The Great Salon Adventure
"I can't believe it! We do a perfectly good report, and the batty old professor makes us do it over! We put hard work into that report, I don't get why we have to do it again!" Sirius Black fumed. Remus rolled his eyes. "Maybe it was because our last sentence was ' In conclusion, muggles are insane and blood-thirsty.' I told you not to put that in."
"I thought it made for a great conclusion. At least we get to pick where we go to this time." James said, his eyes scanning the street for shops that were likely to have pretty girls in them. Peter trailed along behind. He was still mildly traumatized, and had developed an irrational phobia of salesgirls. "I just wish we could go home.." Suddenly, James stopped. He pointed to a small place on the corner. There was a shapely young blonde walking in. "There!" He declared. "We're going in there!" He walked towards the blonde quickly, leaving his friends behind. Sirius looked up to read the sign. "Beauty salon? D'you suppose he wants the girl, or his hair done to attract girls?" He pushed open the door. Peter choked. "What- is that smell- I can't breathe.." He coughed rather loudly.
" It's only lavender, Wormtail." Remus sniffed the air. "with a hint of freesia and rose..." Peter sneezed. There must have been over fifty vases in the tiny room.
They walked in. James was already talking to the beautiful blonde. "So this is your dream job? It's really fascinating .." "Um, yes .." The blonde seemed captivated by James's unruly hair. "Whatever. You know, you have the most unusual hair.. Did you come in for a cut? I could do you myself, right now, no wait."
James looked uncertain. " My hair- now? You .. What kind of cut?" He looked around curiously at the women getting their hair done around him.
"Oh, just something to flatten it.. make it more attractive.."
"Oh! Sure," He said eagerly. "Just do whatever you need to do.." Sirius spotted his friend talking to the lovely young blonde and ran over. "I'd like a cut too! Er.. maybe something.. lighter.." The blonde smiled brightly. "Great! Wilma can get you." She gestured over at a wizened old woman, who winked at Sirius suggestively. He didn't wink back. Desperately, Padfoot scanned the room for anyone else. There was a giggly redhead in a corner. "What about that pretty redhead?" He asked hopefully.
"Dinah? Well, she's new, and a little dense. But if your sure.." The blonde shrugged, and beckoned the giggly, ditzy Dinah...
Meanwhile, Remus and Peter were interviewing the girl at the desk. Peter was still sneezing. His eyes were beginning to water, as well. "So, what is it like working here?" Remus asked politely.
"Wonderful! I-" The girl stopped suddenly, and gazed out the window. "I have work to do!" She said shrilly, and disappeared behind the 'Employees Only' door.
Peter wiped his nose. "I thought sitting at the desk was her work.." He stopped. Someone had just walked in. Someone oddly familiar.
"Remus!" Morbida squealed.
Remus watched in horror as she approached. Her hair was now a shoulder- length tangle, and she was missing her pointy hat, but it was her. Peter's eyes widened in surprise, and he scrambled to get out of her way. Unfortunately, he couldn't see very well, and ran into a shelf of wigs... leaving Remus to deal with the insane Morbida..
Sirius smiled charmingly. "So Dinah.. You have a boyfriend ?"
Dinah giggled insanely. "No. No I don't..."
"No?" "Yup." Dinah mixed the hair dye. She seemed to be using random tubes and bottles. "I mean no- um.. no," She tittered.
"Okay.. so what are you doing ?" Sirius watched her uncertainly.
"Um, didn't you want highlights?"
"Yeah, sure, I guess. What exactly are you going to do, though ?" "Err.. I'm really figuring it out as I go...heehee .."
"You mean you have no idea what you're doing?!" "Um, yes- no. Sort of... No.. not really ..."
Dinah strapped Sirius into a chair. He struggled. "No! Wait! I Don't want-"
Dinah giggled, pulling on a gorgeous lock of hair. "Let's get started.." Sirius twisted away. "Someone, Anyone, Help! Wilma! Help me !"
Dinah smiled. "Your hair would look great pink.."
"NOOOOOO!"
"So, I was thinking a something a little less wild would be good."
The blonde snipped at James's hair. "Mmhm, yes... It seems like no matter how much I cut, your hair just grows back.." She shook her head. "This is impossible."
