Chapter 8

I paced my bedroom floor anticipating the ring of my phone. The day had been fine. Ashley and the girls had made Autumn upset but I made her feel better. The only part of the day I had regretted was agreeing to let Manny call me. I had been so thrown off by her coming to talk to me after the song.

The phone startled me as it began to play. I answered briskly, "Hey."

"Hi. Is everything okay?" she whispered. Manny was never one to whisper. To think about it, she only whispered when something was bothering her.

"Yeah, things are good. Why are you whispering?" I whispered back.

She giggled quietly, "I'm not allowed to talk to you. But I need to talk to you. Craig..." With just her saying my name, the tone of the conversation had changed.

"Manny, what do you want me to say?" I didn't know what she wanted to hear or if I could tell her what she wanted to hear.

"Craig, I want you to understand why I did what I did. I want you to forgive me for hurting you the way I did. I couldn't be a mother at 15. Some people can handle being a mother at that age, but not me. How could I keep a child alive when I could barely keep a gold fish alive? I did it for the love of my baby, our baby."

I was aggravated by now, "How can you say that? I wanted the baby. You never gave me a chance to meet him or her. You took them away from me. You killed my love along with my baby."

I heard Manny sniffle as she tried to cover up her tears. "Craig, please understand. I did this for the baby and us. You have your music career ahead of you. Did you ever think where that would leave me? Home alone with the baby while you slept with every girl you laid your eyes on. I didn't want that, I didn't deserve that. No one does, not even Ashley. She didn't deserve you cheating on her."

I sat down in my computer chair thinking. She was probably right. If I became famous, sex drugs and rock and roll would rule my life. I would forget about Manny and the baby. Nothing else would have mattered. I ran my fingers through my hair realizing how dumb I was. I fucked up.

"Craig? Are you still there?" Manny kept her voice low.

"Yeah, I'm here. Manny, I'm sorry for not understanding. Things were so crazy that I didn't have a chance to think about it. I was just so excited. I'm sorry."

She sniffled again, "Its okay, Craig. I'm just glad you understand."

I sighed heavily. "So, what's up? How are things? How's your boyfriend?" I asked not really caring.

"Things are okay. My parents are still watching my every move. Things with my boyfriend aren't so good. I don't like him the way I used to."

"That sucks."

"Yeah, I know. How's Autumn? You really like her. That was a really pretty song." Manny was up to something. Her voice was returning to normal volume.

"Things are good. I really think I'm falling for her and that kind of scares me. I'm afraid I'm going to hurt her. I feel like I'm losing control."

She sighed, "If you're having these kinds of thoughts, you must not really care about her. Look, I got to go. I still have some homework to do. I'll talk to you tomorrow."

She hung up before I had the chance to say good-bye. I sat there thinking. I was starting to fall for Autumn, faster than I fell for Ashley or Manny. That scared me. But I couldn't fall for her in three days, could I? I shook off my thoughts and I went to find my journal in my desk. While rummaging through the desk, I found a picture of Manny I had taken last year. I felt my heart jump out almost as if I still had feelings for her. Did I have feeling for her? I couldn't have feelings for her if I had a girlfriend, could I?