME
EMPTY INSIDE
I'M DYING, I'M CRYING
SHE MAKES ME BAD
BETRAYS MY HEAD
EMPTY INSIDE
I'M DYING, I'M CRYING
SHE MAKES ME BAD
Shane was shaking by the time he opened the envelope to read the letter. When he opened it his herringbone chain fell into his lap.
Dear Shane,
Please understand that I love you. I love you so much, but you can't see what I'm doing to you and to daddy. Give him a big hug for me and tell him and the rest of the WWE family that there will always be a special place in my heart for each and every one of them. Don't blame yourself for this, it's not your fault, I love you all. Goodbye.
Love
Ravyn.
Shane's hand shook violently as he looked down at the herringbone chain sitting his lap. He noticed that she had taken the Hurricane pendant off it.
"What is it son?" Mark put hand on Shane's back.
"She's gone." He said quietly.
Mark looked up at the ceiling a tear standing out in his green eyes, damn it. He had lost his daughter and for once since he met her, he didn't think he would ever get her back.
What was she going to tell Shane? Was he ready to have a baby? He had his entire career ahead of him. He was The Hurricane, he had a million of adoring fans, and he was the Light Heavy Weight Champion. The last thing he needed in life was a baby.
"When are you going to tell him?" Mark asked her.
When am I going to tell him? Are you insane? The question is more like what am I going to tell him. Actually, I'm trying to think of the quickest way to get rid of this problem I just created. What about my career? What about my job? What about my life?
"I don't know daddy," she lied, "I guess I'm just trying to think of the best way to."
"I think he's going to be thrilled."
She was a lot less hopeful; she thought the boy was going to have a natural born fit.
"You think so?"
"Sure, I wouldn't be surprised if he did a cartwheel or something in here."
Ray smiled weakly, she knew she should trust her dad, he has never lead her astray before, but on this occasion she was going to have to ignore him.
"Certainly sounds like something he would do."
Mark just smiled, she seemed like she was so happy, but deep down inside he knew she was scared to death.
"Send him in for me daddy, would ya?"
"Sure darlin', I'll do whatever you need."
Mark had to stop himself from practically skipping out into the hallway. He was going to be a granddad and he wanted the entire world to know.
"Hey son, she wants to see you," he told Shane.
"Okay,"
Shane walked into the room not knowing exactly what to expect. But he saw something new in Ray's eyes, for the first time, he saw fear, actual terror. It scared him, but most of all, it sickened him. She was about to have his baby, give him his seed. What could she possibly be so afraid of, or what's worst, who?
"Hey beautiful," he kissed her forehead, "how's it going?"
"It's going." She had already vowed that she was not, under any circumstances going to tell him about this baby, she just had to figure out where she could hide out for a few months, somewhere no one would think to look.
He smiled from ear to ear, "Well, how do you feel?"
"Not bad, I'm still running a fever, still sweating, but other than that, I'm okay."
"Oh, I see." He said. He wondered what was taking her so long to tell him about the baby. He was bursting at the seams with wanting to hug her and thank her for giving her the best gift in the world.
"Hey, when I get out of here, I want to go back to North Carolina,"
"Why would you want to do that?" he asked a smile tickling the corner of his mouth.
"Because--," she chose her words carefully, "that's where I live right?"
Shane smiled then, "Yeah, that is where you live."
"Then, that's where I need to be to--," she decided that she would tell him; she would get out of it later. "To, to..."
Shane eyes flooded with tears as he placed his hand on her belly, he knew she hadn't told him yet, and that he was supposed to a surprise but he couldn't help himself, "This is going to sound really corny,"
Oh Lord, what now? Ray thought. I'm just trying to get this whole baby thing out. What is he about to throw in my lap now?!
Shane took his silver herringbone chain off his neck, from it hung the Hurricane pendant she had just had designed for him, clasping it around her neck, "Marry me,"
Holy God almighty, Ray thought, he wasn't going to make this easy for her she saw.
"Marry you?" tears weld up in her eyes, "Shane,"
"Please," She nodded.
He kissed her, long and hard. "I love you. I love you so much."
"Yeah," she whispered, "Me too."
"She's what?" Vince said beaming. "Wow."
"Yeah, I know. I'm going to be a granddad. How about that?"
"I hear you're going to be a father in law too, how's that coming along?"
"Well by the looks of things, I'm going to be a husband before I become a father in law."
"Oh yes, well congrats on that. Well back to business, any word on her kidnappers? What they wanted and so forth?"
"No word on that. Darlin's not talking and we're really not forcing her. She said they had her blindfolded and talked with a voice box. But she said she remembered their speech pattern real well."
