Chapter Eleven
For the rest of that day, Remus remained as elusive as he had been that morning. He wasn't present at lunch or dinner, and he was absent from all the classes he shared with Darwin, which left her to assume that he was absent from the rest of his classes as well. Besides this, the day was completely ordinary. Life carried on as usual and no one, save for Darwin, and to a lesser extent Lily, seemed curious as to Remus's whereabouts. The remaining Marauders tried to act nonchalant, but Darwin knew immediately that they knew where he was. It wasn't so much the fact that they knew, it was the fact that they didn't want her to know that frustrated her. She tried to pry it out of James during lunch, but after he told her that he "honestly" didn't know for the seventh time she gave up. After that she turned on Peter who blushed and shrugged his shoulders and she knew James wouldn't let him say anything. There was, of course, the option of Sirius, who seemed more than likely to talk, but at the moment, she would rather not know where Remus was then deal with him.
Classes had finished for the day, and Darwin was feeling rather lonely. She arrived late for dinner and didn't eat much. Her roommates all chattered around her while she picked at her food. The topic of conversation this evening, though Darwin was decidedly disinterested, concerned one of the Ravenclaw Chasers, who was, as Holly put it "absolutely gorgeous". Thanks to Sloan Chapman, a friend of Lily and Darwin's who happened to be a Chaser on the Ravenclaw team, the girls knew that the Ravenclaw team would be practicing after dinner and it seemed mutual among them that this was a perfect opportunity to study their object of affection.
They all tried to persuade her to accompany them down to the Quidditch pitch, but she declined politely.
"Spending time with Remus then?" Heather asked just as they were leaving the Great Hall.
"I hope so." Darwin replied quietly. She suddenly didn't feel like talking anymore. She didn't feel like doing anything, as a matter of fact. She just wanted to be alone.
She left before they did, but before long, she lost her sense of purpose and just began to wonder aimlessly. The castle really was quite large and as she walked along the stone corridors, Darwin was surprised at how quiet it could be. She stopped by the library and read aimlessly for what could've been hours. She tried studying material related to her schoolwork, she tried reading fiction, she even tried reading Muggle history texts, a favorite pastime of hers, but nothing could hold her attention for long. The light faded from her surroundings and little by little, tired looking students left, most likely on their way to bed. But in Darwin's case, she wasn't tired, so she left the library and continued to wonder through the castle with no specific purpose in mind.
She missed Remus and wondered again where he was. She felt confused and frustrated and she didn't know why. So many things were changing, so much was happening. Life was suddenly difficult. School was an increasing burden and the pressure to succeed was ever mounting Her relationship with Sirius now seemed non-existent and there was a void in her life. She had to admit it, she missed him dearly. Just thinking about it all made her head hurt.
Just as the thought of Sirius was running through her mind, she thought she heard his voice. She paused for a moment and waited. She was in a lower part of the castle, away from the high traffic areas. It was colder and darker here and not a place she would normally be in. Just as she began to think she had imagined Sirius's voice, she heard it again. It sounded irate.
"Look, I've already told you, I'm not going." He hissed.
There was a groan and then some unintelligible mumbling.
Then, another voice spoke. It was Peter.
"But Sirius, we need you there."He whined.
She began to move closer. There was no sense of foreboding, these were her friends and she wasn't afraid to approach them. She looked ahead and saw that the voices were coming from a unused classroom. The door was slightly ajar and a faint light escaped from within to flicker on the stone wall adjacent from the door.
Someone cleared their throat and it was a sound Darwin would recognize anywhere. James was with them.
"Come now Sirius, be reasonable."He began. "Give up this silly grudge. What happens if I can't control him on my own and someone gets hurt? What then?"
Sirius made a sound within his throat and Darwin could just see the flippant expression on his face.
"Then that's not my problem." He responded coldly.
"Yeah? Is that so?" James shot back. James rarely got angry, but this was apparently one of those times. "What if it's Darwin that gets hurt?"
As soon as the words were said, Darwin could hear the tell tale sounds of a scuffle occurring It lasted for a few moments and then Peter spoke.
"Both of you, stop it!" He shouted. "We don't have time for this! It's nearly time and here we are, bickering like a bunch of first years."
"What if it's Darwin that get hurts?" Sirius repeated, venom in his voice, seeming to not hear Peter. He was breathing hard and Darwin knew he was furious. "That's been my point all along! I don't want that animal to have anything to do with her."
There were talking about Remus, she knew it. However, she had the distinct disadvantage of hearing the conversation half way through and was not sure why they were talking about Remus.
"Sirius!"James yelled, infuriated. "That animal is your friend."
Darwin could just picture them, their faces inches apart, neither one willing to budge, another scuffle on the verge of erupting.
"My friend?!" Sirius spat back indignantly. "He sure as hell isn't acting like it."
James let out a frustrated sigh.
"Sirius, he's done nothing but be your friend. You've treated him terribly when he's done nothing wrong. "
"Nothing wrong?!"Sirius sounded as angry as ever.
"Yes, Sirius, nothing wrong. You know, Darwin doesn't belong to you. At least give it a chance. You don't even see how much you're hurting Darwin by acting like such a knob." James said, the calm returning to his voice.
"What the hell do you mean- -" Sirius began, but Peter cut him off.
"Lads!" He yelled. "Can we just leave Darwin out of this for now and deal with the task at hand?" Darwin could hear the desperation in his voice. There was a pause and then two mutual grunts of agreement from both James and Sirius.
If the conversation hadn't turned to the topic of her, Darwin probably would've interrupted much sooner. But now that the matter seemed to have passed, she began to move closer, and didn't take any care to be particularly quiet. After all, these were her friends and she didn't see any need to bother. Just as she was nearing the door, there was a rush of voices from within.
"Shh, someone's coming- -"
"- -the map?"
