CHAPTER THIRTEEN: And They Lived Happily Ever - Well . . . They Lived

A/N: Sorry for the long awaited update! I truly am! It's just that I'm . . . I've been busy! What with all those free-sex parties and such . . . I wrote a line in here that is stolen from the Fairly Odd Parents, if you can find it, you get to chose whether Draco wears leather or not, and if he does what he does IN the leather, and if he doesn't - a nice alternative . . . So, that's good . . . right?

Oh, also - some people have been asking how to pronounce Reyan and it's Ree-in . . . Just so ya know . . .

Dedication: Becky007, whose name kept me thinking for a long time . . . lol . . .

KARA

Reyan and I stood outside the Slytherin showers, me wearing a bathing suit, and him in a huge pink tutu. The blush on his cheeks could have glowed in the dark. He cleared his throat. "Okay . . . Remind me again Kara . . . how this is going to work? How our plans have anything to do with me wearing your ballet suit?"

I sighed. "For the LAST time, Reyan, this has nothing to do with the plan. I just wanted to see how you looked . . . Hold on." I added more tissue paper into the bra compartment, and put more lipstick on his lips. He had a problem with licking it off. "There. You look adorable."

He whined. "ButKara I don't want to wear this thing!"

"Look, Reyan-" and that was when Draco walked out of the door, his body was moist, and around his waist was a loose white towel. Steam followed him out of the showers. He through back his head, and swung his wet hair. I let out a small 'eep' at seeing him like that, and then hid behind the flustered Reyan.

"Um . . ." Draco looked at Reyan, and then did a double take. "Reyan??"

"No. Um . . . I'm my - - I mean his twin sister . . . Rayen." he let out two nervous giggles. "Um . . ." Reyan was at a loss for words.

"Oh." and Draco looked Reyan over once, twice, three, four . . . ten . . . eighteen times - and I though I saw that familiar 'Oh,-you-know-I'm-going-to-throw-you-on-the-ground-and-have-my-way-with-you-later-so-there's-no-sense-in-denying-that-you-want-me. And-you-obviously-do-or-else-I-wouldn't-be-giving-you-this-look' look that he normally has. "Are you new here?" and then, with a horrid expression, his look changed. It read something along the lines of 'I'm with Harry now, so why do I need you?'

"Um . . ." he grinned. "Yes . . . That's right . . . I'm . . . new here . . ." he cackled.

"Well . . . Then maybe I'll show you around Hogwarts sometime . . . By the way . . . You don't look anything like your ugly twin brother . . . Ta!" and he left.

When I got to Reyan, he looked as if he would cry. "Oh . . . At least he didn't call you ugly . . ."

He glared at me. "Oh really?! Because he said you're twin brother-"

"But - you don't have a twin brother."

He paused a moment. "You're right! . . . . Since he finds me desirable . . . Should I -" he winked "Seduce him, or something?"

"No. That's Hermione's job." winks at author

Author winks back and gets hit in the head with a flying potato

"Well . . Then what do I do?"

"I was thinking along the lines of a striptease."

His eyes widened. "But . . . then he'd know I was a guy . . ."

I gasped, and backed away slowly. "You're a dude?! WHAT HAS THE WORLD COME TO??" And I was gone.

Freakin' transvestites.

REYAN Author coughs EXCUSE ME - - RAYEN

I decided to wax my face and legs, thinking that he'd think I was more beautiful if I looked more girly. It took me awhile, because I wasn't sure how to use the stuff. "Hey, Briteny?"

"Yeah, Reyan?"

"It's Rayen!"

"Oh . . . sorry Rayen . . ."

"How do I wax?"

She giggled. I'd have to learn to giggle too. "How about I do it for you?"

"Sure."

And I sat back, relaxing, and she poured some mild wax on my legs and - "OWMYFUCKINGGODWHATISWRONGWITHYOUPEOPLE?!!" I jerked my legs away. "I said wax them, not try to murder me!"

She hid the waxing material behind her back. "This is what us girls go through, Reyan! And if you wanna be a girl, then you're gonna have to learn to live with it!"

"I'd rather die!" I screamed, and left the room, running head-first into non other than Draco the-hot-guy Malfoy. "Draco!" I swooned, and gripped his arm, batting my lashes.

