When Control Isn't Enough

Disclaimer: I don't own anything, want to, but don't. Where's my pocket lint?

Summary: What can they do about Spike's power? Only the Watchers can tell what will happen next.

Reviews: Yes, PLEASE. The muse is desperately hungry for some. All reviewers ROCK!!

A/N: This is the end of this installment of my insane ramblings. I made it to eight chapters. YAY ME! Hope you all enjoy it with its little twists and turns. This one is a little longer than the other chapters but I promised to end it with this one. So read, enjoy, and review. THANKS!

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Angel dashed across the basement floor as Wesley went to turn on a light. They could both see Spike huddled up against the wall next to his bed. He wasn't struggling as he'd been the night before. His screams had lowered to harsh cries.

"NO! STOP!" He shouted. He seemed to hold his breath. "No." It was a low moan. "Oh God, no. Someone stop her. BUFFY!"

Angel stopped in his tracks, nearly dropping to his knees at the shaft of pain shooting through him. Oh God. He was dreaming about that night. The night Buffy died.

"Oh God." Angel's sensitive hearing picked up the gasped words behind him, coming from the stairs. He whipped around and saw Giles, Dawn and Cordelia at the base of the stairs. They were staring at Spike with varying degrees of shock.

Dawn advanced toward her vampire. "I knew he relived that night in his sleep but he never told me how violent his dreams were. Or maybe his magic is making it worse. Either way we need to wake him up." Her voice was oddly calm.

Angel caught her arm as she went to pass him. "No. Let me. He can't hurt me as bad as he could you." She nodded and halted a few feet away from the bed.

Spike was still dreaming. He began talking again. "No. Please, no. I'm sorry. Please let her be okay. I'm so sorry. I didn't try hard enough. It's my fault. Oh Dawnie, I'm sorry. It should have been me. Why couldn't it be me? Oh God don't take her away. Please. Why can't she stay? Oh Buffy, I'm so sorry. I failed. Oh God. I failed. WHY WASN'T IT ME?" His words ended on a wail of anguish.

Dawn collapsed in tears. Giles rushed over and put his arms around her. Angel broke from his shocked immobility and went over to the bed. He reached for Spike's shoulder to shake it. Spike struck out at him. His blue eyes were wide open but unfocused. Unshed tears swam in the sapphire depths. Angel tried another tactic.

"William. Wake up. It's only a dream. It's over. You have to wake up now." He said softly. "Wake up, Will."

Cordelia went over to stand next to Wesley. He put a comforting arm around her shoulder. Silent tears streamed down her face in sympathy for the young vampire's suffering. While she didn't like him, she couldn't stand seeing anyone in that much pain.

Spike started to shake. Angel could feel the entire bed quaking. He tried again.

"SPIKE! WAKE UP!" He raised his voice. The blond started violently. His eyes focused on Angel, then closed in despair. His head drooped as if too heavy for his neck. He realized that they all had heard.

"It wasn't a night terror this time, was it?" He whispered.

"No." Angel told him. "I thought we'd settled this. Will, it wasn't your fault. It wasn't anyone's fault. No one is blaming you. You didn't fail."

Dawn broke away from Giles's embrace to throw her arms around Spike's neck. Scalding tears rained down on his bare shoulder as he instinctively caught her in his arms. "Dawn, I'm so sorry." He whispered.

"It wasn't you. It was me. It should have been me." Dawn sobbed.

Spike shoved her away so he could look into her face. "NEVER, EVER SAY THAT AGAIN!" He shook her lightly with each word. He pulled her back into his arms. "You're the only thing keeping me from taking a walk in the sun." He buried his face in her hair.

Angel shifted down the bed to make room for Dawn. Giles walked forward slowly, as if every movement was painful.

"Spike." The older man paused.

"Yeah?" The vampire's voice was raspy from the screaming.

"Dawn said that you relive that night in your sleep." Giles crouched beside the bed.

"Every night I save her. Except tonight. Tonight I failed again. But the night's not over is it? Every bloody night. One hundred and forty two nights. Every night I do something different, quicker, more clever. You know? Every night I save her. I'll do it again. Over and over. I'll save her... Every night." Ending in a whisper, Spike turned his face away, unable to look at the people he knew blamed him for Buffy's death.

Angel closed his eyes, bowing his head. Pain raced through every portion of his being. All this time he'd thought his childe had healed, had gotten past the pain of losing Buffy. How wrong could he have been?

"God, Spike. I didn't know." Angel said.