James shrugged. "Yeah, I never liked my hair-"
The girl continued to cut. She glared at the back of James's head. "That is it. I can't do this!"
James yawned. "Do what?"
"Cut your hair!" She put down her scissors and looked around desperately. "Lola! Look at this guy!" She yelled across the room .
Lola glanced up from where she was arranging hair gel bottles. She looked at James and shuffled to his side.
"Now, now Sidney." She said. "I'll just demonstrate for you." Lola began snipping expertly.. but James's hair was still no different. Lola snipped faster. James's hair stayed messy as ever. Desperately, she hacked off a large random patch of hair. Nothing happened.
"See? It won't cut right!" Sidney wailed.
"Could you shut up?" Lola said, rather hysterically. She cut and cut, but it made no difference. "Sidney! Get me weapon X!"
Sidney gasped. "But-"
"NOW!"
Sidney hurried away, and returned with a chainsaw.
Lola screamed shrilly as she wielded it towards James's head. She cackled manically as hair flew everywhere- and grew back on James's head. A couple of ladies hurried out of the salon fearfully at Lola's screeches. Prongs sat, twiddling his thumbs boredly.
Moony stared at the loony muggle. "Er.. Hello ."
"It is fate that we have met again!" Morbida proclaimed.
"Actually-"
Morbida flung herself into Remus's arms. "You can't deny it any longer, Remus ! the stars have destined us to be together! We are ONE!" She held tightly to his arms.
"Morbida! Let go- this can't work!"
She gasped. "Don't you love me? Don't you see we're perfect for each other?"
Remus looked at her embarrassedly. "Well, I- I don't know you, Morbida. You don't know me, either. We can't just rush into things.."
"But I do know you! We met once upon a dream, remember?"
He looked at her blankly. "Er, no."
Morbida pouted. "We were meant for each other! MARRY ME!"
Remus stared at his potential wife. "Why don't we get to know each other first.." He backed away slowly.
"NOOO!" Morbida clung to his arms. "I have always known you! The great seers prophesized our union, and triumph over the evils of the netherworld!"
"I don't think so-"
"YES! LOVE ME, REMUS!"
"Morbida!"
"LOVE ME!" She screeched. Most of salon ladies hurried away fearfully.
Remus looked at his persistent would-be bride. She reached behind her and grabbed something from the table. "Fine! Then I'll make you see our love!" She whipped the object out from behind her.
"Is that a hair-dryer?" "Fear it! The evil weapon of Mezlerquoglin!"
Remus sighed. "A hair-dryer?"
Morbida glared at him, and flipped it on.
Peter had discovered something. He was allergic to flower pollen. He had also stumbled into a shelf of wigs. He wandered around the salon, looking for his friends. It was difficult, he could barely see. There was still an auburn wig on his head, too. He sneezed. One of the salon ladies looked over at him. "Ms. Margaret! I was expecting you!" She hurried over to Peter excitedly. "Are you ready for you weekly waxing session?"
Peter sneezed again. He whimpered and backed away.
"Oh, no need to be ashamed, Ms. Margaret! We all know it's a necessary thing -" She pulled Peter to a chair and sat him in it. "I'm not-"
"No need to talk!" The salon lady chirped. "I have the juiciest gossip about Lola-"
Peter struggled out of his chair. "Ms. Margaret! Wait!"
"I'm not-"
"Of course you are!"
"Arg ..." Peter stumbled away. "You get a free face mask too!" The lady called out. Peter broke into a run. Soon, he ran into a sight scarier than anything he had ever seen. "SIRIUS?!"
Sirius looked surprisedly at Peter from under a mop of pale green hair. "Wormtail?"
"Yeah, What-"
"LOOK WHAT SHE DID TO ME!" Sirius yelled, pointing at Dinah. Dinah giggled. "You look so cute !"
"No, I look DESTROYED!" Sirius yelled. He looked around, and picked up a pair of scissors. "You will pay, Dinah!" He launched himself at her. Dinah screamed. She saw the maniacal glint in his eyes and ran. Sirius grabbed Peter and pulled him along after the girl. Suddenly, a scream sounded across the salon. They stopped.
"TURN IT OFF, MORBIDA!"
"I CAN'T!!"
