Author's Notes: I'M BACK, BABY!!! Quake with fear, for Tommi the Tomlette has returned with everyone's favorite pointless, but mildly entertaining piece of fan fiction Why Video Game Characters Aren't Allowed To Add-Lib! The computer is back up, and should, with any luck, stay that way for...well, ever, hopefully. (lol) Which will surely be more than enough time to finish WVGCAATAL. My thanks to all my readers, but a special thanks to Tom T. Thomson and MortalSora. These two have read every chapter, have helped to spur me on, and were there to reassure me that I'd have at least two readers when I did make my come back. Thanks guys. Oh, and VladamirsAngel, I'm glad that you enjoy it and decided to start reading again. :-) And now, what you've all be waiting for...

Why Video Game Characters Aren't Allowed to Add-Lib 8
Legacy of Kain: Soul Reaver—Raziel and Kain, First Encounter

Raziel stood before the doors of the room leading to the former Pillars of Nosgoth and Kain's throne room after manifesting back into the Material Realm. What would he find behind these doors? Would the room where the Lieutenants and their master had shared council so many times during Raziel's millennium of service to Kain be as dilapidated and grotesque as the rest of Nosgoth? Perhaps. Would the flags of the clans still hang in their rightful places, despite the likely amount of time since this place had been used? Perhaps not. But did any of those things matter? No, not in the least. The anger and hatred, and even the mild confusion which churned inside of Raziel as the Abyss itself churned just outside this building was enough to answer that question. All that mattered was Kain and his death for the wrongs he had committed; and Raziel was just the reaver of souls to give it to him. And if a clue to Kain's whereabouts lay within the Chamber of the Pillars, then so be it. It was his duty to find it, and be one step closer to his ultimate goal.

Reassured by his determination, Raziel opened the doors to the room and entered. He was somewhat surprised to find that it was in much the same condition as he remembered it; even his clan's banner still hung in it's place to the immediate right of the Pillars' remnants and Kain's throne. The Pillars themselves still seemed rather unchanged as well. The stumps of the eight in the back leaned in every direction like broken teeth as a testament to Kain's evil, seemingly crying out, "Look at us! We were once beautiful, and grand, and reached into the sky forever. Now, he has made us shadows of our former selves by turning us into decorations in his empire of corruption, mocking our former glory." The only somewhat straight Pillar was that of Balance in the foreground, on which Kain had built his throne...

"Raziel."

Raziel's eyes widened and he followed the voice to the throne itself. There, sitting casually was Kain, the great sword known as the Soul Reaver strapped to his back as always. Kain looked bored, and tired...and as though he had been waiting for Raziel for sometime.

"Kain!" Raziel exclaimed, the hatred for his former master boiling up inside of him. No wonder the Elder God wanted him to come here. It wasn't merely a clue to Kain he was meant to find, but Kain himself. He'd have to remember to thank his new master for this opportunity.

Kain looked Raziel over, as though Raziel were there for a routine report of his clan rather than to take his maker's head. He seemed less than disgusted by Raziel's new form. In fact, he seemed almost bored with it—as though he'd seen it before. "The Abyss has been unkind," Kain stated calmly with a small smirk. He then rose and began to slowly approach his fallen son.

"I am your creation, Kain," Raziel snapped, "Now, as before. You criticize your own work." Raziel paused, feeling something move around where his throat used to be. Then, suddenly, he blurted in a voice not his own, "Am I so changed?"

Kain stopped and blinked. "Um, I think that was one of Melchiah's lines, Raziel," he said, sounding somewhat annoyed. "Who I believe you've already killed, and has nothing to do with this conversation."

Raziel blinked and, despite his lack of one, tried to clear his throat. "Yeah, I know," he agreed, sounding a bit confused, "Maybe it was just something I absorbed from his soul or something...I don't know. Continue?"

Kain shrugged. "Yeah, they can cut it out later...Take your line from the top."

Raziel nodded, attempted to clear his throat once more, and then began again. "I am your creation, Kain, now as before. You criticize your own work. What have you done with my clan, degenerate? You have no right—"

Kain suddenly cut him off. "What I have made," he said, coolly, "I can also destroy, child."

