Author's Notes: Wow, you guys rock! I can't believe this is the sixth one...and I have ideas for at least three more after this. You guys really rule! And now, the reviews.
Marina's Myst: I'm glad you still enjoy it! I will one day, hopefully. It's my intentions that, if WVGCAATAL is popular enough to do a Mega WVGCAATAL and feature Raziel verus all the Sarafan Inquisitors, including himself. So you wanna see Raz vs Raz, you gotta keep supporting this one. I'm gonna aim for at least 15 chapters, maybe 16, and then if it's still popular, I'll do your scene. Okay? :-)
Smoke: Yeah...yeah...Rahab's plight is to never learn he's a Sarafan until it gets filmed correctly. And Raziel's is to be threatened with a tentacle up his butt whenever he begs not to kill his most moronic brother. Poor boys...Kain must have been a lousy father.
Tom T Thomson: Secretly, I think that they're all morons working for Edios on minimum wage. What they never tell you is that before he was Time Guardian, Moebius was a hobo in NYC, and before she was the fallen Balance Guardian, Ariel was a stripper in LA. Not to mention Janos Audron used to work on Coney Island—three guesses what as. Man, you have got to be my most devote reviewer...Thanks!!!
MortalSora: Geez, the Elder God threatening Raziel with his tentacles where the sun doesn't shine is surprisingly popular...I'm glad you enjoy it, and yes, Dumah is an idiot. You don't even have to take him off the script to figure that out...
Komikitty: Review 1: Glad you enjoyed it! Review 2: Yeah, poor Raz. Koein, like Razielia, was stolen from the "Defiance" outtakes, when Tony Jay accidentally mispronounces "Kain" as "Koein", and Micheal Bell (in his Raziel voice) replies, "Yes, I knew him when he was Koein—he calls himself Kain now." It's pronounced "CO-in". Review 3: Don't die laughing! I might get stuck with the bill... ;-)
OmegaXSabre: Hey, I'm doin' my best! I just got home from a week-long trip to KY, and so am working feverishly to get this new chap up. Btw, I read your story and tried to review, but is being stupid and won't let me. It's...well, random is one way to put it. :-P And go ahead and use me if you want—I bet I make pretty good cannon fader. And I KNOW I'm crazy enough to fit in with everyone else...I mean, how often does a Jupitarian waging war against Front Lawn Ninjas get to participate in such things?
And now for something completely different. I mean, the next addition to...
Why Video Game Characters Aren't Allowed to Add-lib 6Legacy of Kain: Blood Omen 2—Kain and Umah
Betrayal. In life, as well as unlife, his path had been riddled with it. His entire existence seemed an unwavering path of one treachery after another. Everyone, eventually, betrayed his trust. So, why not her?
Kain now saw the mistake he'd made. He knew it the instant Umah had taken the Nexus Stone from him. Emotion...He, of all people, had allowed himself to be blinded by emotion. He mentally kicked himself for thinking she would be any different from any other he had ever encountered. No matter—it was a situation soon to be remedied.
The vampire rounded a corner to find none other than the treacherous wretch herself—Umah, wearing his Nexus Stone—fighting a horde of Sarafan knights. Only one remained, and their bodies littered the ground as proof to Umah's wrath, but she was badly injured, and the knight's wounds were miniscule. In her condition, he would easily defeat her. Kain watched for a moment, debating, and then slipped behind the Sarafan and killed him. After the knight had fallen, he looked up into Umah's pain-filled eyes.
"We meet again, Umah," he stated, almost mockingly.
"Kain..." she breathed, sounding weak and winded, as well as grateful.
"Yes," he agreed, somewhat softer, "Kain." He watched her silently for a moment. "I thought you were to bring the Sarafan Lord to his knees." It was an attempt to mock her. He wasn't surprised at how pathetic the attempt sounded to his ears.
"I thought..." She began, and then collapsed from weakness. Kain watched, and then knelt down beside her.
"I know," he said as he did so, sounding almost kind.
"It seems...I was wrong," she breathed, looking down. Her pride was able to rival Kain's own, and so admitting she made a mistake must have been difficult. "I could not carry the fight...alone..."