"How the Bloody Hell could you? It's not like I wanted to share that with anyone. It's my burden to bear. I failed, I know it, I have to live with it. Every night I don't just save her. I SEE her. And that's what makes it almost worth the pain. Seeing her. If only in a dream it's better than never again...." He choked. "Almost worth it." He whispered. He clung to the sobbing teenager in his arms. She was his lifeline.

Giles pinched the bridge of his nose trying to regain control of his own emotions. He knew all too well the guilt burdening the young vampire. He had his own guilt to live with. "It's not your fault. It's mine. I was her Watcher. It was my responsibility to protect her and get her ready for battle. I failed her. I cared about her too much to push her into being more of a slayer and less of a young woman. I wanted her to have a life of her own and in doing so, she wasn't as prepared as she should have been."

"Bollocks." Spike spat. "She loved you. More than her own father. She looked up to you. You could do no wrong. Even when you wanted to.... She still depended on you. You couldn't have done anything different."

Cordelia dried her tears. Walking over to the small group, she took a deep breath. This would either work or they would all turn against her. "What a load of crap." She stated.

Four faces turned to her, stunned expressions evident on them all. Slowly the surprise turned to anger.

"What are you going on about, Cheerleader?" Spike asked heatedly.

She fortified her determination to put an end to the pity party. They had more important things to finish, like controlling Spike's magic and getting back to LA. Buffy had been gone almost five months now and these people really needed to move on. She missed Buffy too, she'd deny that until her dying day, but enough was enough.

"No one pushed Buffy from that tower. She jumped. It's not anyone's fault that she CHOSE to jump. She saved the world. I always heard, from her mind you, that it was in her job description. I'm sorry she's gone. But we've got other problems to deal with. She gave her life to save all of us. Do you think she'd want us to waste that sacrifice dwelling on who was to blame? If you have to blame anyone, blame her. She jumped. We need to move on from that. Remember her. Save her every night if you have to but don't blame yourselves for something you couldn't control. What was it you said her last words were, Dawn? Something about the hardest thing..." She trailed off unable to recall the exact wording.

"The hardest thing in this world is to live in it. Be brave. Live. For me." Dawn finished for her, wiping the tears from her face. She rested her head on Spike's shoulder thinking about what Cordy had said. She could feel Spike start to shake. 'Oh God.' She thought. 'He's crying.' Lifting her head, she gazed at her vampire. He kept his face turned away. She could see the tears on his cheek and she raised a hand to wipe them away. He turned to look at her and she was shocked by the laughter in his eyes. Eyes that glistened with unshed tears. A chuckle escaped his lips as she gazed at him.

"She's right you know." Spike said. "The Slayer would kick my ass right and proper if she thought I was being a broody ponce and not doing my job taking care of you. What do you think, Bit? Big sis would have a right fit if she could see us now. Dealing with the magic and the Poof here, I forgot to be sane about it. I let the guilt come back and kick my ass instead of the other way around."

Dawn gave a reluctant smile. "Yeah, but then she really liked kicking your ass." She pointed out.

Spike glanced over at his Sire. He stretched out a slender bare foot and kicked the older vampire in the hip. "Buck up, Peaches. Your Cheerleader makes a lot of sense. You don't want to spend the rest of your unlife here baby-sitting me while I play in my pity pool. Think I'll get out of it now and let you get on with your saving of the innocent gig."

Angel glared at the offending foot before letting a slow smile cross his face. "Yeah, one thing she did like to do was kick your sorry ass." He said.

Giles let a laugh escape and he remembered how Buffy would always rant about the bleached menace, but for some reason known only to the Slayer, she could never stake him.

Wesley cleared his throat. "I think we can all go back to bed. We'll need our rest to implement the solution to Spike's power problem."

The others agreed as exhaustion swept over them. Giles went back upstairs with Cordy. Spike kissed the top of Dawn's head and let her go. She followed the others and went to her room with Cordy.

The rest of the night passed peacefully.

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Xander arrived early the next morning ready to take Dawn to school. He was surprised that no one was awake and out of bed. He knocked on the basement door and jumped when Wesley came up, yawning and running his hand through his rumpled hair. Xander had seen Giles on the sofa and figured that they were still having difficulties with Spike's magic. He still had Willow and Tara at his apartment and wanted to find out when he could send them home.

"Wesley, what's up? Thought you and Deadboy would have been gone by now." Xander found coffee grounds and filled the coffee maker with water. He hadn't gotten any at his own place. The girls had drunk it all.

