A/N: it seems the longer my stories are, chapter-wise, the less reviews I get. So hopefully this shall be the second to last one. Whether or not I complete this whole little RuFeg series depends on the feedback I get on this, Part 2. If not good, then.......... No more. Oh, & I'm really hoping doesn't screw up my trailing off periods. That was reallykindasorta annoying.
This next chapter may be dark-ish or something of the like, because I'm in a Mood right now. Yeah.
R&R, onegai.........
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Alfeegi woke up in a dark room. It took him a while to realize that it was his own, then blinked in confusion in the dark. What time was it, and the last place he had been was in the city, hadn't it? He bolted upright, finally hearing the rain again. That's right, of course, what on earth was he doing back here? He got up immediately, then sank to the floor when the room started reeling and his legs gave out.
He pulled himself up, clutching his door handle. Why was he so dizzy? He wondered. It didn't matter, what mattered was that he had to get up and find out what was going on. And what time it was.
Steadily, he regained his balance and the dizziness dissipated somewhat. He reached the downstairs, where it was eerily quiet. It disquieted him quite a bit, but, tiptoeing around, saw that most, if not all, of the refugees were asleep. As well as the numerous Dragon Fighters leaned against walls and pillars.
He finally found a clock; it read 4:05. In the morning. When had they gone out again? Two-ish?
The sudden wish to hunt down Ruwalk suddenly hit him, surprisingly overwhelming. Of course he loved the other officer, but it wasn't all the time that he felt such a strong desire to find him. Usually it seemed more or less that that was –Ruwalk's- personality, not his.
Four in the morning. The castle was so dark. Had it ever looked this way? The rain sounded lighter; that was good. In the morning, they'd have to begin cleaning up. Alfeegi sighed, stretching his arms behind him.
The sleeves scooted back farther than he liked. He yanked them down, even though there was no one around to see what was there. In fact, he was still in his damp clothes. Either the person who'd put him to bed was rushed, or the thought of undressing someone (especially the White Officer) was not exactly appealing to them. He decided it wouldn't be too much of a crime to take a shower. A warm one preferably, his throat was raw.
Anyone else would have stared. And contrary to popular belief—meaning Kaistern's, if he –was- still alive—he and Ruwalk had not yet gone beyond kissing. The thought of anything beyond that made Alfeegi nervous, for one, and besides, they hadn't been together –that- long...
It took him only about ten minutes to clean. He didn't get into sleep clothes, but clean day clothes. It may be four am, but that didn't keep him from working. Maybe Ruwalk was right, and he –was- a workaholic—
Ruwalk.
Giving in, Alfeegi fairly slammed the door opened and walked quickly out, mentally listing where the other officer might be.
He wasn't in his own room. That stopped Alfeegi dead in his tracks. He felt fear creep over him, which wasn't natural for him. So was the fact he almost panicked. He calmed himself before walking back downstairs and around the castle.
Nowhere. He was nowhere.
"Oh God," Alfeegi whispered, covering his mouth. Even then he was oblivious to the fact he was shaking. The last time he lost Ruwalk, everything had come so close to crashing down. Last time, Ruwalk could have died. Last time, when it was Alfeegi's fault; -everything- was—
"No, no, no, stop it, stop," Alfeegi whispered, gripping himself, tensing. He could feel the dark spot in the corner of his mind, eager to take him over again. Despite himself, a small whimper escaped his lips, earning himself a slap. "Dammit," he hissed. He had to hold himself together. No more breakdowns, hadn't he told himself that?
His wrist reminded him and sent him back over the edge.
For no apparent reason, tears were coming from his eyes. –Last time it was YOUR fault, he almost died. God, how worthless are you? You think he loves you? How do you know it's not all a lie? How do you know that he doesn't really hate you?-
"Shut up," he whimpered against the voice in his mind. "Stop it."
-You know what will stop it.-
-No,- Alfeegi sank to the floor, clutching his wrists. –Nonononono, not again. I can't. I shouldn't. I won't.
But it would feel so good...-
In a trance-like state, Alfeegi unseeingly went to the kitchen, creeping in quietly as a ghost. He opened the knife drawer and selected one. He scooted his left arm sleeve up and set the knife amidst the many scars there. He drew a shuddering breath, and slit his skin once more.
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The next morning dawned, bright and clear. Alfeegi awoke, remembering his wrist. It hadn't bled that much, but he had kept the knife. It was hidden well away, in a drawer beneath a pile of old reports. He thought almost nothing of the new slits; besides the fact that they were bright and red, they were indistinguishable from the old scars.