"You were brave for trying," Kain told her, not aware he was stroking her hair. He noticed, and promptly stopped before she did.
Umah looked up at Kain weakly. "Kain," she whispered, "I'm dying..."
"Yes, you are," Kain agreed. He felt a strange...lofty feeling threaten to overtake him. He pushed it away.
"I need your blood," Umah pleaded, "Please...You can save me..."
"I know," Kain replied, reaching forward and reclaiming the Nexus Stone. Umah didn't seem to notice its absence. "Tell me, child—do you see me ruling Nosgoth?"
Umah nodded. "Yes, yes...I see it now," she readily agreed.
"And do you believe Nosgoth rightfully belongs to me?" Kain inquired. The strange feeling returned to him as he said this, stronger this time.
"I do," Umah said, sounding desperate, "I believe it—Kain, please!"
"And do you believe I am the hope of deliverance from the darkness that surrounds us?" Kain continued.
Umah blinked, and glanced around. "Um...yes, Kain, you are our only hope of deliverance," she agreed, though she seemed somewhat confused.
"And I am far more attractive than Vorador?" Kain asked. Not that it was really worth asking. He was way hotter than Vorador.
"Um...yes?" Umah looked around, confused, and then said, desperately. "Kain, please, I need your blood!"
"In a minute," Kain waved a hand at her. He wasn't entirely sure what he was doing, or why, but...it seemed like a good idea, whatever it was. "I'm not done asking you questions. And I'm much more interesting than Raziel, too, right?"
"What's a Raziel?" Umah now was becoming somewhat concerned.
"And who do you think would win in a grudge match—Paul Simon, or Art Garfunkel?"
"What?" Umah started at him like he was an idiot. "Kain, are you feeling okay?"
"Oh yeah!" Kain made a rather silly, lopsided grin, which looked quite alien on his cold face. "Yeah, yeah, never better...What about Paul McCartney as a referee? That would be great, wouldn't you think?! He wrote that song, you know..." He laughed.
"What song?" Umah now looked him over to the best of her ability.
"'Hope of Deliverance', of course," Kain rolled his eyes, as if anyone should know that, giving Umah a very good look at the whites.
"Kain, why are your eyes bloodshot?" she asked.
"My eyes aren't bloodshot," Kain protested.
"Yes they are," Umah protested, "They're as red as...well, as blood! Uhg, blood...I still need some, you know..."
"Well, I did just kill that Sarafan there," Kain gestured. "Have at it. Enjoy. Bon Ap a Tet. And all that jazz. In fact, I could really go for some blood myself..." He considered. "And my eyes are not bloodshot."
"In case you haven't noticed, I can barely move," Umah sighed, then looked at Kain. The bloodshot eyes, the silly demeanor, the sudden hunger...It could only be explained by one thing. "Kain, are you high?"
"What?! High?! Umah, can't you see there's a body of water right behind you?" Kain stared at Umah like she'd just laid an egg and hatched a monkey out of it. "If I were high, would I be this close to water?"
Umah blinked, now thoroughly confused. She thought about his previous statement for a few moments, but discovered her attempts to be futile. "Okay...um...what does our closeness to water have to do with you being high?"
"Well, isn't water usually in low places?" Kain asked the question as though the answer should be apparent.
"Oh, no, no!" Umah tried to laugh lightly, and coughed up some blood instead. She definitely needed blood, and soon. "I meant the other kind of high...You know, like, um...drugs."
"Hey, wait...Are you implying that I smoke dope? Wacky weed? Mary Jane?" Kain said.
"Yes," Umah nodded, glad she now had her point across.
"...4-20, pot, MJ..."
"YES, KAIN!" Umah yelled. Kain jumped, lost his balance as he knelt, and fell on his bum.
"Well, you don't have to yell," he mumbled, "And no, I haven't done that since my wild college days in Stahlberg...But we aren't gonna talk about that." Even in his current state, Kain shuddered. Then he glanced around. "Man, have I got the munchies," he muttered, and then, in a flash, he had grabbed up the Sarafan he had just killed. Umah could only watch in horror as he completely drained it of blood right before her eyes. Once he was done, Kain wiped his mouth and tosses the body aside.
