Inspired by Avril Lavigne's 'I'm With You'

Comfort

I whimpered, my body shivering in pain and cold. Pain. Cold. The two sensations foremost in my mind. The floor was cold, hard, and wet. Wet with a crimson liquid. The smell was overpowering. The liquid ran down my face, poured from the cuts on my body. And I bled.

As if the pain I held already wasn't enough, I felt something hard connect with my stomach. Then, following lead, my leg, my head, my chest. I knew something cracked, my body alighting with a fire of pain so intense I was oblivious to the scream I let out. I hugged my body closer to me, feeling a new liquid run down my face. It slipped into my mouth, and my tongue, bloodied from biting it, tasted salt. The new sensation helped distract me from my pain.

I couldn't understand what they were saying. The demons inflicting pain on me. But I knew they were jibing at me, insulting me, scorning at my human side, at my weakness. Laughing. At my pain.

My body screamed for murder. And would most likely get it. But they would stop themselves, the demons would. Because I was precious to Shydeman, and they had plans for me. That much I knew. If I was killed, they would get themselves killed. So they beat me, laughed at me, until I was on the brink of death. Then I was left alone, to heal. Alone. It was a cruel cycle. My head swam, I felt faint, the darkness edged around my vision, but I was unable to pass out.

"Stop that!" the room fell quiet except for my heavy breathing, panting, trying hard to concentrate on it instead of my body. Whose voice had that been? It had been commanding, but not cruel. It had sounded disgusted, astounded, comforting. So it wasn't Shydeman or Shyrendora. It wasn't anyone I knew. No one in my life was comforting. To me at least.

I wanted death. I felt like I was on a bridge. One more step, one more reason to die, and I would fall. Lose balance and fall into nothingness. Where there was no pain. Into the darkness, there I would wait. For what, I didn't care. For relief. Relief from memories. Ever since I'd been captured by Kharl, my life had been pain. The new darkness that brewed inside me as a result of the new demon in me had been hard to deal with. Then more had come. I'd been sold to Nadil's army. Thrown into hell itself. I growled in pain as I was pushed roughly aside, rolling a couple feet, pain coming from my chest as it was pressed against the cold stone floor. Then, to my surprise, I felt myself floating. The air rushed past me. I was falling, feeling gravity pull me down. I fell with a thud, and pain coursed through my body, sharp, searing, coming from my head and legs. The darkness along my eyes edged closer. I hadn't realized that I had been on the edge of a balcony of sorts. My senses... too clouded.

But their loud voices had gotten softer. Farther away. I must have fallen a good bit. I was surprised that I was still alive. Lucky them. They wouldn't be punished for killing me. And I felt something on my skin. Like a million soft needles, poking me, wet, cold. It was raining. A blanket of rain covered me.

"What did you do?" there it was again. Who was that person? It sounded horrified, and I heard footsteps running away rapidly. I entertained the thought in my head that maybe it was coming to rescue me. But I quickly dismissed that thought. I wasn't going to let the flittering thought of hope in my heart. Too many times I had done that, only to be crushed and thrown into despair deeper than the darkness of the night. Colder than my freezing body.

As the pain dulled slightly, I was able to focus on my surroundings. It was so cold the rain had frozen to snow. When had I seen snow last? Droplets of white soared from the sky, gliding down, down, down, onto the few scraps of clothing I had, barely protecting me from the cold, onto my tanned golden skin, melting and sliding down the groves of my skin, scars. Recent scars, many, lining all of my body, my face. I saw only through one eye. My right eye was useless, closed for the rest of my life, scarred.

The cold was numbing my body, so cold it burnt. The searing pain of numbness replaced my former pain. That was all my life was. The dark was penetrating, impassive, calling. The stormy night air was thick with snow, flurries waving in great patterns, a massive swirl of stars on Earth. The trees loomed above me, tall and threatening, like everything that pushed me to the ground.

If you were coming, wouldn't you have been here by now? I tried to peer past the impending darkness of the night, but even my vision, so trained to see past the darkness, couldn't see anything now. Couldn't get past the darkness of my vision, clouded by the veil on my soul. And my hearing, able to detect any prey, any rustle of the wind, couldn't hear anything now. Couldn't get past the screams in my head, distracted by the pain in my mind. There were no footsteps. No indentations, no marking on the stifling snow that now lined ground, blanketed the earth in pure white, burying me in its cold grasp, freezing my heart and my body. Snowflakes glittered in front of my eyes, and I tried to move, but my body wouldn't respond. I couldn't feel anything but cold. Numbness. My brain was freezing, my thoughts grew swirled, unclear, like my sight.

I was alone. Dying in the cold. Dying. My blackened soul would dissipate in the white of the snow. And as I was dying, I thought about my life.