Morbida was struggling with a hair-dryer on full-blast. Remus was on the floor, struggling against the blast of air. "What the.."
Dinah giggled.
Sirius turned on her angrily. "SHUT UP !" He ran to Morbida, and grabbed the hair dryer. He yanked it from her hands, and pressed down on the off switch. The roar of the hair dryer died down. She looked admiringly into his face. "You saved my life! I am eternally grateful .."
"Umm.. Go away."
Morbida looked at Sirius stubbornly. "NO! Your green hair tells me-"
Sirius faced the muggle angrily. "If you make another comment on my hair, I WILL TOAST YOU."
"I-"
An insane smile spread over Sirius's face. "Dinah?"
Dinah giggled. "Huh?"
"This girl here wants a cut."
Dinah smiled ditzily. "Great!" She grabbed Morbida's arm. "C'mon!"
Morbida struggled. "N-No! Wait! You Horrid toad! I shall FRY your spleen-"
Dinah dragged her away happily.
"I HATE YOU!"
Sirius smiled and waved. "You- You Gryperhogen!"
Sirius smirked "I am good."
Remus pulled himself up. "So.. uh, Where's James?"
Peter sneezed. "I dunno.."
There was the whir of a chainsaw.
Remus groaned. "Let's just leave, please.."
Sirius sighed and walked towards the sound.
"Well, I'm sorry if my hair's uncuttable. It's not like-"
"GET OUT!" Lola waved the chain saw.
James sighed. "Okay, fine. Gosh."
"NOW!"
"I'm leaving, okay?!" James turned around and walked out of the salon, followed by the rest of the marauders.
"James?" Remus said cautiously.
"Oh, there you are-" James stopped. He burst out laughing.
"WHAT?" Sirius demanded angrily.
"Your hair- it's green.."
"So?"
Remus inspected his friend's hair. "It should go away in a couple of days." He said amusedly.
"I want it gone NOW."
James and Remus snickered as they stepped onto the street.. Peter sneezed again. "Well, we've learned our lesson." Remus sighed.
"What?" Sirius grumbled.
"Next time we do a report.. we do it right the FIRST time."
"I can't believe it! We do a perfectly good report, and the batty old professor makes us do it over! We put hard work into that report, I don't get why we have to do it again!" Sirius Black fumed. Remus rolled his eyes. "Maybe it was because our last sentence was ' In conclusion, muggles are insane and blood-thirsty.' I told you not to put that in."
"I thought it made for a great conclusion. At least we get to pick where we go to this time." James said, his eyes scanning the street for shops that were likely to have pretty girls in them. Peter trailed along behind. He was still mildly traumatized, and had developed an irrational phobia of salesgirls. "I just wish we could go home.." Suddenly, James stopped. He pointed to a small place on the corner. There was a shapely young blonde walking in. "There!" He declared. "We're going in there!" He walked towards the blonde quickly, leaving his friends behind. Sirius looked up to read the sign. "Beauty salon? D'you suppose he wants the girl, or his hair done to attract girls?" He pushed open the door. Peter choked. "What- is that smell- I can't breathe.." He coughed rather loudly.
" It's only lavender, Wormtail." Remus sniffed the air. "with a hint of freesia and rose..." Peter sneezed. There must have been over fifty vases in the tiny room.
They walked in. James was already talking to the beautiful blonde. "So this is your dream job? It's really fascinating .." "Um, yes .." The blonde seemed captivated by James's unruly hair. "Whatever. You know, you have the most unusual hair.. Did you come in for a cut? I could do you myself, right now, no wait."
James looked uncertain. " My hair- now? You .. What kind of cut?" He looked around curiously at the women getting their hair done around him.
"Oh, just something to flatten it.. make it more attractive.."
"Oh! Sure," He said eagerly. "Just do whatever you need to do.." Sirius spotted his friend talking to the lovely young blonde and ran over. "I'd like a cut too! Er.. maybe something.. lighter.." The blonde smiled brightly. "Great! Wilma can get you." She gestured over at a wizened old woman, who winked at Sirius suggestively. He didn't wink back. Desperately, Padfoot scanned the room for anyone else. There was a giggly redhead in a corner. "What about that pretty redhead?" He asked hopefully.
