Puchuu Punching

Chapter Three

After much careful deliberation, I do believe I will have to put in some more Excel cameos. The obvious one being the director, but how would the readers react if Ritsu became a fully fledged member of ACROSS, along with Excel and Hyatt? God knows they need the staff, and Ritsu would probably be much more efficient than those two goof-offs. Feedback please!

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" Ritsu, get back here!"

Hatori couldn't believe what he was saying. His cousin was acting strange, but then he always acted strange. But this… running around like a lunatic in the middle of an alien invasion? What the hell was going on?

" Did he really just punch that thing, or have I had too much sake?" asked Shigure, scratching his head.

" He did… I saw it with my own eyes…" whispered Kyo.

" Is this some extension of the Sohma curse, or something?" asked Yuki.

" Or maybe…" Shigure sounded like he was going to say something, but instead just ran into the next room.

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" NO! I'm too young and beautiful to die!" screamed Ayame Sohma, as he cowered on the pavement in front of the advancing Puchuu. The Puchuu pointed his gun and chirped.

" Puchuu," ( Say your prayers, vile human!)

Poor Ayame… when he'd heard about the invasion, he figured it would be a great opportunity to work on a design for a cute little maid's uniform he saw in a manga once. (by CLAMP, of course!) then he realised he was out of velour, so he decided to nip to the haberdashery's real quick and pick up some. No little alien invasion was going to keep him from making gorgeous clothes!

" Why do the good ones die so young…" he sobbed, as the Puchuu squeezed the trigger…

THWAP!!!

The Puchuu's face suddenly contorted into a Vinnie Jones look-alike as he was punched from behind. And then, a left uppercut to the chin launched it into space, where it hit the Puchuu mothership and blew it to smithereens. Ritsu cackled maniacally when he saw the tiny little sparkle in the sky that spoke of the crippling of the Puchuus main forces.

" Ha ha punched it ha ha went flying ha ha ha…"

He barely noticed someone glomping him from behind. Tears flowed like waterfalls down Ayame's face while flowery words of thanks flowed from his mouth.

" Ritsu! You saved me! How can I ever repay you…"

Ayame had to break off there when he dissolved into tears. Ritsu's eyes darted from side to side, unconsciously looking for more Puchuus to punch. The rational, human side of his brain had almost completely shut down, and what was left was a hodgepodge of animal instinct and virulent punching urges.

Seeing the Puchuu mothership explode just made him want to punch some more. But he didn't get the chance. Hatori caught up with him and held him in a headlock, and then marched him back to the house, dragging Ayame along with them.

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Back at the house, there was every chance that a riot would break out. Ritsu couldn't stay still for any more than a few moments, and as soon as Hatori's back was turned the little monkey would be trying to break out again. Shigure was delighted, as always, to see Ayame. He saw it as an opportunity for mischief, but his nose was put severely out of joint when he realised Aya was more interested in fussing over Ritsu that him. Ayame, for his part, was so thankful to Ritsu for saving him that he barely noticed there was anyone else in the house. He clung to his smaller cousin like a limpet, which Ritsu barely noticed since he was trying so hard to climb out the window without Hatori noticing. Hatori desperately wanted to go outside for a smoke, but since the curfew was still in place he couldn't, and so he was twitching at least as much as Ritsu. Everyone else seemed to be handling things well, except for the occasional battles that broke out between Kyo and Yuki. But wouldn't it have been more worrying if they hadn't been fighting?

An hour later, Ritsu stopped trying to escape and settled for circling the room, shaking his hands in a distracted manner and babbling incoherently. Ayame sat on the sidelines, watching him and commenting on how cute he was when he was muttering like a loon. Shigure was well and truly sick of it, so he grabbed the book he had been leafing through earlier and called everyone into the dining room. He said he had figured out why Ritsu was acting so strangely, although his real motive was to discredit Ritsu's act of bravery in Ayame's eyes.

" Here's what I found earlier," he began, casting a sly look at Ritsu, " about 1,000 years ago, a mysterious platoon of beings invaded central Japan. They were described as exceptionally charming, so much so that the army, the ninja tribes and samurai squadrons lay down on the battlefield and let the creatures win. A diarist recorded that the only sounds coming from their mouths was the word 'Puchuu' over and over. It looked like the world was doomed, except before the Puchuu army could leave they were all attacked and killed by a monkey."

" They were killed by monkeys?" said Yuki incredulously.

" Not monkeys. A monkey. Just one."

" But how is that possible? How could a monkey succeed where tens of thousands of humans failed?" asked Kyo, the very notion of a monkey saving the human race being ludicrous to him.

" They did tests on both the enemy and on how they related to monkeys. Apparently, Puchuus are fairly weak. Just a hard tap on the head seems to be sufficient to kill them. They were found to have an intoxicating effect on humans which renders them unable to land a blow. Doesn't work when they're dead, though. As soon as they die, their faces change shape and they're rendered ineffective."

" What has this got to do with monkeys?" asked Hatsuharu, sounding bored.

" The effect Puchuus have on humans seem to have an equal and opposite effect on monkeys. Just the sound of a Puchuu nearby is enough to send them into a murderous rage. Demonstrate, Ha'ri!"

Begrudgingly, Hatori chirped in a high-pitched voice, expecting Ritsu to look up and be annoyed. Instead, Ritsu punched him in the eye! So now poor Hatori had a nicotine craving and a black eye. To Shigure's dismay, Ayame started laughing hysterically.

" Oh, that was brilliant! Do it again, Ha'ri!"

Kyo's eyes had a strange glimmer in them, and he was talking softly under his breath. Regardless of the concerns over second-hand smoke, Hatori lit up a cigarette and began talking as though he were diagnosing a patient.

" It seems that the presence of the Puchuus have brought Ritsu's animal instincts to the forefront of his brain, overriding his human thought patterns. That's why he's acting like this. But I believe it would be wise to keep him from transforming. God only knows what would happen."