Raziel felt his blood boil. "Damn you, Kain! You're not God!" Then after another strange feeling in his throat area, he said in another voice, "What is it, an electric sponge?"

Now even Kain's eyes widen. "Was that Drew Pickles from 'Rugrats'?"

"Uh..." Raziel said, now thoroughly bewildered, "Actually, I think it might have been." He looked around as if expecting to see someone somehow forcing him to talk in strange voices. "But where it came from, I have no idea..."

Kain eyed Raziel carefully. "Are you sure you're all right?" he asked, probably more out of curiosity than concern.

"Well, yeah, I'm perfectly—"This time, he tried to fight the strange urge, and was unsuccessful as he blurted, in a totally new voice, "Ooh. Aren't we sounding folksy."

Kain had to think about that one. "Quackerjack," he stated, "From 'Darkwing Duck'. You know, I kind of liked that show, DW was hilarious..."

"Who cares if you liked some dumb cartoon show or not!" Raziel exclaimed, "I'm being taken over by phantom voices over here!"

"Well, I'm sure there's a logical explanation," Kain said, "People don't just go blabbing in weird voices without explanation..."

"Me Swoop no see nothing," Raziel proclaimed in the voice of Swoop from "Transformers". Then, in his own voice, which now began to sound somewhat panicked, "Kain, there's something seriously wrong here..."

"Okay, okay, let me see here," Kain reached into his pants, reminding Raziel briefly of a Mel Brooks joke, and watched as he withdrew a spiral bound book, the cover of which read "Legacy of Kain: Soul Reaver Revised © 1999 Edios Interactive, Crystal Dynamics". Kain opened the book to a certain page, and began to read.

"If, by some weird freak of nature, we should ever want your opinion, we'll take a crowbar and beat it out of you!" came the voice of Eddie "Auger" Augutter from "InHumanoids" out of Raziel. "Kain, hurry it up!"

"Okay, okay," Kain grumbled as he read, "Well, first, you come in, I say 'Raziel', you say 'Kain', I tell you the Abyss has been unkind, you say you're my creation—which is complete bull, by the way—You ask where your clan is, I say I can destroy what I make, you claim I'm not god—There's a large legion of humans that would disagree with that statement, but that's neither here nor there..."

"Kain, enough of the synopsis, what are they doing talking through me?!" Raziel exclaimed and then said, as if in reply, in the voice of Oompy from "Little Nemo: Adventures in Slumberland", "We're BEING here!"

"Hold on, there's a method to my madness," Kain replied, and then continued, "Anyway, I give you a big lecture about regret and choices, you say you'd choose integrity, I point out the obvious and then kick your ass, break the Reaver over you and leave, and then you gain the Soul Reaver as a wraith blade and befriend Ariel." Kain paused as he glanced over the page. "Nope, nothing about being possessed by a bunch of voices."

"Well, I could have told you that, genius!" Raziel snapped. "And for the record, before you can kick my ass, I have to kick YOUR ass."

"Oh, please, Raziel," Kain rolled his eyes and shook his head, "Don't flatter yourself. All you have to do is make me go 'ouch' three times. That hardly classifies as an ass-kicking."

"Oh, I'll show you a—"Raziel was again cut off by a new voice immerging from inside him, this time Naugus from "Sonic the Hedgehog", "Recall me from the void in 1 hour, Robotnik!"

Kain laughed. "You know, this is actually quite a bit more entertaining than the scene itself," he chuckled.

"Bite me!" Raziel yelled in his true voice, making Kain laugh some more (he always had a soft spot for vampire humor). "Help me try to figure out what's wrong, will you?!"

Kain, still laughing, turned to the front of the book to examine the cast. After a moment of looking, he smirked. "Oh dear," he said somewhat mockingly, "I think I found the problem."

"What?? What is it?!" Raziel exclaimed desperately.

"It seems your voice actor is a fellow by the name of Michael Bell," Kain informed him.

"Yeah??" Raziel said impatiently, "So??"

"Well, it just so happens," said Kain, smirking to show his satisfaction in Raziel's discomfort, "that Michael Bell is a rather seasoned actor and voice actor, and is notorious for his ability with voices. So, Raziel my son, if I had to guess what ailed you, I'd say you were being possessed by the many voices of Michael Bell, or at least previous characters of his."