"Oh well at least that's a start. What about her? What does she want to do? I'm sure that we can find something for her to do so she and Shane won't have to be apart for so long."
"Well I think she wants to go back to Cameron," Mark said, "I think that might be best for her."
"Well that sounds like a good idea of course, but I worry about her being in just one place with no one there with her."
Mark scratched his chin, he hadn't thought about that. "Well that's a good point."
"Yeah, I don't think any of us want to take any chances with her, especially in this condition."
"Yeah, you're right about that."
"Well like I said, I'm sure I can find something non endangering for her to do backstage,"
"That or I can send her back to New York with Paul."
"Say that's a good idea, well let me know."
"I'll go see what she wants to do."
Meanwhile, somehow or another John had not only just got wind of the engagement but the pregnancy as well.
He went through the roof at first hearing the news. He refused to hear what they were telling him. There was no way in the world that his girlfriend, the most important person in his life besides his illegitimate son was moving on without him.
He raced through the hallways of the Baltimore arena determined to find her. He wanted to rip Shane's spleen out through his mouth for putting his hands on his woman. Damn it, he couldn't believe it. He found her sitting in the men's locker room; she wore a pair of sweatpants and a Torrid's Heat tank top. She looked up at him with those intense gray eyes of hers and he had to question her actions. Not only getting married but also bringing a child of her own into the world. How could she do this to him? But then again, could he really blame her? He hung his head, the answer really was no.
"So that's how it is ma?" John looked down at her.
Ray didn't even meet his eyes; it killed her to see the hurt in his crystal blue eyes. She knew she didn't want to carry this baby any more than he wanted her to carry it. She nodded quickly.
"Yeah I guess," she whispered.
"Yeah," he sighed, "Well I knew it was bound to happen sooner or later."
"What?"
"I knew I couldn't keep you guys apart for long,"
"John what are you talking about?"
"Ma, let me tell you something, I could see things as well as any other people could. I could see that he not only loved you as a lover but he loved you as a friend, I know that he knew what you needed far better than I. You trusted him in ways you could never trust me."
She felt her trachea tighten at his words, "How did you know John?"
"Well I'm not blind ma, I could see that he did things for you I could never. Hell everybody with a pair of eyes could see that. You guys were the only two fighting your love."
"John," Ray sighed, "You were a great boyfriend."
"No I wasn't, I was selfish,"
"Selfish? John,"
John put his hand up to stop her words, "No ma, I was selfish, stupid and refused to give you the kind of love that you so desperately needed, and for that, I am so, so sorry."
"No, no, John please don't apologize. I was spoiled, and very used to getting my way," Ray sputtered, her chest heaved as she spoke. She didn't want to face him or anyone else right now, at a time where she was so confused.
"And I never wanted to give it to you." John looked down at his feet, "I was so hell bent on making you something you weren't instead of appreciating what I had in front of me."
Ray thought about it. He was right about that. There were situations and such that he didn't want too budge on. Even though she could be justified in her actions of being with the man that loved her most, she didn't want him to feel any worse than he did.
Ray shook her head, "Don't blame yourself for this, this is my doing not yours."
John shook his head, it was almost as if she had forgotten everything he had put her through, arguing with her on the stupidest shit, stressing her out, making her feel like she was less than what she was. She had handled him with such grace and loved him despite everything. And now she sat here in front of him, heaving greatly, terrified that she had hurt him, when it was he that had hurt her in ways she didn't even know about, and since she was pregnant he felt as if it wasn't time to go bringing it up.
"So you guys are getting married?" he asked trying to change the subject from their relationship and back to her current one.
Ray shrugged. Not if she had anything to say about it. She hadn't even formally accepted the proposal and he was around her skipping like everything was peachy fuckin' keen. And Ray was no fool, she knew Shane knew about the baby though he hadn't mentioned it, he was treating her like a damn porcelain doll.
"You don't seem like a very enthusiastic fiancée ma, I may not be your boyfriend any more, but I would still like to be your friend, if that's okay."
Ray nodded, "Yeah, that's fine."
John sat down next to her, wrapping his arm around her shoulders, "So, tell me, what's wrong?"
"Nothing, I guess I'm just tired, this is so much to deal with, I'm pregnant, engaged, I was kidnapped and nearly killed. My body hasn't had time to adjust to any of it."
John winced when she uttered the word kidnapped, that was his doing, and though she knew nothing of his involvement, it would always be held against him, if not by her then by himself.
"I know, if you need anything, even if it's just a ear to listen to you, give me a call." He moved to kiss her.
"Xena," Randy called out.
John sighed his irritation, "Damn it,"
"I hear my warrior princess is pregnant." Randy beamed.
