P.S. - I'll be trying to update once a fortnight…honest!
By Angel Mouse
He was awake and himself at long last. But somehow, it still felt as if a part of his soul was missing; a part of his heart was missing. But then the new Rangers had said that the Princess was awake and it was all he could do not to rush to her side. It had been three thousand years, how did he dare face her again, especially after what happened. How could he bare to be with her after the Anamariam had been lost, after he had failed her.
A few days had passed and he had made himself a home of sorts at Willie's Roadhouse. He was trying to figure out his place in this new world, this modern and strange world. Sure, he had powers as a Power Ranger, and could fight along side the others if he wanted to. But he hadn't decided if he would or not. These weren't his friends, the Ancient Warriors that had been his friends, his companions and had fought by his side all those times so many years ago. He swung the axe in time to his heart beat, the whirling of his thoughts chasing each other around in his mind. And then suddenly, that presence he knew better than his own soul was behind him. He whirled, a smile almost appearing on his face. She hadn't changed and his heart began to beat faster. The smile on her face made his heart want to burst and their eyes meet for a moment. And it was like no time at all had passed between them.
´Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You´re the closets to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don´t wanna go home right now
Things had been strained for a few days between them; he couldn't bare to be around her for any length of time. The reminders of the past, and the way things had been between them when it was just the two of them on the Anamariam, where too much for his already tormented soul to suffer. He felt terribly guilty over the damage he had caused as Zen-Aku both in the past and the present. He had a lot to redeem himself for, and he felt that he couldn't begin to be with the Princess like he used to until he felt his soul had been redeemed. But then the Deer Zord came back to them again, and they had to play for him like they used to all those thousand of years ago. It had been hard for him, extremely hard and he wasn't sure if the Princess understood just how hard it had been for him. They had just defeated Tombstone Org after a long and intense battle and the Princess had made him promise to play for the Deer Zord with her each morning. And suddenly the smile on her face had made it worth it.
And all I can breathe is your life
And sooner or later it's over
I just don´t wanna miss you tonight
But still, Merrick couldn't help the pain in his soul, the guilt that he felt and he knew he could never be redeemed. But sometimes he couldn't help begin to feel close to the other Rangers. Especially Alyssa. She went out of her way to make him feel a part of the team, one of them. Even after everything that had happened. So, why was he standing here, in front of the monument to the Anamariam, trying to understand the things that had been happening to him. His fingers ran over the markings, resting gently on their words, the importance of them not lost on him. He felt someone come and stand next to him and he turned his head slightly, not really surprised to see Alyssa next to him. She gave him a bright smile and nodded gently at the monument.
"Your remembering the past again aren't you Merrick." It wasn't really a question, rather more of a statement of fact. But it still needed an answer.
"Yes, I am. Just remembering the last time I saw my friends. The ones remembered on this plaque." His turned his head back to the monument. Alyssa nodded and they were silent a moment. Finally he spoke again, softly.
´Cause I don´t think that they´d understand
When everything´s made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
Alyssa watched him, seeing in his eyes how much pain the words he was saying was causing.
"I don't know if things will ever be the same for me again." There was nothing Alyssa could say to that, so she said nothing and let him continue. "In the old days, it was nothing for us to spend time together, to have fun, to enjoy ourselves. I didn't have to justify myself being a part of them." Alyssa looked at him in confusion.
"Merrick, you don't have to justify yourself to us. You are one of us." Merrick shook his head and looked at her. The sorrow and guilt in his eyes broke her heart.
"I'm not one of you Alyssa and I can never be. The deeds I have done will always be with me, no matter what deeds I do now." Alyssa sighed, seeing the truth in his eyes. And she knew that he wasn't talking about spending time with the other Rangers. She knew the truth in her heart of hearts. She gave him a gentle smile as she placed her hand on his arm.
"Merrick, the past is in the past, it's our actions now that make our lives what they are. Your past is full of joy and also full of pain. But it's that pain that makes you stronger. And it's also your commitment to making things right in your soul now that makes you a better person. There is nothing to forgive you for anymore Merrick, we know what happened to you and we know that nothing will make you do something like that ever again." Merrick stared at her a moment and then looked back at the monument. After a moment he spoke and when he did, Alyssa knew that no matter what she said, she wouldn't be able to change his mind or his attitude.
"But I'll never be able to forgive myself."
Or the moments of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
And you bleed just to know you´re alive.
Alyssa knew that nothing she could say now would change Merrick's mind. Besides being a great warrior and a good person, he had a good kind soul deep down. The love he had for the Princess shone from every pore of his being when he was around her, but again, his sense of duty so was strong, he and the Princess would never act on their feelings while the Org's were around and the planet was in danger. Alyssa just hoped and prayed that one day they would be able to. So, for the moment, all she could do would be offer her friendship and companionship. Because there was nothing she could say to his heartfelt and simple statement. After a while she just turned and gave him a hug, which startled him and after a moment he returned it and when he released her, he gave her a tiny smile.
"Thank you Alyssa, for everything." Alyssa smiled at him and nodded.
"Any time Merrick." With that, she gave him a final smile and left him to his thoughts. Merrick turned back to the monument and gave a small smile. Times like these, it was good to have friends.
´Cause I don´t think that they´d understand
When everything´s made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am