"Who is it?–"
"- -it's her?"
"Hide!"
She wasn't sure of who said what, but what she did know was that before she ever reached the door, she heard scuffling feet and muffled voices and just as she pulled the door further open, the light vanished. She entered the darkened room, lit only by moonlight filtering in through a small window located high on the adjacent wall. The room was empty.
"James?" She called. "James?!"
She turned in a circle, and checked again. The room was still empty.
"Peter?" She called again. She began to feel a touch of fear. What was going on
She cleared her throat and scratched her forehead.
"S-Sirius?" She tried again, only this time, quieter then before. She thought she heard something off to her left. The ruffle of a cloak, a quick intake of breath. She spun in that direction, but there was nothing there. She thought she might be going crazy. She suddenly felt more tired, more confused and more alone then she had in a long time. She was sure she had seen that light, sure she had heard their voices, but what did it matter? The room was clearly empty now. She felt foolish and frustrated and wished Remus was there. She knew he could make everything alright. He had a way with people, a way with her. He would calm her and hold her and stroke her hair and tell her everything was alright. Right on the heels of this thought came the almost painful reiteration of the fact that at the present time, Darwin didn't even know where Remus was.
She left in a rush and hurried back to the dorms. She didn't stop to talk to anyone and as soon as she was in bed, she broke into tears and eventually cried her self to sleep. Sometimes, life was just hard.
Thankfully the next day was a Saturday which afforded everyone the opportunity to sleep in. After an uneasy sleep, Darwin awoke feeling groggy, her limbs felt heavy and she felt as though she hadn't even slept for even a moment. One second the room had been dark and quiet and the next it seemed the bright, almost-afternoon light was streaming in through the open windows, the sounds of her roommates awaking filling the air. Someone yawned, someone else stretched and the sound of their joints cracking seemed all too familiar and then there was a thud and a groan as someone else rolled out of bed onto the floor.
"Good morning all." Holly yawned. Her hair was disheveled and her makeup from the day prior was now smudged all around her eyes.
"Good morning this."Heather dead panned as she stumbled out of bed and made her way to the bathroom.
"Well someone's grumpy." Rosemary commented as she turned on her other side and snuggled back under her covers.
"Darwin, come on, get up." Lily said as she herself go out of bed and made her way over to the bathroom.
"No." Darwin replied. "It's too early."
"Come on." Lily whined.
"What for? It's Saturday." Other then a pile of homework, Darwin had no other plans for that day and wanted to spend it doing as little as possible.
"Please? The lads are having a practice right now and I want to go watch." Lily explained.
"So go watch. You don't need me there." However, just as she was saying this, the thought occurred to her that Remus, as he was a member of the Gryffindor quidditch team, would most likely be present at the practice. Besides that, Lily had always been quite co-dependent and by now, Darwin was quite used to it.
"Oh pretty please? " Lily begged. She leaned her head out of the bathroom, a tooth brush hanging from her mouth.
Someone giggled.
"She just wants to go ogle James!" Heather laughed and Lily threw a towel at her.
"Shaddup."
Darwin soon agreed and after having a quick shower, changing into some comfortable clothes, and stopping by the Great Hall to grab something to eat, she and Lily made their way down to the quidditch pitch.
The practice wasn't anything special, and in Darwin's case, it was particularly disappointing as Remus was not in attendance. The shouts and instructions of the team's captain, Rob O'Shea, seemed to fall on deaf ears. O'Shea was Irish, from the Republic of Ireland not Northern Ireland, and very proud of it. He had a thick accent and a short temper and possessed an almost fanatical devotion to sport. He was tall and strong and was the team's other Beater in addition to Sirius. He had become captain when he was only a fourth year and was in a large way responsible for a lot of the team's success. He had them practice hard and often and he was very good at what he did. He, along with his best friend Stephen Gallagher, the dreamy also Irish Ravenclaw Chaser, showed the potential to go pro after they finished school.
On this particular occasion, Rob was not impressed, not in the least. Things had gotten off to a bad start when he saw that Remus would be absent from practice and when neither Sirius nor James could offer an explanation, his mood worsened. When Lily and Darwin arrived, they heard Rob questioning Sirius and James about Remus's whereabouts. A look had passed between them and then James gave a meek little shrug of his shoulders.
"Sorry mate, we don't know where he is." He said quietly. Darwin couldn't tell if James was lying or not because as the case would have it, James was an excellent liar.
"How can you not know where he is?!" Rob shouted, his thick accent ever present. "You're his best mates, aren't you?"
Sirius made a face and James hit him in the side with his elbow.
"Sorry." Was all James could say. Darwin and Lily were sitting about ten feet away, but even from there, she could tell that the two were exhausted. Dark circles were under their eyes and they looked as though they hadn't slept in days. James's hair was a mess and Sirius had a far off, dazed look on his face. They were both leaning on their brooms for support, James looking like he might topple over any moment.
"Right, well, let's start anyway."
The practice got off to a slow start and it never really did get going. James and Sirius were nearly falling off their brooms with exhaustion, which of course made Rob furious and put the rest of the team into stitches. It seemed like nearly every time Sirius went to swing at a Bludger, he would miss it by a mile, and at one point, nearly whacked James square in the head, who of course didn't even notice his predicament and looked as though he was trying to find the most comfortable position in which to sleep on a broom stick.
"You fecking eejits!" Rob yelled. "Are you after killing each other?!"
"Sorry captain." They both yawned back. Neither looked like they cared either way at that moment.
Rob put the team through some in-air exercises, dodging Bludgers, passing the Quaffle, that sort of thing, and then he put them through a more traditional work out on the ground, running laps around the pitch, doing sit-ups and such. However, the practice came to an end after James just flat out collapsed, face first, into the ground while doing push-ups. Someone tried poking him with a broom stick and someone else tried a foot in the side but neither way worked and James refused to budge. Rob left the field in a rush, very red in the face. The other members of the team shouted their thanks to James, slapped Sirius on the back and left the pitch earlier then expected.
