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Comfort in the Snow: chapter 4

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Lamgarnus's POV

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Wind pulled at my purple hair, slicking it over my face and blinding me. The bitter cold seemed to prick at my skin, and the sky was black.

In the back of my mind, I knew it was a dream, and I knew I could easily wake up if I wanted to, but there was no reason to wake up, and so I continued walking in this fake reality that I found myself in.

I had a deep feeling of loneliness, and the bare, rocky red desert around me suddenly morphed and I was walking in a hallway made of mirrors. All the figures of myself turned to look at me, eyes empty, just staring. I backed up, a feeling like ice running down my back sliding up my spine. My copies in the mirror turned back, beginning to walk in place, a lone stride, like an anchor had been placed on their fragile looking shoulders.

I was baffled, confused. Nothing like looking at yourself with an expression so distant in time yet as familiar as the sun that rose every morning. Loneliness. I was surrounded by myself, with only myself to look at and talk to. I could only think to myself. I began to understand the real meaning of where I was. This was the myself of before. 'Before what?' I thought dumbly.

Everything around me abruptly blackened, as if the sun had decided to give up his reigning throne to the night, vanquishing the moon as well since she had to light to reflect anymore. The only things that were present were the stars, dim nightlights, as if the sun had hidden behind a black curtain, and a needle had poked various holes in the velvet material, allowing the light behind to shine though.

And then, at a sound that seemed to jerk and draw at my heart, I whirled around. My eyes immediately softened and I knelt into the darkness, wrapping my arms around the poor thing that had called out so distressingly. The calico kitten in my arms looked at me, nudging my hand with its tiny triangle face in gratitude before licking it's injured paw gingerly. It mewed, purring loudly, a bubbling continuous sound from deep inside itself. I smiled at it, bending my head down to nuzzle its soft furry head, delighted with the small creature.

The mirrors rose again, and my world turned from that dispelling darkness dotted with starlight to a blinding white, shadows eradicated. And my lean, tall body appeared around me again, a shy, yet wide smile on my faces, the anchor gone from my shoulders and a shine in my eyes I was surprised to find. I looked closer at myself, noticing that the kitten sat on the shoulder of my clones, looking decidedly happy with itself, continuously purring and nuzzling my cheek. I blinked repeatedly, aware of something inside me. What it was, I didn't know. I just knew it liked it though.

"What do you think? Is it a sign that you and I will be happy?" I asked the furball in my arms, who just looked at me with its wide golden eyes before blinking and yawning hugely, settling into my arms and falling asleep.

I don't know how the dream would have continued, because I was suddenly aware of my consciousness being pulled from its cloudy dream state into the real life, heaviness and sweltering heat enveloping me as I began to wake.

Finally sliding my hazel orbs open, I realized that it was still dark. And it was hot. The answer for that was simple; there were covers stifling me, and there was a body nestled in the folds of my arms. And his body was burning hot. I also took in that there was sharp pain running up my arms, and looking down I saw that the reason for that was that the maroon-headed hanyou was grasping my arms tightly, nails digging sharply into my skin.

I pried his hands from my arms, my gaze narrowing in concern as I saw his body convulsing into violent shivers, his face drawn in pain and sorrow. Now deprived of my arms to clutch, Gil's anorexic-like thin arms wrapped around himself, squeezing so hard I was afraid the skin would break.

"Mmnno... no, stop!" he whispered, afraid, childishly. Pain and loneliness wavered so strongly in his voice I didn't think twice before wrapping my arms around him, pulling him tighter against me as his face tensed and became drawn. I realized how much of a child he really was, how much he needed company and someone who loved him then and there. He was hurting so much inside that he was having nightmares about it.

"I don't want that... help me, someone, please!"

I cringed as crystalline tears slipped from underneath his eyes, sliding down and dampening the pillow, some wetting my neck as well as I leaned and kissed his hot forehead tenderly, drawing him as close as physically possible, debating whether to wake him up from his horrible nightmare when he needed sleep so badly. Once awake it'd be so hard for him to fall asleep again.

"Laam...garnus... save me," the whisper, hardly louder than a mere droplet of water in a lake, called out to me heartbreakingly.

"Oh, Gil..." I closed my eyes, stroking his hair and back, biting my lip at the repeating whimpers and mews of pain. The tears still flowed, seeming to almost glow in the darkness, his body still shivering against mine. I wanted it to stop, for him to resume peaceful sleep, to get better soon, to discard my guilt at having been the cause of a relapse, "Wake up..."