"No, there are still some things to do. Why are you here?" Wesley said as he looked longingly at the slowly dripping coffee maker.

"Taking Dawnie to school. Where is she? She's going to be late. She can't afford too many more tardies." Xander got coffee cups out and went to the refrigerator for cream.

An amused voice came from the basement door. "Didn't you get the memo? The school's out for fall break this week." Spike padded barefoot to the cupboard for his mug.

"Am I always the last to know these things? I mean, jeeze, I give the girl a ride every day. She could have shared the info." Xander grumbled as he silently rooted for the coffee maker to hurry up.

"It's all right, Mate. Didn't know myself until last night. How come you're hovering around our coffee? Yours out of order?" Spike dumped blood into his mug and shoved it into the microwave.

"It's my coffee, I made it. And mine isn't broken, the girls drank it all and just left. When can I give Tara and Willow back?" Xander grabbed the barely finished pot and filled his cup.

"No one's keeping them away. They left all on their own. They can come back whenever they want. It's not my house. It's Niblet's and she didn't kick them out." Spike took a sip of his heated blood.

Giles wandered in, lured by the smell of fresh coffee as Angel entered through the basement door, lured by the smell of heated blood. Spike handed Angel a mug and a packet of blood as Xander poured coffee for Wes and got out a cup for Giles. They all sat down at the table and sipped their drinks in silence for a moment.

"Aren't you going to be late for work, Harris?" Spike broke the silence.

"Nope, took a personal day. Thought I'd hang out here and see if you needed help." Xander said.

"Gee, didn't know you cared." Spike gibed.

"I don't. I want my place back. And I figured if I help you, I get it that much sooner." Xander grinned.

"You're all heart." Spike looked at the young brunette for a second.

Xander took another swallow of his coffee and spit it back into the cup. "Now that's low. Messing with a man's coffee." He got up and dumped the offending fluid in the sink.

Giles looked up, finally awake. "What did he do?" He asked.

"Changed it to tea." Xander poured himself some fresh coffee. "Cold tea." He griped.

Spike grinned. "At least you're still on the floor."

Giles told an amused Wesley and Angel on Xander's uplifting experience of the other day. Laughter filled the kitchen.

Dawn and Cordelia came in as the discussion changed to Spike's magic and his increasing control of it. Cordy made straight for the coffee as Dawn got out a soda.

"Xander, why are you here?" Dawn asked.

"Someone forgot to tell me about fall break so I came to take you to school." Xander said.

"I told you. The same day I told Spike. Neither one of you ever listen." Dawn griped as she sat on Spike's knee because Cordy took the last chair. She jumped as a cool finger poked her in the side. "Quit it." She elbowed the vampire in his t-shirt covered chest.

"Children, please." Angel said as he got up to put his mug in the sink. Dawn immediately stole his chair. He turned around to see her huge grin. Leaning against the counter, he folded his arms across his chest and glared, a small smile ghosting over his mouth.

"Anyone want breakfast?" Spike asked. A round of yeses sounded. Waffles, sausages and syrup appeared on the table. Cordy got up and got plates and silverware. Xander looked shocked at the breakfast feast from nowhere.

"Hungry Harris?" Spike asked, passing a platter.

"Sure. How? I mean, did you...? What DID you do?" Xander stuttered as he served himself a crispy waffle.

Dawn grinned at him as she got some sausages. Reaching for the syrup, she explained. "Spike practices his magic control by making things. He does breakfast great, doesn't he?"

"Yum." Was all Xander could think of to say. Earning a laugh from everyone at the table. He swallowed a bite. "Something tells me I missed a lot this weekend." He stated.

Taking turns, the others filled Xander in on all the events of the weekend. Dawn moved over and sat on Spike again so Angel could sit down. They hugged as the others related the disturbance the night before. Xander looked sad to hear that some of them still had issues with Buffy's death. He gave Cordy a look of appreciation for her little speech.

"Wow. Food from mid air. Transporting. Levitation. Lightening bolts. Not to mention the throwing of demons across the cemetery. I'm thinking we're happy you're on our side. Anya told me the two of you were in the Magic Box, but you never told her how you got there and didn't tell her when you left. She was pretty wigged." Xander commented. "So, when do we do this whatever it is so Spike can deal with his 'power problem'?" He asked as he got up to refill his coffee from the carafe that didn't seem to get empty. He looked at it strangely, turning to count the number of cups of coffee that had been poured from it. Then he looked at a smirking Spike. "Where were you when the female horde was draining all the caffeine at my house?"

