A/N: 'Allo everyone! What's shaken? Lol .. NEWAYZ.. I had the idea of writing this fic one night sitting in muh computer room bored as hell. I think it's pretty good! Thank's to ALISON for all of my encouragement! Love you chicka! WICKED! –holds up rock sign- well here it is.. I hope ya'll all enjoy it as much as I did writing it!
Disclaimer: I do not own School of Rock.
Title: Death
Death.
It's such a harsh word.
You would think passed away or gone would do it.
But some people just go straight to the meaning.
Death.
It hits you like a fist. Just hearing the word makes chills go up and down the back of my spine.
Especially when I think about it.
Death.
It's a horrible thing to say. I know. But sometimes I can't help but think about it.
Sometimes I just sit up in my room, thinking about what life would be like here without me.
Maybe more calm, peaceful, not as hectic. But...
I am here.
And there's nothing I can do about it.
Because, that's what happened. But, sometimes I still can't help but think about it...
Why was I born?
Was God just bored and decided to make some useless figure to put in a family who would dispise her for the rest of her miserable life.
Or...
Was I not suppost to be here?
Like my parents say, I was just an accident.
Just an accident.
Where they right? I always tried to ignore the fact that they would say that. But, now as I'm getting older... I can't stop thinking about the things that they say.
Was I an accident?
Am I not suppost to be here?
Maybe I should just put myself out of my own mysery right now. So I can get rid of all the pain that's ruining my life. All the pain that's keeping me away from doing what I know will be best for me.
Death.
The thing that will lead me to my own happy ending. The thing I want more than anything.
Death.
That's all there is to it.
Enough said.
Death.
But, there is one person stopping me from doing that.
The one person that I can trust.
The one person that I love most in the world.
Freddy Jones.
The one person I keep my mysery all bottled up inside to keep him happy.
But that's just the thing...
It seems like all I do now is try to make everyone happy.
And it never seems to be enough. Not enough for anyone who I try to make happier. To give up my happiness for them.
But I can't take it anymore.
I can't take anything anymore.
And that's why I am going to do what's best for me.
Death.
My own death.
To keep everyone else happy.
It seems like the only thing to do anymore. Just get rid of it all. Just like a sandcastle. One move, and it's all gone.
One move and I'm all gone.
Simple as that.
But then....
Why do I keep holding back from the one thing that will make me and everyone else happy?
I know I'm not scared.
Or at least I think I know I'm not scared.
Why would I be scared of what is going to make me happy?
Death.
It makes no sense at all.
But does anything anymore?
I should just do it right now. Get it over with. Because I know it will come soon enough.
Or.. at least I think it will.
No, it will come soon enough. Because, it is what's going to make me happy...
Right?
Death.
It will answer all of my prayers. All the prayers I've ever needed answered.
No more praying for friends, a family, a better life.
No more.
Just death.
It will answer them all. Simple.
Or I hope it will.
Because, if I do this. There will be no turning back. Because you can't turn back time. If you could...
I would have done it by now.
So I wouldn't have to be here.
Here.
With the world that hates me and my own happiness that I will never have.
So there's no point.
I am going to do it.
But I have to tell someone.
Not just anyone.
Someone.
I know... Freddy.
But I can't tell him myself. He'll think I'm crazy. He'll go for help. I can't have him do that to me now. Not when I'm so sure of what I'm going to do.
Death.
So I won't tell.
I can't tell.
Not now.
They will soon find out what had happened to me.
Death.
I am going to do it right now. There's no questioning it.
I am going to do it.
Right now.
Death.
I am. Because once it's all over.. no one will remember. They will forget about me. I won't be Katie Brown, the girl who no one liked. I will be Katie Brown, the girl who never exsisted.
Me.
And continue with there lives.
And pretend it never happened...
My death.
A/N: I hope ya'll liked! I know I did! I was kind of one brain-hold for my other SOR fic, but I'm starting my next chapter soon! So if you want, PLEASE check out my other fic too! I know you would enjoy it! R&R please! Much lub!
-ashley