My pale hands rubbed his quaking back harder, willing him to slip back into consciousness, to leave his haunting nightmares behind. A pained, loud wail brought another slow, pained kiss to his forehead.

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Gil's POV

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It was that night again. I was back in the cold, the hard stone floor underneath me, Nadil's demons jibing and jeering above me, pain coursing my body so swiftly and blindingly I couldn't help but whimper in hurt.

What was I doing back here? Wasn't I... living with Laamgarnus? Being taken care of by the purple headed kind demon?

I felt tears bursting from inside me as I finally understood.

It had all been but a dream.

My heart hurt, somewhere deep inside me, a place I hadn't known existed hurt. I didn't want it to have been just a dream. My imagination was cruel. I had felt so happy there, I had been content, felt loved. And now it had all been stripped away from me.

I wanted to return to sleep, continue that dream that had saved me and sheltered me from the deep rooting pain that was rousing from my body, renewing with every taunt and kick, spit and stab. My sides burned, the pain spreading like liquid fire, lava incinerating every corner of my mind, making me scream out in agony. Crimson leaked from me, rivulets inching into the cracks of the floor.

And I was alone again.

The thought haunted me, I simply couldn't let go of Laamgarnus. His kindness and love had been so real, they couldn't just... fade away. It as too painful to know that it had been only a dream. I wanted to go back to it.

My eyes opened wide, fear crying out from the depths of gold, as sharp teeth bit my lips, enveloping my mouth in an abusive, contemptuous kiss. My eyes filled with tears that I tried to contain out of broken pride when the mouth licked the blood off my face, relishing in its tart taste, moving down to puncture my neck as well. The demon lifted its face, licking the thin red liquid from his mouth, looking snidely triumphant.

"Lowly... cretin... weakling! ...Broken and useless... nuisance... stupid animal... only good for fun"

The words were like mental stabs, the only things I could pick out from the demon's nasty mocks. Cringing, I gave up. I couldn't fight back or struggle, I simply lay there and took it.

He was gone. Laamgarnus was gone.

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Laam's POV

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He was really crying, his body shaking, his lips bloodied from biting on them. His breathing was shallow, rasped bursts of breath as he fought his nightmare.

"Gil, wake please..." I called to him, shaking him lightly. He only flinched at my touch, rejecting it as if it was a cruel whip lash, a harsh yowl in his throat, his tears renewing in strength. He wrapped his arms around himself rigidly, in an attempt to protect himself. I drew back, discouraged.

How was I supposed to break him out of his nightmare when he cast off any sudden, blatant touch? Reaching out gingerly, I wiped gently at the damp tear tracks, willing the clear distress to stop flowing, for him to wake up. His arms unwrapped from himself, stretched out slowly, taking hold of my wrist.

"Don't hurt me..." he keened cat-like to his shadowed mind's demons, his hands tightening painfully on my arms, burrowing his head deeper into my chest until all I could see was his long dark crimson hair, soft underneath my chin, splayed out like crimson silken strands. I leaned my head down, gripping him tightly gently; afraid to try to forcefully shake him out of the nightmare again, but wondering if that was the only way. So I settled for calling out to him again, like I had the past times, rocking him as softly as my voice.

"I won't hurt you... wake up, Gil..."

"Stop! I don't want anymore!"

"Please Gil, baby, wake up!"

"Barl, anyone... I just want to go back!"

"It's just a nightmare, Gil!"

"Help me... Laamgarnus, save me!" he sobbed, his voice suddenly hushed and desperate, like I was becoming.

"Gil!"

I resisted wincing as his claw-like nails finally drew blood from my skin, calling out gently.

"Wake up!"

"No! Stop, don't hurt me!"

"Please, Gil!" I didn't care anymore if he didn't like me shaking him awake, it was doing more damage staying asleep in this hellish nightmare than scaring him into waking up would ever do.

"Gil, Kitten, wake up!" I prepared to shake him when abruptly, the breathing evened out slightly, and his body became limp. My hazel eyes watched anxiously as his single golden eye flickered open, gazing at me with something akin to confusion. His dark hand no longer shook so violently as he reached up disbelievingly to touch my face.

"You're... here. You're... notta dream..." he murmured faintly. His eye closed again, his hand falling limply on my face, sliding to rest on the crook of my neck. I could see something like relief, something close to comfort in his features, along with a slight twitch at the corner of his mouth, where a smile would have been.