Except that they hurt.
His arm was beginning to bother him, which wrenched a cold sounding, morbid laugh from his throat. He didn't remember this happening. How funny.
Hadn't he laughed while he was digging the knife into his skin?
He tried to push the thoughts away. He had to get ready for the day. Had to find Ruwalk. Wherever –he- was. The aqua haired officer dressed and tried to compose himself. He hurt, not only in his arm, but inside –himself.- It was what had driven him to do –it,- what was within him even now. There was still guilt from last night, but even more so now. He couldn't tell Ruwalk about last night, if he ever saw him again.
What was that supposed to mean?
"If he even still cares," Alfeegi muttered to himself. Why had he cut himself last night? Over Ruwalk. Because of him. How strange it was, that he should cause suffering to himself over the one he held dearest.
He slapped himself to snap himself out of it, assumed a self-confident posture, and walked out and down the hallway as he had always done. Hiding anything he felt inside was normal for him. Ever since his childhood he had been good at it.
He arrived in the kitchen, where once again the Dragon Lord was on food patrol. "Oh, Alfeegi, I'm glad to see you," Lykouleon said brightly. "There's a knife missing from the drawer. I was wondering did you see it anywhere?"
His heart stopped. He managed to shake his head no, but words wouldn't come. They got stuck in his throat. Lykouleon didn't notice his officer's battle with himself to keep the tears away. "Oh, ok," he said lightly. "I was just wondering, since it's so strange." He looked at Alfeegi closely. "Are you sure you should be up? Tetheus said you took a fall while you were out in the city."
"I did?"
Lykouleon nodded, and Alfeegi held onto his every word like someone who was hearing the details of what had happened after they got drunk last night. "So Ruwalk finally got himself out there and you were out; Tetheus had put you in a building. So Ru took it upon himself to bring you back here and tuck you in." He chuckled.
"You guys didn't tell me about –that.-"
Alfeegi's eyes widened, suddenly realizing—"Y—Your Highness, I—"he stammered, blushing brightly. But Lykouleon only smiled.
"It's ok. Anyways," he clattered some plates down onto the counter; turned to face his white officer.
"So where's Ruwalk now?" Alfeegi asked the burning question on his mind.
"They haven't come back yet."
Alfeegi was gone and out the door again, in a flash.
"I have –got- to stop encouraging that," Lykouleon sighed.
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It was cold out. The sky was clear, a clean blue. Alfeegi ran all the way to town, looking everywhere, only helping if the need was dire. It seemed as though he ran for forever, searching and finding no one. The Fighters he found were about as informative as Rath.
Tethues finally materialized to his right, bandaging a woman's arm. "T—Tetheus!" Alfeegi gasped, out of breath. "Wh—where's Ruwalk??"
"Ruwalk?" The Black Officer blinked. "He's in that building—"
"Thanks!"
Alfeegi ran to the door, which suddenly flew open in his face, and out came a figure, yelling, "Tetheus, this is ridiculous, we've got to tell Lykouleon we need more supplies—"
Alfeegi blinked. Ruwalk noticed him.
"Alfeegi?"
Unwillingly, the White Officer's eyes filled with tears. "I.........." He tried to speak, but his voice choked. Instead, he hugged the slightly taller man, who was taken aback.
"Alfeegi, what--? What's wrong?"
"I couldn't find you at all! I was so worried!"
Ruwalk blinked in surprise. "About me?"
Alfeegi's head snapped up, and he yelled, "Of COURSE I was worried about you! You idiot! I—"He quieted, sniffling. "I love you, you big idiot. Of course I was worried. I was scared."
Ruwalk's eyes softened, and he hugged Alfeegi lovingly.
Tetheus turned back to his work to give them privacy.
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woot, anti-climactic ending. Sue me. :p Thus ends part 2 of my RuFeg fic whateverthehellitis, Kimi ni Fureru Dakede. Now I need a name for Part 3, & you all need your Kaistern back, ne?
and the last part was especially linked to the song for which this Part's named after (even if I –did- write it to Over the Sky angel feather version!). See:
Ah- Kimi ni fureru dake de kokoro wa hazunde
Ah- kimi ni fureru dake de boku wa mitasareru
Ima wa tada kono kimochi wo tayasanai you ni
Kimi wo tsuyoku dakishimeru yo Dakishimeru yo
Ah- Just to touch you, my heart pounds
Ah- Just to touch you, fills me up
Now, just to keep these feelings from dying
I'll hold you strongly I'll hold you.
Uffa, how will like that? If it screws up, lyrics at
R&R, onegaishimasu.