"Oh yeah," he said, with another foolish grin, "That hit the spot..." He then saw the horrified look on Umah's face and blinked. "What?"
"I...really...needed...that..." she mumbled.
"Oh," Kain glanced at the dead bodies, then back at Umah, "Sucks to be you," he stated with a shrug.
"Sucks to be me?!" Umah yelled, "Oooohhh....Just get down here, and I'll show you what sucks!"
"That can be misinterpreted in so many ways," came a male voice in Umah's ear, "Especially considering your relationship with Kain..."
Umah's eyes widened. "Erm...where's Vorador?" she thought, thinking it was a Whisper from another vampire.
"High as a kite," the voice replied, "Along with every other major vampire character in this game still living except yourself."
Meanwhile, Kain had begun to sing quietly. "I will always be hoping, hoping...You will always be holding, holding...My heart in your hand. I will understand." Umah did her best to ignore him.
"If that's so, then who are you?" Umah thought.
"My name's Glen A. Schofeild," said the voice, "I'm the director. Trust me, Kain can tell you all about what those are, so don't ask. And you don't have to think—I actually do better if you speak your replies."
Umah listened to the director and glanced at Kain. He was now dancing a bit, and his speech was becoming ever so slightly slurred.
"I will undersstand, ssomeday, one day...You will undersstand always...From now until then," he sang while he did the Macarena.
"I have a sneaking suspicion that Kain won't be giving anyone a straight answer for a while," Umah said aloud as she tried to decide if Kain's antics were funny, or just down right sad.
"I agree," the director said with a sigh, "It seems that the supply of blood-flavored cocoa that was sent to the Cabal for between shots was spiked by the Sarafan Lord at some point, and so almost every vampire left in Nosgoth is now completely off his or her rocker..."
"What?!" Umah yelled, causing her to choke and cough. She doubled over slightly as she did so—unfortunately, she was still dying, which she thought was entirely unfair, but what was she gonna do about it? "How did he get a hold of our cocoa?!"
"Vorador," the director explained, "He makes all of the Cabal's cocoa, and yesterday he got a packet in the mail that was supposedly a new special ingredient that was sent to him free from Meridian Chocolate Lovers Society. Unfortunately, he didn't notice that the Sarafan Lord is their President..."
"Typical Vorador," Umah sighed.
"...We live in hope of deliverance from the darkness that surrounds us," Kain continued to sing and dance, but then suddenly stopped and looked at Umah. "Hey, wait—who are you talking to?"
"Again with the questions?!" Umah shook her head, "It's just some guy that says he's the director..."
"Oh! Is it Dennis?" Kain asked, "Or is it Amy? Or maybe it's that other guy...I'm pretty sure I scared off Dennis..."
"He says his name is Glen, now go back to dancing," Umah snapped, then, addressing the director, said, "How do we fix them all?"
"Wait for them to come down, I guess," the director replied, "So, I'm going to try and send someone out there to you with blood—It'd be a real pain if you died too soon. Speaking of the cocoa, why aren't you in the same boat with everyone else?"
"Oh, I'm lactose intolerant," Umah explained, "I drink blood-flavored chocolate soy milk."
"Yuck," Kain made a disgusted face, "That just sounds nasty..."
"I didn't ask you," Umah grumbled, and then pointed down the path he had come from originally. "Look, Kain! Something shiny!"
"Really?!" Kain spun around and looked. "Where?!"
"That should keep him entertained," Umah mumbled, "Doesn't Meridian have AA Meetings or something?? This is really annoying..."
"Sadly, even if it did, they wouldn't be able to do anything for him," the director said, "I've sent a dispatcher out to give you a hand. He'll be there shortly—try to hold on until then."
"But what do I do in the mean time?" Umah asked, but it was too late—the director had already severed the communication with her. Figures. She sighed and then, almost fearfully, glanced over to see what Kain was doing. She found that he was now humming "The Hamster Dance" as loudly as he could while doing the Funky Chicken. Secretly, she hoped someone was recording this—it'd make for marvelous black mail material later.