"Dinah? Well, she's new, and a little dense. But if your sure.." The blonde shrugged, and beckoned the giggly, ditzy Dinah...
Meanwhile, Remus and Peter were interviewing the girl at the desk. Peter was still sneezing. His eyes were beginning to water, as well. "So, what is it like working here?" Remus asked politely.
"Wonderful! I-" The girl stopped suddenly, and gazed out the window. "I have work to do!" She said shrilly, and disappeared behind the 'Employees Only' door.
Peter wiped his nose. "I thought sitting at the desk was her work.." He stopped. Someone had just walked in. Someone oddly familiar.
"Remus!" Morbida squealed.
Remus watched in horror as she approached. Her hair was now a shoulder- length tangle, and she was missing her pointy hat, but it was her. Peter's eyes widened in surprise, and he scrambled to get out of her way. Unfortunately, he couldn't see very well, and ran into a shelf of wigs... leaving Remus to deal with the insane Morbida..
Sirius smiled charmingly. "So Dinah.. You have a boyfriend ?"
Dinah giggled insanely. "No. No I don't..."
"No?" "Yup." Dinah mixed the hair dye. She seemed to be using random tubes and bottles. "I mean no- um.. no," She tittered.
"Okay.. so what are you doing ?" Sirius watched her uncertainly.
"Um, didn't you want highlights?"
"Yeah, sure, I guess. What exactly are you going to do, though ?" "Err.. I'm really figuring it out as I go...heehee .."
"You mean you have no idea what you're doing?!" "Um, yes- no. Sort of... No.. not really ..."
Dinah strapped Sirius into a chair. He struggled. "No! Wait! I Don't want-"
Dinah giggled, pulling on a gorgeous lock of hair. "Let's get started.." Sirius twisted away. "Someone, Anyone, Help! Wilma! Help me !"
Dinah smiled. "Your hair would look great pink.."
"NOOOOOO!"
"So, I was thinking a something a little less wild would be good."
The blonde snipped at James's hair. "Mmhm, yes... It seems like no matter how much I cut, your hair just grows back.." She shook her head. "This is impossible."
James shrugged. "Yeah, I never liked my hair-"
The girl continued to cut. She glared at the back of James's head. "That is it. I can't do this!"
James yawned. "Do what?"
"Cut your hair!" She put down her scissors and looked around desperately. "Lola! Look at this guy!" She yelled across the room .
Lola glanced up from where she was arranging hair gel bottles. She looked at James and shuffled to his side.
"Now, now Sidney." She said. "I'll just demonstrate for you." Lola began snipping expertly.. but James's hair was still no different. Lola snipped faster. James's hair stayed messy as ever. Desperately, she hacked off a large random patch of hair. Nothing happened.
"See? It won't cut right!" Sidney wailed.
"Could you shut up?" Lola said, rather hysterically. She cut and cut, but it made no difference. "Sidney! Get me weapon X!"
Sidney gasped. "But-"
"NOW!"
Sidney hurried away, and returned with a chainsaw.
Lola screamed shrilly as she wielded it towards James's head. She cackled manically as hair flew everywhere- and grew back on James's head. A couple of ladies hurried out of the salon fearfully at Lola's screeches. Prongs sat, twiddling his thumbs boredly.
Moony stared at the loony muggle. "Er.. Hello ."
"It is fate that we have met again!" Morbida proclaimed.
"Actually-"
Morbida flung herself into Remus's arms. "You can't deny it any longer, Remus ! the stars have destined us to be together! We are ONE!" She held tightly to his arms.
"Morbida! Let go- this can't work!"
She gasped. "Don't you love me? Don't you see we're perfect for each other?"
Remus looked at her embarrassedly. "Well, I- I don't know you, Morbida. You don't know me, either. We can't just rush into things.."
"But I do know you! We met once upon a dream, remember?"
He looked at her blankly. "Er, no."
Morbida pouted. "We were meant for each other! MARRY ME!"
Remus stared at his potential wife. "Why don't we get to know each other first.." He backed away slowly.
"NOOO!" Morbida clung to his arms. "I have always known you! The great seers prophesized our union, and triumph over the evils of the netherworld!"
"I don't think so-"
"YES! LOVE ME, REMUS!"
