Thank Yous, Acknowledgements, And Other Fun Stuff

Well, there you have it, boys and girls! That's all she wrote (literally), and while I'm glad it's over, I know I'm gonna miss writing it too. But I simply have to take a break for a while; sheesh...life can be so inconvenient. ;-) Before I begin anything else, however, I want to reply to my last reviews, which I didn't do in the Epilogue...

Smoke: I'm glad you liked the chapter and thought I handled it well. I figured it would be a little...touchy. But I also couldn't resist. After all, what good is a parody if you hold anything to sacred, right? :-) Glad you liked Moebius' little joke, too.

MortalSora: You know, I think we all wish we had Elder-God-Proof ears sometimes...If Kain were wise, he'd market them. :-P Oh, and Earl (the talking donkey) would like to say that he had nothing to do with the Ozone Layer, it was the ground water he corrupted. Go figure, huh? ;-)

This parody wouldn't have been possible without the support of the readers, but especially wouldn't have gone any further than a one-chapter parody in the Chronoplast without the reviews. I'd like to give everyone who reviewed this piece a very big, big, BIG thank you: Smoke, Marina Myst, Darster, Tom T Thomson, pinkfuzzyone, Syvia, Komikitty, VladamirsAngel, HealerAriel, JesterasteJ, MortalSora, Omega XSabre, The Final, Rose Akaichou, Abbil, Semdai, Hanzao, Raid-Scion-Of-Randomness, and Killer Doll Prototype 5. If ever I am sued by Crystal Dynamics, I'm blaming the lot of you. :-P

Also, I should acknowledge that I (of course) do not know Legacy of Kain, any of the titles in the series, nor any of the characters, plot lines, etc. I do not own Silicon Knights, Eidos Interactive or Crystal Dynamics—if I did, do you REALLY think I'd be writing fan fiction? I'm just an obsessed fan with a sick sense of humor. I also do not own, nor have I written or performed "Blazing Saddles" (Mel Brooks), "(Can't Get No) Satisfaction" (The Rolling Stones), "Hope of Deliverance" (Paul McCartney), "YMCA" (The Village People), "The Terminator" (James Cameron), "Mortal Combat" (who in the blue hell knows) or any other multimedia reference made. Oh, and by the way, I have never met and so have no personal connection with Amy Henning, Dennis Dyack, Glen A. Schofeild, Michael Bell, Simon Templeman, Tony Jay, Rene Auberjonois, Alastair Duncan, or anyone else involved in the making of the "Legacy of Kain" games, and so I am very appreciative that none of you have sued me and hope to stay that way. I imagine that either none of these people have ever read this (likely), or that they have an excellent sense of humor. Keep in mind, it's all said with love. :-) I don't even take full credit for Razielia; after all, if Michael Bell hadn't been acting goofy in front of a camera, she never would have seen the light of day.

Speaking of Razielia, the Drag Reaver is not meant to insult or offend any group or groups of people. As I said earlier, nothing is sacred in a good parody, and she's mainly there for the extra comedy. I mean, let's think about it: doesn't Raziel in drag with a high-pitched girl voice sound funny to you? It does to me, so don't sweat it, k? It's all fun and games.

And now, for anyone patient enough to have read through all that, some previews should ever my pen find itself writing LOK fan-fiction again...

Parodies:

Mega WVGCAATAL: Raziel vs The Sarafan Inquisitors

Janos Audron is dead. The Reaver blade has been stolen. Now, only Raziel the Soul Reaver, fallen son of Kain, is the only one who can right these wrongs. Presuming, of course, he can get past a half-baked paladin, an idiotic Time Guardian, Sarafan on strike, and not to mention Razielia the Drag Reaver. My, oh my, what is a reaver of souls to do?? Other than threaten everyone with his or her lives and hide behind the director, of course...

Legacy of Koein: Drag Reaver

Once upon a time, in a reality far, far away, Pretty Crystal Dynamics (a subsidiary of Adios Interactive) publishes a video game unlike any other. Based on "Blood and Fashion Omen: Legacy of Koein" (by Silicone Knights), the game takes place in a time when homosexual vampires rule supreme under the leadership of their Lord and Soul Sista, Koein. By his side, his six vampiric, drag queen children stand, the oldest of which is Razielia. But after her sire and mentor betrays her, forcing her into a transformation from homosexual vampire to transsexual drag reaver, she is forced to roam the country side in order to talk some sense into that over-reacting hussy, righting fashion wrongs and going postal on the candy ass of her bitch sisters in the process. Rated S for Silly.

Adventure/Romanace:

Among Vampires

Before he was the great Necromancer of the Circle of Nine, Mortanius was just a young villager with a strange gift that alienated him from the rest of the village. But after he is kidnapped and taken to the Citadel of the Vampires, he discovers he is a lot more than different: he is the Guardian of the Pillar of Death. Under the guidance of the vampire Balance Guardian, Sekree Gorphin, and the Tenth Guardian, Janos Audron, he and the other human Guardians are taught the history of Pillars (though they believe it to be little more than fairy tales) and how to hone their skills so that they may better serve their Pillars. But what happens when the Guardians begin to disagree with the teachings of their vampire captures and masters? Join Mortanius as he discovers his powers as a Necromancer, the horrors of a vampire's way of life, the wonders of human spirit, and the fall of the vampire reign, thanks to himself and the work of a former thief turned Time Guradian, Moebius.

The War of the Black Queen (title subject to change)

Vorador was the first vampire made, but he was hardly the last. The second made was Morreena, the Black Queen of The North Termogent Forest. She and Vorador were always at ends as fledglings, and when they grew older and began 'families' of their own, they're dislike grew into a full out war long before the time of the original Sarafan Order. Their war forced them to hold certain admiration for the other in time and, deep within their secret hearts, even a small amount of love for each other, despite their hatred. For this reason, Vorador is determined to make Morreena one of his wives; Morreena, however, would like to see nothing better than Vorador's head on a spike. Guided for good or for ill from time to time by the third made, the prophet (and coward) Drevion, they wage their war, unmindful of the damage they inflict upon their race and uncaring if the outcome spells vampiric doom.

That's really all I have to say...So I hope to see you around, somewhere, sometime. Adios amigos!

Now and Forever,

Tommi the Tomlette