It was cold outside and Darwin wanted to return to the castle. She hadn't thought to wear a cloak and now here hands and feet were starting to suffer from the cold. She had momentarily thought about asking James where he had been last night, and perhaps telling him what had happened, or, at least, what she thought had happened, however she very quickly decided against it, considering the company she was keeping at the moment.
Lily, on the other hand, showed no sign of wanting to return to the castle, and was of course amused by James's antics. As soon as it was certain that practice had ended for the day, she rushed down on to the pitch, giggling and calling to James. James, who was still lying face down in the field flopped over on to his back and then slowly sat up. He spotted Darwin and gave a goofy wave, which she returned. Sirius was standing nearby and for just a moment, their eyes met. She couldn't read his expression and was once again reminded of how much she missed him. She thought she might give a little wave, a smile, give him some sort of hint, but as soon as she thought of it, Sirius looked away, a grim look on his face.
Well, she wasn't going to wait around. She turned quickly and made her way back to the castle. She trudged all the way up to Gryffindor tower, grabbed as many text books, quills and parchment as she could carry and then trudged back down to the library where she remained for the rest of the day. Sixth year really was a lot of work. She had an argumentative essay for History of Magic, a comparison essay for Potions, a test in Charms to study for and a presentation for Muggle Studies, all of which were due within the coming week.
The Hogwarts library was very large, very extensive and very old. The atmosphere within seemed to absorb sound, something which Darwin doubted very much was a coincidence, and it smelt of dust and there was the ever present, minute sound of wood creaking. The library must have been one of the oddest shaped rooms in existence as it had a seemingly endless amount of corners and nooks. It was full not only with tall, dusty bookshelves, but also big plushy chairs and large wooden tables. Overall, it had a very cluttered appearance. The shelves were as full as possible, with some books laid sideways on top of the row. As well, everywhere one looked, there were stacks upon stacks of books, some were in constant use and others just gathered dust. Every student eventually found their own favorite nook within the library and frequented the place whenever they needed some quiet. For Darwin, it was on the second level, in a darker corner, hidden away from view by two rows of bookshelves which met at an angle. There was an old, but comfortable chair there and a worn down table. A small, oval shaped window was nearby which suited Darwin just fine.
She plopped herself down and began her work. She quite enjoyed most of her schoolwork and loved the fact that she was learning something. Knowledge is power, after all. She started with the harder, less enjoyable assignments first, mainly Potions, and then continued from there. The library remained very quiet all day and before she knew it, it had grown very late. She had skipped both lunch and dinner and had been staring at the same page in her History of Magic text for the past ten minutes.. Her stomach grumbled but she didn't have an appetite. Her eyes were sore and her head ached. She felt extremely worn out but didn't feel like sleeping. She wanted to continue working but couldn't concentrate. She glanced around her. She couldn't see any other students, nor could she hear them. She knew it was late though. All the light hd faded outside and now the grounds were dark and covered with shadows. From this vantage point, the Forbidden Forest looked particularly foreboding.
She gathered all her belongings and began on her way back to the common room. Her legs were cramped and her feet tingled as she walked. Her neck and back ached from leaning over a table all day, and she was hunched over from the weight of her bag, full with her books, as she walked. She passed a few students on her way, none of whom she recognized and who she forgot as soon as they were out of sight. The castle had not grown quiet for the night yet, and somewhere far off someone was laughing, somewhere close by a door closed with soft thud and somewhere up ahead something heavy fell to the floor.
She reached the common room entrance and mumbled the password without being asked. The painting of the Fat Lady swung opened and she soundlessly climbed in. The common room was devoid of students, and as luck would have it, so was her dorm. She suddenly found herself in an awful mood and didn't feel like talking to anyone at the moment. She carelessly dropped her books at the foot of her bed, changed into her pajamas, brushed her teeth, combed her hair and then climbed into bed.
The problem was, she didn't feel like sleeping. She lay still, staring at the ceiling, just thinking. She thought of Remus, she thought of Sirius, she thought of times when she had been happier and missed them all. She thought of James, and smiled. She thought of her parents and wondered what they were doing. Random thoughts continued to run through her mind, and she was so absorbed in them, that she didn't even here them coming.
Her roommates were noisy people, but it wasn't until Heather burst through the door, shouting something about how it was a shame wizards wore robes and not something more form fitting, that she noticed. She disinterestedly glanced in their direction and they each rambled off a quick hello. The room which had just prior been completely quiet and still was now buzzing with energy and activity. Darwin sat up in bed and pulled her knees to her chest.
Lily was busy primping in front of the mirror, Rosemary was rummaging through her dresser, saying "I know it's here" and Heather was rambling on to no one in particular about all the things she was going to do over the Christmas holiday. Holly on the other hand plopped herself down on Darwin's bed and started removing her shoes and socks.
"So, what's wrong with Remus?" She asked casually.
At first, the question didn't even register. Darwin hadn't talked to anyone for the past couple of hours and she was very dazed. She blinked and she shifted her weight.
"How do you mean?" She asked, truly puzzled. Darwin rarely discussed her relationship with Lily, her closet female friend, and Lily was tight-lipped about it when she did. There was no way Holly could be referring to Remus's absence as of late.
"Oh, I thought you would know if anyone would. James wouldn't say a word." Holly said out loud to herself.
"What do you mean?" Darwin asked, getting irritated.
Holly turned to her and had a strange look on her face.
"We just saw James and Remus coming into the common room. Remus looked like he was in bad shape. He was leaning so hard on James, it looked like he was really having trouble walking. I asked James what was wrong and he told me to bugger off." Holly gave a shrug of her shoulders. When Darwin didn't say anything she picked up and walked over to her own bed.
