"Would you like a visitor?"
Joe turned over, blinked at the nurse in the doorway.
"What time is it?"
"Around four."
Four. His family wasn't coming until seven; he wasn't expecting anyone else.
"Who is it?"
The nurse glanced behind her, stepped aside as Vanessa Bender came the doorway, resting her hand on the frame.
"Hey baby," she murmured.
Joe felt his breath catch, forced it in and out. "Van."
She nodded and crossed the room to sit beside him. She reached for his hand; he turned away.
"How're you holding up?" she asked after a moment.
Joe shivered and pulled his blankets closer. Two days into treatment and he was already desperate to go home. The doctors told him that was part of it; an almost-punishment for failing to appreciate the goodness of your life. At least, that's how it felt to Joe.
"I'm drinking supplements," he murmured.
"That's good," she said gently.
"It's hard."
"I know."
A beat.
"Everyone's asking about you. Chet and Callie and Phil and Biff…they all want to come, if you want to see them."
"No," the younger Hardy snapped, "I don't. I don't want to see anyone. I shouldn't even see you."
Vanessa's eyes widened. "Joe…"
"I'm afraid, Van," Joe's voice suddenly began to tremble.
"Of what?"
"I'm afraid…you won't want to touch me anymore. I'm afraid you won't love me. I never knew why you loved me…"
"Baby," Vanessa murmured, stroking Joe's hair back from his forehead. "I'm afraid to touch you now. It's like…if I do, you'll break. You seem so fragile. But that doesn't mean that I don't love you. I'll love you no matter what your weight. I'll love you if you're overweight, which you won't be. Your body isn't you. If I suddenly gained thirty pounds, would you feel any different about me?"
Joe shook his head.
"So why would I feel that way about you?"
The younger Hardy looked away, tears streaming down his face.
"Because I'm dirty," he whispered.
"What? Dirty? Why do you think that?"
"I don't know."
Tears stung Vanessa's eyes as she ran her fingers through the dirty—Joe was too weak to shower—blonde locks.
"Trust me baby," she murmured, "trust all of us when we say that we love you. None of us would lie to you, Joe. You just have to ignore yourself for now and believe in us. Can you try that?"
Joe shut his eyes and didn't answer.
"I love you," she murmured, taking his hand in her own. "Joe? Do you hear me? I love you. Not this disease. I miss you. I miss…" her voice caught, broke, "…my big, strong man."