Ray nodded; damn word travels fast. She had only planned on a handful of people knowing; at this rate the whole damn locker room would know.
He put his arm around her shoulder, "Well congratulations girl."
"Thanks." She said.
"And John, you go boy. How dare you not tell me." He pushed his friend.
John and Ray locked eyes. Each knew what the other was thinking but there was a scenario neither had been hit with before. Most people knew it was Shane's baby.
I guess news doesn't travel as fast as I thought, Ray thought, her eyes still locked with John's.
Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, John's eyes turned from a warm sapphire blue to hateful cold ice chips.
"It's not mine," John said leaving the room.
"What the hell is he talking about?" Randy turned raging blue eyes on Ray.
"It's not his," Ray said quietly, trying to shake the look of John's cold eyes from her mind. He looked at her with pure hate in his eyes.
"Then who the hell does it belong to Ray?"
"It's Shane's."
"Well how the hell can you be so sure?"
"Trust me its Shane's. John and I were never together like that."
"Ray," Randy let out a slow breath to calm himself. He looked down into her eyes and he had to remember that he was dealing with a pregnant woman and that even though he could strangle the life out of her at this point, they were very sensitive people. "Do you mean to tell me that as long as you were dating that boy, you didn't give him any? What the hell is that about?"
"I just never felt comfortable enough with him to go there."
"But Ray," he pushed out another breath, what the hell was wrong with this girl? If he were John he would've left her the minute she denied his needs. But anyone that was attracted to this girl, himself included, couldn't say why he were attracted to her. They just were. "He is your boyfriend."
"Was my boyfriend." Ray corrected him quietly.
"Oh well, was your boyfriend, and you didn't have sex with that boy? Not even once?" Ray shook her head no. Randy threw his hands up in frustration, "Well it's no wonder he started sleeping with Secret again."
Ray felt the familiar sting of tears, she knew she deserved everything she was getting but for some reason she had hoped the fact that she was pregnant would scathe off most of the brutal attack she was going to sustain.
"Yeah, I didn't say I blamed him."
"Not that you could,"
"Gee, thank you for all your support." Ray said, "Nice to know I have that." She put her hands on her belly, "Especially with this new found situation."
"Well Xena, I'm happy for you, you know that. I'll do anything you need me to do with the baby and such, but you can't possibly expect him to be all honkey dorey about it."
"I know that Randy, damn it, you think I wanted this happen like this? And then you expected that I would come back and my so called boyfriend, who by the way has lied to me directly to my face about loving me,"
"Xena, he loves you, he loves you so much,"
"Oh yes, loves me, fucks and knocks her up," Ray rolled her eyes hatefully, "if that's love, tell him to do me a favor and tell him to hate me." Ray screamed, "Not that he doesn't already,"
"He doesn't hate you Ray,"
"Did you see the way he looked at me when he walked out of here, fooled the hell out of me,"
"Xena you are carrying another man's baby. A rival man at that."
"What the hell are you talking about Randy?"
"Ray, do you honestly think that man is blind? That he didn't know that you were in love with Shane and that the feeling was mutual? The entire locker room, male and female alike knew that. All they had to do was see you two together, most of our backstage staff, those that didn't know you were dating John thought for sure you were dating Shane,"
Ray just stared at Randy, what the hell did that have to do with John's baby and the fact that the chill factor fell when he left the room.
"Xena, all I'm saying to you honey is that he knew the end was coming, your birthday, when he went out of his way to buy that damn dress and you just set it aside, but you jumped up and down like you had one the lottery when Shane got you a damn t-shirt."
"That came from his heart, that's why I loved it so much, but I don't have to explain this to you."
"No you don't, all I'm saying is he doesn't hate you, he hates that someone else did something that he wanted to do but could never, loved you enough to make you trust him on that level. And now look, you getting married and carrying his baby."
Ray snapped, she had no clue why; she had enough of Randy coming down on her. She knew she would have this kind of problem with John but she would just be damned if she was going to go through this with Randy.
"I don't even want to carry this baby, we have things we have to do in our lives and this baby is only going to fuck that up." Ray began to cry, the tears burned her eyes.
"Don't cry Xena." He put his arms around her.
"Just," she pushed him away, "just leave me alone. I'm going to be just fine."
Randy walked past Mark as he left the locker room. Mark walked in the locker room after hearing his daughter's heart wrenching cry that she didn't want to be a mother.
"Darlin'," Mark said quietly.
Ray frantically wiped at her eyes. She didn't want to her father to be worried about her. She had enough of people treating her like she was piece of glass. Like she would be broken if there was the slightest disturbance in her direction.
"Yeah," she answered.