It was a simple life really. Pain, death. I had led a happy, normal life up until I was about... the age I looked now. My younger brother had looked up to me as an idol, my mother and father loved me dearly. Then... I had been captured, as I wandered the dense forests, taking a stroll, as I normally did. Then the experiment that had changed my life. Taken it away. All happiness fled from my heart as I realized that I was now a demon, a creature that I feared, loathed, and I had been forced to become it. I grew to learn what my newfound powers were, then I had been sold to Nadil's army, still fresh from Kharl's laboratory of doom and despair.

Hell. That was the only word to describe what followed after. Shyrendora controlled my mind, played with it. I was their pet cat. A kitten trained to kill, tamed by the whip. And she had cast a spell on me. I thought like an animal, I acted like one, I was mentally one. And yet, the odd thing was, in the deepest corner of my mind, I was still human, I still could think like one, I still experienced pain and despair like one. But now I expressed fear and anger as easily as an animal, lived only for food. That was the only thing that kept me alive, that I lived only for food, shelter and rest. But it's surprising how close animal minds are to human minds. I could still find... shreds of pleasure in things like nature. And snow. But I didn't feel like watching the snow, though it was exactly what I was doing. And once again I received comfort from it. Now that I was away from the ones who inflicted my pain, and into the nature that I was so tied to. And that was where I was left. Laying here, dying in the snow.

Then, the snow shifted, there was the rustle of clothing, and you were there. I didn't know it was you, didn't even think it despite my hopes. I could only imagine it was my tormentors, back to take me again. I drew what strength I could, and finally managed to struggle onto a kneeling position, growling defiance and hostility, my hands digging into the dirt that had been under me when the snow had begun.

But then you smiled kindly, and whispered soothing words, and my defenses fell. Hope leaped into my icy heart again, warmed by your smile.

"Easy now, I just need you to eat..." you whispered comfortingly. I noticed then the scrap of food you held in your hands. Using it as a lure, perhaps? In any case, my animal side responded, and I stopped growling and relaxed. I fell back against the ground, all and every ounce of strength diminished and gone now that it was not necessary. You walked slowly towards me, not because of fear for yourself, but fear that I might be startled by you. Hazel eyes pleaded with me to hold on as you placed the piece of bread in my mouth. I swallowed, not even bothering to chew and closed my eyes, exhausted. I felt you take my hand, brush off the snow, crimson with blood, and pick me up. My golden eyes stared into your hazel eyes and purple hair, falling into your face. And that smile.

You picked me up, soothing my tired mind with coos and smooth words, lulling me into sleep. Your body felt like fire, so warm compared to my numb one. Blood frozen in its veins, until you picked me up. I was dead, until you brought life back into me. I didn't know you, had never seen you, but I didn't care. I was with you, and you only.

I finally drifted into consciousness. The first thing I realized was that I wasn't freezing. Still cold, but considerably warmer. And the pain was gone. And that alone made me open my eyes and look around. I didn't know where I was. There was no one I knew in this room. There was no one, I was alone. I didn't know what was happening, until I remembered what had happened what I believed was the night before. You had taken me. Here. But now you were gone, and I was alone again, and I didn't know where. For all I knew, I was back in Nadil's fortress. Waiting once again for pain and torture. I was confused, my head reeling, and I fought to understand and grasp the situation logically, I couldn't trust my feelings and hopes. For they said that I was where you lived, safe, away from the pain of before. But my mind figured that that was impossible. But how could one simple demon rescue me and take me from Shydeman's grasp?

But now that the cold and pain were gone, replaced by comfort and warmth that emanated from a fireplace, I wondered if I was dreaming, Going insane. Losing my mind. I certainly felt delirious, my head clouded and heavy. There was no way that contentment like this was possible in my life. If only you were here, I thought, then I would be able to know whether it was real or not. Would I be doomed to be alone again for the rest of my life, even if I was free of pain?

As if answering my desperate prayers, the door opened and you came in. You looked in my direction but did not notice my eyes were open, as my hair was in the way. You dropped an armful of firewood in the fire, and it crackled and sizzled, strengthened by the new fuel. I saw you turn and smile softly, looking at me. You sat by me and took my bandaged hand, and I started at the familiar sensation, withdrawing my hand. I had dreamt that someone had held my hand through my sleep, but it seemed like it had been no dream after all. You looked slightly surprised, then laughed quietly and stood up.

"Why didn't you tell me you were awake?" you asked, "How are you feeling?" I tried sitting up, but as I fell back onto the white pillow I figured I was still in no shape. The pain cutting across my stomach and back was enough proof.

"Easy, you're in bad shape," your voice took a tone of disgust, "Those lowlife youkai hurt you badly. Pathetic youkai..." you paused, "Can you speak?"