There was a strange feeling in the pit of her stomach and she couldn't stop biting her lip. Was Remus alright? What if something was really wrong? She scratched her head and continued to feel uneasy, but she didn't go to him. The idea that Sirius might be there, along with Remus's other roommates, made her stay. She wanted to talk to him, she wanted to see him privately, and the dorm was their domain and she couldn't expect privacy. It would be awkward and uncomfortable for both of them, she knew, and as curious as she was, she stayed where she was.
One by one, her roommates crawled into bed, the lights were dimmed and quiet was restored. Eventually, she fell into an uneasy sleep where she was plagued by unpleasant dreams.
A/N: I was SO gonna stop here!
She was alone and it was painfully dark. They were on the edge of some deep abyss. She didn't recognize the place. There was a sense of urgency, she had to hurry, it would be too late soon. She saw him up ahead and began to run, but she couldn't move fast enough. Everything was going in slow motion. She reached Sirius just as he stepped off the edge. She grabbed for his hand and she was pulled to the ground. Sirius dangled over the edge of the dark chasm, his feet kicking, his grasp tight. 'Darwin, don't let go' he begged. She wanted to tell him that she wouldn't, but she couldn't speak. She could only stare into his face, which was bruised and dark.
She clung to his hand, but he was slipping. Her heart was beating and she felt panic rise within her. There wasn't much time, she had to hurry.
His hand began to slip. 'DARWIN NO!' he screamed, but it was too late. As Sirius fell he screamed and soon disappeared into the darkness. She was alone. 'Sirius, SIRIUS!' she whailed into the night. 'I'm sorry! Sirius! SIRIUS!!- -
"- - - Sirius!!"Darwin awoke with a start. It was just dream. She realized she had said Sirius's name out loud and prayed she hadn't awoken any of her roommates.
She was breathing hard and she felt sweaty and hot. She could feel that her face was flushed. She sat up and pulled her knees to her chest and waited for her breathing to slow down. She could hear her heart pounding in her ears and a chill ran down her spine.
It had all seemed so real. Usually her dreams were just an odd jumble of the past day's events, they were never so vivid as this. She didn't care to analyze it, not now anyway.
She glanced around the room. Everyone seemed to still be sleeping. She knew she wouldn't get back to sleep, the dream was still too vivid. As quietly as she could, she slipped out of bed. She felt little uncertain on her feet and suddenly very cold after leaving her warm covers behind. She had an idea.
She crept out of the dorm and closed the door softly behind her. She made her way down the spiral staircase, whose creaks and groans seemed obscenely loud given the quiet atmosphere. She stepped down into the common room, which of course was empty, only to take few steps and begin climbing the other staircase. She soon came to the sixth year boys' dorm, feeling anxious and nervous.
She gently pushed the door open and peeked inside. The room was a mess and faintly smelt of cologne and sweat. Now, she was pretty sure she knew which one was Remus's bed, she just prayed they didn't switch round for the hell of it. She deftly crossed the room, her hands knotted together. She reached what she hoped was Remus's bed, took a deep breath, and pulled back the hangings.
The occupant stirred slightly, turned his head, and mumbled "What is it?"
She could seem him take a moment to focus, he blinked a few times and then "Darwin?!"
"Remus!"
She slid under the covers next to him. He was warm and so were his covers and she was sorry to have brought cold feet and hands with her.
Before she could say anything else, even offer an explanation, she felt his lips upon hers and was more then willing to let the issue stand for a moment. He wrapped his arms around her as his tongue slid into her mouth, sliding against hers in a maddeningly pleasing sensation. After a few moments of this, he placed a gentle kiss on her upper lip and then pulled his head back to look her in the eye.
"What are you doing here?" His voice was soft and a smile played at the corners of his mouth. His hair was down and the effect was rather distracting. She gave him a sheepish smile.
"I had a bad dream." She said shyly. She didn't feel childish or silly at all. She knew Remus would never judge her.
"Aw, love." He pulled her close and kissed her forehead. His fingers wound themselves in her hair and for the first time that day, she felt content.
She kissed his neck and ran her hand down his back. "I've missed you. "She whispered in his ear. "Where have you been?"
"I haven't been well, that's all. I've been in bed for awhile. I just came back from the hospital wing." He replied, his breath tickling her ear.
Maybe it was in the way he said it, or maybe it was the fact that it didn't correlate with what she had heard the night before, but Darwin wasn't sure if she believed him. She pulled her face back to consider him, and thought about saying something, but she decided against it. She was too happy to just be with him, she didn't want anything to spoil it.
"Remus, you look so tired." She stroked the side of his face, his cheekbones very prominent in the moonlight. There were dark circles under his eyes and everything in his face just seemed to droop. "Is something wrong?"
"No, it's nothing." He replied as he gently stroked her hand.
For the moment, Darwin was willing to accept this. She snuggled down next to him, laying her head on his chest. She absent-mindedly ran her fingers along his side and she was very happy that Remus slept topless. He was lean and his skin was very pale. She could see goose bumps appearing all along his side. She knew it wasn't because he was uncomfortable or because he didn't like being touched, she knew it was simply something he had to get used to. When their relationship had first began, Remus had gotten embarrassed and uncomfortable even when it came to tame things, like holding hands. Physical contact had never been a big part of his life prior, and even though he didn't seem to mind it, it still proved to be something that had to be done gradually.
"Remus?" She asked quietly.
"Mmmm?"
"Can I stay here with you tonight?"
"Of course." He pulled the covers tighter about them, and within minutes Darwin could tell by his deep breathing that he hd fallen asleep. She too found that she was in fact quite tired and was soon asleep as well.
A/N: I'm so sorry it took this long for this chapter to get posted! I've just been way too busy. This chapter's alright, I'm just a bit out of practice. Anyway, reviews are always welcome, until next time!