Raziel just stared. "But...I...uh...WHAT?!"

"You heard me," Kain said, still smirking, "You've been possessed by your predecessors."

"That is so unsmurfy!!" Raziel proclaimed, again in a voice not his own.

"Huh, I never knew he did 'The Smurfs'," Kain cooed.

"Uh, Kain!" Raziel suddenly looked too worried to comment on Kain's remark, as he doubled over and grabbed at his tabard in the area of his throat. "I...think...I'm...loosing...it!!"

"Oh, really?" Kain reached behind him and drew the Soul Reaver, then leaned on it as though it were a cane for support. "This should be entertaining then."

Raziel fell to his knees and continued to grip his tabard. "Can't...hold...ARG!!!" Then, suddenly, in the voice of Opus from "A Wish for Wings that Work", "Wait outside, Bill, and try not to give anybody rabies." Then, in the voice of Duke from "G.I. Joe: The Movie", "I want you guys to infiltrate Cobra's artillery and destroy it. By the way: How's he doing?" Followed by, "Constructicons, transform phase one!" and "Don't worry, no one will notice. Just make left turns!" as Scrapper and Sideswipe from "Transformers". He said quite a bit more, and in more voices than either he or Kain could count, but so much was said that there is simply not enough time in the day to list them all here.

Kain, in all honesty however, wasn't even trying to count. In fact, he was laughing so hard that he lost his balance and fell over, and even then he could not stop laughing. "Oh man!" he managed to choke out between giggles, "Oh...oh man...Makes me grateful that Simon Templeman's claim to fame is an aptly named sitcom!"

Suddenly, during Raziel's possessed rant, Ariel materialized near the Pillar of the Mind and looked about. "What's taking so long?" she mumbled, "I want to meet the new star...He should have gotten to me by now." She then spotted the two, Raziel on his knees and raving in many voices that were not his own, and Kain laughing so hard he was tearing up. Ariel frowned, floated over to Kain and tried to get his attention. "What's going on?" she demanded of him, and then gestured to Raziel, "That's not the new guy, is it?"

"Who, him?" Kain managed to get a hold of his laughter long enough to speak and look at Raziel.

"Yes, him," Ariel replied, "Is that your fallen son?"

"That guy?" Kain said, sitting up somewhat and grabbing the hilt of the Reaver, all signs of laughter suddenly gone from his voice. He'd realized, in that moment, what a reflection on him Raziel could possibly be in his current state. "Him?" Kain repeated, then in an effort to cover his rear, "No, no....I've never seen him before in my life."

"Then what's he doing here? And where is the new guy?" Ariel asked. She looked at Raziel as he continued to spurt rambling voices as though he were a fountain of them. "And what is his problem?"

"He's just some crazy guy that wandered in off the street," Kain said with a shrug, "I think he has multiple personalities or something...As for Raziel, he got stuck on a block puzzle and will be here shortly."

"Oh," Ariel said, "I see. Well, you better get rid of this poor guy or something soon, we don't want Raziel to see him."

"Yeah, good idea," Kain agreed. Ariel nodded and faded back into the Spectral Realm. After she was gone, Kain considered the situation, and then glanced at Raziel. He was unable to stop himself from collapsing in laughter a second time.

Raziel, however, despite being furious with Kain for claiming not to know him, was only able to say, "That's alright, my immune system should kick in, in a few years," in the voice of Chaz Finster from "Rugrats".

At length, the torrent of voices subsided, and Raziel was left panting on the floor (so was Kain, but he was just out of breath from laughing, plus his sides hurt). Eventually, both looked up at each other. For the moment, any hard feelings Raziel had against Kain were set aside—he was simply happy to be himself again.

"So, um," Raziel began softly, sounding a bit hoarse, "Wanna just...take a small break and just...try it again later?"

Kain nodded and chuckled again. "Yeah," he agreed, "My sides are about to split—I need to recuperate some first. I bet your voice could use a break too." Raziel simply nodded. "Then how about you and I go find something to eat, take a break, and meet back here in five and we'll give it another shot. The director would tell us to do the same, I'm sure."

"Deal," Raziel agreed hoarsely, and then disappeared into the Spectral Realm before Kain could change his mind. He was careful, for his pride's sake, to avoid Ariel.