DISCLAIMER: I do not own anything.

"I finished the semester and...

Kirsten was four months pregnant by the time the semester ended. She had told Sandy she was going to take some summer classes in New York at NYU, which she did while she continued along in her pregnancy.

Sandy found it odd that Kirsten avoided a lot of his phone calls and thought that maybe she wanted some space from their relationship. After all, she did decide pretty unexpectedly to take summer classes in New York and now she was avoiding his calls so maybe this was her gradual way to avoid him and their relationship. He decided to act on his inclinations and told her that maybe they needed to spend some time apart for a while and see where things go after the fall semester begins.

Kirsten hated the fact that she had to go along with Sandy's plan. She knew that he only wanted to break up because of her acting strange these past few months. After their break up, Kirsten cried even more than she already was every day and felt even more lonely. She wished she had told him the truth. She didn't give up on trying as she spent countless days picking up the phone to tell him she was pregnant only to hang up before she heard the first ring. She missed him terribly and longed for his love, support, and comfort, especially at one of the most emotional times in her life. She was, after all, pregnant with his baby and going to doctor appointments alone. Sandy was supposed to be there with her, seeing images of their child for the first time, him listening to the baby's heartbeat. But she again reminded herself that Sandy couldn't be there since she couldn't get up enough courage to tell him.

She stayed in New York to have the baby in fear that she would see him on campus had she gone home. After contemplating day in and day out, she decided that the best thing for her baby was to give the baby up for adoption because Kirsten was a young, single mother who only had a part time job, some college credits, and a life that was currently in disarray. It wasn't like her family, nor the father of her baby, even knew she was pregnant. So because of these reasons, she decided to give the baby up for adoption. She wanted her baby to have a good, stable life, and Kirsten just felt she wasn't emotionally and financially able to do that for her baby.

Kirsten gave birth on October 19, 1984 to a healthy, baby girl, whom she named Kassandra after Sandy and herself. The K was for Kirsten and the Sandra was for Sandy since she imagined that their little girl would be called Sandy as a nickname. For Kirsten the pain of birth was nothing compared to giving her little girl away. Kirsten cried when she held her baby in her arms for the first time. She was a beautiful baby. She recognized Sandy's facial features in Kassandra immediately. The close resemblance caused Kirsten to cry even harder. She desperately wanted to tell Sandy about the baby. For a few minutes, she fantasized about what it would've been like had Sandy known she was pregnant and had been here for the delivery. She smiled to herself. Sandy would have been so proud of her had he known about her giving birth to their baby. She thought about how happy Sandy would be to hold their baby for the first time. And then they would go home to the newly decorated nursery that they started working on once they found out Kirsten was pregnant. But this wasn't how it was. This was how she wanted it to be. She tried to convince herself that Sandy's reaction to her telling him she thought she was pregnant was the reason why she never did tell him the truth. But to believe that would be a lie. It was her fault too. She never trusted him enough to know that he would be there for her during the pregnancy. She never gave him a chance to even be there for her so who was she to even say he wouldn't be there. These thoughts raced through her mind as she held her baby for the last time before the couple who were adopting Kassandra would come to take her to her new home. Kirsten kissed the top of Kassandra's head. "I love you, my baby, I love you, Kassandra, and I know your daddy loves you too. I'll explain everything to him one day. I promise you. It might not be today, or tomorrow, but I will one day. I love you Kassandra," she said as she cried.

The couple who adopted Kassandra was great. They were there for Kirsten during labor and delivery and were crying when they saw Kassandra for the first time. They were overjoyed to be able to adopt Kassandra and welcomed Kirsten to their house anytime, promising to keep in contact with Kirsten.