For the rest of that day, Remus remained as elusive as he had been that morning. He wasn't present at lunch or dinner, and he was absent from all the classes he shared with Darwin, which left her to assume that he was absent from the rest of his classes as well. Besides this, the day was completely ordinary. Life carried on as usual and no one, save for Darwin, and to a lesser extent Lily, seemed curious as to Remus's whereabouts. The remaining Marauders tried to act nonchalant, but Darwin knew immediately that they knew where he was. It wasn't so much the fact that they knew, it was the fact that they didn't want her to know that frustrated her. She tried to pry it out of James during lunch, but after he told her that he "honestly" didn't know for the seventh time she gave up. After that she turned on Peter who blushed and shrugged his shoulders and she knew James wouldn't let him say anything. There was, of course, the option of Sirius, who seemed more than likely to talk, but at the moment, she would rather not know where Remus was then deal with him.
Classes had finished for the day, and Darwin was feeling rather lonely. She arrived late for dinner and didn't eat much. Her roommates all chattered around her while she picked at her food. The topic of conversation this evening, though Darwin was decidedly disinterested, concerned one of the Ravenclaw Chasers, who was, as Holly put it "absolutely gorgeous". Thanks to Sloan Chapman, a friend of Lily and Darwin's who happened to be a Chaser on the Ravenclaw team, the girls knew that the Ravenclaw team would be practicing after dinner and it seemed mutual among them that this was a perfect opportunity to study their object of affection.
They all tried to persuade her to accompany them down to the Quidditch pitch, but she declined politely.
"Spending time with Remus then?" Heather asked just as they were leaving the Great Hall.
"I hope so." Darwin replied quietly. She suddenly didn't feel like talking anymore. She didn't feel like doing anything, as a matter of fact. She just wanted to be alone.
She left before they did, but before long, she lost her sense of purpose and just began to wonder aimlessly. The castle really was quite large and as she walked along the stone corridors, Darwin was surprised at how quiet it could be. She stopped by the library and read aimlessly for what could've been hours. She tried studying material related to her schoolwork, she tried reading fiction, she even tried reading Muggle history texts, a favorite pastime of hers, but nothing could hold her attention for long. The light faded from her surroundings and little by little, tired looking students left, most likely on their way to bed. But in Darwin's case, she wasn't tired, so she left the library and continued to wonder through the castle with no specific purpose in mind.
She missed Remus and wondered again where he was. She felt confused and frustrated and she didn't know why. So many things were changing, so much was happening. Life was suddenly difficult. School was an increasing burden and the pressure to succeed was ever mounting Her relationship with Sirius now seemed non-existent and there was a void in her life. She had to admit it, she missed him dearly. Just thinking about it all made her head hurt.
Just as the thought of Sirius was running through her mind, she thought she heard his voice. She paused for a moment and waited. She was in a lower part of the castle, away from the high traffic areas. It was colder and darker here and not a place she would normally be in. Just as she began to think she had imagined Sirius's voice, she heard it again. It sounded irate.
"Look, I've already told you, I'm not going." He hissed.
There was a groan and then some unintelligible mumbling.
Then, another voice spoke. It was Peter.
"But Sirius, we need you there."He whined.
She began to move closer. There was no sense of foreboding, these were her friends and she wasn't afraid to approach them. She looked ahead and saw that the voices were coming from a unused classroom. The door was slightly ajar and a faint light escaped from within to flicker on the stone wall adjacent from the door.
Someone cleared their throat and it was a sound Darwin would recognize anywhere. James was with them.
"Come now Sirius, be reasonable."He began. "Give up this silly grudge. What happens if I can't control him on my own and someone gets hurt? What then?"
Sirius made a sound within his throat and Darwin could just see the flippant expression on his face.
"Then that's not my problem." He responded coldly.
"Yeah? Is that so?" James shot back. James rarely got angry, but this was apparently one of those times. "What if it's Darwin that gets hurt?"
As soon as the words were said, Darwin could hear the tell tale sounds of a scuffle occurring It lasted for a few moments and then Peter spoke.
"Both of you, stop it!" He shouted. "We don't have time for this! It's nearly time and here we are, bickering like a bunch of first years."
"What if it's Darwin that get hurts?" Sirius repeated, venom in his voice, seeming to not hear Peter. He was breathing hard and Darwin knew he was furious. "That's been my point all along! I don't want that animal to have anything to do with her."
There were talking about Remus, she knew it. However, she had the distinct disadvantage of hearing the conversation half way through and was not sure why they were talking about Remus.
"Sirius!"James yelled, infuriated. "That animal is your friend."
Darwin could just picture them, their faces inches apart, neither one willing to budge, another scuffle on the verge of erupting.
"My friend?!" Sirius spat back indignantly. "He sure as hell isn't acting like it."
James let out a frustrated sigh.
"Sirius, he's done nothing but be your friend. You've treated him terribly when he's done nothing wrong. "
"Nothing wrong?!"Sirius sounded as angry as ever.
"Yes, Sirius, nothing wrong. You know, Darwin doesn't belong to you. At least give it a chance. You don't even see how much you're hurting Darwin by acting like such a knob." James said, the calm returning to his voice.
"What the hell do you mean- -" Sirius began, but Peter cut him off.
"Lads!" He yelled. "Can we just leave Darwin out of this for now and deal with the task at hand?" Darwin could hear the desperation in his voice. There was a pause and then two mutual grunts of agreement from both James and Sirius.
If the conversation hadn't turned to the topic of her, Darwin probably would've interrupted much sooner. But now that the matter seemed to have passed, she began to move closer, and didn't take any care to be particularly quiet. After all, these were her friends and she didn't see any need to bother. Just as she was nearing the door, there was a rush of voices from within.
"Shh, someone's coming- -"
"- -the map?"
"Who is it?–"
"- -it's her?"