Wesley held up his coffee cup, silently asking Xander for a refill. "We can implement the solution whenever Spike is ready." He said, as Xander made the rounds with the pot filling everyone's cups.

"Great. What do we have to do?" Dawn asked, bouncing on Spike's knee, eliciting a grimace of pain from the blond vampire. He snaked his arms around her waist to hold her still.

"You're going to have me on crutches if you don't sit still, Bit." He complained through clenched teeth.

"Why don't we go into the living room while Spike is still able to walk?" Giles suggested. They all agreed and got up to move. Spike gave the table a glance and it was immediately cleared of the breakfast remains. Xander gaped at him.

"You can come live with me." He offered.

Spike shook his head with a flinch. "Not again in this unlifetime." He declined.

Once everyone had relocated to the living room, Giles stood up and picked up the book he and Wesley had discovered the day before.

"We discovered that the wizard that gave Spike his power was one of the oldest, most powerful wizards ever known to exist. No one could ever figure out why his power had never reappeared in any of his descendants. Now we know. He chose Spike to receive his power and set him up. No one will ever know why he did that. Immediately after Spike received this power, it tried to destroy him. He wasn't prepared for the scope of the power, it was alien to his system. Incredibly Angelus and Spike found a way to contain the power so it couldn't be used. That act exerted the ultimate form of control over the power. It contained the magic so that Spike couldn't unconsciously use it. In fact he forgot he even had the power. Now, we all know the circumstances involved in Spike's reemergence of the magic. But this time Spike seems to have complete control over the power. Once he realized and understood he had to control it, he did. In the century since he first received the magic his system became used to having it there. It became part of him. Since the first headache caused by Willow's magic, he hasn't had a reaction at all. His sensitivity has been neutralized by his acceptance of the magic." Giles paused, looking around at the rapt faces of everyone in the room.

"Then why the panic attack when he found out the magic was escaping its containment?" Dawn asked from her spot on the floor by Spike's feet.

"Because the memories Spike had of the magic were ones where he was nearly destroyed by it." Wesley answered.

Giles nodded and continued. "Spike, you referred to your first experience with your magic as an addiction." Spike nodded. "I don't believe that it was. I think that you and Angel perceived it that way to make it easier to deal with. An addiction is a craving for something that needs to be given to you. Since the magic is yours and is virtually limitless, you cannot reach the limit in order for you to need more. The problems that you had before came from being unable to control it. You needed to contain it in order to absorb it into your essence. In effect, by containing it for a century, you allowed your system to adjust to it being there. Using it when you did was your subconscious way of letting you know you were ready to accept it."

Angel nodded. "That makes sense. What is this solution Wesley keeps talking about?"

Giles yielded the floor to Wesley. Taking the book, Wesley began his explanation of his findings. "When I discovered the origins of Spike's magic, I did a little more research in order to give him some choices. Some of the options are a little extreme and we sincerely hope you give serious consideration before choosing them."

"What are the options and how can we help?" Xander raised his hand as if he were still in school.

"Gee, Whelp, in a hurry much?" Spike asked sarcastically. Xander made a face at the blond.

"Yes, well. I'll be happy to tell you. There are four choices. The first one is the most extreme. That one involves extracting the magic from your system. But we don't recommend it unless you desperately want to rid yourself of the magic completely. We're not certain we can accomplish it without destroying you in the process." Wesley explained.

"Lets that one out. Kinda like being here. Next choice?" Spike asked as Dawn wrapped her arms around his leg defensively. He reached down and stroked her hair comfortingly.

"The second choice is less drastic. You would have to retreat back into your subconscious and create a stronger containment for your power so that it could never be used again. It would still be there but it would be permanently disengaged. We could help you with that. There is a spell that Rupert and I could perform." The younger ex-watcher continued.

"I'd have to think about that." The blond wizard nodded thoughtfully.

"The third choice is for you to continue to use your magic but get training to help you explore the scope of it without danger to yourself and others. There is a coven in England that is willing to shelter and train you. We feel that this is your best option." Wesley looked at Giles for confirmation.

"I've already spoken to the high priestess and they are willing to let you stay with them as long as it takes. They won't let the council know as they disagree with the direction the council has taken lately." The older man said.

Dawn looked up at Spike. "You'd leave me?" She asked, tears appearing in her eyes.