I cradled him securely to me, still whispering rose-like comforts, relieved as his body stilled, his breathing calm and reassured. I quickly fell asleep as well, as exhausted as him by my previous fears.

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Cracking my eyes open dully, I blinked first at the bright sunlight, then at confusion. Bright sunlight glaring into my eyes. That wasn't right, the sunlight never reached my window before I woke up... that must mean that I was waking up much later than usual.

I racked my brain temporarily, trying to envision why in the world I woke up so late. Then movement from my side jolted me, and I remembered, sighing. Right, it was Gil, he'd had a nightmare. I fanned myself, suddenly aware that it was hot.

Turning lightly, I brushed Gil's hair from his smooth, sweat-drenched face, kissing his flushed forehead chastely. Poor baby, the fever hadn't abated at all, and the hanyou fidgeted restlessly in his sleep, clutching the covers spasmodically. Stroking his face, I let myself just stare at him. He was like a jewel, perfect, flawless in everyway. But deeply mistreated, wide scratches and nicks across its jeweled ruby tone. Like the scars that ran along his golden skin, as well as in his mind and heart. And I would be the one to gently polish away those scratches, I was determined to.

Sitting up, I stretched lazily, a sound like a cross between a yawn and a moan sliding from my throat. I rubbed the last of my sleep away from my eyes, flicking my long lavender bangs away from my face. My pale hands fanned my face again. Jeez, it was really hot in here. Funny, since it was winter, and apparently it'd snowed again last night. I stood to walk to my dresser and draw out a shirt, slipping it on over my lean bare chest. I flexed a muscle, testing it. I was a lean, pimpin' cooking machine.

But first, I needed to find something to lower Gil's fever.

Rummaging noiselessly through the cupboards, I finally came up with a couple powdered medicinal herbs and candy to soothe his throat since he'd been coughing last night. Setting it all on the wooden counter, I doubted that I'd have to make breakfast for him, as he was probably too tired to want it. I'd just give him milk and mix in the medicine along with it...

Striding across the room back to Gil's side, with a cup of warm milk, medicine already stirred in, and the cough candy, I sat on the bed, placing the cup next to me.

"Kitten," I shook his as gently as I could, more of a gentle loll to the sides. He shifted lightly but didn't wake. This was getting to be a habit, he slept like a log. Not that I'd blame him, I'd be exhausted as well, and really, I thought, biting my lip, when was the last time he'd slept undisturbed? Free from harassment and fear of what the next day held for him?

"Wake up, sleepy," I grinned cheerfully. He mewed lightly stirring weakly, and I stroked his pale face gently but firmly, more encouragement to wake up, as well as stroking his back. I pulled his ear lightly, bending down to then nibble it. His hand jolted to his ear, but instead ran into my cheek. His hand paused an inch above my cheek, probably confused, and I just grinned, still nibbling on his soft ear, immensely amused. His golden hand drew in carefully, just touching my cheek, softly, tenderly. I was surprised at the gentleness with which his hand faintly traced my face, then suddenly stopped and lay back on the covers.

His glazed eyes wavered open, blinking slightly at the proximity of my face to his. I grinned, "Hey Tiger."

"Laam?"

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Gil's POV

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I was only aware of darkness, sweet darkness, no dreams, no oppressive darkness, just the quiet black of sleep, where you didn't think at all, and nothing haunted you, and you felt like you were floating. It was the place I liked best. I frowned to myself, no that wasn't quite right. There was one place I liked better than any other. Or someone I liked better than anything else. But just the thought made me blush slightly, so I focused instead on other things.

Now though, I realized that I was beginning to wake, and I couldn't understand why. I was comfortable here, I didn't want to wake. But my body had other plans, and as I began reaching full consciousness, I began to be aware of other feelings.

Sweltering heat, tiredness, just a fog in my brain that didn't want me to think anything other than subconsciously. And an itching feeling in my throat, but somehow I managed to suppress coughing. I sighed inwardly, I was still sick.

I was shaken slightly out of my still-sleeping daze by a gentle shake, pushing me slowly from side to side. I wondered fleetingly who it could be, but couldn't quite come up with an answer. I didn't care though. Who ever it was, he was kind, and his touch felt really good on the sore muscles in my back. I stirred, hearing something telling me to wake up, but I was so tired...

I frowned lightly, surprised, as I felt fingers running in patterns over my face. Cool fingers, easing the burning of my skin, leaning in to the touch as much as I could. A slim if large hand, stroking my face firmly and... lovingly? Something wet bit my ear with a small prick and I started, completely taken by surprise, reaching my hand up sleepily to see what the hell was currently nibbling on my ear.