"Hide!"
She wasn't sure of who said what, but what she did know was that before she ever reached the door, she heard scuffling feet and muffled voices and just as she pulled the door further open, the light vanished. She entered the darkened room, lit only by moonlight filtering in through a small window located high on the adjacent wall. The room was empty.
"James?" She called. "James?!"
She turned in a circle, and checked again. The room was still empty.
"Peter?" She called again. She began to feel a touch of fear. What was going on
She cleared her throat and scratched her forehead.
"S-Sirius?" She tried again, only this time, quieter then before. She thought she heard something off to her left. The ruffle of a cloak, a quick intake of breath. She spun in that direction, but there was nothing there. She thought she might be going crazy. She suddenly felt more tired, more confused and more alone then she had in a long time. She was sure she had seen that light, sure she had heard their voices, but what did it matter? The room was clearly empty now. She felt foolish and frustrated and wished Remus was there. She knew he could make everything alright. He had a way with people, a way with her. He would calm her and hold her and stroke her hair and tell her everything was alright. Right on the heels of this thought came the almost painful reiteration of the fact that at the present time, Darwin didn't even know where Remus was.
She left in a rush and hurried back to the dorms. She didn't stop to talk to anyone and as soon as she was in bed, she broke into tears and eventually cried her self to sleep. Sometimes, life was just hard.
Thankfully the next day was a Saturday which afforded everyone the opportunity to sleep in. After an uneasy sleep, Darwin awoke feeling groggy, her limbs felt heavy and she felt as though she hadn't even slept for even a moment. One second the room had been dark and quiet and the next it seemed the bright, almost-afternoon light was streaming in through the open windows, the sounds of her roommates awaking filling the air. Someone yawned, someone else stretched and the sound of their joints cracking seemed all too familiar and then there was a thud and a groan as someone else rolled out of bed onto the floor.
"Good morning all." Holly yawned. Her hair was disheveled and her makeup from the day prior was now smudged all around her eyes.
"Good morning this."Heather dead panned as she stumbled out of bed and made her way to the bathroom.
"Well someone's grumpy." Rosemary commented as she turned on her other side and snuggled back under her covers.
"Darwin, come on, get up." Lily said as she herself go out of bed and made her way over to the bathroom.
"No." Darwin replied. "It's too early."
"Come on." Lily whined.
"What for? It's Saturday." Other then a pile of homework, Darwin had no other plans for that day and wanted to spend it doing as little as possible.
"Please? The lads are having a practice right now and I want to go watch." Lily explained.
"So go watch. You don't need me there." However, just as she was saying this, the thought occurred to her that Remus, as he was a member of the Gryffindor quidditch team, would most likely be present at the practice. Besides that, Lily had always been quite co-dependent and by now, Darwin was quite used to it.
"Oh pretty please? " Lily begged. She leaned her head out of the bathroom, a tooth brush hanging from her mouth.
Someone giggled.
"She just wants to go ogle James!" Heather laughed and Lily threw a towel at her.
"Shaddup."
Darwin soon agreed and after having a quick shower, changing into some comfortable clothes, and stopping by the Great Hall to grab something to eat, she and Lily made their way down to the quidditch pitch.
The practice wasn't anything special, and in Darwin's case, it was particularly disappointing as Remus was not in attendance. The shouts and instructions of the team's captain, Rob O'Shea, seemed to fall on deaf ears. O'Shea was Irish, from the Republic of Ireland not Northern Ireland, and very proud of it. He had a thick accent and a short temper and possessed an almost fanatical devotion to sport. He was tall and strong and was the team's other Beater in addition to Sirius. He had become captain when he was only a fourth year and was in a large way responsible for a lot of the team's success. He had them practice hard and often and he was very good at what he did. He, along with his best friend Stephen Gallagher, the dreamy also Irish Ravenclaw Chaser, showed the potential to go pro after they finished school.
On this particular occasion, Rob was not impressed, not in the least. Things had gotten off to a bad start when he saw that Remus would be absent from practice and when neither Sirius nor James could offer an explanation, his mood worsened. When Lily and Darwin arrived, they heard Rob questioning Sirius and James about Remus's whereabouts. A look had passed between them and then James gave a meek little shrug of his shoulders.
"Sorry mate, we don't know where he is." He said quietly. Darwin couldn't tell if James was lying or not because as the case would have it, James was an excellent liar.
"How can you not know where he is?!" Rob shouted, his thick accent ever present. "You're his best mates, aren't you?"
Sirius made a face and James hit him in the side with his elbow.
"Sorry." Was all James could say. Darwin and Lily were sitting about ten feet away, but even from there, she could tell that the two were exhausted. Dark circles were under their eyes and they looked as though they hadn't slept in days. James's hair was a mess and Sirius had a far off, dazed look on his face. They were both leaning on their brooms for support, James looking like he might topple over any moment.
"Right, well, let's start anyway."
The practice got off to a slow start and it never really did get going. James and Sirius were nearly falling off their brooms with exhaustion, which of course made Rob furious and put the rest of the team into stitches. It seemed like nearly every time Sirius went to swing at a Bludger, he would miss it by a mile, and at one point, nearly whacked James square in the head, who of course didn't even notice his predicament and looked as though he was trying to find the most comfortable position in which to sleep on a broom stick.
"You fecking eejits!" Rob yelled. "Are you after killing each other?!"
"Sorry captain." They both yawned back. Neither looked like they cared either way at that moment.
Rob put the team through some in-air exercises, dodging Bludgers, passing the Quaffle, that sort of thing, and then he put them through a more traditional work out on the ground, running laps around the pitch, doing sit-ups and such. However, the practice came to an end after James just flat out collapsed, face first, into the ground while doing push-ups. Someone tried poking him with a broom stick and someone else tried a foot in the side but neither way worked and James refused to budge. Rob left the field in a rush, very red in the face. The other members of the team shouted their thanks to James, slapped Sirius on the back and left the pitch earlier then expected.