"Never, Bit. Okay, Watcher. What's the last choice?" He asked.

Wesley smiled. "You do nothing."

A chorus of "Huh?" echoed around the room. Giles and Wesley exchanged amused glances. They knew this would happen.

Wesley continued, looking around at the stunned faces surrounding him. "You keep the magic. Use it if and when you wish. You can choose to never use it again, use it only when absolutely necessary or use it as part of your daily activities. Over the last few days you have exhibited an unprecedented degree of control achieved in an unbelievably short time. Given your current problem with Willow, we suggest that you opt to only use the magic when absolutely necessary."

Spike opened and closed his mouth a couple of times. Then burst into laughter. The rest of the room followed until everyone had tears of mirth brimming in their eyes. Dawn clung to Spike's leg overcome by giggles.

"That's it? Those are the options?" Cordelia asked between snickers. Both former Watchers nodded, smiling.

"Xander, can you explain all this to Willow and let them know they are free to return home?" Giles asked the younger man.

The dark head began to shake. "I don't want to go there. Deadboy, she won't hurt you. Cover for me, please?"

Angel recovered from his guffaws and leaned against Cordy. "What's it worth to you?"

"Name it." Xander answered beginning a fresh round of laughter.

Wesley took pity on the younger man. "Rupert and I will go and explain everything. Maybe we can convince her that Spike has no intention of competing with her in any magical way." He looked over at Spike for confirmation.

The blond held up his hands defensively. "No worries there. She's the witch in the family. I'm just the unlucky bloke stuck with power he never asked for. Think I'll stick with the last option. I'd go to the coven but I'm not leaving the Niblet for any reason. But, I'll take your recommendation and only use it if I have to."

Giles nodded, he'd expected that decision. "The coven wanted me to tell you that the invitation is open indefinitely. The only way they would deny you is if you returned to your old ways."

Spike smirked. "A little too much responsibility here for me to go back to having that much fun, Mate. OUCH." He yelped as his 'responsibility' pinched his leg.

Giles cleaned his glasses. "Yes, well. Wesley, when did you want to talk to Willow and Tara?"

"As soon as possible." Wes answered.

Xander chimed in. "They get out of class in an hour. If you catch them, you can talk to them in the student coffee shop and avoid any majorly loud scenes."

Wes nodded. "Sounds like a plan."

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It was decided that Xander, Cordelia, Wesley and Giles would go and talk to the two witches. The four of them succeeded in soothing Willow's feelings over not being told of Spike's problem with magic. She had done a lot of thinking over the weekend and had already decided that given the circumstances she might have overreacted just a little. She and Tara agreed to return home that evening, news that made Dawn very happy.

As soon as it got dark the LA contingent left Sunnydale. Dispensing hugs, kisses and promises to phone often, Dawn waved them off. She said goodbye to Giles as he left to return to his own apartment. Going back into the house, she went into the kitchen looking for dinner. Willow and Tara were in there searching for something to make. Dawn grinned at the normalcy of it all. Spike came in from taking a shower, bare-chested with a towel draped around his neck, his curls rioting damply over his head.

"Red, it's good to have you back." He observed. "You too, Glenda."

Both witches smiled at him. "Spike." Willow began.

He held up a hand to stop the barrage of babble he knew would come his way if he let her get started. "Don't worry about it. As long as we're good I'm happy." He smiled. He immediately became the center in a female group hug as all three surrounded and enveloped him. Contentment filled his unbeating heart, all was good again.

Finis

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Epilogue: At the end of that week Giles went to England feeling that he was no longer needed in Sunnydale. That night Willow and the other Scoobies resurrected Buffy setting off a chain of events that would turn all their lives upside down. Spike was kicked to the curb and he moved back into the crypt, all of his efforts over the past months forgotten in one fateful day.

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A/N: All events in season six continue as before until the end of 'As You Were'. The sequel will take it from there. Which, unhappily, will be a while in writing as I have to deal with the disaster area known as my house.

I didn't know any of those people still had issues with Buffy's death until the words showed up on the computer screen. Spike was supposed to have a night terror with the magic cat. Guess the cat didn't want to come out to play. Bet you all thought I was going to do a big magical meltdown scene where Giles and Wesley do a big mojo containment ritual. Was going to but Spike didn't want to do it that way. Again, who am I to argue?

Sorry about the previous chapter, I found out that I suck at fight scenes so I have a lot of work to do before I get to the end of the sequel. Thanks for reading. Rock on everyone!