"Rayen? Hi."

"How're you?"

". . . It's only been about fifteen seconds since we last saw each other . . . What could I have been doing that long time period?"

"Jerking-"

"O kay, lets change the subject . . ." his cheeks fumed. "I've . . . gotta go . . . To my common room so I can . . . shower . . ."

"But you just got out of the shower!"

"Well now I'm going back in . . ."

"Oh. Okay. Bye."

He waved and ran up the stairs, gaining three each step.

I put on my helpless girl routine, by dropping my eyeliner, and claiming I couldn't pick it up because my skirt was too short. Who did I get to come over, but two guys I had never met before. "Here, lemme get that for you . . ."

"Oh. Thanks. I don't know what I'd do without my makeup!"

They both giggled. "Now . . ." I thought. "If only I can get one of these idiots to show me to Draco's common room . . ."

A hand waved in front of my face. "Um, hello, we can hear you -"

"But we'd love to be one of those idiots who showed you to Draco's common room! Follow us!"

HARRY

Draco and I met in the library the next day, him looking completely flustered, and looking behind him every three seconds. "Harry! How doth thou?" Pansy had warned me he was in a Shakespearian mood.

"I'm fine . . . Why do you look so . . . Upset?"

"Well, there . . . doth . . . a crazed woman who is following thou around thee castle . . . thou . . ."

"Ah." said I, encouraging him, even though I inwardly cringed at his attempt to be sexy.

"Thou doth seemed not very turned on . . ." he hmphed, and crossed his arms over his chest, pouting. A very sexy look for him.

"Well . . . Now I am . . ."

He beamed at me, and then his face paled. "There she is!" he shrunk in his chair.

"Who?"

"See the girl in the doorway down yonder?"

I looked, and held back a laugh. Reyan. In a dress. With make-up. And waxed legs? Oh, God. "What, you mean Reyan?"

He froze. "It's Reyan?"

"Well . . . Yeah . . . Who'd you think it was? His twin sister or something?" I laughed for a long time.

DRACO

I had a feeling that now would not be the time to tell him that I did believe that.

HARRY

I had a feeling that Draco was about to tell me that he actually did believe that.

DRACO

Oh shut up, you perfect boy you!

HARRY!

AHH! I knew you were obsessed with me - but I didn't know you could read my mind!

DRACO

I can? . . . Oooh . . . Anything kinky involving me?

HARRY

Wouldn't you like to know . . .

AUTHOR

Well, I don't really have anything to say . . . I just wanted to mention that the only reason these two are having a conversation right now is because I'm making them.

HARRY & DRACO

SHUT UP!!

HARRY

Reyan looked suspiciously like a vulture, waiting to swoop down and steal Draco away from me. That's my biggest fear right now. That I might lose Draco to someone . . . I don't want that to happen. I like him too much . . . Kinda even love him, and it's always torture to see someone stalking him around, or see him looking at a girl or a guy in another way. I shouldn't be jealous, I know, look what all he did to win my attention . . . But when you have a boyfriend as sexy as the one sitting here, you learn to get suspicious. And if Reyan comes any closer to Draco I swear I'll punch out his brains.

REYAN

Darn that Harry Potter! I took one step towards Draco and he punched out my brains! I swear, for the one who's the "good guy" so often, he sure does do a good job of beating up the innocent . . .

I have the strangest urge to sing "Mary Had A Little Lamb," and play a violin. Except, I don't own a violin, and I don't like violins, and I can't play violins, so . . . Maybe I'd just image Harry's head cut off and feeding his brains to Draco.

JASON

Hi. I'm Johnny ( not Jason). I'm not really a character in this story, but I just wanted to share something with you . . . My whole life, I had to live with three brains. And one tragic day, Another brain grew. And, of course, I had a big head. People made fun of my big head . . . because I had four brains.

After awhile, I grew to accept my four brains. And I realized, I was perfectly normal on the insides

However, when I turned six, I grew another brain.

After awhile, my head got heavy, and I could no longer support my body . . . because of the many brains.

I'm here for one reason only. And that reason is this: Do you really want a child like me? A child with so many brains that it cannot support it's head? If not, then maybe you should call this number: 1-800-BAD-BRAIN. So you see, for as little as twenty-six payments of $999.99, you could help someone like me reduce their heads, and be able to walk again, and accepted into society . . .