It was cold outside and Darwin wanted to return to the castle. She hadn't thought to wear a cloak and now here hands and feet were starting to suffer from the cold. She had momentarily thought about asking James where he had been last night, and perhaps telling him what had happened, or, at least, what she thought had happened, however she very quickly decided against it, considering the company she was keeping at the moment.
Lily, on the other hand, showed no sign of wanting to return to the castle, and was of course amused by James's antics. As soon as it was certain that practice had ended for the day, she rushed down on to the pitch, giggling and calling to James. James, who was still lying face down in the field flopped over on to his back and then slowly sat up. He spotted Darwin and gave a goofy wave, which she returned. Sirius was standing nearby and for just a moment, their eyes met. She couldn't read his expression and was once again reminded of how much she missed him. She thought she might give a little wave, a smile, give him some sort of hint, but as soon as she thought of it, Sirius looked away, a grim look on his face.
Well, she wasn't going to wait around. She turned quickly and made her way back to the castle. She trudged all the way up to Gryffindor tower, grabbed as many text books, quills and parchment as she could carry and then trudged back down to the library where she remained for the rest of the day. Sixth year really was a lot of work. She had an argumentative essay for History of Magic, a comparison essay for Potions, a test in Charms to study for and a presentation for Muggle Studies, all of which were due within the coming week.
The Hogwarts library was very large, very extensive and very old. The atmosphere within seemed to absorb sound, something which Darwin doubted very much was a coincidence, and it smelt of dust and there was the ever present, minute sound of wood creaking. The library must have been one of the oddest shaped rooms in existence as it had a seemingly endless amount of corners and nooks. It was full not only with tall, dusty bookshelves, but also big plushy chairs and large wooden tables. Overall, it had a very cluttered appearance. The shelves were as full as possible, with some books laid sideways on top of the row. As well, everywhere one looked, there were stacks upon stacks of books, some were in constant use and others just gathered dust. Every student eventually found their own favorite nook within the library and frequented the place whenever they needed some quiet. For Darwin, it was on the second level, in a darker corner, hidden away from view by two rows of bookshelves which met at an angle. There was an old, but comfortable chair there and a worn down table. A small, oval shaped window was nearby which suited Darwin just fine.
She plopped herself down and began her work. She quite enjoyed most of her schoolwork and loved the fact that she was learning something. Knowledge is power, after all. She started with the harder, less enjoyable assignments first, mainly Potions, and then continued from there. The library remained very quiet all day and before she knew it, it had grown very late. She had skipped both lunch and dinner and had been staring at the same page in her History of Magic text for the past ten minutes.. Her stomach grumbled but she didn't have an appetite. Her eyes were sore and her head ached. She felt extremely worn out but didn't feel like sleeping. She wanted to continue working but couldn't concentrate. She glanced around her. She couldn't see any other students, nor could she hear them. She knew it was late though. All the light hd faded outside and now the grounds were dark and covered with shadows. From this vantage point, the Forbidden Forest looked particularly foreboding.
She gathered all her belongings and began on her way back to the common room. Her legs were cramped and her feet tingled as she walked. Her neck and back ached from leaning over a table all day, and she was hunched over from the weight of her bag, full with her books, as she walked. She passed a few students on her way, none of whom she recognized and who she forgot as soon as they were out of sight. The castle had not grown quiet for the night yet, and somewhere far off someone was laughing, somewhere close by a door closed with soft thud and somewhere up ahead something heavy fell to the floor.
She reached the common room entrance and mumbled the password without being asked. The painting of the Fat Lady swung opened and she soundlessly climbed in. The common room was devoid of students, and as luck would have it, so was her dorm. She suddenly found herself in an awful mood and didn't feel like talking to anyone at the moment. She carelessly dropped her books at the foot of her bed, changed into her pajamas, brushed her teeth, combed her hair and then climbed into bed.
The problem was, she didn't feel like sleeping. She lay still, staring at the ceiling, just thinking. She thought of Remus, she thought of Sirius, she thought of times when she had been happier and missed them all. She thought of James, and smiled. She thought of her parents and wondered what they were doing. Random thoughts continued to run through her mind, and she was so absorbed in them, that she didn't even here them coming.
Her roommates were noisy people, but it wasn't until Heather burst through the door, shouting something about how it was a shame wizards wore robes and not something more form fitting, that she noticed. She disinterestedly glanced in their direction and they each rambled off a quick hello. The room which had just prior been completely quiet and still was now buzzing with energy and activity. Darwin sat up in bed and pulled her knees to her chest.
Lily was busy primping in front of the mirror, Rosemary was rummaging through her dresser, saying "I know it's here" and Heather was rambling on to no one in particular about all the things she was going to do over the Christmas holiday. Holly on the other hand plopped herself down on Darwin's bed and started removing her shoes and socks.
"So, what's wrong with Remus?" She asked casually.
At first, the question didn't even register. Darwin hadn't talked to anyone for the past couple of hours and she was very dazed. She blinked and she shifted her weight.
"How do you mean?" She asked, truly puzzled. Darwin rarely discussed her relationship with Lily, her closet female friend, and Lily was tight-lipped about it when she did. There was no way Holly could be referring to Remus's absence as of late.
"Oh, I thought you would know if anyone would. James wouldn't say a word." Holly said out loud to herself.
"What do you mean?" Darwin asked, getting irritated.
Holly turned to her and had a strange look on her face.
"We just saw James and Remus coming into the common room. Remus looked like he was in bad shape. He was leaning so hard on James, it looked like he was really having trouble walking. I asked James what was wrong and he told me to bugger off." Holly gave a shrug of her shoulders. When Darwin didn't say anything she picked up and walked over to her own bed.