"Um, Kain...I just got done talking to the director, and he says that the Sarafan Lord spiked your cocoa," she said. She didn't really expect him to believe or even comprehend that statement at the moment, but she really had nothing better to do or say.
Kain stopped and gave Umah a large, goofy grin, which still looked both awkward and out of place on his face. "That's nice," he said, true to form. "Hey, Umah—You think I look better in white, or in yellow?"
Umah groaned. "Kain, please, not this again..."
"Just answer the question! White or yellow?"
She sighed. "White."
"Damn," Kain snapped his claws in disgust, "Okay, how about this—if Janos and...um...John Melloncamp got in a fight, who would win?"
"Neither," Umah said, "They'd see eye-to-eye and do a duet together."
Kain laughed at that. "Okay, okay, what about...Martha Stewart?"
"Kain, you realize that by all rights, we shouldn't even know who these people are..."
"Answer it!"
Again, Umah sighed. "Janos would bitch slap her into plaid," was her reply.
"Okay, okay, and if I asked you to do something for me that involved disobeying Vorador, but still destroying the Sarafan Lord, would you?"
Umah blinked. "Um...I...guess...that would be alright," she said. She could feel her stomach cramping, feel her strength waning...Just hold on a little longer, she told herself, just a little bit longer...
"Good," Kain said with a nod, now baring a small resemblance to his usual self. "Because I wouldn't mind knowing that you wouldn't mind going along with my plan."
"Uh-oh," Umah frowned, "That sounded far too rhythmic..."
She was right. As soon as he had said it, Kain then began to sing again. "When it will right, I don't know," he sang, now rather off-key as well, and began to move towards Umah. "What it will be like, I don't know..."
Umah's eyes widened as he came closer and closer to her. "Kain...What are you doing...?"
But he ignored her as he began to Rumba with himself and made his way towards her. "We live in hope of deliverance from the darkness that surrounds us," he sang, still off key. He then suddenly spun and picked up Umah against her will. She gave a small yelp. "Come on, everybody now!" he exclaimed and began to drag her along with him as he danced.
"No! Kain!" Umah yelled, but Kain seemed oblivious as he dragged her along with him, since she was too weak to stand on her own.
"Hope of deliverance! Hope of deliverance!" Kain continued to sing, seeming quite happy with the situation. He wasn't entirely sure what was going on, but it seemed like a lot of fun. Whatever it was.
"Kain!" Umah tried to struggle, but she was no match for the older vampire, now more than ever. She was beginning to doubt that waiting for the promised blood would be worth it. "Remember when I asked you for your blood? I changed my mind. All I want now is for you to leave me alone so I can die in peace..."
Kain started to spin and dip Umah, much to her discontent, and made his way as gracefully as a drunken dog toward the water behind them as he sang. At length, he dipped her over the ledge of the pathway and sang/yelled...
"I WILL UNDERSTAND!!!" he proclaimed to the world, now severely out of tune. And while Kain seemed to be having the time of his life, Umah was about to blow her top as she stared down at the water below her.
"Kain, don't you dare drop me..." she said shakily, staring down at the liquid below her.
"I'm sorry, what?" Kain said, letting go of his grip on Umah as he looked down at her.
"KAIN!!" she screamed as she fell. She made a loud splash and steam came up from her skin as she burned. "NOOO!!!!" She thrashed and fought, but thanks to her weakened condition, soon stopped and laid still as the water dissolved the rest of her body.
Kain watched her, wide-eyed for a long period of time. "Um...oops," he mumbled. After she stopped thrashing, he thought perhaps she could listen better without all the water flying everywhere, and so yelled down "Sorry! My bad!" He considered a moment, and then added. "We'll just skip telling Vorador about this part, okay?!" When she didn't reply, he shrugged and figured she was taking a nap (though a body of water did seem like a strange place to sleep). He then spun around and pointed down the path.
"Quickly, Robin!" he exclaimed, "To the Kain Cave! Dunna nunna nunna nunna KAIN MAN!!!" And with that, took off running down the path. For a small moment he felt bad for the Batman reference, but quickly pushed it away. It was his game about his legacy after all, so he could do whatever he liked—including copyright infringement.