"You don't want to carry this baby? Why didn't you just tell someone?"
"I don't know if I want to carry it or not. I haven't even formally told Shane I'm pregnant yet, and now I'm getting married." Ray cried hysterically. "What am I going to do daddy?"
"I don't know darlin'," Mark moved to touch her.
"Don't touch me daddy!" she screamed. "Just don't touch me."
"Darlin'," Mark looked like she had cut him down to the very core of his body.
Ray continued to cry and rock holding her self around the belly, "Damn it!" she screamed.
"Darlin' please," he moved a little closer to her.
"Don't touch me," she continued to rock faster and faster, "I'll be fine, please."
Mark was terrified and ran to get Shane. He found him talking to Stacy Keibler, "Shane, I need you."
Shane's eyes grew wide, he immediately knew it was his beautiful and there is something wrong with her.
"What's wrong with beautiful?" he asked as he jogged alongside Mark.
Mark smiled down at Shane and his bond to his daughter, "I don't know son, I really don't. I just know she's going to need you far more than she's ever needed you."
They could hear her music long before they hit the locker room, the song screamed volumes at them. They opened the locker room door; it appeared empty with exception of Ray's radio, which was blaring the new single, by Static X entitled, 'So'. Shane bought her the new Shadow Zone CD when she got out of the hospital. The case sat beside her radio with a note attached to it. They hadn't noticed it yet.
"I hear the shower," Mark said.
"Beautiful," Shane whispered.
"No but glad you think so," Jeff said peeking out the door.
"When did you guys get back?"
"Not to long ago," Jeff said draping a towel around his waist, "Killed me to leave Kacey and Ian, but a guy's got to work, you know?"
"Yeah I hear you, congratulations by the way," Mark said, "But you would've have seen darlin' here lately have you?"
"Nope, when I got in here, the only thing I saw was her radio blaring, kick ass song by the way."
"Yeah," Shane said solemnly looking up at Mark.
"Don't worry son, we'll find her."
"What's going on?"
"Ravyn is pregnant," Shane explained.
"Get the hell out of here, Kacey is going to flip when she finds out."
"Yeah well the last I saw her she wasn't feeling so well, so we'd better go find her." Mark said leading Shane out the door. It was then that he saw the note taped to her CD case. The envelope read: Before reading the note, please listen to track 11. It is on repeat for you. The lyrics are in the cover.
Shane sat down beside the radio waiting for the track to repeat itself.
SO I BETRAYED SELF
SO I BETRAYED YOU
SO WHAT NOW
SO WHAT DO WE DO
PUSHING YOU AWAY
PUSHING YOU AWAY
PUSHING YOU AWAY, AWAY FROM ME
PUSHING YOU AWAY
PUSHING YOU AWAY
PUSHING YOU AWAY, AWAY FROM ME
SO I'M, I'M CONFUSED
SO YOU'RE NOT AMUSED
SO I'M FEELING USED
SO WHAT DO WE DO?
PUSHING YOU AWAY
PUSHING YOU AWAY
PUSHING YOU AWAY, AWAY FROM ME
PUSHING YOU AWAY
PUSHING YOU AWAY
PUSHING YOU AWAY, AWAY FROM ME
EMPTY INSIDE
I'M DYING, I'M CRYING
SHE MAKES ME BAD
BETRAYS MY HEAD
EMPTY INSIDE
I'M DYING, I'M CRYING
SHE MAKES ME BAD
PUSHING YOU AWAY
PUSHING YOU AWAY
PUSHING YOU AWAY, AWAY FROM ME
PUSHING YOU AWAY
PUSHING YOU AWAY
PUSHING YOU AWAY, AWAY FROM ME
EMPTY INSIDE
I'M DYING, I'M CRYING
SHE MAKES ME BAD
BETRAYS MY HEAD
EMPTY INSIDE
I'M DYING, I'M CRYING
SHE MAKES ME BAD
Shane was shaking by the time he opened the envelope to read the letter. When he opened it his herringbone chain fell into his lap.
Dear Shane,
Please understand that I love you. I love you so much, but you can't see what I'm doing to you and to daddy. Give him a big hug for me and tell him and the rest of the WWE family that there will always be a special place in my heart for each and every one of them. Don't blame yourself for this, it's not your fault, I love you all. Goodbye.
Love
Ravyn.
Shane's hand shook violently as he looked down at the herringbone chain sitting his lap. He noticed that she had taken the Hurricane pendant off it.
"What is it son?" Mark put hand on Shane's back.
"She's gone." He said quietly.
Mark looked up at the ceiling a tear standing out in his green eyes, damn it. He had lost his daughter and for once since he met her, he didn't think he would ever get her back.