My hand bumped into something soft, a face, and I drew it back quickly, then slowly reached back up, stopping just shy of the face. Something felt familiar about the face, I knew who it was, but it wasn't registering in my fever ridden mind just yet. Shyly, with nervousness I couldn't comprehend the reason of, I touched his face. It was soft and smooth, cool, with a strange smooth roughness to it, presumably the result of simply living out in the wild for so long. A lean jaw lining a long face, and I touched the corner of his mouth, just brushing by his barely damp lips. There was something so comforting about him, and I... couldn't help but to try to be as tender as I could with him. I needed him so badly, and here he was, with me... and this was my way of saying thanks. What the heck was going through my head? I was so confused. I'd never felt such a feeling for someone, I'd never been so gentle and caring towards anyone. So why was I stroking his face with such feeling, something that felt so close to... to... something.

As if defeated by not being able to find a word to describe my fleeting feelings, my hand fell back onto the soft covers of the sheets. I forced my eyes to open, blinking profusely at seeing a face in front of me.

"Hey Tiger," he grinned widely, easing me completely.

"Laam?" So he had been the one this whole time? Of course, I thought stupidly. Who else would it have been? I grinned slightly, feeling foolish for not having realized the obvious before, and looking into his shining hazel eyes.

"Yup, it's me, Tiger."

"It's not Kitten anymore?" I blinked, personally preferring Kitten...

He laughed, "Do you like Kitten better, then? I thought you'd like something more manly."

I nodded my head shyly, looking down. Yeah, I would have thought I'd like something more youkai-ish, or manly before, but... well, I guess I didn't. Not from him at least. I guess... I kind of like being taken care of.

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Lam's POV

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He so liked to be pampered and babied. It was so clear that was what he wanted. I grinned wider at the maroon headed hanyou, chuckling slightly at his response.

"Well then, Kitten it is," I winked at him as he lifted his head from his slightly embarrassed pose, "Personally, I like that better too."

My tone turned serious as I helped him slowly sit up, "So, how are you feeling?"

He sighed lightly, the exhaling of breath becoming a heavy cough, his breath wavering just noticeably simply at the exercise of sitting up, "Tired... sick."

He looked at me, drawing back slightly before I realized I was staring.

"What?"

"You can talk," I said bluntly, as if it was the first time I'd noticed. Which it was.

He looked down at himself for a moment before stroking his throat, "I... I can," he looked at me, surprised.

"That's great!" I said cheerfully. And it was too, now I could get to know him better, and he could tell me if something was wrong, and finally we could forgo an endless game of charades. Leaning over, I hugged him, then frowned, "Ah shoot, I forgot why I even woke you up in the first place."

Gil yawned, maroon silk falling into his eyes, "Yes, why did you wake me up?"

"Medicine," I stated, resisting a giggle as he immediately sulked, looking absolutely adorable. Sulking and sleepy. I'd have to remember to get him into that pose again. Soon hopefully.

He must have realized how much he needed it though, because he didn't refute when I gave him the milk, or even the bitter medicine he hated that I'd added mint to again. He did complain though, verbally. And with eloquent signs.

He coughed, body shaking dangerously, and I took him up firmly in my arms, holding him securely. Snagging the cough drop candy from my pocket, I popped it in his mouth.

"For the coughing. Feels good doesn't it?"

"Immensely," he said with feeling. I squeezed him closer.

"You poor thing... I'm really sorry about having you get sick all over again," I whispered.

He shook his head feebly, struggling to contain a cough, "Don't worry about it."

"Cause you like being babied?"

"...N-no..." he turned his head away, "Course not."

"Right, I get ya," I grinned, "Do you want something to eat?"

He coughed again, shaking his head, "Uh-uh..."

"Don't think you can handle it?"

"Yeah."

"Well, then, since you're obviously tired, I'll let you go back to sleep. Sorry I woke you up, but hopefully by tonight the fever will be gone thanks to the medicine," I murmured, nuzzling his neck affectionately as I laid him back down, stroking the hair from his face and looking deeply at him, "Sleep well, Kitten."

"G' nigh'..."

I was about to reply that it wasn't night, it was full morning, but he was already asleep, holding fast onto my hand.

Anyway... thanks a lot for reviewing, I love your reviews! They've all been very positive and encouraging.