Still don't own them, it whatever.
What If It Wasn't The Only Way To Go?
I was sitting at home with my wife. We were watching one of those hour long drama shows. Something I don't normally do, but lately things have been different. I've found myself thinking, even dreaming of the past. Though I don't dare tell Barbra Jean, God knows she'd freak.
I find myself thinking how different every thing would have been if I had never left. If I had been honest in the theropy. Would she and I still be together, or wouldn't it have mattered?
What if we had worked things out between us? Would we be the family we used to be? God knows I still love her, but I love Barbra Jean, I can't leave, not again.
Remembering the past and thinking of this makes me wonder, divorce was the easiest way out but....
What if it wasn't the only way to go?
Before Barbra Jean, I often wondered what would've happened if I showed back up at that house. She would have been furious, or would she? I can't truely find an answer for that.
Sometimes, when I call her to talk to the kids, and briefly talk to her it almost, almost seems as if she to wanted to go back to how it was before. Or is that just my mind playing tricks on me. If it were true though, we both know that it could, would, never happen.
I broke a home, and a heart, before, I am not about to do that again. But what if I were to fix her heart? Would that make up the shattering of another? NO. Stop thinking like that. I made a choice and I must live with it. I can't and WON'T do it. I love Barbra Jean. I can't do that to her. But what I can do is just wonder.....
What if it wasn't the only way to go?