Call now.

You also will receive a free left shoe, a whoopie cushion, two tangerines, an empty bottle of ranch dressing, a metal hanger, and a pencil with I HELPED A CHILD WITH FOUR BRAINS, AND SO CAN YOU IF YOU CALL THE NUMBER LOCATED ACROSS THIS PENCIL. OR, YOU COULD EMAIL THEM AT ME3MEMEME.ME, with your order.

Good hunting.

A/N: As you can see . . . I was bored. Do not call those numbers, or email that place. You're only setting yourself up for disappointments. cries THEY DIDN'T SEND MY SHOE BECAUSE THEY ARE NOT REAL!!

And I apologize for the terrible . . . I'm aware at the lack of good writing through out this chapter. But you see where I'm coming from: terrible cheesiness? I'm thinking about ending this story and deleting it, or something . . .

And, even if you didn't enjoy it . . . I hoped that I made at least one of you laugh . . .

Thanks to: (the thanks start from newest to oldest, since chapter nine . . . sweatdrops that's a load of people . . .) Oh, and to those of you who reviewed more than one chapter THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU! But it'll get confusing to write two thanks in one sentence . . . I love you guys more. passes you Monopoly money when no ones looking

Silver Salamander: I just love to read that people say that they laugh . . . lol. I truly have no life . . .

henriette: Thank you!

RabbidChicken: Here is this chapter, I apologize for the wait.

lookatmego89-33: Thanks for your review!

TheSecretCharacter: I was about to update Demented Stones, actually. You are a mean threatening person! Hurray for mean people! fakes an evil glare trips on a lady bug

Painty Pants: Thanks for your review, and I defiantly will. Or . . . I'll try to. Lol.

Wuggles2Draco: Dude, of course I'll review you. Because I love you and want to eat your fingers. Er - no. Ignore that line!

YaoiLoverForLife: I'll be sure and try to make you happy. seductive smile

RiverWhiteDragon: You've been reviewing for awhile on this story too, haven't you? E gads, man. I'm glad you seem to enjoy this story, though. It makes me want to write more on it . . . And I apologize deeply for this chapter.

driven to insanity: Kara won't destroy them . . . At least I don't think she will . . . suspenseful music plays Mwuahahahaha!

ilovebenji: Thanks for your review!

Becky007: Everything is fine now. I've been going to ask you for awhile . . . What's with the 007? Are you a James Bond fan? No! Never mind - don't answer that. I'm assuming you got it from . . . 2007 is the year you . . . graduate high school? . . . If I'm right, you must pay me $999.99, lol..

Violet Rose1: Ah, one of my most . . . most . . . gosh, what's the word . . ? I don't know. But you've been reviewing me for so long! I love you! Thanks so much for sticking to the story!

Saotoshi: You reviewed a LOT! Gods. I love you. gets seductive Marry me?

Trafalger: I'm glad it's the hole in your doughnut. I mean, without the hole the doughnut wouldn't be so great . . . it would just be dough. Thanks for your review!

Kid Majere: Well, I continued writing. For you. But don't tell anybody else. I just can't deal with anymore angry mobs!

Lighthearted69: I haven't seen you in awhile. I miss you. Were did you go, my little goldfishy? How much do I need to pay you to get you back?? softly sobs

Thundergirl: That was completely flattering. Thank you!

Hayley: Lol. Thanks! :)

Goddess Moondragon: Thanks for your review!

Elly Malfoy: Actually, I found that line on the internet somewhere but . . . programs you into believing it's my line

Zarrie: You're easily amused? Then that makes two of us.

Blue Dream1: You're probably the first person to kind of sort of like Reyan. You deserve a back rub. grins Thanks for the review!

MYAVS33: Lol, thanks for your review!

Samwise the Brave3: Wow. That made me think. What in the hades does M T H mean??

Shelli: Oh, lol, you woke up your family? Well, it's better then murdering them. I hope to hear from you again next chapter!

pixyfairy120: It's okay that you decided to review on the pudding chapter. I mean, you haven't seen the pudding in awhile. It's completely understandable. .

Renny: Thanks for your review!

huge breath I'm done. Yay me!!