Author's Notes: For starters, I'd first like to make an apology for the grammar and spelling problems that you may have seen/will see with the last installment of "Why Video Game Characters Aren't Allowed to Add-Lib", as well as problems with this installment and "Reunion at the Pillars". When I uploaded "WVGCAATAL 4" (long abbreviation, huh?) as well as "Reunion", I had only a very small window to get them up in, a window that did not provide me enough time to proof-read, which I typically try to do. Life has also been so hectic that I am not always on the same computer, and so I am using the Quick Edit to write this installment as this will be my last chance to do anymore writing before next month, as I will be away. I hope that this installment will be better off than to last one proof wise...But, you know, I make no promises just to save my own skin. Sorry! You can beat me a bit for that, I sure wouldn't say I didn't deserve it...Now, the reviews!
Tom T. Thompson: Crap...You reviewed first this time even. You know, you really bloody ROCK!!! :-)
Hanzao: Yes, I have a very sick and demented sense of humor which I take great pride in. Thank you for noticing! bows Well, Kain and Raziel being the smart-asses they are, I'm sure they'd get a kick out of it....Or talk Edios into suing me, one of the two...
Raid-Scion-Of-Randomness: Wait a minute...There are sane people on FFN? Really? Where...? :-P Glad you enjoyed it!
Smoke: Yeah, I decided that I like Razielia enough to bring her back a few times...She's fun to write. :-P Beware future invasions! I thought about doing that with Mortanius, but decided that having Raziel step out of the portal to find Kain with a cup of blood-flavored cocoa would be a better way to start the actual parody, and I rather like doing my serious lead-ins. I noticed those problems, and aside from the apology above, I'm also dyslexic, so sometimes writing (or saying) the correct word can be a real pain...As for Amy, well, I don't think she would mind personally, but I don't know her. But, after I stop working on these little scenes, I intend to do a "Acknowledgements/Apologies" section in which I will be sure to mention Amy, sing her praises and beg not to be sued.
MortalSora: You're so kind, thanks. chuckles Yes, it was a marvelous scene (s?) in the game...I'm glad you enjoyed it. Funny stuff rules! Laughter, its food for the soul...
Okay, and now, hopefully a good addition to the on going series...
Why Video Game Characters Aren't Allowed to Add-Lib 5
Legacy of Kain: Soul Reaver--Raziel and Rahab
Through perils and frustrations untold, the still young, but aging Raziel, Reaver of Souls and Angel of Death to the Elder God, now looked around at this new chamber. Here in the Spectral Realm, the fact that water was as thin as air sometimes made it difficult to tell where water ended and dry land began. If the rest of the abbey had been any indication, however, he was willing to guess that he was still underwater. No matter...There was only one conduit nearby that he could sense anyway, and it seemed some ways above him. As did another thing...Rahab, his third youngest brother was here. Even here, in the realm of the dead, Raziel could feel him with every fiber of his being somewhere in this chamber, perhaps waiting on Raziel to simply manifest himself...
It was a sickening feeling.
As Raziel examined the stair-step like manner that the columns of the room stood, he recalled not for the first time his vampiric execution. It was Kain who gave the order. He could still hear those horrible words echoing in his ears--"Cast him in." It was Turel and Dumah who had followed that order, the two brothers most capable of rendering him immobile even had Raziel been in top condition, and had not had the bones ripped from his wings a few short moments before. He noticed that it was also their presence which seemed weakest in this new Nosgoth...Figures.
But what had been Rahab's crime? Or Zephon and Melchiah's for that matter? At first, he wasn't sure, only that he extended his hatred to them and had little issue with destroying them at the Elder God's request (or was it a command?). But now, during the frustrating hours of working his way through Rahab's labyrinth of water, he remembered that his execution had an audience. One which could have done something...and didn't. One which could have open their minds to him as he was dragged, hurt, confused, and betrayed through the dirt to his doom, and did not. An audience that could, if they had something of backbone, have made a difference in his demise, and did nothing. That was why he hated them, he decided as he began to jump upward from column to column. That was why he hunted them down now, one by one--not by the Elder God's will, but by his own vengeance. And now that he knew of their mortal origins...Well, he was sure that their Sarafan selves would be thanking him for the release.