The next few months Kirsten cried even more than she did when she was pregnant. She dearly missed her daughter. She missed Sandy. She hated herself for not telling him. The emotions started taking full control over her. She heavily drank whenever she had a spare moment. She knew this was bad behavior but she just didn't know what to do with herself. She felt like she had no one. It wasn't like she had any activities to keep herself occupied as she had took the fall semester off to have the baby. One day at work, a co-worker told her she should see a therapist as she was always depressed and it was starting to affect her ability to relate to customers in work. Kirsten was reluctant, but after her co-worker said to her, "Do you want your baby to see you like this?", it wasn't long before Kirsten was seeing a psychiatrist. After a few sessions, she started realizing that going to the therapist was the best thing she could do for herself because at that point, she was at rock bottom and would do anything to talk to someone about her situation.

...so I went to the therapist for a few months. I didn't want to rush myself so I waited until January to come back to Berkeley...and you know the rest from there."

She was talking about how when she got back and returned to her old job at the restaurant, she ran into Sandy by coincidence one day. One thing led to another and within a few months they were back to like they used to be. Kirsten never forgot about what she did, but as time went on, her and Sandy got more and more comfortable and intimate with one another and it got harder and harder to bring it up. Secretly, she kept in touch with Kassandra's parents and received pictures from them every now and then.

Sandy was speechless. There were way too many things to think about at once. Where should he begin?

"I can't believe you. I can't believe you! What were you thinkin keeping something like this from me? I don't even know where to begin! I can't believe you!" He was yelling angrily as he paced back and forth. He couldn't believe what Kirsten just told him. He didn't care what he was saying and if it made sense. He couldn't even find the words to say anything. It was just too unreal.

"I'm sorry Sandy. I know this must be extremely hard to comprehend right now," she said apologetically.

"You have no idea what I feel like. Don't even try to put yourself in my place," he snapped back at her, thought not looking her in the eye. He hadn't looked her in the eye since she finished telling him the truth about the baby. He just couldn't look at her.

"I'm not. I'm just trying to make this easier, Sandy," she said apologetically. She was trying hard to remain calm throughout the whole thing.

"Trying to make this easier? You caused this whole mess by not telling me! So where's my baby at? Well she isn't really a baby any more since she's going to be 20 but she's still my baby. Where is she? I want to talk to her!"

"Sandy wait! Before you start jumping ahead of things let me explain everything."

"There's more?"

"I don't know if Kassandra knows about us."

"What?"

"I don't know if Kassandra knows that we're her real parents. I told the couple that adopted her to keep it a secret."

"Why would you do that? Actually no, I know the answer...you were an idiot! I can't think of why you wouldn't want her to know about us? Especially me...keeping her from me? I've never seen my own daughter!"

"I don't know Sandy. I'm sorry. I was confused back then. I was trying to do what was best."

"Well it is too bad that you didn't do what was best for our baby."

"What are you saying?"

"You should have told me that you were pregnant right from the start. From there we would have found a bigger apartment for the baby. We could have created and decorated a nursery and started preparing for the baby. Then we could have both experienced the birth of the baby and began our life as a family together. But obviously you didn't want that." He started to cry as he said this. It was painful for him to think about how much he would have enjoyed the pregnancy, birth, and raising their baby.

"Sandy it wasn't like you were overjoyed when I told you that I thought I was pregnant. You freaked out. Don't act like you were all cool and calm about it."

He was still pacing around thinking. Kirsten did have a point. He was scared when she told him that she thought she was pregnant. It was just that now, 20 years later, he had experienced Kirsten being pregnant with Seth and enjoyed every minute of it. Back then he had nothing to compare pregnancy to. Now he had a son and knew what a joy having a baby was and he was angry that he didn't get to experience the whole pregnancy with Kirsten back then. Frustrated, angry, and upset, he said, "I've got to get out of here."

"Where are you going?" Kirsten said panicking.

"On the beach. We're not done talking but I just can't continue this conversation right now."

With that, he slammed the front door shut and headed toward the beach. He needed some time to think about everything.

Kirsten sat back down at the kitchen table and put her head on the table in her arms and cried.

TBC...

Will Sandy get to meet his daughter? Will Kirsten get to see her daughter for the first time since giving birth to her? What about Seth, will he find out that he has a biological sister? How will him and Ryan react to the news if they find out? All of these issues to be brought up!