Chapter 35
The Moonlight
A few days later, Hermione walked into the girls' bathroom for a tissue. She walked into a stall and heard two girls enter the bathroom. They fussed over their appearance in the mirror. Hermione listened to them talk and recognized their voices as being Jennifer and her friend, Phoebe.
"Jen, I swear. You are so lucky," Phoebe said in an admiring tone.
Jennifer gave a smug sort of laugh. "I know. Being with Sirius was so wonderful."
Hermione gripped the handle of the door tightly. What was this?
Jennifer's voice dropped as she talked confidentially to Phoebe. "The sex was mind-blowing, Phoebe. Just as it had always been."
Hermione's knees buckled. Her breath came in short gasps. And it wasn't over.
"We've been meeting every night," Jennifer said.
The girls continued chattering till they finally realized it was time to get to class. Paralyzed, Hermione stood in the stall. Sirius certainly wasted no time. It was as if Hermione had meant nothing to him. Trying to even her breathing, Hermione stepped out of the bathroom. She walked in with her head down, fighting the tears with all she had. They stung at her eyes and threatened to slide down her cheek. Hermione could not stop picturing Sirius and Jennifer. She hated the images that exploded in her head: Sirius and Jennifer's naked bodies pulsating together, Sirius' lips on Jennifer's, Jennifer's silky laugh...
Hermione walked slowly to History of Magic. Students were already inside, and the room had a lazy, sleepy feeling, with Professor Binns at the helm. Hermione sat down next to Lily. Normally Lily sat with James, but Lily told Hermione she didn't want to be near James at the moment. Although Lily never said it outright, Hermione knew it was because of her. Hermione felt a surge of gratefulness toward Lily and realized Harry had gotten his loyalty from both his parents. James sat with Sirius instead.
"James is being a prat," muttered Lily. "He simply refuses to believe you."
"I suppose I can't blame him," Hermione whispered back as they wrote down notes.
"What do you mean?" Lily asked sharply.
"James is taking Sirius' side. They're best friends. I can understand that," Hermione admitted.
Lily frowned. "I suppose so. But he's going about it the wrong way." They continued their note-taking in silence. The class let out and Hermione and Lily headed for lunch.
"Oh, I left my quill," said Hermione. "Go on, I'll meet you there." Hermione doubled back.
She entered the classroom. It was empty, save for–you guessed it–Sirius. He was gathering his books.
"I left my quill," she said, as if he actually cared.
He nodded curtly. His presence still made her insides go crazy. She desperately wanted to shake him to make him listen. But Hermione kept her composure, and turned to leave.
"Wait," Sirius said. Hermione turned slowly.
"The ring," he said.
"What ring?"
Sirius scowled. "The one I gave you. I want it back."
"It was a gift, Sirius."
"A priceless heirloom, given to someone I didn't truly know," Sirius corrected her. He held out his hand.
"Are you trying to hurt me?" Hermione asked, holding her hands behind her back.
Sirius rolled his eyes. "You'd know all about hurting people, wouldn't you?" he snarled.
Hermione knew he was letting her go. And she didn't want to let him go. Nevertheless, she slowly slipped the ring off her finger. It was his, after all. She wistfully remembered her promise to return the ring when she was ready to make love to him. Finally she held it out to Sirius, who slipped it in his pocket. "It's not like you'll miss it," he commented. "What with your new life and all."
"I should say the same for you," said Hermione, unable to stop the words.
"Sorry?"
"You know who I mean." Hermione remembered Jennifer.
"If you're referring to who I date, it's no business of yours. I'm allowed to date whoever I want."
"But is it what you want?" Hermione asked softly. Sirius just scowled and turned to leave. But Hermione was not going to let him go.
"Girls, Sirius, all these girls! You once told me they meant nothing to you. You told me you didn't want that life anymore. And now you're regressing back to the person you used to be."
"Don't try to tell me how to live my life! I can be whoever I want to be!"
"But that's just it! You can be so much better than the Hogwarts playboy, Sirius! I can't believe that you're not even going to try to be the person you could be!"
"Like with you, huh?" Sirius growled. "The little love slave who does anything you want him to do? The devoted little puppy?"
"No," Hermione said softly. "The man I loved."
-----
"Are you feeling all right, Sirius?" Jennifer asked that evening. She was sitting practically in his lap. They'd found a quiet spot in the common room. Sirius forced a tiny smile.
"Fine." Jennifer leaned in for a kiss and he obliged. "Shall we slip away for a while?" she whispered seductively.
"No...not tonight, babe. Some other time." Jennifer looked supremely annoyed and trounced off with a friend. James came over and sat down. "Jennifer, eh?" James commented.
"Don't start." Sirius muttered, watching Jennifer go.
"Hey mate, it doesn't matter to me. Listen, want to go fling Dungbombs at Mrs. Norris before we go with Remus?" Sirius finally broke a smile. "You're on."