At last the conduit came into site. It was placed on top of the highest column, just a few feet above the water's surface. Here, Rahab's presence was stronger than ever. Raziel raised his arms and began to will himself into the Physical Realm. Time to pay the piper, Rahab, Raziel thought darkly as the green tint of the Spectral Realm faded into their natural colors and the stair-step columns rose up to the same height as the one he stood upon.
"Raziel."
Now, the presence of his former brother was very acute, and Raziel was not at all surprised to see Rahab before him. He was also not too surprised by Rahab's new form with its strange, fish-like shape, especially after encountering so many of the Rahabim. Rahab now looked more amphibian than vampire...or perhaps a bit of both.
"Rahab," Raziel replied, sounding almost bored. He then added, upon remembering Rahab's sensitivity to light, "You have adapted well to your environment for one so maladjusted..."
"Do not mock me, Raziel," Rahab said bitterly, "You, of all of us, should respect the power of a limitation overcome." There was more, but just as Rahab opened his mouth to say it, Raziel snorted.
"So, tell me, do you refer to the fact that I used to have wings, or that I'm dead?" Raziel snapped.
Rahab blinked and swished his tail. This was...unexpected, to say the least. "I...um...," he stumbled over his words, trying to find a reply, "er...I don't know?"
Raziel shook his head. "Okay, I'll make it simple: you said that I should respect being able to overcome a limitation. I want to know what you meant by that."
Rahab floated backwards a bit, perplexed. "That's not what I said," he replied, sounding confused, "I said, 'You, of all of us, should be able to respect...'"
"I know what you said!" Raziel shouted, making Rahab flinch and cower. He'd forgotten how dense Rahab was. It reminded him that as fledglings, he was always thankful that at least Rahab was smarter than Dumah. The very thought of Dumah's incompetence made Raziel shiver slightly. "I know what you said," Raziel repeated, a bit softer as to coax Rahab close again. "I just wanted to know what you mean..."
Rahab stared for a moment. "Um...I don't know?" he said questioningly. He noticed Raziel's eyes narrow and he cowered behind one of the columns of the room. "They didn't say why in the script!" he added hastily.
"The script?" Raziel blinked then shook his head. "Ah. I see. No wonder you sound so intelligent...They made you memorize the script." Rahab nodded. "Tell me then, dear brother, did it ever occur to you that maybe I wouldn't follow it?" Rahab shook his head. "And why not?"
"The lady said you would..." Rahab explained, sounding rather childish and scared. "Please don't hurt me, Bo-bo..."
"Don't call me that," Raziel snarled. "Melchiah was the only one who could call me Bo-bo, and I ground him into Melchiah Hamburger just a few hours ago. Just imagine what I'd do to you." Rahab whimpered behind his column.
"Now, now, Raziel," a familiar voice spoke into Raziel's ear, startling him so that he nearly fell off his own column and into the water below. "Play nice."
Raziel grumbled and crossed his arms. He knew that voice. It haunted him wherever he went, and was really starting to get on his nerves, come to think of it... "You were the one who sent me out here, Master!" he growled.
"True," the Elder God agreed, "But I sent you out to destroy Rahab, not to taunt him."
"How about I taunt him to death?" Raziel asked hopefully.
"No, no," the Elder God sighed, "That would take much too long...Why don't you just burn him instead?"
"Who are you talking to?" Rahab popped his head around just long enough to look at Raziel.
"Oh, just the Elder God," Raziel explained off-hand.
"Just?!" the Elder God's voice bellowed. Despite it nearly blowing out his eardrum, Raziel ignored him.
"He claims to be the reason I'm alive still," Raziel explained, "Or dead...Or whatever you'd call me. He's the guy I serve these days, though I've occasionally wondered if he's also what they used to serve as sushi at the Japanese steakhouse in Coorhagen..."
"Claims?! Sushi?! Where are you getting off at?!" the Elder God roared again. Again, he was ignored as best as possible.
Rahab thought for several moments, causing Raziel's curiosity to stir. "What?" the blue Reaver of Souls inquired.
"Dead," Rahab replied, "You're definitely dead. Nothing alive smells like you do..."
Raziel's eyes narrowed again, and Rahab squeaked and hid again. As Raziel jumped from column to column, dragging the wraith-blade behind him, he thought it typical that Rahab had yet to realize that water still hurt Raziel. "Yeah, well, you didn't exactly smell like roses yourself before you took swimming lessons," Raziel snapped as he jumped. "You still smell kind of funky, come to think of it..."