There was a strange feeling in the pit of her stomach and she couldn't stop biting her lip. Was Remus alright? What if something was really wrong? She scratched her head and continued to feel uneasy, but she didn't go to him. The idea that Sirius might be there, along with Remus's other roommates, made her stay. She wanted to talk to him, she wanted to see him privately, and the dorm was their domain and she couldn't expect privacy. It would be awkward and uncomfortable for both of them, she knew, and as curious as she was, she stayed where she was.
One by one, her roommates crawled into bed, the lights were dimmed and quiet was restored. Eventually, she fell into an uneasy sleep where she was plagued by unpleasant dreams.
A/N: I was SO gonna stop here!
She was alone and it was painfully dark. They were on the edge of some deep abyss. She didn't recognize the place. There was a sense of urgency, she had to hurry, it would be too late soon. She saw him up ahead and began to run, but she couldn't move fast enough. Everything was going in slow motion. She reached Sirius just as he stepped off the edge. She grabbed for his hand and she was pulled to the ground. Sirius dangled over the edge of the dark chasm, his feet kicking, his grasp tight. 'Darwin, don't let go' he begged. She wanted to tell him that she wouldn't, but she couldn't speak. She could only stare into his face, which was bruised and dark.
She clung to his hand, but he was slipping. Her heart was beating and she felt panic rise within her. There wasn't much time, she had to hurry.
His hand began to slip. 'DARWIN NO!' he screamed, but it was too late. As Sirius fell he screamed and soon disappeared into the darkness. She was alone. 'Sirius, SIRIUS!' she whailed into the night. 'I'm sorry! Sirius! SIRIUS!!- -
"- - - Sirius!!"Darwin awoke with a start. It was just dream. She realized she had said Sirius's name out loud and prayed she hadn't awoken any of her roommates.
She was breathing hard and she felt sweaty and hot. She could feel that her face was flushed. She sat up and pulled her knees to her chest and waited for her breathing to slow down. She could hear her heart pounding in her ears and a chill ran down her spine.
It had all seemed so real. Usually her dreams were just an odd jumble of the past day's events, they were never so vivid as this. She didn't care to analyze it, not now anyway.
She glanced around the room. Everyone seemed to still be sleeping. She knew she wouldn't get back to sleep, the dream was still too vivid. As quietly as she could, she slipped out of bed. She felt little uncertain on her feet and suddenly very cold after leaving her warm covers behind. She had an idea.
She crept out of the dorm and closed the door softly behind her. She made her way down the spiral staircase, whose creaks and groans seemed obscenely loud given the quiet atmosphere. She stepped down into the common room, which of course was empty, only to take few steps and begin climbing the other staircase. She soon came to the sixth year boys' dorm, feeling anxious and nervous.
She gently pushed the door open and peeked inside. The room was a mess and faintly smelt of cologne and sweat. Now, she was pretty sure she knew which one was Remus's bed, she just prayed they didn't switch round for the hell of it. She deftly crossed the room, her hands knotted together. She reached what she hoped was Remus's bed, took a deep breath, and pulled back the hangings.
The occupant stirred slightly, turned his head, and mumbled "What is it?"
She could seem him take a moment to focus, he blinked a few times and then "Darwin?!"
"Remus!"
She slid under the covers next to him. He was warm and so were his covers and she was sorry to have brought cold feet and hands with her.
Before she could say anything else, even offer an explanation, she felt his lips upon hers and was more then willing to let the issue stand for a moment. He wrapped his arms around her as his tongue slid into her mouth, sliding against hers in a maddeningly pleasing sensation. After a few moments of this, he placed a gentle kiss on her upper lip and then pulled his head back to look her in the eye.
"What are you doing here?" His voice was soft and a smile played at the corners of his mouth. His hair was down and the effect was rather distracting. She gave him a sheepish smile.
"I had a bad dream." She said shyly. She didn't feel childish or silly at all. She knew Remus would never judge her.
"Aw, love." He pulled her close and kissed her forehead. His fingers wound themselves in her hair and for the first time that day, she felt content.
She kissed his neck and ran her hand down his back. "I've missed you. "She whispered in his ear. "Where have you been?"
"I haven't been well, that's all. I've been in bed for awhile. I just came back from the hospital wing." He replied, his breath tickling her ear.
Maybe it was in the way he said it, or maybe it was the fact that it didn't correlate with what she had heard the night before, but Darwin wasn't sure if she believed him. She pulled her face back to consider him, and thought about saying something, but she decided against it. She was too happy to just be with him, she didn't want anything to spoil it.
"Remus, you look so tired." She stroked the side of his face, his cheekbones very prominent in the moonlight. There were dark circles under his eyes and everything in his face just seemed to droop. "Is something wrong?"
"No, it's nothing." He replied as he gently stroked her hand.
For the moment, Darwin was willing to accept this. She snuggled down next to him, laying her head on his chest. She absent-mindedly ran her fingers along his side and she was very happy that Remus slept topless. He was lean and his skin was very pale. She could see goose bumps appearing all along his side. She knew it wasn't because he was uncomfortable or because he didn't like being touched, she knew it was simply something he had to get used to. When their relationship had first began, Remus had gotten embarrassed and uncomfortable even when it came to tame things, like holding hands. Physical contact had never been a big part of his life prior, and even though he didn't seem to mind it, it still proved to be something that had to be done gradually.
"Remus?" She asked quietly.
"Mmmm?"
"Can I stay here with you tonight?"
"Of course." He pulled the covers tighter about them, and within minutes Darwin could tell by his deep breathing that he hd fallen asleep. She too found that she was in fact quite tired and was soon asleep as well.
A/N: I'm so sorry it took this long for this chapter to get posted! I've just been way too busy. This chapter's alright, I'm just a bit out of practice. Anyway, reviews are always welcome, until next time!