Puchuu Punching

Chapter Two

Okay, so this chapter is late. Sue me, I have a job. Just a note, should I include in this fic a cameo by a very popular Excel character, who is in real life an anime director? Excel fans know exactly who I mean, and remember he has a thing for guys dressed as girls. Altogether now: TETCHAN!!!

………………………………................................................................................................................................................

Hatori took long strides towards Shigure's house, dragging Ritsu behind him. Ritsu was still trying to explain why he hadn't gotten the potentially nonexistent Protosysenthionol and apologising for his failure. Hatori had in fact made up the drug to get rid of Ritsu while he treated his mother for stress, but he decided against telling his overly humble cousin at this moment. They reached the house in no time, and the doctor rapped sharply on the door. A thin, nervous voice sounded from inside the hall.

" Who ees it?"

" It's me, Shigure."

" Shee goor eh? Der is no Shee goor eh here. You haf wrong howse. Go ayway."

Hatori banged the door loudly.

" Shigure, stop joking around and let us in! I found Ritsu wandering outside, we need to be indoors."

Ritsu was surprised at the tension in Hatori's voice. What was he so nervous about…? There was a light clacking inside the house, as though someone were unlocking a lot of bolts. Shigure's head peeped out briefly, and then he opened the door fully to allow his cousins to enter. He appeared to be wearing baseball body armour over his kimono and a cast-iron pot on his head. Hatori snorted at his appearance.

" You know, it's probably a hoax. Don't you think you're overreacting a bit?"

Ritsu was very confused, but not because of Shigure's strange appearance. For some reason, he really wanted to be outside. It was like there was an intoxicating smell or some enchanting music in the air that he was finding hard to resist. If Hatori didn't still have him by the arm, he would have ran outside.

In the sitting room, Tohru Honda, Kyo, Yuki, Momiji and Hatsuharu were gathered around the television, watching the news report. The news presenter looked, quite frankly, terrified. Hatori and Ritsu took seats at the table. Just as he was about to sit, Ritsu accidentally knocked Momiji's head with his knee. The group braced themselves for a fit of hysterics…

… but none came!

In fact, Ritsu seemed oddly distracted. His eyes were darting back and forth, and his head moved in a twitching motion. He was wired to the fing moon. The TV presenter suddenly burst into tears, calling everyone's attention (except Ritsu's) back to the TV.

Oh, God… I wanna go home…. These aliens have one goal and one goal only, to take over our beautiful blue planet!…. Residents must stay inside and lock all their doors until further notice…. Once again, aliens have invaded our homeland of Earth!

" Aliens? What the hell… there's no such thing!" Kyo snarled.

" Why would they issue a blanket alert for something that doesn't exist, you stupid cat?" sighed Yuki.

" Hey, everyone's paranoid these days… it could be anything!" hissed the cat back at Yuki.

" Are they gonna burst out of our stomach and eat us?" piped up Momiji, a bit too cheerfully.

" Maybe, maybe not," groaned Hatsuharu, stretching his legs.

" Oh my! That would be horrible!" cried Tohru, stating the bleedin' obvious.

Ritsu's hands were shaking, and playing with his hair. He kept looking out the window and growling softly under his breath. Hatori grabbed his arm just as he was about to open the window.

" Ritsu, stay still for God's sake," he grumbled. Ritsu scowled at him, which shocked the doctor so much he almost fell out of his seat.

" Hey, they're about to show pictures of the invaders!" called Tohru, pointing at the television.

" Good, let's see these conquering sons-of-bitches in all their ugly glory!" said Shigure dramatically. There was a strange, high-pitched noise sounding from the television.

Puchuu…Puchuu…Puchuu…

The sound was like nails on a blackboard for Ritsu, who clutched his ears. The others gathered closely around the TV, the sound was like a dog whistle to them. Thousands of adorable little teddy bears were walking along a deserted highway, chanting in their little girl voices as they went.

" Oh my God…" whispered Yuki.

" They're so…" said Kyo.

" CUTE!" squealed Shigure. That was the signal for the entire group, even Hatori, to cuddle the TV. Inside, they were horrified at the prospect of an invasion, but the sight of the Puchuus was too much for their feeble minds and bodies to resist.

The spell was broken when Ritsu, very suddenly and dramatically, leapt over the table and punched the TV. It didn't break, but it did fall over and switch off. Everyone looked surprised to find themselves hugging the television, and Shigure recovered the fastest.

" Ritsu, why did you break my TV?" he sighed, irritably.

Ritsu didn't seem to be listening. He was clutching one ear and looking around the room for something. Then there was a soft hissing noise, followed by the unmistakable sound of…

" Puchuu…"

There was a lone Puchuu, standing on an open windowsill. To them he was a delightful little plushie, but on his own planet he was known as 'Puchuuch,' or 'The Killer Fist.' Said fist was clutching an M-16, ready to do some damage. Everyone was terrified, and then overwhelmed by Killer Fist's extreme charm. Shigure was the first to rush towards it with open arms…

… only to be beaten to it by Ritsu, who punched Killer Fist so hard he flew out of the stratosphere! Ritsu stared after it, tracking its flight and cheering lightly when the alien finally landed.

" Wow, it went right into the sun! That'll show the little bas…"

He stopped congratulating himself when another sound caught his ears. His nose twitched slightly. Shigure came up behind him, clearly in shock as to what had happened.

" Ritsu… you punched it…"

A high-pitched scream, followed by a muffled 'Puchuu' was what Ritsu heard. Words were lost to him as his pupils dilated and his mind went into punching frenzy mode. What came out of his mouth was a jumble of mixed up random words.

" Must… sun…kill…cute…kill…punch…monkey…gotta go!"

He ran out of the house as though he were being pulled out by an invisible rope.

………………………………................................................................................................................................................