Raziel stopped to see Rahab cowering low into the water behind his chosen column, eyes shut and whimpering softly. There was just enough of his head left above water to get one good swing with the wraith blade in--a swing Raziel gladly took. Upon making contact, however, Rahab just yelped and ran (well, swam) out toward another column as well as muttering "I want my script back." Other than having the scales scared off of him, though, he seemed unharmed. Raziel cursed under his breath and muttered something about pain-in-the-ass boss battles.
"Hey, genius," the Elder God interrupted. "I already gave you the answer, Blue Boy Leader."
Raziel wanted to grit his teeth. "No more Dreamcatcher for you," was all he would say. He presumed that the Elder God was referring to the comment about burning Rahab. But how? He hadn't been able to find the stupid Fire or Sunlight Glyph's yet, and those stained-glass windows blocked out the actual sun...
"Duh," he muttered, then gently popped himself in the head. He raised the Reaver as though it were a large rifle, aimed it at the nearest glass and then.... Crash! It shattered thanks to a telekinetic blast.
"Maybe you have a few brain cells after all," the Elder God muttered.
"Shut up," Raziel snorted, then turned upon hearing water move. Rahab was looking at the shattered glass in his pool.
"Hey!" he yelled, "You have any idea how much each of those costs?!"
"Uh...do I look like I care?" Raziel replied, then aimed at another. It soon broke, sending broken glass down on Rahab's head.
"Watch it!" Rahab exclaimed, then ducked under the water and swam out of the way. He popped up much nearer to Raziel than the specter would have given him credit for earlier. "Dumah gave me that for my birthday last century! I put it there right beside the one Kain gave me..."
"Did you now?" Raziel said smugly, then took aim at the next window. He paused just long enough to note that the glass had an image of two humans worshiping a white-haired vampire (three guesses who THAT was), snort at it, and then fire a telekinetic blast. Rahab screamed in rage...or perhaps at the amount it would cost to fix those later, who knows?
"That's it!" Rahab yelled and began swimming towards Raziel. "You're dead meat!"
"I could have told you that," Raziel said sarcastically, "Since you were so kind as to--HEY!" He suddenly had to jump to the next column, as Rahab had suddenly lunged at him, jaws open. Had he not moved, he'd probably be missing a leg now. "What is this all about?!"
"I...liked...those...windows!!" Rahab roared, and then lunged again. Raziel then had to spend the next ten minutes trying to run and aim at the same time. It was a rather humorous scene to behold, and down in the Underworld, the Elder God had called in all of his wraith friends to watch. Finally, after shattering the last window, the chamber was filled with sunlight and Rahab, upon the realization he was on fire, started screaming instead of diving underwater...Because, well, we've already established he wasn't the brightest Lieutenant in Kain's army.
"AAAHHHH!!!" he screamed, thrashing a bit as he did so, "I'm burning! BURNING! Oh, what a world, what a world, oooohhh...." He then gagged, choked, and let lose a horrible blood-curtailing scream that eventually died out into a few soft moans, and then silence as his still burning corpse floated above water. The entire ordeal actually ended in a rather well rounded death scene the old trout might have been proud of, and that his older brothers would have surely never let him live down…had he survived it and he had anymore older brothers, that is.
Raziel took this time to burst into song. "I feel like Rahab tonight! Like Rahab tonight!" he sang as he pulled down his tabard and consumed Rahab's soul. He felt the now familiar sensation of being lifted, and felt both pain and a sense of vertigo rip through him. He soon dropped, however, and as he crouched down and braced himself with one claw, the Elder God spoke to him.
"Infused with your brother Rahab's soul, you can now swim like a blooming dolphin," he said, sounding rather bored, "Congratulations, I'm sure that's been one of your life-long goals. Now go kill Dumah before the director realizes what a mess you made of things and makes you do the whole thing over again."
Raziel groaned. "Don't make me go face him!" he whined, "He's such an idiot...He makes Rahab look worthy of a Nobel Prize..."
"Go kill Dumah, or I'll shove a tentacle up your butt," the Elder God snorted.
Raziel cringed at the thought, then sighed and jumped into the water, which instead of burning, now felt cool and refreashing. Oh well, he thought, There could be worse fates than killing off my idiot brothers for a living...what those fates are, I have no idea, but surely there's something worse than this, because I can't possibly be that unlucky. Then he thought, after considering his luck as of late, I take that back. This IS the worst it gets.