They jumped up and flung the portrait hole open. Hermione was standing outside, lips poised to utter the password. Her face flushed as she saw Sirius and James. Bravely, she faced James and Sirius. Together the two gave an aura of fierce loyalty and mischief. When they faced Hermione, she felt as if her clothes were being peeled off and they saw right through her. Never before had Hermione felt so self-conscious. She wanted to run, knowing that the two people that stood before her hated her. Yet she could not move.
"Hermione!" It was Lily. Lily walked up to them and quickly moved Hermione inside the common room. She gave chilly looks to Sirius and James.
"Thanks," Hermione said gratefully.
"I decided you needed some cheering up," Lily said. "We're going to go ice-skating."
Ice skating was a Hogwarts tradition that had gone extinct by the time Hermione arrived at Hogwarts. The lake was frozen over, and students liked to transfigure their shoes into skates and glide across the frozen ice. Hermione liked this tradition and wished it was still in effect in her own time. Quickly they performed tricky spells to transfigure their shoes into skates and went down to the ice. Students were already there, gliding over the sparkling ice.
Hermione stepped gingerly onto the ice and promptly fell. Red-faced, she struggled to her feet. Lily helped her up. "You haven't skated much, have you?"
"Er...no." Hermione was no good at sports and didn't like to show it. She tried again, and fell over for a second time.
"Here," Lily said, holding out her arm. "Take my arm." Hermione did so, and waddled alongside Lily. She looked terribly awkward, and felt so. She stabbed at the ice with her skates. She wanted to grab Lily and hold on for dear life, but chose to stomp along bravely.
As if in an effort to distract Hermione, Lily started to talk. The subject quickly turned to Jennifer.
"Honestly, that girl's had half the blokes in Gryffindor. She should install a change machine," Lily said snippily. "I don't know what Sirius is thinking. He's never had any interest in her beyond the physical."
"Are you sure?" Hermione asked, a little short of breath.
"Completely. He doesn't love her."
Yet he's shagging her, Hermione thought glumly.
"He loves you, Hermione," Lily insisted. Hermione was getting tired of hearing this said over and over, especially when the boy in question was bedding other girls.
------
Sirius had just flung the last Dungbomb when Peter caught up to him and James.
"Are you ready?" Peter asked, looking around furtively.
Sirius nodded. "Is Remus at the Shack already?"
Peter nodded.
"Let's go," James muttered. It was the full moon. This month's destination was the Forbidden Forest.
----
After fifteen minutes Hermione had had enough. Her face was sweaty and her hair was scraggly. Her feet were frozen. She decided she didn't want to skate anymore.
"I'm going to go in," Hermione told Lily.
Lily looked concerned. "Hermione–"
"No, it's all right. Skating's not really my thing," Hermione admitted.
"Would you like me to come with you?"
"Oh, no," Hermione said quickly. "You go on."
"But–"
"It's all right."
Lily looked skeptical, but seemed to realize Hermione wanted to be alone. She finally nodded and went to join some other Gryffindor girls.
Hermione transfigured her skates back into shoes. She sat on a bench for a while, staring at the skaters. Finally she stood up. A black object looming toward the Forbidden Forest caught her eye.
Hermione looked more closely. She followed the darting object. It turned and faced Hermione. It was Sirius in his Animagus form. She would know the dog anywhere. Same shaggy fur, same build. Hermione stood behind the dog.
The dog, sensing a presence, turned around. Hermione knew he knew who it was. She held her breath. He growled and bared his teeth. Yes, he knows it's me, Hermione thought, looking warily at the teeth.
She looked past Sirius into the edge of the woods. She could barely make out silhouette of the antlers of a stag. Hermione didn't look but she knew the other two were there as well. Realizing she wasn't supposed to know who they were, Hermione quickly darted away toward the castle.
Sirius watched Hermione go. Sighing deeply, as for a long lost friend, he turned and joined his friends.
------
Later that night Sirius got out of bed and stared out the window. He watched the moonlight dance across the grounds. Sirius reached into his pocket and took out the ring. He rubbed it, and thought of the last person who'd worn it.
Hermione.
Her name sent a knife through his heart.
Was she telling the truth? Sirius had honestly felt she was his soulmate. He missed her dearly. He missed her nagging, her studious ways, the way she made him feel important. Sirius closed his eyes and imagined the feel of her neck under his hands and the warm sensation of her hand as she held his.
Sirius pondered this as he watched the moonlight move across in wisps, casting shadows on the trees it didn't reach.
Would she truly toss it all away for another?
He knew it wasn't true, yet he could not rid himself of the doubt.
Three parts of him were convinced she loved him, and the fourth one, the strongest, would not let him go to her. Sirius sat for a long time, watching the moonlight.