I opened my mouth. I knew I could scream, and I could understand your words, something I hadn't been able to do with those other demons. Part of Shyrendora's animal spell. But just being around you pushed my human side outward, made the animal spell ebb away slightly. I hadn't tried to talk before.

"Y-..." I struggled to force words out of my mouth, but it was like I was unable to form them, like my tongue didn't know how to speak, like the act of speaking was just in my mind, but not possible. I wanted to ask who you were, how long I'd been out, where we were, all sorts of questions.

"You hungry? I bet you are, you've been badly sick for a couple days. Five to be exact," I nodded, thankful for the information and he nodded as well, turning to the kitchen in the one room cottage. I closed my eyes. Sick? That explained the recently found out trouble breathing and clouded head. I raised my hand and felt my forehead, finding even that simple move tiring. I was hot. Yet I still felt cold, I realized. I shivered, trying to regain warmth. The blanket rustled and you turned.

"Cold?" you fretted over me as I nodded. Bringing another blanket from a basket on the floor, you draped it gently over me. Then, pale hands felt my temperature and placed a cool towel over my forehead. You lifted my chin, willing my mouth to open, and bid me to drink a warm liquid. I swallowed the bitter liquid, coughing lightly before glaring at you.

"It's for keeping your body numb," you explained as I felt my throat numb completely. That was why I didn't feel pain. It wasn't gone, I was just unable to feel it. The result was the same, I was grateful.

"Comfortable?" I nodded to him, feeling drowsy. I growled as we both jumped slightly when something began whistling and bubbling loudly.

"Whoops, the food," you ran over to the stove, turning it off and stirring quickly, "Sorry if that startled you."

I simply looked at the ceiling, personally dumbfounded by his attentions towards me. No one had been this kind to me ever since I'd been captured. Now I wasn't sure if the heat across my face was due simply to a fever. But I did wonder if this was only a cruel trick, and I would be tossed back into pain once again, back into the hell I had been formerly a part of. I was snapped out of my reveries by your setting a bowl on the bedside table.

"Here, eat," you ordered me, gently helping me sit up. I almost flinched at your touch, but you refused to release your hand from my back, and I finally found it comforting. You spooned the soup into my mouth, patiently waiting for me to make my numb body respond and work, "Maybe I should have waited until afterwards to make you drink that..." you mumbled to yourself. I looked at you and you noticed my stare. "What?" I pointed at you, then gave a curious expression.

"Ah... My name's Laamgarnus. I'm an outcast in the army so to speak. Been excluded because I'm not 'demon material'. I'm too soft hearted," you grinned. I nodded, feeling grateful to you, "And you? I don't suppose you know your name?"

I opened my mouth again. My name. Gil. I knew my name, "G-..." I struggled for a couple seconds, finally managing to say it, "Gil."

"Gil? Well, at least you can speak your name. We'll work on the rest some other time," you looked at me reassuringly, then as I nodded, you told me to finish eating. But I paused, taking in the implications of what you had said. Some other time? As in... I was staying with you? I shook my head, trying to not raise my hopes too high and concentrated on swallowing the spoonfuls you fed me.

As I finished, I took the time to look at you more closely. I noticed a bandage around your bare arm, dressed as you were in a sleeveless shirt and jeans. It was fresh, and I pointed to it.

"This? Well, it's not bad. Let's say it's part of the reason I took so long to get you," I stared. You had actually fought those yokai in order to get me? I wrapped my arms around yours gently and leaned into you, feeling so at home, so comforted. I would have never thought it'd be so easy to get close to someone, I had always been the more aloof type, but you were so kind, so open, and I needed comfort so badly. I was thirsting for company, starving from loneliness, and you were saving me from it. I felt that salty liquid run from my eyes again, my body shivering again... but not of cold. I didn't understand what was happening until I felt your body wrap around mine, holding me close.

"Don't cry..." I was crying...? If this was the reaction crying brought, then I didn't mind if I cried for the rest of my life. I buried myself into your comfort and warmth, fever forgotten as I was drowned in a feeling that had been lost to me for so long: Love. Warmth, homeliness, comfort, reassurance, hope. You kissed my forehead hesitantly, rocking me back and forth as I clung to you. I didn't know how long I cried, but you were there the entire time. Holding me, cradling me, kissing me softly, until I felt my exhausted body and mind tremble and give in. Darkness pressed once again around my vision, but this time, I welcome it, feeling it as only a chance to rest. You had lifted the black veil across my heart. I feel asleep, my legs curled around your feet, my head resting against your chest, still clinging to you. You smiled very softly as you stroked me; arms still wrapped around my body, chin resting on my head.

"Don't cry... Gil."