"Morbida!"
"LOVE ME!" She screeched. Most of salon ladies hurried away fearfully.
Remus looked at his persistent would-be bride. She reached behind her and grabbed something from the table. "Fine! Then I'll make you see our love!" She whipped the object out from behind her.
"Is that a hair-dryer?" "Fear it! The evil weapon of Mezlerquoglin!"
Remus sighed. "A hair-dryer?"
Morbida glared at him, and flipped it on.
Peter had discovered something. He was allergic to flower pollen. He had also stumbled into a shelf of wigs. He wandered around the salon, looking for his friends. It was difficult, he could barely see. There was still an auburn wig on his head, too. He sneezed. One of the salon ladies looked over at him. "Ms. Margaret! I was expecting you!" She hurried over to Peter excitedly. "Are you ready for you weekly waxing session?"
Peter sneezed again. He whimpered and backed away.
"Oh, no need to be ashamed, Ms. Margaret! We all know it's a necessary thing -" She pulled Peter to a chair and sat him in it. "I'm not-"
"No need to talk!" The salon lady chirped. "I have the juiciest gossip about Lola-"
Peter struggled out of his chair. "Ms. Margaret! Wait!"
"I'm not-"
"Of course you are!"
"Arg ..." Peter stumbled away. "You get a free face mask too!" The lady called out. Peter broke into a run. Soon, he ran into a sight scarier than anything he had ever seen. "SIRIUS?!"
Sirius looked surprisedly at Peter from under a mop of pale green hair. "Wormtail?"
"Yeah, What-"
"LOOK WHAT SHE DID TO ME!" Sirius yelled, pointing at Dinah. Dinah giggled. "You look so cute !"
"No, I look DESTROYED!" Sirius yelled. He looked around, and picked up a pair of scissors. "You will pay, Dinah!" He launched himself at her. Dinah screamed. She saw the maniacal glint in his eyes and ran. Sirius grabbed Peter and pulled him along after the girl. Suddenly, a scream sounded across the salon. They stopped.
"TURN IT OFF, MORBIDA!"
"I CAN'T!!"
Morbida was struggling with a hair-dryer on full-blast. Remus was on the floor, struggling against the blast of air. "What the.."
Dinah giggled.
Sirius turned on her angrily. "SHUT UP !" He ran to Morbida, and grabbed the hair dryer. He yanked it from her hands, and pressed down on the off switch. The roar of the hair dryer died down. She looked admiringly into his face. "You saved my life! I am eternally grateful .."
"Umm.. Go away."
Morbida looked at Sirius stubbornly. "NO! Your green hair tells me-"
Sirius faced the muggle angrily. "If you make another comment on my hair, I WILL TOAST YOU."
"I-"
An insane smile spread over Sirius's face. "Dinah?"
Dinah giggled. "Huh?"
"This girl here wants a cut."
Dinah smiled ditzily. "Great!" She grabbed Morbida's arm. "C'mon!"
Morbida struggled. "N-No! Wait! You Horrid toad! I shall FRY your spleen-"
Dinah dragged her away happily.
"I HATE YOU!"
Sirius smiled and waved. "You- You Gryperhogen!"
Sirius smirked "I am good."
Remus pulled himself up. "So.. uh, Where's James?"
Peter sneezed. "I dunno.."
There was the whir of a chainsaw.
Remus groaned. "Let's just leave, please.."
Sirius sighed and walked towards the sound.
"Well, I'm sorry if my hair's uncuttable. It's not like-"
"GET OUT!" Lola waved the chain saw.
James sighed. "Okay, fine. Gosh."
"NOW!"
"I'm leaving, okay?!" James turned around and walked out of the salon, followed by the rest of the marauders.
"James?" Remus said cautiously.
"Oh, there you are-" James stopped. He burst out laughing.
"WHAT?" Sirius demanded angrily.
"Your hair- it's green.."
"So?"
Remus inspected his friend's hair. "It should go away in a couple of days." He said amusedly.
"I want it gone NOW."
James and Remus snickered as they stepped onto the street.. Peter sneezed again. "Well, we've learned our lesson." Remus sighed.
"What?" Sirius grumbled.
"Next time we do a report.. we do it right the FIRST time."